My son is 11mos old. He's never been a great sleeper, but during the past few months, it's gotten worse and worse and a downward spiral has begun. Personally, I think you simply reach a point that you cannot physically and mentally handle being woken up constantly throughout the night ---- for me, it's about a year now and I am crumbling.
We've made some great progress in getting him down (in his crib) to sleep at around 8pm, but most nights he wakes after anywhere between three and six hours and cannot resettle to sleep, even when he is nursed. Ferberizing, CIO, rocking chair ---- we've tried it all even though the crying pains me to no end. The only thing that works to get him back down is to bring him into our bed, which is counter-productive because it results in a nursing marathon / human pacifier situation. Not good either.
Anyone out there made any progress with a tough little cookie like mine?
He's doing it because you are giving in. Mine was a tough cookie too; wanted to do the nursing marathon every night. Finally we put him in his crib and wouldn't take him out. We did go in and comfort him, never let him cry endlessly. But we also made him stay in his crib. Stick to your guns. He knows you're going to give in and that is why he persists.
Oh, I feel for you, F.. I assure you, this is a season and will be over sooner than you know it.
Firstly, I believe the reason your little one is waking up and will only fall asleep with you is because he is at the age of separation anxiety and is missing you. This is an important time of development! Your son sounds like he's a very bright and alert baby (much like my first-born and fourth-born) who associates his crib with lonliness/fear/sadness, which is probably why he doesn't want to stay there.
Secondly, I have a friend whose daughter as a "marathon" nurser at night and what she ended up doing was weaning just at night so that she could get to a point of co-sleeping without having to nurse constantly. This might be a solution for you...If he takes a pacifier this might help in the process. If not, you can plan on weaning taking a few nights to wean him and then hopefully will enjoy better sleep while co-sleeping so that he is getting his need for closeness met. Finding solutions that work for BOTH of you is always the best arrangement, I've found.
I would look into "The Baby Sleep Book" by Dr. Sears as well as "The No-Cry Sleep Solution". Both books are much better at taking into consideration the needs of BOTH the parents and the child with sympathy. Also, you should find a local La Leche League support group who can help you work through your nursing issues and give you lots of great advice.
As difficult as it is to be sleep-deprived, try to keep in mind that your baby is only small once and this time in your life is relatively short. I wish I could go back and do things differently with my oldest daughter because I spent so much time worrying that I was going to create a "bad habit" by letting her sleep with me and now she is my best sleeper of all (and I have 4 kids witha 5th on the way).
Blessings,
J.
Hello F.,
I am sorry you are having a hard time. Mine is a night waker also (usually two or three times), but I am a good sleeper and don't mind that much.
I strongly, strongly oppose CIO, so that has never been an option for us, but here are a couple of things that have worked:
- consistent bed time, and putting her down when tired. If my daughter goes to bed too late, I know the night will be hell, she will not find that deep relaxing sleep, even though she is tired. Also, if she is very tired earlier than usual, I will let her go to bed early! It does not result in her getting up any earlier.
- go to bed early, don't stay up! My daughter usually goes to bed at 8 and I try to be in bed by 9. Yes, I would like to stay up longer and watch TV sometimes or just get things done, but I need the sleep. Also, the more anxious I get about getting enough sleep, the more she wakes, I am sure that my anxiousness transfers to her.
- if you are with a partner, share nighttime parenting. If my daughter wakes up before my hubby goes to bed around midnight, he will try to soothe her (about 85% successful now, after a little bit of a trial period), that way I get a good stretch of sleep before her first nightime feeding - it makes a world of a difference.
- consistency, if cosleeping is not for you (it is not for us, since hubby is a light sleeper) if have found that after a few weeks of consistently putting her down in her own crib after the nighttime nursings, she will sleep longer stretches. In the beginning that meant sometimes I would getup, nurse, lay in crib, get up again 30 min later.... but once she got the message that I would always put her back in the crib, she was more comfortable there.
- on the occasional morning that she is wide awake at three, I take her into the living room (which is babyproofed), turn on her music and let her play by herself while I sleep on the couch... that way I get to sleep and she stops fussing and waking everyone up!
- Last but not least, I never ever let her get herself all worked up crying. I go in as soon as I hear her waking up, and nurse her before she's even fully awake - otherwise she will go into a full on meltdown and not sleep for hours and frankly, while she is crying no one in our house is sleeping, so that would not be helpful anyways.
We still go through phases where she is waking even more often, when she is teething or sick, and I just deal with it, stay up with her and remind myself that it will pass.
My philosophy on the whole sleep issue is, that many people have trouble sleeping for whatever reason, and if you could simply force sleep on someone, there would not be billions of dollars made in prescription sleep aids. Why anybody thinks that trying to FORCE sleep on a baby, by letting them cry to exhaustion, is ok, is beyond me.
Try to get breaks for yourself to catch up on sleep, nap while someone is watching her or while she is napping, go to bed early. From my experience, the more worked up you get about loosing sleep, the less she will sleep, because she is sensing your tension.
Good luck.
Someone told me once that if you put a SMALL dab of Lavender Oil on the palm of a childs hands and a bit on the forhead that it would help them rest and they would sleep well. Lavender oil is a natural oil that is know for its relaxing therapy. Great aromatherapy. It is a very strong oil so thats why I emphasize a small dab.
Rachel
i was impressed by the 'Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child' book.
i also had better luck getting my kid to return to the sleep if her dad goes in in the middle of the night, not me. If i do in she won't sleep until she nurses, but he can comfort her back to sleep.
For a while we set time limits - before 3am he went in, after 3 am i went in to nurse. Then, when she'd get to sleeping until 3 reliably we'd move the time to 4am. I don't know if this really helped her sleep through the night more quickly, but, it made it easier on me.
I don't know how you feel about Dr. Sears or the No Cry Sleep solution books, but my advice would be that he is lonely and insecure. He may not nurse so much after he slept closer to you for a week or more. I know some babies are fine on their own and some just need more closeness.
Our 14 month old was the same way - we did CIO method (only letting him cry at the longest 15 mionutes before comforting) and magically once he was weaned he started sleeping through the night. I hate listening to him cry but it's the only thing that worked. Just be sure when weaning to give lots of extra snuggles during the day.
We had some difficulty with our little one waking up also. We were able to correct it by raising the temperature at night (technically after midnight)to about 73-74 degrees. Now our little one sleeps like a champ! Baby must have just been getting cold in the early morning hours when the temperature drops in the house. Good Luck!
I was totally crazy the first year with my first too.
Does he take a binky? I do the "silent return". No talking, no holding. I just give my any lovies that they've tossed out of the crib, lay her back in her bed, and leave. I wait a little bit before I go back in and repeat (2 min?) over and over. We did this with my first when she was 2yo and popping out of her toddler bed. It took a loooong time. But it got better every night and lasted about 3 nights. My second is 15 months and was crying and throwing things out of her bed. She only took about 3 times of me going in and laying her down before she gave up.
Be consistent! Don't give up! Consult your ped. I do believe that you can just not nurse him at night. Perhaps offer him some pumped milk in a bottle. If he's hungry he gets food, not you.
***and about the lavendar oil: I've recently heard/read that it's not good for a child's development -- particularly boys. Please do not put essential oils on your child without a doctor's approval.
Aww :(.
I'm sorry :(. My first was a marathoner, but I could sleep with her attached, so mostly it didn't destroy me. (Whenever she dropped off, the next time I 'half woke up' I disattached her ... but we were cosleeping, so I didn't have to move.)
Random: consider chiropractic ... if the child's spine is out of alignment, they can't sleep well because it hurts (they are distracted while playing, but when sleeping, they 'hear' their body more) ... and that would explain the needing-mommy-to-feel-better thing maybe too.
At the same time, my first was chiropractically fine, just really needed contact. I now suspect she needed a whole lot of bonding with her Daddy, actually (he was working a lot at the time) ... but that's water under the bridge : P.
I felt the same way. yOu definitely need sleep. One step we took was to nurse less often at night. If she normally woke at 3 I would wake up at 2:45 and nurse for a set period of time. You slowly lessen the amount of times you get up and the length of the feeds. It works to wean for nighttime.
my daughter slept better, she still isn't great. BTW the secret for us lately (22 months) has been a good night time diapers (huggies overnights) and a sleeper so she is warm enough.
If your son sleeps better with you, have you considered he may not be warm enough?
I feel your pain F.! I really do! I also have a one year old that doesn't sleep well. It seems to get better, but then worse again. And by better I mean waking three times a night instead of 4, 5 or 6. Last night I actually got 3 1/2 hours of sleep in a row, from 2:00 to 5:30. Sad to say, that's pretty good for us! Like you, I am still nursing. I have done a lot of reading on the subject and one key that is a constant thread among the "sleep experts" is to make sure when baby goes down for the night that he/she is awake, and allow him to fall alseep on his own. This should, theoretically, help baby be able to fall back to sleep when he wakes in the middle of the night. Our bedtime routine would always end with nursing. And by the time I got him into his crib, he was already asleep. So I started nursing first, then doing the massage and storytime.
I also read "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. She really has some great ideas on getting baby to sleep and weaning from the nighttime nursing. We definitely made some progress with her suggestions.
I guess I don't have much advice, just sympathy. If there were not a huge number of babies like ours, there wouldn't be so many books on the subject! Try to take comfort in knowing that you're not alone; and it has to end sometime soon....right. Feel free to email me if you need to vent some frustration.
If you find a cure all, please let me know! Good luck mama
Oh my goodness! I am going through the same thing with my 1 year old! I wanted to ask the same question. Lately she wakes up SO often and I bring her warm water in a bottle. ( we weaned a month ago) But that doesn't always works. This might sound terrible, but sometimes when I know that she is totally okay, fed, changed, warm and comfortable, We will turn a fan on that drowns out the crying and we'll get some much needed rest. I know there are many different opinions about this, but I don't think you should feel guilty if you have to do it. My doc told me it is actually good for them to do that sometimes, and I know a lot of people who do it. And usually I can tell what kind of a cry it is, when she isn't feeling good, her cry sounds much different. Anyway, good luck,:)
