Damaged Friendship

S.,

Did I understand this correctly that 28 years ago, after you divorced, your best friend's sister in law (who was your husband's sister?) and now, after 28 years, there is friction? There is probably more going on that you know about and more that anyone will admit to, but I would say you should stay gracious and respect their wishes. I bet things will turn around again eventually and you will have your friend back after a good talk. It's best that you don't create more friction to give them more reasons to blame you for whatever. People might end up saying things they'll regret. WOrds can't be unsaid.

I can feel the hurt in your words, but you sound like a reasonable, calm person, so stay gracious and patient. :)

(By the way, if your ex recently remarried, it is quite possible that the new wife is the reason this is all coming up now after so long. Give her time. She probably feels threatened, especially if you have had an amicable relationship with your ex for all these years.)

S., I'm in a similar situation. His family is to the point where they will not invite my ex and his wife because she does not like me. My boys are very important to them, and they want to see them as much as possible.

I think you do have a right to be upset. Please......talk to her about how you feel so that she knows you're hurt. After a divorce more than 28 years ago, the new sil needs to get a life!! In her defense....maybe she feels threatened by your presence knowing that you're more accepted than her ; - ).

This may be a little different, but my parents divorced in 1998 after 25 years (and are both remarried now)and we have had A LOT of friction because my mother still attends my father's family functions. The reasoning behind it is that she says that she was part of the family for 25 years and she still has a right to be there as the mother of the children. (There's the similiarity if I understand what you are saying.)
WELL, let me tell you... my FATHER and his new wife don't think that it is fair that they have to spend every holiday with his ex and most of the family agrees!! We feel that there is NOTHING wrong with my mom remaining friends with her ex-sister-in-law, BUT when it comes to family functions at the holidays, my mother should ACT LIKE AN ADULT and back off. My father has finally said, that if she is going to be there then he is not coming.
Bottom line, YES.. children are hurt by divorce and attempting to keep the family "intact" in a way that is no longer possible is more damaging and makes the children go through the pain of divorce OVER and OVER again.
Respect the new SIL and visit with your best friend before or after the holidays.

I'm a little confused....I dont understand what HER sister-n-law has to do with it??? And why does she care if your around or not? Also how was your SIL the cause of your break-up w/her brother?? But anyway, bottom line is you've been friends with this woman for 28 yrs. If she's hurt your feelings you should absolutely tell her. Sounds like her SIL is one of those women with too much to say. Maybe she is jealous of your relationship. Good Luck

K.

I come from a divorced family. My mom & dad's sides of the family cannot stand each other. My parents split when I was 8 so I have had to deal with immature adults and being careful what I say around whom for most of my life. Also, my brother is divorced now. Because of the way we grew up, my sister and I (as well as my brother) have remained friends with his ex-wife if for no other reason, to make things easier on the kids.
I say do whatever you need to do to make your son's life in a split family easier. You should explain (or have your friend explain) this to her new SIL. Kids suffer most from divorce. The adults just have to learn to swallow their pride, put their personal feelings aside & just act like adults!
After writing all that, I realize now that your son is probably grown now. SO, hopefully this still helps.