My five year old daughter was invited to a birthday party from a girl at school. I want her to go and have fun with her friends and enjoy the party but I have never met the family. I am not willing to drop her off and leave her with people I don't know. I have to call to RSVP, would it be odd to ask if I can stay for the party? It's the only way I will let her go. My daughter can be very shy. I know that she would be uncomfortable being left with people she did not know but on the other hand she would love to participate in the party and hang out with her friends.
I did call the parent before the party and asked about parents staying during the party. I told her that my daughter was very shy and she understood and said I could stay. She also said that there would not only be children from the class but there would be many of her extended family also. When we went to the party everyone was nice and friendly. I enjoyed watching my daughter play with her friends. I didn't hoover over her I was just there when she needed me. There were times when her shyness came out and she put her head down stood next to me for comfort, but after a minute or two she would wonder off and play with her friends. I was a little bummed that I was the only parent from my daughter's class that stayed, it would have been nice to get to know some of the other parents. All in all I felt that I made the right decision and was glad that I went.
Easy solution, Stay at the party.
It's not uncommon for parents to stay at a party especially if it's small children and not a sleep over.
Dear AA-
I have a daughter who is a teen...we are new to area, and she has been invited to a halloween party...I do not know the parents...
I find myself wishing she were 5...I would DEFINITELY stay for part of (if not all of) the party...
This party I am considering a costume with a mask...and staying!!
(kidding...I think....)
GO...and have fun!
michele/cat
She's 5. I would stay. I started letting him go to parties alone when my son was 6. I think at that age most parents unless super close friends probably want the parents to stay.
For children your daughters age, it would almost be expected that you would stay. This is the first of many invitations (hopefully) that your daughter will receive, and this IS the way that you will meet and know many other parents...it is a fabulous opportunity for you and your daguhter. Go and don't look at this as a problem any more, because it is not.
M.
I am a child entertainer and parents of 5 year olds usually do stay at the party.
R.
Do you know the parents of any other children going? I would think it was odd for someone to just drop off a 5 yr old at my house without at least coming in for a while. Just go in and introduce yourself, offer to help a bit. When you RSVP ask if she would mind if you came in to meet her and until you daughter if comfortable. I'm sure she wont mind. If she does, dont let her go.(if your not welcome, your daughter shouldnt be there)
just call and say is it ok if i stick around? my daughter tends to get a little shy, so it would be helpful if she knows i am there.
ps. i would never drop off a child at a b-day party whether i know or don't know the parents (mine are as young as yours).
I always stayed at the party with my kids at that age- I am sure most other parents will stay also. I don't think it should be a problem!
~C.
Hi A.A.,
Yes, definitely request to stay. Some parents don't even ask, they just stay. It's a common thing. You'll get to know them, and can help out, taking some of the stress off the hosts.
Have fun,
M.D.
I wouldnt drop her off either. Im sure other parents feel the same. If I invited kids from school to a bday party, I would expect the parents to want to stick around.
In our area, most parents DO stay for the parties with kids your daughter's age. I'd say even up until my daughter was in 2nd grade a lot of parents stayed. You can also ask to meet the parents ahead of time...I did that one time when my daughter was in 1st grade and was asked over to play at a school friend's house. I felt a little weird about it but was so glad that I had done it just for my own piece of mind.
I know I always say YES to concerned moms. I have even invited siblings and parents to stay at some parties.
I know two moms who told other moms NO because they had things planned for older kids and did not want to deal with siblings staying. These were 8 year olds and older. I think everyone understands not leaving a 5 year old.
I don't think it would be odd at all. If you don't know them, you don't know their history or who else will be there. What might be perfectly acceptable in their family, might not be okay for you and yours. This was challenging for me when my kids first started school, but then I realized, I'm put on this earth to care for and protect my child....not the feelings and opinions of others. It has put me in a few uncomfortable positions over the years, but I'd rather be uncomfortable for any period of time, that realize later I put my child in a dangerous situation. And if the parents who are throwing the party aren't understanding....do you really want your child in their care?
No it wouldn't be odd, infact I think your being very responsible. When you get there just let them know she's shy and you think it would help if you hang around to see how she does, you can even offer to help out who knows you may even make new friends. The first time my oldest child went to a B-day party I was in the same situation. I asked alot of questions once I felt ok to leave her I asked to use the restroom. Everything was fine until I noticed in the corner of the living room a Rifle, I didn't say a word to the parents but told the hostess I had decided to hang around. The next time my child was invited over I told the mother what I had seen, she was very polite about it and said she hadn't realized her husband left it out. I got to know the family better and a children became fast friends. But you can never be to careful.
Stay. I have never been to a 5 year old b-day party where the parents didn't stay.
At age 5 I think it's expected that many/most parents stay at parties. Certainly if there's a pool or anything like that you must stay. I would bet that the host parents would also have refreshments for the parents who are staying - since they would assume many parents will stay. I would never leave my child at a party at that age - but I have known of one or two families who do. One family I know with 5 kids does that out of sheer neccessity to get to other kids' events/games/dance, etc. But of course, go in with her and stay at least a while.
My daughter is 14 and I don't allow her to anyone's house unless I've spoken with the parents on the phone - even if she's just doing homework together.
I think they will expect you to stay. Unless the parents giving the party know you very, very well, they will want you to be there to monitor your child because it would just be too much for them to host the party and watch a bunch of 5-year olds as well.
Didn't read the other responses, sorry if this is a repeat... but maybe when you call to RSVP, you could offer to HELP with the party. Just explain to the parents that your daughter has some separation anxiety in situations like this, and that both of you would be more comfortable if you were there... I'm sure they would welcome another set off eyes and arms at a party full of 5 year olds!
I'm very encouraged by the responses you've gotten since I'm sure I'll be in the same situation now that my daughter is in kindergarten.
If your offer/request to stay is not well-received, perhaps you could meet the parents while the kids play at a playground.
Good luck,
J.
I think age 5 is the beginning of having the drop-off option. At any party prior, it was expected that the parents would stay but this year some parents have started telling other parents they can drop-off at the party if they want to. I always say "no, she's still too young for a drop-off, so I'll stay. thanks anyway" We had 20 kids there & nobody did a drop-off at my kid's 5th bday party this year but it was at a venue, not a home so maybe that made a difference. Also, I did not specifically offer the drop-off option either.
If I were you, when I RSVP'd that she will attend, I would mention that she is still too young, has separation anxiety, etc, so you don't do drop-offs yet and see what she says. She might not even be expecting drop-offs.
If she says it is only for drop-offs (which I can't imagine her saying) the most polite way to get out of the awkward situation would be to say "Oh, darn. We'll have to decline then since she isn't allowed on drop-offs yet but we'll send the gift to school" and then send in a small Happy Birthday card & trinket to the child (very small since a gift isn't exactly required, but would diffuse an awkward situation).
I'm sure staying won't be a problem though! Have fun at the party :)
Yes, I would but tell the mom you'll pay for any extra expenses incurred by your coming along. If there's time, you could arrange a playdate before the party for you and your daughter, but the best thing would be for you to go along at this age. Don't feel bad about this - you should always trust your instincts as a parent.
Most kid parties don't last for more than 2 hours. If I were you, I'd wouldn't say anything when you call. I'd show up and stick around for a while claiming that you're daughter is shy and want to make sure she's comfortable. Accept something to drink and after 1/2 an hour, if you're comfortable, leave. If not, stick around. Most parents will understand. I wouldn't worry about it.
When my daughter was that age, I PREFERRED that parents stay. That way, if thier kid got out of hand, I could let them know immediately that it was time to go.
I stayed when I took my daughter to parties, and she knew that I would take her home immediately if she got out of hand at someone else's house.
Updated
When my daughter was that age, I PREFERRED that parents stay. That way, if thier kid got out of hand, I could let them know immediately that it was time to go.
I stayed when I took my daughter to parties, and she knew that I would take her home immediately if she got out of hand at someone else's house.
I would call the parents first and ask them if it was ok for you to attend. My daughter was invited to several birthday parties and I was able to be there. In my case my daughter is special needs but still i know I would have been more than welcome. It gave me a chance to get to know the parents and even some of the kids at the same time. I made myself sort of look like I was there to help the parents and blended in so my daughter and her friends didn't think a thing of it that I was there. To this day i am friends with the parents and have never regretted it! Good luck and have fun!
Being that she is 5 I would expect the parents to stay if I were having the party. Last year my then 6 year old had a party at a laser tag place. I didn't feel comfortable leaving her there as it was not a very well monitored place AND I didn't know any of the other parents (beginning of the school year). I was not the only one who stayed and you probably won't be the only one who stays either.
When you call to RSVP just be honest and ask if it's alright that you stay because you haven't met them yet and you don't feel comfortable leaving her yet.
One of my friends has a daughter who was invited to a sleepover. She explained to the parents that her kids aren't allowed to spend the night anywhere until they are a certain age. Everything was fine, she went to the party for a while and my friend picked her daughter up later.
Don't worry about what other people think. You are doing what you feel in necessary to keep your child safe.
Stay and offer to help.. Also see if they even need help cleaning up..
Great way to meet lots of new parents..
I think it is perfectly reasonable to go and stay at the party. The parents may appreciate the help and you may make some friends as well :) Have fun!
My daughter's first birthday party invite was the same situation. I brought her to the home, and just kind of hung out. There were other parents doing the same thing, and the hosts didn't mind at all.
Withoiut doubt stay for the party, 5 is way too young to be alone at a party. i am not sure what the right age is to have her go alone, but its definetely not 5. I would also have her go to the party and just stay there, totally understandable.
You should be welcome to stay at a party for 5 year olds. If not, I'd be concerned too!
S.
Dropping her off is when you could meet the parents. Or call to explain her shyness. But I think it would be very odd to stay for the party. You aren't allowing her some freedom to interact and have fun. And you need to think about whether this will be an ongoing concern throughout her life. You won't know a lot of the chaperones, so are you not going to let her go to prom or homecoming? Think about it. Sure it's good to have concerns, but I tend to think that parents who have a party for their child is probably pretty okay. She would be with classmates and friends.
Yes, ask if you can stay.
Most parents expect at least one parent to stay at a 5 yr old party
I say go in and meet them. Stay for a bit. I don't know if you need to stay for the whole party because your daughter might actually be different when you aren't around (more social perhaps).
Recently, my daughter (12) was invited to a b-day party that was all boys. She was the only girl and I had never met the b-day boy or his parents. I told her that I was coming in with her and that if I felt she wouldn't be safe (a bunch of tween boys with no supervision) then we would leave. She was fine with that. I went in, met the mom and grandma and felt it would be okay for her to stay. I picked her up a few hours later.
Bottom line, I had peace of mind, and she had a great time. There is nothing wrong with doing what you have to do to have peace of mind.
No that's not odd. I'd do it. If the parents act like that's strange maybe you don't want your kid there anyway. Besides, they probably could use some help with all the kids running around anyway. :)
When you call the other mother to RSVP, why not express to her how delighted your daughter is to be invited and how much you would appreciate meeting her before the party? It can be as simple as inviting her to coffee during school hours or just meeting her before pickup time at school. I can't imagine the other mother not being more than happy to meet her child's schoolmate's parent. After all, won't you be bumping into each other at parent-teacher conferences and other school events? You may as well start getting to know other parents. It will serve to form a valuable network. You'll be able to use your instincts to judge what kind of home your child will be visiting when you meet the mother. And, finally, if you do think it's still best to attend the party with your daughter, why not offer to help with the party (chaperone, bring food, favors, games, etc.)? I've never seen a kids' party that didn't need extra adult help.
Good luck!
I would stay for sure. You don't know the parents. Do they have a pool in the yard in which case even more reason to stay. This is your daughter and you have a right to make sure she is safe. Have fun meeting the other parents and I know she will have fun at the party.
My kid wouldn't be allowed to go without me if I haven't met the parents. I say ask if you can stay. If they say "No", it's not a place you want to leave your daughter.
I'd say a 5 year old's party parents are expected to stay! My daughter just had her 6th birthday a few months ago and a majority of the parents stayed. Just recently we got another invite and they had specified a drop off/pick time for parents that wished to drop off instead of stay.
