Some mothers were discussing a 10 year old girls behavior. The 10 year old girl and another child were at a camp and started getting into it over wanting to sit in the same spot. The 10 year girl ended up kicking the other child when the child would not leave her alone. Her actions were obviously not right.
So one mother suggests that hitting must be going on in this 10 year olds home or she wouldn't be hitting.
Is it wise to assume a child that is hitting other kids must see and be experiencing hitting at home?
Couldn't a child learn to hit from seeing other kids hit at school, on the playground, anywhere that kids hang out together?
I would think that hitting between children happens at recess, on playgrounds between brothers and sisters most likely happens all the time. And these children doing the hitting don't necessarily witness or experience hitting in their home. Or if in their home, maybe between siblings that have the typical sibling spats.
What do you think?
Is hitting only learned in the home?
I don't know that hitting is ONLY learned in the home.
But NOT hitting IS learned only in the home.
Wow! I'm pretty sure kids figure out how to hit all by themselves.
She really tried to blame the parents?
Hitting happens everywhere. Watch a hockey game.
I think hitting is a biological response that isn't even taught, as is biting. Just hang out with some 10-24 month olds. Kids get really physical again at 3.5, and then at 4.5.
Both kids were at fault if you ask me.
Hitting is not a learned behavior - it's instinct.
A TODDLER knows how to hit/kick even if they've never seen or experienced it before.
Getting good at it takes practice but that's more about technique.
That's why there's so much sparring practice in taekwondo.
We train them to know when to not hit - which is most of the time.
I would not say hitting is never appropriate.
Throwing the first punch is ALWAYS wrong, but if someone hit you first you have a right to defend yourself.
It would be nice if you could say "Stop!" and expect it to solve the problem but it doesn't work out that way.
Some people will try to get away with as much as they can - and so they push the limits till they find the boundary.
I've known people who will not stop until someone slugs them back.
This is human nature and this is pack behavior.
There is always a struggle for rank within the pack - and that involves conflict and sometimes physical fighting.
If ever a truly totally non fighting human was ever born, something ate him for breakfast a long long time ago.
Ditto Bug.
It's easier to make the blanket assumption that because a child hits, there must be hitting at home. That's just not always the case. Be glad that this isn't your child. Kids with anger management issues have tough lives, and so do their families.
I do not agree with that. We all teach our kids good things that we hope they take with them, and sometimes it turns out all wrong!! Of course there are always exceptions, but for the most part I don't think that to be true.
We all have the flight or fight mechanism built into us. It is a defense response. You don't learn it, you have it innately inside you already. She was pushed beyond her limits and reacted. Too bad someone couldn't have intervened first so it never had to come to that point.
There may or may not be hitting going on at home but I would question how well she's been taught not to react to anger and frustration physically.
What we teach our children NOT to do is just as important as what we teach them is okay to do.
So yes, of course kids fight and sometimes hit or kick or otherwise lash out (especially siblings) but I would hope that by age ten MOST kids know how to control themselves around other children and adults in a public space like a camp.
I know my sister hit, because she had a short fuse. It was absolutely not tolerated in the home or public with the family...but she did hit at school some. That's just how she was. She was disciplined for it, but there is only so much you can do when it doesn't happen at home.
Some kids just do this. Some just have a bad day and act out. Some are angry. Some have disorders (diagnosed or not) that cause communicating to be difficult. Some see other kids doing it. Some see their siblings doing it.
I do not think it's wise to assume a child is getting hit, because they hit. Of course, they could be getting hit. By a sibling, a sitter, a family member, a parent. A child hitting, is simply not proof of that. Hitting can be learned anywhere.
I think that a child can learn hitting in many places. I also think that if behavior is not reined in when a child is small, some of them may persist well beyond when it is "acceptable" behavior. So if she hits her sister (or gets hit by a sibling), she may be more likely to resolve other conflicts with feet and fists instead of words.
no, i don't think hitting is learned in the home. it's a natural reaction.
but parents are the ones who teach kids to resolve problems WITHOUT hitting.
hopefully.
khairete
S.
To believe that hitting is only learned at home & that a child who hits MUST be getting hit at home is ridiculous and very dangerous!
Sheesh....!
Both kids were at fault. The pester was no better than the kicker.
No, hitting can be learned any where. People hit out of frustration that words and actions have not solved.
Having grown up in an abusive household with multiple siblings, hitting & kicking (and biting and hair-pulling..) was definitely the norm.. I absolutely agree that kids can *see* hitting anywhere, but in my opinion when a kid grows up in a home where pretty much any disagreement (between siblings OR parents) turns physical, that seems like the most logical way to respond to that situation.. So should you *assume* that she's abused? I wouldn't say that, but I would say that when I was 10 years old I had a similar situation, and it was totally natural for me to just kick the other kid in the shin to get the seat I wanted. Sounds all too familiar for me, and that's unfortunate because no kid should have to believe that violence is the only answer but sometimes that's a survival technique in a high-stress living environment. I think the more stress a child deals with at home, the more it's ready to come out in other ways away from the home. The fact that this little girl decided that kicking was the only way to get what she wanted shows (me) that she felt helpless otherwise. Like she felt that since she doesn't get what she needs or wants often enough, when she *is* able to get it, she's willing to fight for it. ....
