Single 1St Time Mom Need Advice on Child Support/visitation N Court Exp

Get an attorney. You're going to need one. I think you will find that eventually he won't even see the beautiful little girl you have.

You stay strong and hang in there.

C.....If it were me I would not let him near her or even try to get child support. If you disconect from him entirely then you won't have to worry about what he's going to do. I would get a restraining order on him and stay away from him. I was in an abused marriage and I can see the writing on the wall here. It's not worth the child support that you may or may not get. Good luck....M. B.

If I were you I would get an attorney. You need someone that can provide you all the options especially since you were not married to him.

Good Luck

I can't speak definitively about Indiana Custody laws, as i was married to my child's father and we settled custody and visitation in Illinois, but I can give you some general information on the basics of what to expect, what to do to help yourself, and some tips for dealing with a coparent that you'd rather have nothing to do with.
First let me say that while this man does sound like a bit of a horse's behind you do need to put the situation in perspective and understand that as regards how disrespectful he is towards you and how he behaved during the delivery and afterwards, If you two liked each other and got along you'd probably still be together. As little as you enjoy being in this situation with him he's probably got better ideas on how to spend his 2009 as well. You have to stop taking his behavior personally and base your judgements solely on how he behaves with and towards your daughter. Also remember that as a first time parent he is on the same learning curve that you are and consider it one of your first jobs as a mother to be supportive and encouraging of the idea of him as a father. This means biting your tongue and simply inviting him to be as involved as the two of you can realistically have him be while maintaining your separate households, finances, and personal lives.
Now on to the good stuff... As far as a petition to the court regarding custody, visitation, and support there are a few things that the court is going to want to know right off the bat. 1. Is he the biological father of the child? This can be established either by both of you saying and being willing to attest that he is, or by DNA test, which can be ordered if either parent disputes paternity. if paternity has not been established before you go into court, the court will order that it be established before you can proceed. They will likely decide at that time who is financially responsible for testing as well. 2. They will want proof of income from both parties, as well as possibly wanting information about whether either parent is eligible for medical insurance through their employer. 3. They will want to know with whom the child resides currently, and in the case of an infant they may also want proof that the child has been taken to all of their required medical visits and possibly a report from their pediatrician on their health status.
Once paternity and income have been established the court will assess the financial situation of each parent to determine the responsibility of each parent. Unless the custodial parent makes exponentially more than the non custodial parent a percentage of the non custodial parent's income is set as owing in child support. in Illinois the state mandated minimum for one child is 20 percent of net earnings, which means bring home pay. using the figures you gave you'd take 12*25=300, figure 250 after taxes, and 20 percent of that is 50 dollars a week. Yep, about 200 a month. If he is eligible to purchase insurance through his employer they may order him to do so, or if you are able to get insurance through your employer they may require him to contribute a percentage of the cost of your purchasing the insurance. This one is almost always a crapshoot so don't hold your breath on it, but certainly you should bring it up and hope for the best.
As far as custody goes unless he can show that you totally suck as a mother so far, or that he has some great advantage over you as a parent you shouldn't have a problem retaining full physical custody at least for the time being, especially if at the time that you go into court he still has not signed the birth certificate or claimed paternity. Visitation is a separate issue, and while you can request supervised visitation based on the young age of the child and his prior uninvolvement it is up to the judges discretion what limits will be placed on his visits. Courts prefer to allow both parents a reasonable amount of time to bond with their child and try to facilitate good parent child relationships with visitation. The more willing you appear to be to work with him on letting him see his child, the more willing they will be to require his visits be supervised by you or someone familiar with your daughter and her routines. Expect that while they probably will not insist on every other weekend for him because babies need a stable consistent environment, they will want to see that he has visits that last several hours at a time, possibly a few days a week. The goal of the court is to allow him the opportunity to become a 50 percent parent with equal skills and status with you in the long term. Him coming over and looking at the baby for an hour a week in your home will not accomplish this goal, so if you are wanting visits in your home, or of short duration in his home, be prepared to step back and let him do what you do during his time with her and above all keep things friendly and focused on the baby.
When you go into court dress professionally, speak calmly and keep your answers brief and to the point. You don't need an attorney, but if you can afford one it will make it easier to clearly lay out what you are asking for. If you go it alone make sure to avoid whining or airing dirty laundry, nothing will hurt you more than showing that you have difficulty dealing with your ex, and you should avoid speaking to him at all costs while you are before the judge, even if he or someone acting as his witness says something you disagree with. Talk to the judge, and answer only direct questions from the judge or attorneys with the bare facts.

I'm not sure about child support, I think there are some quidelines they go by but these may vary from state to state and if he doesn't have a reliable income you may have trouble collecting. I think in Ohio they take it directly from his check. As far as visitation I would get a good lawyer and ask for suprvised visitation and pershaps ask the courts to do a psychological evaluation on him to determine if he mentally stable enough to even be around your dauhter. I strongly suggest keeping a journal of any and all contact with the babies daddy. When doing so be sure to date each entry and leave no space between it and the next entry so they can't say you added stuff later, this is what my husband's lawyer told us when we were trying to get visitation taken away from his x-wife because of her instability. If there is any witnesses to his behavoir be sure to make note of that in case you need support. I wish you luck, dealing with the courts can be very unpredictable but you have the advantage you are the mother and it might help that he is not listed on the birth certificate. If he doesn't insist on a praternaty test perhaps he will just dissappear from the picture. Sometimes it is best to go it alone and not insist on child support if you can make it on your own.

May God bless and watch over you and your preciouse new baby, L.

If you can afford a lawyer...I'd get one. Just to make sure that you and your daughter are protected. It's probably his mommy and daddy forcing him to get visitation...that's how it was for my sister. THEY demanded everything and he was just the pawn for getting what they wanted.
Get a lawyer, if nothing else, just to protect your rights and to keep your daughter safe.

Yes! You CAN request a DNA testing. I'm going thru a custody battle w/ a long time friend of mine and he requested a DNA test and it was granted.

Yes. You CAN request supervised visitation based on the lack of responsibility and lack of interest he's already shown.

You SHOULD ABSOLUTELY request full custody. Is THIS the kind of father and male role model you want for your daughter??? You'll have LOTS less headaches and heartaches if you keep the contact to a minimum w/ both of you, just based on what you've already said. It's better to be in NO relationship at all than a bad one!!! ESPECIALLY when children are involved!!!

Support is based on his income as well as visitation. In other words, for my friend, his income in addition to the number of days & weeks he has her. The more he has her, the less support he pays. It makes sense.

He pays $120/wk for one child and then gets credit for the weekends, holidays, etc he spends. He DOES NOT make all that much, but signed the paperwork 6 years ago JUST SO HE could start seeing his daughter!!! They knew then that it was more than he should be paying but he signed it so that he could see her. NOW, they figured he's OVERPAID about a year's worth of child support based on his income AND the time he's had her.

We DO keep records of the time we have because the mother LIES LIES LIES LIES ALL THE TIME. We make copies of everything and get signatures everywhere! Make SURE to keep excellent records of EVERYTHING!!!

Make notes of any problems, concerns, circumstances, etc. and date them. I have a file in my computer. We were able to give these to the child custody evaluator when we met w/ him. Then, he addressed them w/ her.

Of course, she denied most all of them and got mad because we even brought it up but KNOW it's in the child's best interest and shows her negligence.

If you want an attorney, I'll give you the name of one who'll BUST HIS HUMP for you!! Let me know. Haveing the right attorney can make a WORLD of difference. I used to work at a law firm and I KNOW what a difference it can make! You may have to spend some $$, but if you recoup it in the long run.....and over years and years....it's MORE than worth it!!

Ok well I can tell you first off no matter what he does or says you must show up for the court hearing. Do not cancel no matter what. I was in a similar situation except he did act like he cared for us so I did cancel the first hearing big mistake. My son will be 3 next month and I finally started to see money last month. I am not sure what the laws are in Indy so I can only tell you what happened in Lorain County. We didn't even get a court date until the paternity testing was complete because he did not sign the birth certificate, never denied he was the father, just didn't sign. If you are doing this on your own I would definitely get an attorney. I am sure he will show up with one. My son's father does not want to see him so we do not have visitation at all, which I am fine with. They take your income and child care expenses and his and put them into a program that calculates the amount of child support. In my case I was told that since he was capable of working full time then yes they would base it on his past work history and ability to make x amount per hour 40hours a week. Fortunately he was working at the time the order was established. Just don't give up. It can be a long frustrating process. What ever you do keep on top of it and call every day if you need to to make sure that things are being followed through on. Good luck

hi sorry to hear you are having this issue. I am divorced and went through court for custody and dhild support. my x was a good guy though. he makes $40,000.00 a year and I get 235.00 a month so i would expect you to only get about 100.00. which sucks. i would demand that the court hear you out on the fact that he is not mature another to be alone with the baby. I would be afraid if I were you since he could leave the baby alone or ignore the child when hungry. Also men tend to get frustrated with a crying baby quicker than woman do. what about his parents? are they supportive and would they help him with the baby during visitations? sorry to say you NEED a lawyer. your baby needs the best care. I wish you luck. take care of yourself and wonderful baby:)

I am not sure why his name isn't on the birth certificate unless you did not ask to have it put there. What response was given when they asked for the name of the father? All of that aside. They base child support on the earnings of the parents. I have seen everything from $25.00 a week to $100.00 a week depending on the circumstances.
You can, through your attorney request supervised visitation and it probably isn't unreasonable.
I am not sure why he was not requested to leave the birthing room a while before he finally did.
Good luck.

I went through something very similar. My daughter's dad and I were never married and had to go through the court system for child support and visitation. Some of the laws might be different since I'm in Ohio, but I'll explain to you what I know...

First, the fact that there is no father's name on the birth certificate doesn't really mean anything. To establish him as the father, he would either have to sign a paternity affidavit (you'll have to sign it too), to state that he knows he is the biological father, or if he is unwilling to sign it, you can have the courts order him to a paternity test. Until paternity is established, he does not have any legal rights to the child, but he also can't be ordered to pay child support until that is done.

You absolutely need to get a lawyer. In the meantime, my best advise to you is to DOCUMENT EVERYTHING!! Keep track of any and all phone calls that he makes to you, type out all text messages, save all emails, etc... If nothing else, it will help your lawyer understand the dynamics. If he's not making any effort to see your daughter, they will take that into account.

We were first orded by the court to meet with a mediator to see if we could settle the case outside of court. When the mediator didn't work, we had to show for the court hearing. Honestly, we never even saw the Magistrate (like a judge), until the VERY end - almost 2 years later!! We would show up and our lawyers would leave us in separate rooms and go and meet with the magistrate in her quarters. This is why you need a lawyer - they'll know the process...

I was told that you can have a mental evaluation done, but it would cost a lot (I think they told me it was around $3000). If it comes to that, it may be worth it in the long run; but him being "strange" probably won't prevent him from visitation (I just want to be up front with you)...

In regard to child support: In the state of Ohio, the law is that the child should have the kind of life he/she would have had if the parents had stayed together. There is a worksheet that they use, but it is based on your combined incomes. They may adjust the amount IF he is orderd visitation and is going to take her more than the usual every other weekend thing.

This is an INCREDIBLY difficult, stressful time!! I know, 'cause I've been there! Try to remind yourself that things will get better, and that you are the one that gets the joy of seeing that beautiful baby girl every day. The whole process was HELL for me, but I am very greatful for how it all turned out. My daughter's dad has really stepped up and takes her for a couple of nights about every week and a half. It gives me a bit of a break, and I think it makes me a better mom in the long run!

Feel free to send me a personal message if you have any more questions...

Keep your chin up!!

Well I know laws are different in different states, but my first question is why is there a court date? In ohio the mother has full and sole custody if she is not married, and child support can be established, along with paternity if no father is listed on the birth certificate all through the child support enforcement agency and totally separate from visitation.

if his name is not on the birth certificate and you were not married, no child support will be issued without paternity being established. it is possible one or both of you will have to pay to have that done, though it is a possibility he can just say it's his kid and sign the paper.

in my situation they also asked the father if he wanted a name change, (to his last name) which i would have had to go to court to fight.

i'm unclear as to what your court date is actually for, some situations do call for an actual court order for child support which is different from an administrative order which is what you receive from the child support enforcement agency. I had to go that route but only after my ex failed to pay the support. at that hearing there were no attorney's present but for the child support attorney, who represented neither of us, and all that was established was child support, visitation was done seperatly.So unless you ex filed for visitation it might not even come up.

you do also have the right to ask if he will just sign off and walk away, you may not get child support but it might be easier than dealing with him if that is what you want.

you are also well within your right to voice your concerns and see that he has some sort of help when he has the baby, or because you are breast feeding he only has the baby for short periods where you are present, and here we have locations for supervised visits and exchanges and all that for situations like this. you might want to call your local job and family services or courthouse and see if they can't tell you what sort of programs are available for these sorts of things in your area, just so you are aware of the options and the steps needed to use them.

good luck.

You can request anything you want, and many time they will give them to you if you can prove your reasoning.
Most courts will give full custody to mom, especially if you're breastfeeding - they don't take baby away from the best food source.
Many courts will determine support based on what he's making, but since he's only working part time, you can try to get more and insist he finds full-time work. His work ethic has nothing to do with what your baby needs, and hopefully the court will agree.
Get an attorney.

Good Luck:)

I used to work for child support so maybe I can give a little insight. The amount is determined by a complex mathmatical equation. It is based mostly on your gross income & his. Child support can take into account that someone is willing underemployed (by choice), so that person's income can be listed at a higher gross amount than what he/she actually earns. Also there are deductions than can come out of the gross income like: childcare costs, medical costs, etc. Judges have the ability to deviate from child support guidelines for just about any reason they feel is appropriate, too. So it's hard to say what he'll have to pay. In regards to visitation, he does have the right if he pays child support. If you are sure of your feelings, then I would request supervised visits until he proves he can take care of her alone. Also, if you want to you can say that paternity testing needs done. Just keep in mind that he either has to sign off saying he's the father or complete the testing--one or the other. I hope this at least helps you a little bit. Good luck!

C.,
I really feel for you. I would not allow him to be alone with the child until he has completed a child care course.It really doesn't sound like he is going to be the fatherly type of man.However if he is required to pay child support there is a huge chance he will have visitation with the child a few hours here or there at first and then longer as the child gets older. It is great you are breastfeeding that means you and the child shouldn't be seperated for any length of time.Believe me pumping and using a bottle is not the same.
I would get a lawyer and protect your child.Raising a child is very costly and you are going to need help and support from every one you know. Courts sometimes can take forever so if I were you I'd go to family services and they can help you with things like food, medical etc. and maybe even in getting your child support enforced.GOOD LUCK

C.
Congrats on your baby!

i have never been through what you are going through, but I would definitely get a lawyer considering all the stuff you have included in your post. They know the process.

Has your family used a lawyer for anything else, such as drawing up wills, divorce, lawsuits etc? if so ask that one for a referral to a family law specialist (I don't know if that is what they are called, but someone who has handled a lot of cases such as yours). Or ask friends. I'm in Ohio so I don't know any Indy lawyers.

Reading your description of the baby's father, I have to wonder--is this his normal self or did he become this way when he found out he was going to be a Dad? I think you deserve better than him!

I am glad you are breastfeeding your baby, that is the BEST thing for her!

Good luck!

K. Z.

If his name is not on the baby's birth certificate, then I am not sure why you are going to court since he has no legal rights to your baby. When I was born, my mother did not name the father, thus his name was not on my birth certificate either. Therefore, he has no legal visitation or anything. Now, if he wants to push it, you may have to get a paternity test to prove he's the father. However, from the sounds of things, you may be better off just leaving him out of it. Now, you won't be able to push for child support, but since he sounds like a jerk and doesn't really seem to be interested in being a father or husband, that might be best for everyone involved.

A lot of people don't realize that if you do not name the father on the birth certificate, then if you should find a wonderful man later who you want to marry, then he does not have to go through adoption process to become the father of the baby. There is a form at the clerks office that you both go in and fill out where be basically says that he is the father. If you go ahead with this court action and name the bio father and push for support, then if you meet someone else, you will have to go through adoption which can take a very long time.

In my humble opinion, even though you wouldn't get the financial support, I would let this guy stay out of the picture. Tell him you don't want anything from him and leave him out of the picture. He definately doesn't sound like good father material and I really think you'll be sorry later if you keep any ties with him. I know it may be hard financially, but there are many ways to get assistance, etc for single moms. I wouldn't put this child in a custoday battle and drag her back and forth through visitation, etc with a man who you don't trust 100% with your child.

I hope this helps. Best wishes to you!!

You are in a sticky situation.
If I were you I would ask him to give up his parental rights and take on the responsibility yourself.
He sounds like an idiot and why would you subject your child to such a clueless person for any reason???
I was brought by my single mother with no knowledge of my father.
Please think of your child first.
Do you have legal representation?
Your description of the situation honestly sounds like a nightmare!

GET A LAWYER. You are going to need all the help you can get in dealing with this "slippy" guy. My understanding is that the court can not force the father to get a job. Nor can they garnish his wages if he works under the table or jumps from job to job because it takes a while to get a garnishment put in place. I do not know about your other questions. Sorry, I can't be more help. From what you have posted, it does not seem like this guy is able to take care of a child. What will his reaction be if the baby decides to cry for no reason and won't stop? I don't think the baby would be safe and that is one of the most important roles you have as being MOM. Like I said, I don't know how to request supervised visitation and that is where a lawyer will be able to help. I am glad that you realized that he was just a waste of space. He might also sign off on his parental responsibilities and then you won't have to worry about him visiting at all. If this route is chosen, you and the child are also not entitled to any type of support.

The reason you get conflicting information is because what happens in court is different for all people. Different judges have different perspectives on things and make rulings differently. Since you are breastfeeding, you may be able to keep visits short and supervised at least at first since you are your baby's source of nutrition. Beyond that however it becomes up to the courts to make a decision about what is in the best interest of your daughter. A common misconception is that child support is linked to visitation. They are not. A father can lose all right to visitation and still have to pay child support and a father not paying support can still visit his child. I am not sure about the laws in Indiana, but I do know in Ohio if you are not married to the father, he has to sign the birth certificate himself to have his name placed on it. That may be why his name is not on your daughter's birth certificate. The main thing I can tell you to expect is that the first step will be to get paternity legally established. Good luck .. I hope it all goes well for you.

hi i have gone through court for child support all i have to say is to try n save up for you own lawyer but for the most part it trully sounds like he will be the one to put himself in the wringer you also NEED to file a claim saying hes an unfit parent so he can't have visitation
good luck

ok so it seems like you have a lot of questions, and i have been there before. the first thing i suggest is to wait on getting a lawyer until after your courtdate, because you might not even need one if you are satisfied with the results. so save your money. but the courts will figure out how much he needs to pay in child support based on your pay and his pay. so make sure you both bring in your paystubs. you can request a paternity test, and how it is paid for would be up to you guys but it can be decided with the person at the courtdate. if he does pay child support he is allowed to see the baby, unless he is foud to be incappable. but visitation is figured out in another court. you can set that up after you get paternity established. you can always request supervised visits but if the courts don't feel that he is unfit, they can't enforce them. but as far as child support, it can be deducted directly from his paycheck. and they are really cracking down on punishing men for not paying. i think that was all of the questions that you asked. i hope this helps. and if you have anymore questions, please feel free to ask.
-A.

Hi.
Check out this article, I think you will find it very helpful. Definitely get a lawyer!

http://www.breastfeedingcafe.com/Articles/Article-WhenJud...

Also go to the La Leche League website www.llli.org
Click on resources, and then click on breastfeeding and the law. There are fantastic links on that page.You mentioned breastfeeding in your post, so I think that it would be helpful for you to be educated about breastfeeding and the law.

good luck and keep us updated!

Hi C.,

Congratulations on the birth of your daughter! I'm sorry to hear that it is not a happy relationship with you & her father. That is not an easy way to start a family, but it can work out.

First of all, YES, you should get a lawyer! You can let your lawyer know of you concerns with his ability to be alone with the baby and ask for supervised visitation. There are lots of possibilities in what your lawyer can ask for & the court decides.

Usually the child support is decided by a percentage of his income, & probably other things as well.

Sounds like you & your daughter will be better off without him, due to the stress he's causing you. I am betting that he may not be interested in hanging around the baby much from what you're describing of him, although will still be required to support her. Let him go, don't try to make him stick around just because of the baby.

I was in a similar situation 29 years ago, married for 4 months, left him due to his temper only to find out a week later I was pregnant. I never went back to him. He came around after the court ordered visitation @ my house for visits for the 1st 2 years while I was there. Last time her saw his daughter was 1 week before her 1st BD. I met another man, we've been married almost 27 years and have 2 other kids. 1 year after we got married my husband adopted my daughter as my X signed the papers. Best thing that ever happened to all of us!

There are good guys out there, just be careful who you hang out with.

I wish you the best in your new life with your daughter.

K.

Hi! i feel for you in your situation!! I was in the same spot with my son 5 yrs ago and i would definetly check into getting a lawyer for your court date...the way it went with my son was me and the biological father went to the courthouse the did a paternity test which is a standard procedure..you don't have to pay for the test as long as the test comes back with him being the father..which i'm sure you won't have to worry about that..he will end up having to pay for it! once the results came back from the testing we had a date set to go and talk with someone at the courthouse...which is where we decided everything..i made sure that i had full custody..which is easier to do since we were not married..he only got visitation rights..which were on our terms..they give you the option to decide mutually or to go by the court guidelines which they should give you all the info on everything..also i would make sure that you set up the child support to be directly taken from his check...even if he doesn't have a steady job..it will help out if you find info about where he's working and he didn't turn it in to be taken out you can call the child support office and notify them where he's working and they will verify with company and start taking payments out! don't let him get away with not paying or saying he will do it him self more then likely it will never happen...reason saying that is my sons biological father would have never paid and still doesn't even with it being set up that way because he never holds a job but at least it keeps being added to back child support which is reaching 3500.00 for me!!! but if you have it set up through the court for child support payments and this is his only child and he doesn't pay and owes back child support then if he files for taxes or any state money it will automatically come to you!! keep hanging in there..it's really rough being a single mom and it doesn't help when the father treats you that way! just remember you have a beautiful baby girl that you can love and that loves you unconditionally!!! if you have any other questions feel free to email me :)

First of all C., get an attorney! Then go the Child Services; your little girl needs an advocate of her own. It may seem silly & uncalled for; but a child advocate will take everything into consideration for the best interest of the child. Some advocates will actually go with the child or children to visitation & watch the interaction between visiting parent & them. Advocates will & do talk to the courts about what is going on & can be a great resource when you are unsure of what should be done in the best interest of the child.

Your child's father may have told someone at the hospital that he was not the father! Don't discount the fact that he just doesn't want any responiblity for a child & don't make him. He will be the loser in the end.

As for child finanical support; no matter what the court says, don't expect any from him. Do grant visitation rights to his parents, if they want them; just request that they come without him to visit in your home for now. Grandparents can be very helpful when a need arises.

Get on with your life, C.. There is someone out there that will respect you for you & be a great helpmate for you. Good luck.