Creating Chart/reward System - Need Input

You have the right idea and the suggestions from the others are great. I wanted to add as far as his behavior goes, red dye (expecially) is a major cause for kids acting like they have ADHD. Look up dyes on Wikipedia the dyes we eat evey day are banned in 5 countries and cause Cancer, ADHD, Thyroid problems and Asthma. Good luck. I have a 6 year old that is terrible with tantrums. Mothering is definitaly one of the hardest jobs.

Dear mom,

AS for the rewards I think those are fine if thats what he likes. BUT I think he might value your time or Daddy's MORE.

I think when it comes to a time limit on eating ,
this is wrong. You need to schedule more time for him to eat , even if it means he takes a long time. or has to get up 30 minutes earlier. It seems your basically asking him to scarf down his meal when he would prefer to do it slowly.

Now I was a single mom, so i know how precious time management is. And as it turns out my 13 year old has ADHD.

When my son went to bed I would programme his tv to turn off at a certain time. 830pm.

I would wake up 45 minuted before him, get his breakfast ready which we planned on the evening before.

I would have to literally drag him out of bed as he was a heavy sleeper, but with thanks to the CLOCK radio he eventually could wake on his own.

We would lay out his clothes the evening before, so he was prepared.this included socks and underwear,since he seemed to have issues with certain socks, I would make him try them on at night. While he had his TV time. A simple shout would suffice,

So when he awakend it was already prepared, and he just tossed it on, and brushed his teeth while in the bathroom
( and a SIGN on the back of the bathroom DOOR really works well here LOL)

I gave him a watch which he loved and programmed it to BEEP 10 minutes before BUS time. this gave him ample time to get his shoes and coat on, which were a process in itself.
BUT it worked.

If you drive him you could have him remind you of the time.
with the beep.

After breakfast he can load the dishwasher.
with all the breakfast dishes. Including yours.

If you have a dog, he can feed her, while you do the dishes.
he cannot do both.

( Children with ADHD get easily distracted so the more structure and routine the better.)

When returning home from school,

he should get 30 minutes of snack time and free time.

followed by a beep on his watch to remind him its time to get homework underway. ( his job to get it out, on the table and remind you to come help him)

Home work is really PARENT work, until about 9 years old.
which is 4th & 5th grade.
Afterall this is the introductory period and you need to teach them, and show them HOW to develop proper study habits.

For children with ADHD this can take longer.
You need to also allow for lack of focus. This is all part of the ADHD, So basically after the first 20 minutes of homework, POTTY break While you get started on dinner.
( merely pull out what you need )
For children with ADHD 20 minutes of homework can take and hour, this is normal.

After homework he should have freetime.

UNTIL about 7pm, When he needs to pull out his clothes, brush his teeth, and wash up. YOU programme his TV to turn off. I always let my child watch TV to wind down at night time.Usually a good video/DVR he liked like a national geographic, or Science thing. On weekends it could be spiderman, or Scooby Doo.

NOW comes listening
This is a lifetime of reminders.

But for ADHD kids it seems like an episode of
PETE and Repeat.
What may take the average child only 5 or six times will take the ADHD kid 10 to 15 times.
So try not to get frustrated with him,
They forget easily, are confused, BRIGHT, hardworkers, but get easily distracted, don't always pick up on signals.

So try and be positive, see the effort, encourage him.

And this last little comment I wanna make is the Punishment aspect which confounds the heck out of me.

I don't understand how a parent can expect to give out a punishment. and have the child be HAPPY about it.

I mean this is just crazy ,
I mean if your dishing out FUN, thats one thing, BUT a PUNISHMENT. NO WAY.

Yes you wan thim to try and excersize self control but for a child with ADHD this is next to impossible at 5 years old.
6 and 7 is more likely.

Sure you should have expectations,and be clear about them,
I just worry that your sabotaging him, and setting him up for failure.

You have a list of 9 or so things,
MOST of which are things that YOU have a problem with.
These aren't things that he is doing WRONG.
They're just taking more time then you would like them to.

The last 2 or 3 are the only ones I can see that are his own personal issues.

Yes he needs to listen
yes he needs to try and control his temper when angry
Yes he should not throw things.

I would like to suggest that you focus on these 3 issues.
and change your thinking for the rest.

Instead organize yourself better, because these other things come in time naturally.

But I want to also ask that you approach these with the understanding that he more than likely DOES had ADHD,
which is WHY these are the most difficult for him to tackle.

----

My son is now 13.
and still has temper tantrums,

When I ask him why ?He says he doesn't know why,
when He has an outburst I calmly say reign it in,
and he will say I am trying.

And When it seems he isn't listening, I ask him IF he is listening, and you would be surprised, that he usually is.Even if it doesn't seem like it.

My son is not on meds.
and does very well in school.

The anger management and throwing, is part of the Impulse control issues.

And the Listening is the innatention.
although both are pretty normal behaviors.

Below are a few links you might like.

Hope this post doesn't come off wrong.
I am writting it at 11:58 pm.

I really just wanted to share with you my opinion which doesn't thave to be your, and my experiences with my son and ADHD.

I wish you luck and hope this disciplin board works out.

Good luck

M

http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/2488.html

http://health.yahoo.com/add-symptoms/attention-deficit-hy...

http://health.yahoo.com/add-overview/attention-deficit-hy...

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/attention-def...

This is great! My older daughter has ADHD and I adopted a similar system (this was 18 years ago - she is now 23!) My little guy who is 2 1/2 does not seem to suffer from ADHD but I am still going to use a chart - it gives them such a sense of accomplishment!

I think your stars are perfect - my belief on rewards is that they must fit the family.

It's summer and you are on vacation, so why do you have time limits on eating and give rewards for getting dressed? Also isnt 5 a bit young to have spelling and writing homework? If he gets too far ahead of his class he will be bored in school. At 5 he should want to get dressed so he can start his day. That should be its own reward. Dont let him watch TV, play or eat unless he is dressed with teeth brushed. It will become a habit for him to get up, pee, brush, wash face, get dressed and then start his day.
Eating should be an enjoyable relaxing experience which aids in digestion. Therefore you should not put a time limit on it, instead take that time to sit with him and enjoy chatting with him. Remove the stress from mealtime and no rewards for cleaning his plate either, if that is a reason for him taking so long to eat. If he cant finish feed him less his next meal.
The last 2 things on your list are good things to reward. And you can discuss the amount of stars and the reward with him. It will give him an incentive to earn a reward he has chosen. As far as him listening and behaving, this should be expected from him and if he doesnt then a time out should be his reward (consequence). BTW I would change your terminology from reward to consequence. Children need to learn that there are good consequences too.

Dear M.,

I have found chart systems helpful, but to be honest your system is complicated for you and for him.

Why not have your 8 chores on the chart and as each gets done, he gets credit towards one big thing. Then you don't have him earning 2 stars and he is done because the immediate gratification of one card can be enough for a five year old.

It just takes 2 weeks to clear a bad habit with a good one. I usually took each behavior that I wanted, one at a time and rewarded based on that. for example, biting. i would ask for speaking out the frustration. For every day that my child would speak instead of bite, he received a point. At the end of two weeks of good behavior he took his points and was able to exchange them for something he wanted. We shopped for the thing in advance, so he knew what he was working for. I started with him really early, I think that he was three, and it really worked.

Lastly, I don't know what you are serving him or the quantity but 1/2 may be too short for a meal. It is a really good for a person to chew food well and up to an hour can be helpful to the digestion, especially if you think he has ADHD. Keep the tv off during meal times, talk and enjoy his company over the meal. I teach people how to chew and your child may be doing okay in this regard.

I would pick the big annoying factors like anger managment. If he can speak out his frustration and not get explosive then big points for each day that he can go with the positive behavior and less of the toxic outburst. two weeks of focused attention is all it takes. My kids learned to not bite, not yell, make beds, clean up, do homework etc through this method. As the new habit became their behavior it was taken off the list and became an everyday occurence that was simply expected.

I hope this helps. My last thought is, if you have a speaking relationship with your ex, it would be extremely helpful if you were on the same page regarding these expectations.

All my best,
Ana M.

M.-
i'm not real versed on this stuff either, but check out handipoints.com it is free to join and it is a reward/charting website for kids. A.

I think this sounds great!! I have 4 kids and I found using a reward chart is not only fair but it gives them a sense of accomplishment. Keep up the great work you are on the right track!! Good luck.

Hi M.
I use a reward chart too. In the past it has always been a star a day and at the end of the week a special treat. Going for an ice cream cone or some small thing like that. At the end of the month if no more than 2 stars have been missed she can pick a prize. Usually a small toy, maybe $10 or so. I kept it simple because she didn't really have too many behaviors to modify. I like the more specific items on your list. Also, where did you get your board w/magnetic stars??? I would love that! We use stickers on the calendar!

Hello again M.,
I know, with discipline/rewards, there is no clear straight way to do things with every child and every parent. Depending on the child, it can be easy or a little more difficult. It takes time to find something that works for both of you.

Maybe you could try a small reward for each accomplishment, candy or special treat, video game time, tv time,(let him choose 1 game, play for 3 lives or 15 min, then if he wants to play more, he has to earn more.) If he has something to look forward to sooner, he may behave better.

I understand that in daycare, there are timelines that need to be followed, but at home, it should be a little more relaxed, and I'm not sure that getting a sticker for finishing his meals in a timely manner should be listed as a chore. However, it can still be rewarded in a small way.

How about giving him something a little more exciting to look forward to after meals/chores. Tell him while you are preparing a meal together what your plans are for after the meal is complete. ie, taking a walk together, bike ride, to the park, swimming, video games, play date, etc. (if he behaves, eats all his dinner, and in a timely manner)

Focus is limited in kids this age, so if you choose 2 or 3 things that are possible or cheap for you, let him choose (before a chore) which one he wants after an accomplishment. It's short term and is rewarded immediately or daily, and he will feel that he is doing good things, and he will keep on doing good things.

This may be a little confusing to get started, but remember to talk things out with him, explain what his choice of reward will be and let him choose his reward, within reason, before the task is set. Then, after he does good, he gets his reward right away.

Keep the star rewards, but make them fewer and easier to get, you can raise the bar again when he's a little older and the plan is in place and working well. He should still get a sticker for brushing his teeth and getting dressed, but its something he has to do anyway, so I wouldn't consider a reward for it, just more time to spend with you, like helping you prepare breakfast/lunch and cleaning up after meals.

Time out is another story, but the same concept. If he does something naughty; hitting/kicking/talking back/making a mess and not cleaning up, etc, take stars away from his chart.

You'll figure something out. good luck

Hi M.,

Just a very quick thought -- please forgive me if others have suggested this, in response to this post or your earlier one.

If you start to get results with this chart, wonderful. If not, I wonder if a chart might not be the best approach with a little boy with ADHD. If he has trouble focusing his attention, working toward a distant goal (even if distant means two hours away) might just be too hard. What do you think about giving him a small reward every time he does something right? My son is younger than yours, but he's been very slow and reluctant on potty training, and what we're doing is the following:

* A small piece of fruit for "trying"
* A sticker or a temporary tattoo for every "success" PLUS some money (a quarter or a dime) for his piggy bank. When he accumulates 2 dollars (we've only reached that total once, and it took a while), he gets to buy a toy car from the dollar store.

So, I don't know, my three suggestions are as follows:

1. Build in some kind of immediate reward. You don't have to scrap your existing system, but something happens in the brain's limbic system when there's an immediate positive association with a behavior. Deferred gratification doesn't produce the same neurological effect.

2. Try to express what you want your son to do in positive terms. As in, rather than telling your son NOT to have a tantrum, tell him, if you're feeling mad, do X instead. Young children, especially, those who have issues with impulse control, have difficulty replacing something with nothing. They do better if you can identify a replacement behavior.

3. Two of the rewards you list could be problematic for a child with ADHD. Sugar can super-exacerbate the symptoms, and TV/video can be overstimulating. Are there other rewards your son would value?

Hope this helps,

Mira

Rewards system sounds great. Be consistent, and continue on with it even if it feels like you are not getting any positive reactions from him. If you feel he has ADHD, get him diagnosed and go from there. I have one suggestion to change from the reward chart and that would be to take food out of the equation as a reward. Especially candy!
Good Luck!

Hi,
I'm 51 years old and I have 2 older children. My son and my daughter are very different in the mealtime area. My son will scoff down his food. My daughter takes her time and now that she is 31 years old she is always the last one finishing her meal and her daughter is the same.
I learned one very important thing no snack before dinner. I never rewarded my children for anything. Just gave them hugs and kisses and once in a while I will buy them something. Also my daughter and son received allowance every week. If they did something wrong. TV off and to bed. They always received their allowances. If they wanted to buy something extra they needed to save their allowance and purchase with their money. Such as a favorite toy or video game. Sometimes more expensive clothes. I'm old fashioned. Never had a problem with my kids in that area.

I just want to say that I haven't read the other responses or your past request but I have a few comments. As the mom of a 5 year old active boy and former first grade teacher, I think it is a great idea to use a behavior chart. One thing I have learned over the years is that it is better to focus on a few specific behaviors at a time (two or three)and then add from there. You have a long list with some very general goals (listening, temper, etc). I know my son wouldn't be able to consistently meet all of those goals and would probably get more upset about not getting that many stars along the way. A chart filled with stars is a lot more motivating! Good luck.

M.,
you are the only one who knows your son and the only one who can determine if his rewards are appropriate...I think(no dr here...just a mom)that the rewards should be attainable for instant gratification to keep him going and yet not sooo easy that you're buying the kid a toy every week(he probably already has too many toys if he's like my kids :)....so my suggestion is start with the chart and tweak it as you need too...when you need to change it say something to the effect "you did soooo well that now you have too..." and my other suggestion would be that the big reward be something you do together...a trip to the zoo or build a bear...your time and attention are a reward!!! at the age of 5 I would also expect hime to set and clear the table(his stuff) and some cleaning chore...just a thought!!! you're doing great!!!

Your chart is a good idea. A few ideas for you. I am an elementary school special educaiton teacher and we often use behavior mods with some of the kids.
First, I noticed you have 8 categories for him to work on. Since he's 5, that may be an overwhelming amount of things he needs to "master" each day. Maybe not. Will your son be ok with the stars he earns or will he be devestated by the ones he doesn't earn each day? You know your son best. It may be better to start with 3 or 4 behaviors first.
Next, I saw you assigned homework for 30 minutes. For a 5 year old boy with adhd, that may be an unrealistic task. In elementary school we usually assign about 10 minutes of homework for each grade the child is in. For example, a first grader would have 10 min. of hw, a 2nd grader would have 20 mins... Maybe you could break up the homework tasks into smaller jobs. 10 minutes of story time/reading, 10 minutes counting, 5 minutes spelling...
Lastly, rewards. You definitely want to start strong with the rewards. Your son needs to associate doing his chores with earning stars to being rewarded with a prize. As he becomes more proficient, you can stretch the rate by incresing the number of stars needed to earn his prize.
I wish you all the best. Being a mom is hard. I have twin 3 year old girls and I know as a teacher the right things to do, but as a mom I know my kids won't always fit into the mold I assume they should. Good luck.