Could It Just Be the Terrible Two's?

Have you read the book, "How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk?" Read it and then read it again. It works so wonderfully and will make a difference!

L.,

By the sound of it, your 2 year old is in control of your family. He is very smart and knows if he acts up one of you will stay home with him snd that is exactly what he wants. He wants to be the center of attention and will act up to get attention even if it is bad attention.

I would either get a babysitter when you want to go out with the other 2 children or you take him and if he acts up take him to the car or a private area and talk to him and let him know that if he keeps acting up you are taking him home and he will go straight to bed for the rest of the day or night and will not be able to get up and play, watch TV or do anything, that he is being punished for his behavior out in public.

This worked for my daughter and she straightened right out. You need to let them know that you are the boss and in control not them or they will continue to control the situation and it will only get worse.

Hope this helps,
D.

He may just be too young to expect him to be able to sit still for that long at events. So make sure you aren't having expectations that are too high. Either way, I recommend checking out Parenting with Love and Logic (www.loveandlogic.com). It's an awesome approach to parenting and getting children to obey and respect you, while still maintaining the relationship by having empathy.

Also, if you want to leave the 2 year old at home so the rest of you can go out, but don't want to pay for a sitter (that adds up and gets expensive quickly) try trading watching kids with a friend or relative. It has worked out well for me. I just wish they wanted to trade more often so DH and I can go on more dates!

After reading the other responses, I concur, except that it needs to not carefully. Some children throw fits in order TO go home. When our three year old is tired of shopping, he'll throw a fit or act out. If it's just me and the boy, I leave the cart and go home, but then he goes straight to him room. When he goes through phases that are really bad, my husband and I always go shopping together. We take a book to leave in the car. (for us) Then, when he pitches a fit, he gets one warning, when he pitches it again, one of us (we take turns) will keep shopping with the other child, and the other will take the three year old to the car, strap him in his car seat (obviously, living in Tucson, we have to turn on the car and the AC!) and then sit and read our book. We ignore him entirely until the other parent gets back with the shopping done. This way, there's not power play, since he doesn't really have any one's attention, we know he's safe and not getting into anything, since there's someone sitting right there, and the parent doesn't really have to deal with sitting in a car for 30 min, because the book makes the time go by! After about twice in a row of the (maybe three times, he's pretty strong willed!) he decides it's much more fun to behave in the store! (Or where ever).
If his behavior makes us miss an event, he stays in his room while we do something fun (play a game or something) with the other child to compensate for the missed event.
Most importantly, we make SURE to explain to him what behavior resulted in his exclusion! We don't want him to feel like we like the other child better!
Good luck, however you decide to tackle it!
B. S

I wouldn't reccommend either you or your husband staying home with the 2 year old. This teaches the 2 year old that he's in control. He gets to be with mom or dad all by himself because of his bad behavior. I agree that leaving and taking him to the car when he misbehaves might be a great idea. Also, if he starts throwing a temper tantrum in a store, just leave him there, walk a few feet away and ignore him. Tantrums aren't nearly as much fun if nobody is paying attention. If you really don't feel like you can take him with you at all to a particular event, perhaps get a babysitter and keep him in his room while you are gone- don't . I know it is very frustrating. I can totally relate. Good luck.

he is only two. have you looked for anything that might be setting him up to fail? is he getting enough sleep? some studies have shown that many children including a surprising number of toddlers are sleep deprived. also is he being expected to behave in circumstances that your other children would never have had to, such as an older sibs play? in this case i'd hire a sitter or trade time with another mom. my final and possibly most important thought for my family is transition warnings! i have starting discussing with my daughter (also 2) what we are going to do the next day and then again the following morning and between each event. a little chat in the car. 'we are going swimming tonight after school' or 'when we get home you will take a bath and then books and then bed.' i'm always surprised at how she will remember what i said we would do the day before. since i've started doing this our tantrum rate has gone WAY down.

taking him away from fun is fine but you may also want to create situations where he can be successful. then he can hear about all the things he is doing right!

We have a 2 year old and a 7 year old. We used to do the thing where 1 of us goes places and the other stays home, but now I find a babysitter for our 2 year old for certain events that we know he will act up during and for movies. He is a normal 2 year old trying to be the center of attention all the time. 2 year olds cannot sit still for long periods of time, we all know this. Babysitters will save you a lot of grief from your older kids saying how come you weren't there all the time. If you are in the Rita Ranch Area of Tucson, email me and maybe we can do babysitting exchanges and such. ____@____.com

D.

We went through that phase with my daughter. If you go out to an event with the whole family and your 2 year old starts a tantrum, one of the parents needs to take him home. That way the older children don't miss out and the 2 year old realizes that he will not get to go out if he displays tantrums. If he displays a tantrum when you are at home, then put him in time out for 2 minutes and explain why (example: "If you want something, you say please, not cry") When he doesn't throw a tantrum either at home or when you are out, praise him on his good behaviour. If though he is two he will understand these things. It worked for our daughter because my husband and I were on board together and we were consistent. It took a few months though, Good luck and I hope you get to go out as a family soon....I remember those days!

This won't be of much help, as I am in a similar boat but it's an option... (My son is 6, my daughter almost 2) We will get grandparents or a sitter to watch my daughter if there is something we want to do with our 6 year old that the little one can't do yet...The Fair, movies, etc..... At this age she won't know any different. I'm struggling with it as she gets older... I'm anxious to see what others tell you! Good Luck!

I have a 2 year old and 7 year old. The 2 year olds can be difficult. They are very temperamental. We do take her places, but we really don't go out to eat anymore w/her b/c she wants to be running around all the time. Tried the movies, won't do that again until she is 3.

From personal experience I know that leaving the 2yr old at home will not fix the issue but make things worse. Our daughter got to the point that when someone would come over she would get overly excited and usually be VERY pushy with whoever is visiting. She wanted all of their attention or she would throw a fit.

This is going to seem like expensive advice but it will work and your older children won't miss out. When going somewhere, take 2 cars (if you are a 2car family). Before leaving, explain to your son how he is expected to behave and if he "acts up" then he will be going home and miss out while everyone has fun. If he acts up, one of you take him home. This works in stores too, leave your cart and go home or if both of you are there then one of you can take him to the car while the other finishes the shopping. Once he understands that this will happen every time and the others get to stay, it will stop. It is hard to do but it does work.

I feel for all of you and wish you luck!

Hi L.,

Find a good babysitter and let your son know that because of his poor behaviour he cannot go with you this time. Kids are smarter than we give them credit for. He will catch on very quick and it should make a big difference. I babysit for a friend of mine, and her kids walk all over her. Here they do not behave that way, they tried of course, but they learned very quickly that I do not tollerate it. I use time outs and I speak to them like adults. I tell them to use their words because whining will get them nothing but a time out. I also tell them that the time out does not start until they are quietly facing the wall. The kids are 4 and 6, but I have done this with all of my children also. It is very effective and does not happen often any more. The kids love and respect me and they love coming to my house. In fact they were just here last night. When I picked them up at daycare, the little girl sceamed with glee and came running and jumped in my arms. The daycare worker thought I was mom or aunt or something. The little one says no she is my babysitter as proud as can be. Kids will always try thier limits and like I said they are smarter than we give them credit. When my 13 yr old was one she would do this thing with her eyes and I thought she was trying to wink at me. I realized that it was happening when she was upset with me and that she was really trying to glare at me and give me an angry look. I said young lady don't you give me that look, that is not nice and she just started laughing, but she never did give me that look again, well at least not till she hit preteen. Kids need boundaries and believe it or not, they want them. Good luck and God bless.

D.