4 Year Old Grabs and Kisses Babies and Toddlers

I have worked with young children for years and have had this "problem" before...one cool trick is to teach him to give "baby hugs" by placing his finger in the baby's fist...the grasp reflex takes hold and poof! Hug! Practice this, telling him babies are too little for "big kid hugs" and each of you can practice being the baby by grasping the other's finger. Especially since you're expecting, you'll want to teach him this trick...I find that giving kids an alternative, such as this one, or other ones to show affection to a baby eliminates the problem without eliminating the affection. After all, he's just being a cutie who us doing what is very effective to show affection with kids his own age or adults...it's only a problem if you're a fraction of his size!

Good luck

Well, I'm thinking how bad can this be? It's better than your son hitting or knocking down every baby. And I'm sure most of those moms are not as horrified as you may think. We tend to always think the worse and in actuality, their may be that one mom or two that will have an issue with that. My son is 3.5 and can be overly "helpful" and affectionate as well. Maybe get him a doll and take it out with him so that's what he can squeeze instead. I know he may seem too old to divert his attention, but you can always tell him to be his little sister's "Big Helper" instead and then he'll focus on her instead of all the others. It may not seem like it, but one day, I promise you'll tell him all about the days when he smothered and kissed babies all over the place.

Hi K.,

It really is very sweet but I could understand how a mom could be taken back by him touching their baby. Due to germs, and maybe him being unintentionally to rough. I would first remind him before you go anywhere public and tell him that he can not just go up to babies and hug an kiss them that we have to ask their mommy if it is okay. Also, maybe you can get him his own doll and tell him he can hug and kiss this baby because it is his but not babies that you do not know. Also, if you have a friend or relative with a small baby maybe you can show him what you mean by gentle touches. Kids are very visual so sometimes showing them is more effective then just telling children. He probably just gets so excited he doesn't realize why being affectionate is not okay. I know to you it is a problem but what a wonderful problem to have from such a sweet gentle boy. I am sure when you have your baby in May he will get his fill of babies and the novelty will wear off. Good luck!!

Thats a tough one. I do daycare from home and I have a three year old who just loves to grab the 21month old and hug and kiss her and touch her constantly. The 21month old pushes her away sometimes and begins fussing.

I remind the little girl that the "baby" doesn't like it when she touches her. And I point out nicely, "Oh look! The baby is crying because she doesn't like it. Please don't touch the baby." When the younger child didn't fuss, I'd say "oh that's very nice that you're giving her a hug. Remember to be gentle with the baby." She's beginning to get the hang of it and instead she'll walk up and just say hi to the 21month old or hand her a toy to share instead of constantly touching her. It did take quite a bit of fussing from the baby and reminding the older child before I started seeing a change though.

When my daycare children would see new babies while we were on a walk, I would gently stop them before touching the baby and say "Oh we can't touch the baby. Our hands are not clean. (germs, etc) Lets wave and say hi to the baby instead." It still takes a lot of reminding. Good luck Kristi!

OMG! I thought my son was the only boy out there who LOVED babies! I always try to pre-emptive measures. If I spot a baby first I will remind him to ask permission first before touching. He is 5.5 now and he has become very soft. slow & gentle, so it is doable! HTH!

Were you in the the Chester, NJ baby Gap a couple days ago? A very enthusiastic little boy got very excited when he saw my baby and grabbed his face. Was that you???

Just to say thanks for dealing with this issue, knowing it's important, and being proactive about coming up with solutions. You obviously care enough to ask the question -- so I want to affirm that.

hi im bell i have a 19 month old andi think ill be there too. but its probably not as bad as u think. u dont want him not to be openly expressive. so try getting him a baby doll i know it might seem odd but he express his love for babies and when the new baby is born hell have plenty of love.

Just for fun, I have a doll collection.... it began with my husband giving me a porceline doll each Christmas and then we'd go antiquing and I'd find a doll that reminded me of one I had as a child, etc. So I have a doll collection but no daughters, ha! Maybe someday it will be in the hands of a future granddaughter. Anyway, my son Connor was a wonderful "Daddy" to this one doll from my collection, named Bridget. He'd wrap up "Baby Brit" in a blanket and carry her around and be sweet to her..... (and he'd tell us he wanted 16 babies when he grows up) until one day...... he had the doll that he had taken such good care of, on the floor and next to her was the toy hammer from the toy work bench. I watched him look at the doll, then look at the hammer, in turn, back and forth a few times..... then he picked up the toy hammer, and whacked the doll in the face with it!!! Well, that was the END of him being a "daddy" to "Baby Britt"! She was put away after my husband super glued her eye back into place. LOL!!!! They do make boy dolls for little boys to take care of. I'd give him one of those.... you can find them on line, something like the old Daper Dan Doll. Good luck. Blessings to your newborn in May.
D. N.

PS; as a teen, Connor now says that he MIGHT have two kids when he's older, but certainly not 16! LOL!

Hi K.,
It's great that your son loves babies and wants to touch them in a kind, loving way but it's not really acceptable to do that. I would discuss it with him as with any other stranger situation - we don't allow people we don't know to touch us and kiss us. Remind him that strangers don't do this to him and that the rule is that he MUST ask the permission of a baby's mom or dad before touching. If you are out with your son and see a baby, it's your responsibility to remind/restrain him - he may not be able to completely control his impulses.

Hey K.. This is a tough one. While we dont' want to squelch his being affectionate, he needs to learn appropriate boundaries. I would talk about boundaries with him, at times when it is not an issue, maybe work it into play time , or other conversations. Picking up on the social clues can be tough- one of my kids is a big hugger- and I'm often telling her to tone it down- she gets very annoyed when I tell her this. I would just stay at it, stay alert, anticipate situations when it might occur, remind him of appropriate greetings and play- I would even try to role play, so he can learn what is an ok hug, and whats too much. and stay on it. the good thing, is that if he can learn this, HE will feel better about being affectionate, as it will be greeting with warmth, as opposed to being scolded or rejected. remind him that its not just what HE wants, its what the hug-ee, would enjoy too!I would remind him that it is never OK to force yourself on someone, that we all need to get "permission" to initiate physical contact with someone- and he can learn the body language signs, that show its ok to hug, and kiss, and how much, and for how long. good luck!

My daughter does this too. On the one hand, I love it and think it's adorable. On the other hand, if I was the baby's mother I would be horrified- not only because of the danger of an unknown element (ie, small child not knowing their own strength) but probably most of all- germs. Unfortunately I've had to be really rigorous with discipline for this reason alone. It may be very loving, but it is not OK, no matter what. I tell her she can stand there and wave and smile (not too close) and we talk about how cute the baby was afterwards. that seems to satisfy her- not as much as cuddling, that's for sure, but it's not a kicking and screaming fight, and is also not turning her loving nature down.
Good luck!

Your son is four and old enough to understand consequences. Explain to him that if he touches someone elses baby again he will be punished. Think of an unpleasant consequence BEFORE you leave the house and remind him of it. If he doesnt listen be sure to punish him, do not let him say he is sorry to get out of the punishment. Since this seems to have become a habit it will take a few warning and punishments to stop, but if you are consistent it shouldn't be long.
Imagine instead of a stranger's baby he did this to a stranger's dog. Would you allow him? I certainly hope not.