Child Support Enforcement

Hi J.,

First off I want to say GOOD FOR YOU for taking the steps you need to to ensure that you will be as supported in this endeavor as you can be. Parenting is a hard job, and especially for a single parent.

I do not agree with Cathy H. It doesn't matter if you had sex with this guy and didn't know his name-he has a responsibility to your child, and you have every right and responsibility to "drag" him into this! He made a choice, and that was to have sex knowing that the end result could be a child. Don't worry if you don't have very much info on him, who he is, where he's at, etc. Child Support Enforcement is well equipped to deal with this type of situation, and they will get the job done.

By the way, just because he pays child support does not mean that he will be granted visitation. That is a separate issue, and he will likely have to hire an attorney of his own to pursue that, but I wouldn't worry about that, since he obviously has no interest in the child at this point. I'm so sorry you have to be in this situation. But you sound like you are taking the right steps to do the best for you and your baby. Good luck! : )

K.

If you assume that he doesn't know that he is for sure the father, he may be purposely hiding because he thinks you'll just name him to get money from him. Or that you are irresponsible, a sleep around person, and he expected you to be on a reliable birth control. That could be understandable.

Also, if that's all the information that you have about him, then it doesn't sound like you had a long serious relationship. If it was more like a few one-night stands, then uh I don't think I would try to drag in a stranger to act like a father. Hard on the child when he becomes aware of that. Hard on you because he may not be a person you really want in your life.

I know a woman that did that and later found out the guy was bipolar, had anger management issues, and she ended up paying $10,000 for a lawyer to help her keep the child because the "father" threatened to try to get the child if she pressed for child support. She wasn't able to stop visitation rights and the child was miserable and exposed to things that a kid shouldn't be (not terrible, but super scary movies at a very young age, etc)
Think about that for awhile.

Also, my advice to all women: Be able to support yourself and a child. You are the #1 responsible party for you and your children. Any other situation is nice if it is better, but you can't depend on it. From death to divorce, own the responsibility. There are agencies that may help you gain the ability to earn a good living if you want it bad enough. I hope you do.

as long as you have his name, and birthday, and his phone number, your DHS caseworker should have no problems finding him...

A SSN is always helpful. I don't know how easy that would be to find that, but a SSN is how he is identified with Child support. With every new job he will start an alert will be sent to the child support division so they can resend a child support order.

And good luck!

I agree with the other responders who say to talk with someone from a social service agency now so that you know what can be done and what you need to do. You may need proof that he is the father, and this couldn't happen until your baby is born. But there may be much that you can have in place before then.

I also agree not to feel bad at all about getting any support that you can to raise your child. It's great to be financially able to support yourself and any children, but yet when a man makes a baby, he needs to help support it.