Child's Father Question

1. Get a court order and make sure that your child's father is paying his share of the financial obligations.

2. No, it really isn't your business if he is married or not.

There is a different between "being nice" and "being the bigger person." That is great that you do not allow your child's father's actions toward you to determine his visitation. However, allowing him to skate by not setting up a court ordered situation puts both you and your child at risk. That's not being "nice" that's just being foolish.

It sounds like you are fairly agreed on doing the e/o weekend when it seems to work for him (which you can't "make" him pick up his child) so getting something set in stone should be fairly easy.

Good luck.

Rather than thinking of what's nice and how to be the bigger person - just be smart.

Get a court order, have it all neat and planned out when visitation occurs, and stick to it. That's a boundary. You need some with this guy and so does your child.

Then none of this is personal or left up to chance. It's an agreement. He either follows it or he doesn't. If he doesn't, you have something to fall back on - and there's no worrying about what you should do.

As for him getting married, sounds like there's very little actual communication between you both and I'd accept that, and move on. Protect yourself and your child.

First - get a court order.
Second - you don't have to tell him when/if you get married either.

He's moving on and you've got to expect your child will have half siblings sooner or later.
You don't want your child 'forgotten' when it comes to child support payments or anything else.
Get it all nicely laid out in a court order and you'll have fewer surprises up until your child turns 18.

I agree with Military Mom. Get a court ordered visitation agreement, and stick to it. Occasional shifts are fine for special occasions or circumstances, but the argument you use is that children need structure and dependability. But without a court order, you don't have to do what your ex wants.

If he doesn't want to see his child on his designated weekend, and if it's convenient for you to keep your child (meaning you don't have plans), then you can keep your child. But the next time your ex wants to see his child, it's on his next scheduled weekend. If he contacts you in plenty of time and says he has a business trip or his mother is ill, you can agree to a swap if you want to. But the reverse is also true. So go ahead and say that, no, you have plans to be away for a weekend (even if you don't) and you can't switch and he needs to take his child as scheduled.

If he's trying to control your life and schedule by constantly upending the plans, then no, don't go along with it. And if he's displaying a ring, ignore it. He's baiting you. If he had respect for you, he would tell you. But he doesn't. So don't take the bait by commenting on it. It's not your business, and your social life is not his either. You don't have to explain why you cannot switch - just say you have plans. No details.

Sure, your child wants to see his dad - just say, "This is our special weekend together, and next weekend is your special time with Dad." Make a calendar your child can view that shows the schedule.

The girlfriend should be a non-issue, as should the ring. What he does in his own time is his own deal, and if the did get married, and didn't just tell you.... well, you sound like you already know what sort of a guy he's turning out to be, and I wouldn't let this sidetrack you from taking care of yourself and your son and having peace that this guy is not *the one* for you.

That said, it's time for a custodial and support agreement-- long past time. You need to take him to court, ask for the support your son rightfully deserves, and get a custodial decree established. This is done for your son's benefit, no one else's. If he continues to be wishy-washy on when he has visitation, so be it. And history should now prove to you that the whole "I want to have my birthday without my kid" isn't realistic. Parents in committed relationships don't really get that luxury either. I personally don't mind-- I'd be kind of bummed if I didn't see my son on my birthday.

Since he's been abusive I'd probably go to court and get a visitation schedule. You don't want to be in a position where you are doing all the giving and he's doing nothing be asking for more and more. It'll turn back into an abusive situation.

I wouldn't say anything about his wedding ring. You can feel sorry for the one he married but I wouldn't even open the door to a conversation about his marital status. You want to keep it as calm as possible for your child.

Rise above! Just keep rising above! It might feel like you are getting walked on from time to time, but in the long run you will not regret it!

Maybe he's taking advantage of your kindness, and maybe he's being authentic. Try to remind yourself that you are doing this for your kids and that this isn't (or at least shouldn't be) about you or their father. If you keep your focus on what's best for the kids, you are doing the right thing.

I do think you should have visitation signed off by a judge. It's important to have this in writing so that there is no question that you are doing what you are supposed to be doing. Switching weekends or time here or there is fine as long as you both agree. But down the road, you don't want to be in the position of trying to defend a decision you made or for him to try and say that you kept his kids from him. You want to be able to tell your children, always, that you did everything you could to support their relationship with their father.

Does it matter to you that he is married?

It is okay if it does. You have a right to wonder if some woman will be caring for your son.

I did see this sweet meme about an ex taking his child out to buy a gift for her mother. The ex husband felt it was his job to help raise his child to be caring. Your ex does not sound like this type of person.

He probably thinks you'll raise issues with this woman being around your child officially now.

If you don't have a court order in place for visitation you need to address that but you need to think about what you want and what you're willing to compromise on. Like your birthday, it was his weekend but you let kiddo go anyway. Three weeks ago he disappeared and didn't keep an appointment with kiddo. That isn't acceptable. He needed to let kiddo know he was going to be gone or something. That's not fair to kiddo.

Other than picking kiddo up and dropping him off on time and if he's paying child support or not there isn't much you can do about anything else.