Hi everyone, I was wondering if there was someone out there that has been in my situation and needed some advice. My 8 month old had a major operation at 4 months and was emotionally traumatized from it. He had a lot of trouble sleeping for 2 months and did nothing but cry. We put off the crib training until he was over that. Now we are trying to train him to sleep in his crib and he will not fall asleep. Everytime I put him in the crib he is tired, fed, and dry. At 1 hr and 30. min. I pick him up as I feel 2 hours is so long. I check on him every 20-30 min. He finds great comfort in breastfeeding but will not take a paci. He just will not give in. Has anyone let their baby cry it out this long or longer? I don't know when to pick him up because the "experts" say not to pick them up, but they are talking 45 min. He just does not know how to go to sleep by himself and that's what I'm trying to teach him. He is breastfed and usually has fallen asleep this way. Any advice would be greatly appreciated ! Thanks!!
Try getting the Elizabeth Pantley book-No cry solutions.
Here is a link to her site.
http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/
I think she is fantastic!
Good Luck.
Cry "it" out.
Cry "what" out? I always wondered.
My daughter had a similar traumatic experience at about 18 months old. She had been sleeping in her own bed. After that, she'd only sleep on my lap or in my arms or in our bed. This went on for 4 months. Yes, it was an enormous drain on my sleep and ability to accomplish anything else. But she needed me. Please read the Elizabeth Pantly book mentioned by another mom below. It may help. My biggest mistake was letting her fall asleep nursing as an infant. She associated nursing with her ability to go to sleep. Big mistake. She never did take a bottle or a paci. Please listen to your own heart rather than the "experts" you mentioned above. Your baby is not stubborn. He just needs you right now.
Elizabeth Pantley -no cry sleep solution.
Here is a link to her site.
http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/
I never used crying it out...it hurt my feelings and I firmly believe that it teaches our children that when they cry we don't respond. All of my kids were breastfed as well, and we'd just let them fall asleep that way, peaceful and happy! I pick my kids up when I want to pick them up, I don't want to feel guilty for not picking my baby up when I want to because someone I don't know, have never seen, and don't care about (experts) tell me not to. Do a little research!! Look into different parenting styles! They all have 'experts' that support that style of parenting.
I don't think your child is being stubborn, I think he's a baby. And don't believe A WORD of it when people tell you "They'll never learn to sleep alone, you're spoiling him, etc." I have an 8 yr old, a 2 yr old and another on the way...both have been breastfed, neither ever cried it out and both are perfectly normal.
My advice is this. You are the mother. You do what YOU think you need to do. If you listen to what other people tell you to do, which goes against your instincts/feelings you will regret it. I want to be able to tell my kids that at every step of the way, I did what I thought was best for them. THAT, I can live with. I CANNOT live with the thought that I did what someone else suggested/told me to do (because after all, an expert cannot know more than the child's mother!) and it made me feel guilt/sadness. Good luck with your baby!! It will all work out.
Have you tried letting him take his day naps in the crib for a while until he gets used to sleeping in there. We had to transition ours that way...he slept in our room until about 8mo's but took his naps in his crib. As far as how long to let him cry, can't help you, although I believe you're supposed to let him cry as long as is necessary and eventually he'll do it less and less. I still rock mine to sleep & then put him down. We have a whole nighttime routine. He has taught himself how to go back to sleep when he wakes up (at 12mo's), unless he's teething or sick. Just don't get him used to feeding before a certain time, I used 6am as my limit. It's so hard when you're trying to do the right thing, I've gone back and forth on the issue myself. Finally decided to follow dr. sears advice www.askdrsears.com because I just could not go the crying way this time. God bless you :)
I think a child needs a transition time from awake time to sleep time. Crying may be the way they handle the transition. Both of my daughters cried if I just put them in bed for sleep time, whether it be nap or night time. The way I transitioned mine to sleep is to hold them the way they wanted to be held, which was different for both of my children. Although the actual hold was different for both children, with both of them they liked being held tightly and snugly really close to me. My first child would let me sit, so I rocked her with music, the same music every time. My second child needed me to be standing because of her reflux. So I walked around with her.
I started out letting them go completely asleep and then after a while I would shorten it. The next time they would almost be asleep and then I would lay them down and pat their backs. Then I would rock them for a while until they relaxed but weren't asleep --- and so on until eventually I was just spending about 5 minutes with them before laying them down. I have never gotten to the point where I could just lay them down without them crying because again I believe they need that transition. And one thing I NEVER did was put them to sleep while feeding. I'm not saying that's wrong. Do it if you want to, but if you don't want to it will be a very hard habit to break, maybe impossible. My pattern was to feed as soon as they woke up and my kids when they were under 12 months, took more than one nap a day so we had a good routine going where they weren't hungry when they were trying to go to sleep.
Anyway, that's just what I did. You're kids are going to be different but in my opinion if they are still crying after about half an hour after putting them down they're probably too worked up to go to sleep. They need something to help them calm and transition to sleep time.
Good luck.
Hi J.,
Well, I am not sure I will be of help but my 10 mo old is stubborn as well. She goes to sleep without nursing, but if she wakes in the middle of the night she is determined to nurse to go back to sleep. We started a new method this week and are making great progress. I am not an advocate for crying it out...although who am I to speak when I haven't had a good nights sleep in what seems like two years---my oldest just turned 2 and did not sleep through the night til 12 months...must be me. Well, here is what we are doing. She goes down as usual. When she wakes up, I lay her back down...being sure not to pick her up...and then I sit on the floor near the crib and make a soothing sound--(sshhhing or humming) Now she will go back to sleep usually quickly, although the first night she fought it for about an hour---however my problem is she would get up every 20 minutes over and over, so I have a pallet on the floor near her bed for my sake, so I just stay there until I think she is done. Here is how it has gone so far:
1st night...woke at 11---back down quickly---back up at 2---keep in mind I am not nursing her back to sleep---fought it for an hour or so---back up at 5---nursed her then----up for day at 7
2nd night...woke at 11---down quickly---up at 1---down quickly---up at 2--fought it til 3:40---a few whimpers after that until 5:20 when I nursed her---back down til 7
last night....up at 1:45 (yes she did not get up at 11)---down quickly. I went ahead and laid in there assuming she would continue her pattern, but she did not make another sound til about 4:45---went back down----up at 5:20--nursed her and she went back to sleep.
Don't know if this will help, but it helps me know I am meeting her needs---I don't feel like I am isolating her or making her feel I don't care---hopefully she will continue to make progress. I read "The No Cry Sleep Solution" book with my oldest that may help also. I have noticed that my lil' one is very sensitive to being cold and I think that is why she has wanted to nurse...to be close and get warm to me. So, I have changed her crib some....
*put warm blanket down tucked into crib---her sheets were cool to touch so I wanted to make it more cozy
*she sleeps in a onsie and a warm up---like a sweat suit
*blanket
*fan is off although she has a humidifier on all night
Hope that helps---keep us posted.
K.
I got in the habit of nursing my 9 month old to sleep and I am paying for it now. Oh how I wish I had never started that. She won't take a paci either. It seems like she nurses constantly during the night. I have just recently started not nursing her to sleep for naps and her initial falling asleep at night. I try to hold her, rock her, sing to her, walk with her, whatever it takes to get her to sleep other than nursing. The first couple of days were horrible. I tried offering a bottle and she would just push away from it and cry. Now she will take it and it helps her relax and fall asleep. I notice that she doesn't take as many naps during the day but she seems to be in a deeper sleep. I still nurse her back to sleep when she wakes during the night but she seems to be waking less during the night. I haven't been brave enough to try laying her in her crib. After the effort it takes to get her to sleep (without nursing), I don't want to take the risk that she will wake up and we will have to do it all again. Good luck and let us know what happens.
I think 8 mos is too young to be worried that your child will never sleep on his own. I think some children fit well into the "cry it out" method and some don't...some need more cuddling and assurance. (I know my 2 children were opposites.) Perhaps if you try nursing and allowing him more of his needed cuddle time, he won't need so much of it. Honestly, I would never let a child cry for over 15 minutes at 8 mos. I thought even the "cry it out" practioners recommended a pat on the back at least every 15 minutes. If you don't want to pick him up, just sit outside of his crib and rub his back and cajole him so he knows you are there and care...good luck!
