Co-Sleeping - La Vergne,TN

Chiming in late....

How sweet that you're husband likes cosleeping! I work out of the home fulltime and cosleep with my babies to reconnect. I'm apart from them quite enough as it is, I don't want to be separated all night, too. If baby and hubby are happy, I'd be hesitant to shake things up. These things have a way of working out if left to themselves. I don't agree that it will get harder to separate as the child gets older. The child will protest if he's not ready regardless of how old he is. But the older child can use words that tug at momma's heartstrings more! I say enjoy cosleeping as long as you can. He'll be a big gangly big before you know it.

IT IS TIME TO GET HIM OUT NOW!!! If you don't you're going to be like my friend who has a son whose 10 and still sleeping with her and her husband. Almost the same situation, where he has slept with them from the start and they feel bad about letting him sleep alone in a room down the hall in the dark. I saw on The Today Show that letting a child sleep alone early on teaches them coping skills and if you don't let them do this it will hinder how they cope to other new things in life. Since I told her what I saw on tv she started by putting him in his bed and sleeping on the floor until he falls asleep and then slips out and get in her bed. She did this until he felt comfortable about going to bed alone with no help from her. I hope this helps!

Well, I have a 15 yr.old and 5 yr old twin girls. We have a "family" bed. My son was with us in our bed until around 4-5. He got to be a big boy and wanted his own bed, I thought it was going to be horriable trying to get him into his own bed when the time came, but he kind of did it himself. Our daughters sleep with us. They have there own beds, and I was not going to do the famil bed again. However, they slowley started in with us and I like it. I can watch them sleep and feel them breath. We get more sleep , instead of get up 3-6 times a night to put them back in their beds. They sleep better and longer. My husband is in Army and is gone ALL the time. Getting ready for deployment number 8. For us, it ease the transition and makes things easier. My husband and I find places to be intimate. The bed room is NOT the only room in the house. Make it fun and adventerous. If having your kids sleep with you makes them and you and your husband happy. Do it. I know older people say no, they need to be in their own beds, your Mom, do what feels right to you.

I love co-sleeping with both of my boys. It' started when the oldest(now 3) would wake up in his crib and it was just easier to lay down with him then try and get him back into his bed and then get up again when he woke up and do it all over. Then we had the baby and we didn't even put up a crib. They both just sleep with us. The oldest falls asleep on the couch each night and then we move him into his bed. If he stays there all night...Great. If not, he gets up and comes to us. With the baby, I bought a bed rail and I have that on my bed for him. He falls asleep on me and then I lay him down in my bed, go hang out with my husband for the night, and then we go to be with the baby. This way when he wakes up and want to nurse I dont really even have to wake up....It's a personal choice but the way I look at it, there will come a time when they want nothing to do with us amd that time will come all too soon so I might as well take what I can get now....Oh yeah I also put the oldest to sleep in his bed for naps, after he falls asleep on the couch:)

I say if you don't mind him in the bed, then why make him get out before he is ready. Maybe try it, a little at a time. Do something to make it fun for him. He's only 11 months, so a few days of persistence might pay off.
But people are so worried about intimacy, etc. Let's be honest people...if they want to be intimate, they will find a way. Plus, heck, it forces you to be more creative, and that's fun!
My son is 2 1/2 and sleeps with me, but I don't mind at all. He will sleep in his bed, but he wakes up and gets into mine. I don't mind it. I like to snuggle him, I always have, and he is one of the sweetest, affectionate kids you will ever meet.
Good? Bad? who cares, you do what's right for your family.

Yes, there are consequences to letting your children sleep with you. Consequences like having a SECURE, INDEPENDENT, LOVING, CONFIDENT child who knows his parents are his safety and he can trust them.
Yeah, I was being a little smart-alecky there but it's not aimed at you. I just get frustrated often by the negativety that surrounds cosleeping. It's totally unfounded. There are entire nations where cosleeping is the norm. It's really only here in the U.S. and some European cultures where cosleeping has the stigma of (1) being unsafe and (2) spoiling children (3) creating clingy, dependent children.
I can tell you that our toddler slept in our bed until almost age 2 and now sleeps just fine in his bed or in our bed. He can do either easily. Sometimes he wants to be in his bed and sometimes he wants to be in ours. Sometimes he goes to sleep in his own room and comes to our during the night.
I think it says a lot about your husband that he enjoys the family bed. It says he is a loving and nurturing dad, it says he is confident in his parenting to not let 'society' dictate his parenting choices. This 'instinct' will carry him thru many more parenting delimas.
With this being said, there will come a time when the parents or the child is ready for the transition. I suggest taking it slowly. You can start with his own mattress on the floor of your room. We used the side car arrangement for a long time. It's where the crib attaches to the bed so you actually get the best of both worlds. Baby has access to the bed and likewise. Here's a link on how to set that up http://groups.msn.com/SteveandLishsFamily/sidecarcrib.msnw

And here are some great articles on cosleeping:

Co-Sleeping. Yes, No, Sometimes?
http://askdrsears.com/html/7/t071000.asp

Sleeping Safely With Your Baby
http://askdrsears.com/html/10/t102200.asp

The Family Bed
http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/familybed.html

It's obvious I support cosleeping so I want to encourage you to continue as long as YOU and HUBBY feel ready, not just until you feel pressured to quit. Trust me, there are many, many families that do it, they just stay quiet about it for fear of being labeled. And for the moms who will tell you that you will one day regret it, your child will run the house, your child will be dependent, clingy, etc. I say HOGWASH! Children can be simply born that way or made that way by other parenting techniques. What did our population do before the invention of cribs or multi-bedroom homes???

Oh, yeah, one more thing. I know it's going to be mentioned here.....SEX does not have to happen in the bedroom only. As a matter of fact, the more you take it out of the bedroom, or bed for that matter, the better it gets!!! Sex doesn't have to just be at bedtime either! When we actually wanted our bed, we could put baby down on a floor pallet or in his crib (which was really just his toy-holder!).

I think it's funny that so many people say intimate time with your spouse will suffer if you have a child in your bed. Our 2 year old has slept with us from day one and I can tell you, as you probably already know from the last 11 months, there are plenty of more exciting places in the house to be intimate!

We are both happy with our toddler co-sleeping. It feels safe and comfortable. We're getting her a bed to put in the playroom for her birthday next week, but my husband and I both agree that she can take all the time she wants to transition to it. It's so much easier for the entire family if you just go with the flow...

Each kid is a unique individual, so there is no magic age to change sleping arrangements, it will vary from kid to kid. The important thing is that they feel safe and secure. Forcing him to sleep independantly before he is ready will make him more clingy and dependant in the long run, because he will stop trusting that you will always be there. On the other hand, he shouldn't be forced or encouraged to sleep with you when he's ready to sleep independantly. I think giving him a big boy bed for his birthday (or a new set of sheets, if he already has a bed) would be a good idea, with the understanding he can make the transition whenever he's ready. I wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't until his 2nd birthday though. He may want to start with just taking naps and putting his animals to bed in it. As long as both options are available without pressure for either, he will make the switch eventually.

We colsept with both kids till they were 6 months old, then put them in the cribs.Both loved their own space. When our oldest was almost 2 he climbed out of the crib and we brought him back to our bed. Now he is 3 1/2 and starts in his own bed, and some nights comes to ours. Our youngest (18 months)does not cosleep well at all,he likes his own room and his own bed.I too do not like our kids be far from us , so we just switched our master bedroom and guestroom so we can be right next to them.I do not know what the big deal is with the cosleeping, do what works for you and your child.In my country kids cosleep with parents and grandparents till they are teenagers(due to lack of space) and I do not have any "issues" because of that and neither do millions of others.

Hi E.,

I just thought I would tell you of my experiences with my children sleeping in our bed. My little girls ages-2 and almost 4 slept with us until just about 2 month ago. We tried the cry it out thing-it was awful and we tried to just keep bringing them back to their beds over and over-it seemed that nothing would work!! Just 2 months ago, we told them we would buy them a bouncy house if they started sleeping in their beds all night-well to our surprise-it worked!!! It took the 2 year old a few nights, but our 3 year old has slept every night in her bed since then-except for 2 nights!!!

Let me also tell you that I still wouldn't have changed them sleeping with us when they were babies-I loved it as much as they did.

And then the bad part of it all is-they still wake me up 1-4 times a night and want me to tuck them in or help them go potty. This actually has given me LESS sleep since they have been in their own beds, but I am hoping this will get better as they grow older.

I know your 11 month old is too young to promise a reward to, but I just wanted to let you know my story.
Good luck to you.
J.

If you don't want him out of the bed, and your husband doesn't either- then why do it? Who cares what "society" says is right or wrong- this is your child and your life. He will grow so quickly and before you know it will be out of the house- I say take advantage of the time you have and forget what anyone else says!

If there comes a time when it causes a problem- that will be the time to transition him. Maybe a new "big boy" bed or new comforter set- something to make the transition special.

good luck,

Jessi

I will just without reading the other posts... that we co-slept until my DD was 3 1/2 yrs old. I waited 14 years to have her
(She is now 5 and my DS is 19) Anyway, she transitioned into her bedroom without a problem, she was ready.:)

We got to be creative as a couple and it kept us close as husband and wife.:)

Our DD is very close to both of us and I wouldn't trade that time for anything!

They don't stay in our beds forever....

I am a FIRM believer in doing what is BEST for YOU and YOUR FAMILY...
If it is in your heart then don't have any regrets... and who cares what society says... it isn't a forbidden thing.

It is called Attachment parenting, or one of many forms of it.

The time will go by so quickly, and you will be so glad you co-slept. If it works for you and your DH then it works for you and your family.

I think if you guys want to keep him in bed with you go for it!

We are one of the few cultures in the world that don't co-sleep. And no matter what others say its only a problem if its a problem for you. :)

ok i have to say i had both of my girls sleep with me.... however my 4 year old slept with me until she was 2-3 and still will not sleep in her room all night long. she now has a little bed (blankets) on the floor of my room. with that said at 1 year old i set up my youngest daughters room (she was in there while i did everything) that night she slept in her room. she has slept in there every night since... no problem at all!!! so i will say i miss having my baby in my bed.... at age 4 its not as sweet. even with a king size bed there is still no room left for me and my hunny. good luck

I didn't sleep with my daughter after about 1 year old but I don't see anything wrong with it. If it doesn't bother you then who really cares. Europeans sleep with there children until they are between 4 and 5 years old. I was a nanny for a German family and she said it is very common to co-sleep for several years in their culture. I can't stand sleeping with my daughter. I call her the lava rock because she heats up like she is going to self combust. It is awful. No co-sleeping for us.

My daughter slept with us until she was about that same age. I didn't particularly want to stop co-sleeping, but she started to toss and turn all night, creating a very restless sleep for all of us, so I figured it was time she had her own space. To transition, I put her pack n play next to my bed and had her start sleeping in it. This way, she was still in my room, but she was out of my bed and seemed to sleep much more soundly. A few months later, she started tossing and turning again, and that's when we finally moved her to her own room. It was a very gradual process.

Okay my oldest son sleeps with me off an on, my youngest doesn't at all unless he doesn't feel well. My ped. and my son's asthma specialist both say don't let him sleep in my bed. I listen to their advice on most issues and wish I had listened to this advice. I used every excuse that it allowed me to hear his breathing etc, but bottom line is he sleeps better in his own bed (once he got used to it) and I sleep better without him in mine (once I got used to it). I think the hardest thing to remember it isn't what you want or what you husband wants, but what is the best for your child in the long run, not just short term. He doesn't have to be in the room with you to feel loved, secure and confident. It isn't to early to teach him that now.

Well he may not like the thought of him down the hall in a room alone but does he like the thought of not fully enjoying his wife in private? LOL, At some point this will become an issue because to have to sneak around or go to a hotel to enjoy your relationship is just not right. You don't want your son to get an eyeful and believe me, they watch and mimic everything.

The sooner you get him out of your bed the better, you know that by your post. Yall will sleep better, you little one will to and you'll be able to enjoy your marriage much more. I've seen more people that have issues getting their children out of their beds than those that have had smooth transitions. Most of those were because they waited till the child was older. My best friend did this & it took about 7 years to get her son completely in his room. They had him in a cot in their room, part way out the door, a little down the hall, them sleeping on the cot in his room...7 years!! The only reason he had a little sister was hotel time!

So do this now before it becomes a huge issue for all parties. At 11 months he most likely will not like the change, but you need to be consistent, always taking him back there. He will catch on trust me.

I think it's sweet that your husband cares for him so much. But it's time for a change.

why not put him a port a crib in your room for now. they longer is in your bed, the harder it will be to get him out of it. and the more your intimate life with your hubby will suffer....i would find it rather difficult to get in the mood with the baby right there. as he gets used to being in the port a crib, you can move it farther away from your bed a little at a time and evenutally into the hall way and then eventually into his room. then just get a good baby monitor so you can hear him if he needs you. i never really had to deal with that thouhg...my daughter never wanted to sleep with us, she was in her own bed in her room at 2 weeks old.

Hi

I have one that slept with us (and sort of still does) and one that did not. I think both of them have pros and cons. I loved having him in bed as a baby, but as a toddler it has been harder. At 3 he now starts off in his room and then joins us in the middle of the night, he has a pallet on the floor and he no longer gets in our bed. To me, this has been a nice compromise. Whatever you guys decide, you must both be ready and committed to doing! My second son did not sleep with us (his choice) and I the security of hearing him breathing some nights or snuggling him when he is sick.
Good Luck to you, sounds like you got lots of good advice.

How about moving him to his own bed, but still in your romm?

My advice is don't sweat it! It sounds like you all enjoy your current arrangement, so go with the flow. I felt the same concern with our son... worried that he would become dependent on the cosleeping and would never be able to sleep on his own, etc. I had lots of people warning me of this "danger". Plain and simple, it didn't happen. I decided to relax and just enjoy this time together, figuring that eventually he'd be a "big kid" who wouldn't want to snuggle with me anymore. I'm so glad I made that choice! He did eventually start sleeping in his own room, and it was just his own decision when he decided he was ready. He does still come get into bed with us sometimes early in the morning and we all snooze a little more before getting up, and I see no problem with that at all. We all enjoy it, so what's the problem? He is now about to turn 3, and I think he has plenty of independence and self assuredness that everybody kept warning me he'd lose by sleeping with us. I don't claim to be an expert, but I say just do what feels best for your family and don't worry about anything else. Enjoy your baby while he's a baby... it'll be over all too soon!

I never understood people who slept with their kids in the bed with them for months IF they were married. I love my kids and want to be with them but personally, I want that alone time with my husband plus I want and need that restful night sleep. I could never get that deep sleep with the kids in the bed with me. If kids are in the bed with you, when in the world do you get that intimate alone time together with your husband? Maybe that is what your husband is afraid of.
The baby is old enough that you will probably have some transitioning problems with him crying alot because he isn't use to his own bed and will feel like he is in a strange place and he will be. But if you want to move him in, you have to put him in his bed and walk away and let him cry. It would probably be better if you started with naps in that bed and then maybe put him in there to play some during the day. If it were me I would probably put him in there awake and stand there and rub his back and talk to him for a while when he is really sleepy so if he woke up in the middle of the night he will remember where he is at. But I would definitely get him use to it before I put him in there at night. And if your husband knows he has 2 weeks before he starts sleeping in his own bed, that will give your hubby time to get use to the idea and adjust also. And the baby will probably cry alot at first but that is the only way to teach him that is where he has to sleep.
Good luck.

Maybe you can try bringing his bed into your room if theres room. Try to get him to sleep there for awhile and then once he is good with that, move him to his room. If theres not enough room, start by letting him take naps in his big boy room and then work your way up to nites. As far as yall dealing with the seperation... Find a new special thing to do with him before bed. Put a nite lite in his room and it wont be dark.lol.. For your husband... let him know that it will be better for you two in the end and yall will finally be able to be intimate in your own bed without the fear of waking a baby. Those are the only things that are coming to mind. Hope it helps some!

If your husband does not want him to leave, it may be hard. I do believe you should make this transition though. It can only get harder as he gets older. You can try to make his room more "fun", more "comfortable", etc Make your husband ok with it so it is not "dark" and seem too far away. You add a nightlight for one so he can see if he wakes up. You can try to offer him a reward if he stays in his "big boy bed" all night. If this is too much too soon, a friend once got a toddler bed and put it next to her bed and gave it a certain amount of time....you can tell him, "look, we got you a big boy bed right next to mommy and daddy!!!" Then say, "once you turn 1, you will go into your OWN room!!!" Make it exciting for him. Let him pick out his own sheets, etc If one is too soon, try saying "at Christmas before Santa comes" or something like that. Give it a deadline for you, your husband, and your son. My son has always worked really well with deadlines if we continued to build him up over time.....potty training, we said, "when you turn three, no more diapers" and we just kept counting down telling him over and over. On his 3rd bday, he threw his diapers in the trash. You have to keep with it and do what you say.

Good luck! W.

First of the subject of your baby sleeping with you. I have four boys and i had to go through this with my middle one, not so much my twins because they had each other. But my middle one who is now four years old, he just started sleeping in his own bed. We tried to transistion him, but i don't think he understood what we were doing till now and back then it seemed to do more damage than good, so we waited and gradually got him out of our bed. At first, we fixed him a bed on the floor beside our bed. Then he moved to the living room on the couch which was not far from our room. Finally he made it to his bedroom and having a brother in the same room of course helped. Just do what comes naturally to you, your husband, and what you guys think is best for your family. We felt we would wait till he got older and understood we were not trying to get rid of him but wanted him to have his own bed and let him know he was always welcome in our room if he got scared. I don't know if this helps any or not. However i noticed you said you work part-time but would rather be at home, have you ever thought about working from home. If you want more info about this go to this website www.workathomeunited.com/myfoursons. I hope you guys can work the situation out with your son. Good luck.

G.

Hello E.
I have 5 children 15,12,5,5 and 2. They have all co-slept with me. If they were ready to go in their own room then that was where they transitioned to. If not I would put a toddler bed in my own room for them to sleep. In the beginning I would put them there asleep if they had a problem going to sleep on their own but in the right time they have all transitioned out ( except my 2yr old that starts the night in his toddler bed in our room but then comes in our bed at about 5 in the morning. Most of the time we don't even notice.) It is a good thing that your husband is so bonded to your child. For those that are trying to say your husband is worried about intimacy may not have enough imagination to not just be intimate in one place at one time. If you are not in a rush then don't worry about it. When your baby is speaking is always a great time to transition slowly. Whatever your choice I wish you the best of luck.

Go with your heart and what works for your family!

I have a 16 month old that has slept with us since day 1 and there is no plan for her to move to her room any time soon. I slept with my parents when I was little and yes...I eventually moved to my own bed, but I always knew that their room was open for me when I needed them.

An excellent book to read is Sleeping with Your Baby by Dr. James J. McKenna. He talks about all of the benefits of cosleeping.

I noticed that you work part-time but would like to stay home. I am a work at home mom, feel free to contact me if you would like information on how you could do the same.

Depends on how uncomfortable you are. I was VERY uncomfortable! Lots of cultures co sleep. This will not be easy, but do-able.
Schedule is very important too. So, bath after or before dinner, then story time, and put him down in his bed. You might get a sound machine and find the sound he seems to like. My granddaughter likes the brook sound. Expect a week or more of crying. They have some great books out on sleep routine, and you can probably pull up things on the web. Good luck. I weaned my 18 mo old, from the breast and our bed. She is adhd, and cried for 2 weeks! She is 32 now, and just great, and does not seem to be traumatized from this incident. She also keeps her girls on a very good sleep schedule, and they have never slept in her bed!

We started transitioning our kids to their own beds when they wanted to. They sleep off and on in our bed and my husband and I have no problem finding time and a place to be with each other. You could start just putting him in his own bed in his own room for naps so he starts getting used to being in there or have the bed in your room. With our first, we started moving her to her own bed in our room after she fell asleep. Now that we have 2 chldren( 4, and 1 1/2) we move both of them to their own beds after they fall asleep and in their own room. Sometimes they wake up in the middle of the night and they know it's okay to go to Mom and Dad's room. There is something to be said for co-sleeping. A few of our neighbors have mentioned they have never seen such secure children. We know a family that has 10 children and asked them about co-sleeping and they said that the children that slept with them were more secure than the ones that they tried putting in their own beds when they weren't ready. Just do what you gut says and what is right for YOUR family. I noticed that I did not sleep well at all when I moved the girls to their own beds before it was time. Your husband will be ok with it when it's the right time. Let us know what you decide and God Bless.

Hi E.,

My husband and I have a 9-month old who we had sleep with us until she was 6-months old. I too was afraid to allow her to sleep in her room in the dark all by herself especially since her room is also down the hall and around the corner from our bedroom. However, around 5 months we began to have problems in our marriage and we knew it had to deal with the baby still sleeping with us. We were becoming roommates instead of husband and wife. At 6 months of her age and starting marriage counseling, I had to do something. So, I started by putting her in her crib in her room for all her naps. Then, I kept that room monitor next to my head at night to hear her slightest movements until I was a little more relaxed with her being in there. Now, at 9 months, I am fine. I do not even need the monitor anymore because my hearing and my husband's hearing is soo good now that we hear her if she cries out for us. She has become more used to her bed and room and our marriage has become stronger. Hope this info helped even a little.

A. (pronounced the same as your name : ))

My oldest was in bed with us until he was 2.5 I would say if neither you or your husband want him out then to continue for a little longer--if you're ready for him to be out of your bed try putting a crib or playpen in your room and start with naptime then transition to bedtime or another way is to let him start off in his bed at night and when/if he wakes up in the middle of the nt let him come to bed with you until everyone is used to the transition.

Is there a way you could put his crib or pack-n-play next to your bed? My son co-slept off and on til he was 10 or 11 months, then we moved him into sleeping in his crib becasue we were being kicked in the head at 3 AM. Haha! My husband, too, did not want him in his own room (neither did I of course). Now we have an almost 15 month old that sleeps next to us. His crib is an arms reach away from my side of the bed. On the rare occasion that he does wake up in the middle of the night, I just reach over and pick him up and stick him back in our bed for the rest of the night. I really feel like he feels just as safe and secure as being in our bed. He knows I'm right there should he need me. At night, either my husband or I will rock him to sleep then lay him in his crib. It didn't seem to be too hard of a transition for us. Good luck!!

You should put your husband in the room with your son. Let him sleep on a twin bed for awhile and he will soon be back in the bed with you. As for your son, the sooner the better. If you ever want to have another child it might be good to get him out!