My son just turned 11. He is frustrating me to no end. His asks me to do everything for him. Will you get me some juice? Make my toast? Etc. Also I have to tell him to do things he knows he has to do. Feed your dog, brush your teeth, do your homework, study for that test. Etc.
His lack of self responsibilty and indepedance are now affecting school work. He is not writing down assignments and when tests are. His teachers have to remind him about turning in papers, etc.
I call it lazy.... but is it something else?
My girls 4 and 6 are very independant. I can't hardly do anything for them (to the point that they sometimes make messes because they shouldn't have tried pouring the full juice) and I usually don't have to tell them things that they need to do (like regular routine things).
I know boys and girls are different and each child is different as well. How do I get it through his head. He is a "tween" now and will gulp soon be an adult- 7 years is not that far away. My husband jokes that he better marry before graduating highschool otherwise he will be at home with me forever because he can't do things for himself. He has chores- and does them- but has to be told. His grades are ok- would be better if he remembered when tests are and to actually turn in all assignments when due. But he asks for help on everything- even things he knows how to do or it only takes common sense to figure out. Even on school work. I am frustrated and at my wits end as to what to do.
Help!
I was a parent educator b4 I became a SAHM and used to teach a class on how to foster independance, is there a local place that you can take a class as they will give you a host of ideas and tips? things like charts to help him follow through with chores and responsibilities, ways to get him to do things on his own and even help w/ homework struggles.
Sounds ALOT like my 15 yr old!! At his age he be should more then able (maybe not willing) to do things like getting a drink, making toast etc. As far as things he should be doing, homework, feeding the dog, studying etc. I would definately make it a "game" of consequence. No video games today, friends over etc. You didn't do___ ___. Fill in the blanks. Kids are masters at taking advantage I think. Most won't do anything they aren't made to do! Lucky for you, two of yours do LOL. But most, won't. It's frusturating and you sound like a broken record. But with some kids thats just the reality. Make a reward system, or just a chart that he must get so many points, stars etc for the week or loses priviliges. And explain to him that being a family is TEAM work. And you and your husband rely on him and his sisters to contribute to the house to keep it running smoothly and keep everyone happy. Hopefully he'll get it!
tell him no and to do things himself. Don't give him a long and drawn out reason. Just end it there. If he doesn't turn in his homework then ground him. Take away some of his favorite things and he'll get the picture. Give him daily chores as well. He's old enough to help out around the house.
He probably realizes that mom will bail him out, remind him at the last minute, etc. Are there consequences to his forgetting to do things? If mom is constantly reminding him so he somehow manages to get things done then what is the point of remembering for himself if he has you to keep him on track? What if you just didn't remind him? The consequence of not studying for a test is failing. The consequence of not cleaning his room is losing his allowance or a privlidge.
Help him remember by getting him a huge calendar to write things on. Give him a list of chores he has to do every day and then make consequences to forgetting to do those things, including homework and studying for tests. Force him to take responsibility by giving him the responsibility in the first place. He might continue to forget for a few days and wait for you to bail him out but he'll wake up the first time he misses something and loses something because of it.
It will get better! Good luck!
I think he knows you will take care of him. And I think it is time for you to put your foot down. Talk to him and tell him, I'm going to tell you once, if once doesn't work you're grounded. Grounded in his case should be no ____ whatever you fill in the blank AND an extra chore. Start out with a couple of days of being grounded....and work it up if he isn't paying attention. On the same thought, if he does better and he's grounded for a week, you might shave off a day for good behavior. If the behavior goes back to the way it was, add a day. Time for him to learn that he's got to start taking on responsibility. And you have to push him to do that. Talk to him as well, what does what to do when he grows up? What goals does he have. I can tell that my guess right now is NONE.......Make sure you are specific on what you want him to do and what you expect him to accomplish. Don't just say, I want your grades up.......say I want you to get a B in this, an A in this or all B's.....you know what he can do.....push him to achieve....a little at a time.......but stay on him!
Good Luck, you CAN do this. Hang in there.
Sounds like a perfect case for Love and Logic. Natural consequences can provide some of the best learning experiences. Check with your local library and see if they have the books.
He may just need a good lesson in organization. We don't use the typical planner with my daughter, she uses those magnetic pads that have a "Things to do" theme. She puts one up in her locker and jots down what needs to be done and puts the date at the top of the list.
Good luck!
