Confrontation with SIL- Am I Wrong???

Babies dont break when other babies touch them... Its a very touchy (no pun intended) situation. But you have to atleast talk to her about it! I wouldnt go overboard but I would tell her what you think1!

I COMPLETELY agree with you and know what it's like to have a very headstrong two year old. You were not being unrealistic and if she doesn't want anyone (including kids) touching her children then she needs to stay home. I hate when people act like their children are the exception to everything and as breakable as a china doll and don't let other children even near them. My 2yo absolutely loves babies and wants nothing more than to play with them. Just wait till her's are two and someone else has a baby around them...payback is hers. Sorry but this is a hotspot for me-I've been the one with the "in-trouble" two year old. My other two could care less about babies but for her, it's her passion. Wishing you the best and I encourage you to stand your ground-they WERE in your house.

Stand your ground. My SIL and her 15 month old live with us. My daughter will be 2 in May. My daughter is very big for her age and my SIL's daughter is very small. I know exactly what you are talking about with the pushing. This is an everyday occurance at my house. Taking away toys, ect. It is driving me nuts just like it did you. I feel like I am always getting on to my daughter for everything. My SIL sits in the chair everynight and watches TV while I play and referee the girls. I am at my wits in too and know how you feel.

I don't think you are wrong at all.

I think your SIL should have laid off a little. She was getting onto your 2yr in a way she would have gotten onto an 8yr that was not family. She could have just as easilly set with your 2yr while she 'touched' and 'patted' the 1yrs, providing supervision and 'this is how to be gentle' instruction so the babies could all meet eachother and play gently.

I do understand the new mom 'gentle' part and the instant maternal protection mode, but I also see that she has older children so I dont wonder if it's just a preset thought about other peoples children and hers and her inability to accept that it IS acceptable and she just has to adapt and find a way to get it done.

I feel so bad that your little one was constantly scolded. If it were mine, and I did have to deal with that (strong willed or not), I would have made the initiative to move the babies to another area for my OWN peace of mind.

I've had to deal with this, MANY years ago and am thankful that I no longer have to.

Stick to your guns. Express your feelings and stand up for your children.
If you don't....it will be a very long hard road as they grow up and sadly, grudges among, dont go away quietly.

From what you said I gather you two were not the only adult members in the home during these periods of outburst. The Dad's can step up and help monitor as well, especially with 6 kids. I can understand you frustration/anger and need to protect your kids as well as your SIL. Whenever you two speak it would be wise to set clear boundaries as to what you expect of each other in future visits. Your SIL has older children but twins can take a tole on a Mom. I would be mindful that she could be overwhelmed or experiencing postpardum. Anyway you look at it, spelling out clear Boundaries, Boundaries, Boundaries are needed! In future visits, I would discuss with your husband beforehand your expectations of him to take some time to monitor the children, for example--go out to a park, for a walk, a swim or some activity that gives you a break. A hotel close by may be in order so after InLaws visit for several hours there is a point you all can diffuse, rest and regenerate for the next days visit. Best to you.

Don't have your sister in law stay with you anymore. Just tell her it's probably best for her if she waited till her babies were older, so she won't worry so much.

I, too, have been on "both sides of the fence" on this issue. When my daughter was small and we went to my sil's, her boys were rougher (to be expected) but their mom didn't take the time to help teach them to be gentler with her. She, too, saw me as being overbearing (I never yelled and would sit with them so they could hold her and "play" with her), but I felt all contact needed to be "supervised" because they were so young and it is more difficult for them to be gentle. And, yes, babies can break -- otherwise we wouldn't need to help the little ones hold the babies. My sil didn't reinforce the "nice" touching and seemed to encourage them to be a bit mean to spite me. Fast forward 5 years, my brother has a baby. I'm nervous about my little one hurting the baby and try everything to make sure the baby is safe, but it seemed like my brother was yelling at her whenever she got within a foot of the baby. He has a deep voice and it is much scarier than normal. One Christmas, I was in tears for her because he wouldn't ease off. I finally took her for a walk just to give her break. After talking to my brother about it, he eased up in the way he talks to her and will often wait for me to intervene first - if I'm around. Things aren't perfect when we visit, but they are better. They have a new baby and she loves to help with everything and my brother's wife is wonderful about trying to include her now.

I think a heartfelt talk without blame and anger will definitely help the situation. No one wants the babies to get hurt and no one wants your daughter to feel terribe either. Y'all can work together to come up with a plan that works for everyone. Good Luck!!

I completely agree with April B.

If you have enjoyed a good relationship with your SIL and your kids love her and vice versa - write it off. It ain't worth it. Done and dusted, as they say.

Yes, you were justified in being protective of your kids and their feelings. You were justified in your aggravation.
She is justified in her need to protect her little ones - whether the 'threat' be real or imaginary.

If you have enjoyed a good relationship and would like to maintain it and family peace - this just ain't worth the anthill you could make of it.

And the next time they come over - and yes, they should come again, you will be better prepared - and hopefully you all can look back on this visit and laugh it off...

For the record, I have three little ones (9. 6 and 4) and have sat on BOTH sides of this fence. There is no universal right or wrong here. The older I get, the more I learn to pick my battles - ALL of them - very carefully. This just doesn't sound like something to put on armour for.

Talk to her, say you regret the hard feelings or the unkind words. You do not have to profer an out and out apology if you do not feel one is due. Laugh it off. Mend these fences...

Family is too important.

I wouldn't let it cause a big problem within your family. She (like most mothers) probably did go overboard a bit, but it doesn't sound like she was intentionally being rude or hateful to your kids. I have a 2 1/2yo boy that I have to watch like a hawk!! He LOVES babies, but doesn't know how to be "gentle" with them. I would just be understanding w/her and maybe explain that it did make you angry, but that your over it now and that you remember when yours were that small....whether it's true or not...haha. I remember w/my first baby, some friends came over to see him and brought their girl who was maybe 3 at the time. She was very interested in the baby and wanted to watch me feed (I breast fed) him. I was annoyed the WHOLE time and just wanted the mother to get her to leave "us" alone! I realize now how ridiculous I was and am SO glad I didn't say anything to her!! I was crazy protective of my first, not so much with my second and will hopefully be better with my 3rd. We all get a little goofy sometimes. I don't think your wrong to feel like you do, but I do think it's not wise to say anything about it. Hope your phone call goes well...I hate when I have to deal w/stuff like that!!

Are you wrong? Yes and no, is the answer. Let me share a story with you in regards to my sister. Well, she has a little girl that is 2.5 and I have two boys 7, 5(special needs with the mentality of 3 year old). Everytime she comes in for a visit we argue. Her daughter is very high maintainence and thinks she rules the earth. So, she will go up to my boys especially the younger one and take toys away saying they are hers and will occasionally hit him. Well, my sister will simply respond with a don't do that, which annoys the hell out of me. My niece knows she won't get into any "real" trouble so she does it again. Finally, my son will get mad and fight back. My sister then gets mad because my son hits/fights with her daugther. Her arguement is boys shouldn't hit a girls. My response to her is that she should tell her daughter to expect to get hit back when she hits someone becuase the other child will grow tired of her actions and fight back. Needless to say, my sister and I argue over this everytime we see each other. The arguing must of have really bothered my mom because she brought it to my attention and made me I realize that they are just kids and get over it alot easier than us "adults" do. She pointed out how my son and niece love each to pieces and are always asking about one another. Now both my sister and I have realized that kids will be kids. Therefore, adults should be adults. We are family and will always have some sort of interaction as a good family should. Just forgive and forget. Make good with your SIL. Good luck! :)

YOU ARE RIGHT for feeling this way!! I am proud of you for keeping a peaceful weekend. When you call her back, just keep your cool since you are related---but stand your ground and just tell her you don't appreciate her ragging on your kids--especially in YOUR home. You are right--she could have moved her babies to another part of the room. I am surprised she is so edgy due to the fact she has other kids too. Just stand your ground in a nice way. Good Luck!!! :)

Here's my 2 cents. Just like you are protetive of your little ones - so is she. It is maternal instinct to defend your children. So do I think you have a point? Yes, to some degree. Do I think she has a point? Yes, to some degree. I do NOT like small children touching my baby - it's a toddler germ thing! There are days I don't like my 4 year old touching my 1 year old! And no, he doesn't mean to hurt him, but sometimes older kids can be to rough with the little ones. I think that it sounds like to me that 6 kids in one house is overkill. A hotel would solve LOTS of problems - no matter how big your house is. I have never let my 4 year old feed my 1 year old and I will not let my 1 year old feed or unsupervised touch my baby due in September. I realize that they don't "break" but they do require supervision with little ones. Perhaps the yelling approach is more the issue at hand rather than the touching? I believe that discipline should come from a parent, but if it doesn't I am the type of mom that will step up and say something nicely myself. I owuld just advise that you really determine what behavior upset you - the fact that she didn't want them touching the babies or the way she handled it when she did? Be clear and concise and honest when you talk to her. Good luck...parenting differences are the hardest issues to deal with.

Wow. Doesn't anyone realize that this is what little kids do? That's why they should be supervised. I'm sure your SIL is stressed from having 1 year old twins, but it is unrealistic to expect a household to change EVERYTHING to accommodate her visit. I had the same situation with my brother and his daughter. My entire family went to Taos one Christmas and the entire time he just got all over my 7 year old for coming anywhere near his 5 year old. I finally said "Will you stop yelling at my kid?" After that he quit. I don't think he realized that he was doing it as much as he was and he also realized that this was my son's vacation as well. If he didn't want his daughter around him, he needed to take his daughter elsewhere.

I think that if this is a new problem, it will iron itself out as your kids grow older. If this is the way she acted with all her kids in the past, it may be best that they stay elsewhere while they are in town. That way when things get a little stressful, they have somewhere else to go and you can get a little break from it as well. Good luck.