Child Support - Poway,CA

he will be subject to back payments anyway. Also, take him to District atty office for child support - it's free.

Call Child Support Services, which I believe is a State agency, and they'll begin implementing the process to garnish his wages. It takes a long time (though it will include back payments unpaid), so don't go all soft and cuddly thinking he'll come around and delay filing. You need the money, and it's his obligation. G.

If you have a court order for child support contact your local Department of Child Support Services, in which ever county you live in. This Department is here to assist you, like by having it automatically taken out of his paycheck.
Your ex can just 'not pay' until he decides he wants to pay. Why go back to court to have it modified for his convience, let him pay your kids are his kids too. Also any back pay owed to you is with interest and the Child Support office will figure out the interest owed on top of your child support. Stop being so nice, he is taking advantage of it.

My ex-husband is self employed and just refused to pay child support, even though we have a court order, so for years I asked every month for the money, and got nowhere. I then filled out the paperwork from the state of California, and that took six months to process, but I am getting support payments from the state directly. The State collects the money from my ex, and they send me a check. I no longer have to ask for the money from him. Here is the address. County of San Diego Department of Child Support Services. P.O. Box 122031 San Diego, CA 92112 or log in to www.childsup.ca.gov or (866)901-3212. I hope this helps, if you have any more questions, you can call me directly at ###-###-####, good luck, K.

Hi Laura, don't wait--go to court and file for back payments. Also don't let him manipulate you into forgiving him from his responsibility. You are divorced and he is still managing you. DON'T LET HIM.

It is as if I was reading my own life! My 2 kids dad had not paid in 2 1/2 years nor has he provided insurance for them. He is over $19,000.00 behind, Same thing he was NOT working due to stress! Here is EXACTLY what to do. 1)Calmly explain that you just cant do it anymore and that this is NOT a threat simply letting him know that if he does not come up with some sort of payment (anything) that you have no choice and that you will have to go to child support services and file a claim.2)Call regardless they will send you the paperwork fill it out and GO! once this is filed at least you have the peace of mind that your kids are officially in the system, and that insures them someday however long, they WILL get there money! it is a HORRIBLE slow process,but eventually they can/will put a lien on his home if he owns so kids will 1st monies from sale,repo of vehicle,holds on any bank accts. tax refunds will be inter-cepted etc.. Any settlement checks all go to Kids first. I know because, he was awarded permanent disability/social at age 45 and I just recieved a check for $22,000.00 and will receive checks monthly deposited for my kids! I closed the ccs case, but It was calming for me to know that eventually they would get theirs! My niece is going through a private child support agency, they do exactly the same thing but because they work on commission and a percentage of what you are owed it goes a lot faster! And you only have to be $4,000.00 behind to start with them! I wish you luck, (Some) Men really have NO idea just what it takes and costs daily to give our children just what they need not to mention what they want. Oh, another thing..I was going to have him NOT be able to see the kids, You dont pay for them why should you have the right to see them! Doesnt work that way, you will be told that kids are NOT property they are not for sale One has nothing to do with the other! But once 13 they can decide whether to go for weekends or not. They love their dad but I was so angry that he wouldnt pay! Geezz I have only started but I am sure this is far to long of a response so again Good Luck..I. (Lived Your Nightmare)

Stand up for yourself sweetie!!!! If you don't nobody else will! You have every right to that money. Think of all of the wonderful things that you could do with your son with a few extra bucks to help out. Go down to Child Support IMMEDTIATELY!!! I know it can seem like you're being the bad guy but if you think about it you're not.... he is. He has an obligation to help support his son and it's not cool that's he's not holding up his end of the bargain.
You said that he's done this before, right? The judge can stipulate that his wages can be garnished. That way it comes dierectly out of his check (they'll follow his ss# if he ever changes jobs- they totally keep tabs on him)Did you know that you're entiteled to almost 20% of his check pre-taxes?
But that's what I had to do. My sons father kept bsing me and would never pay up. Now it automatically comes out of his check so I'm garunteed to get my money.
Good luck with everything! If you have any more questions just ask!

Laura, you need to stop with the keeping of peace. You are allowing your ex to be the way he is by not making him be a father & owning up to his responsibilities. You did not make this child by yourself nor should you bare all the obligation of taking care of your child alone. Your ex is not diabled or deceased. Why should you & your child struggle while he is living it up? You have been beyond nice & you will be blessed for that, but enough is enough. You need to take him back to court & ask that the support be made retro active as far back as possible. Save your emails that you have sent him in reguards to paying support for your case. You are only keeping peace for him but what about your peace of mind & knowing your child is taken care of?....I have a 14 yr old & her father owes me about $60,000 in child support. I just recently started getting support with the DA's help in June. I tried working with her father in the past by asking that he just be involved in her life, but he always renigs. Therefore, I feel I have tried "keeping the peace" & my daughter is the only one that gets hurt behind it because she doesn't see him & my mom has been helping me to support her all this time. I am no longer accepting the "I am trying" from him because he should be succeeding after 14 years! Laura, break the cycle.

This is something I just went through...my advice to you is simple, get an attorney. Do you have a child support order in place? If you do, simply contacting your local child support agency can put some wheels in motion. Your children are the core importance, and if he isn't going to take care of his responsibilities than he needs to be reminded that they cannot be taken lightly.

It is not normal. If he agreed to make payments, he is not allowed to simply pay as he sees fit. If you do not have a child support order in place, please get one. A verbal contract means nothing, and the court can't uphold it for you. However, if there is one in place he will have to pay back child support. Don't let this go another day!!!

Good luck.

Laura-

Go to The Office Of Recovery Services. They will make his employer pull straight from his checks. No more dealing with him and his "lack" of ability to pay. Also, if he is self employed, they keep record of it and he will still have to pay it eventually. You may get payments till your child is 23, but at least you will get it eventually. It will also mess with his credit if he gets behind:)

Good luck,
A.

My dearest Laura,

Man oh man. I am a single mom of a 16yr old and a 3 yr old baby!(both girls)fathers love to get out of child support...I too, do it all myself. I have full custody of both girls. My oldest has zero help from her father even though he lives right across town. Not one penny for14 yrs since her dad took off with other women. My baby's dad brow beat me with his sister's help and I wanted nothing to do with him after what he did(threw me and oldest out on the street when I was pregnant with his baby...I was with him for 7 yrs.). I have ALWAYS tried to get the first husband for child support. They catch him and garnish his wages and take his license, etc., and he quits and gets paid under the table most the time. He makes about 4x as much as I do too. I go to child support services and they say "We cant find him", when I have given them the address to serve him so many times. He's lived in the same place for over 9 yrs. DUH.
It's terrible. I work two jobs. If I start to make over a certain amount the state wont cover any daycare, and yet if I dont make enough money I never have enough.
Go to Family Support and demand the he be served. He is taking advantage of your forgiving nature, and that's what I do. We, as women, are nurturers and avoid conflict. If you're anything like me, you avoid it so much that you take the fall in relationships.
I wish you all the best and please let me know what works. Remember, demand it...to Family Support AND him.

Sincerely,

Wendy

Ummm.....

Why exactly is it that you want to keep the peace?

He owes this money to HIS CHILD. You're not fighting for the money for you...you're fighting for your CHILD.

If he's blithely unwilling to help clothe, feed, shelter his child it shows exactly why it's such a great thing that you're no longer married to him. You're not married and therefore do not have to put up with his sh**. Stop putting up with it! Fight for you kid. Chin up!

:)

Hey Laura:

Had to chime in here. I had an ex that lost his job in the middle of paying child support. He requested that he stop paying until he "regrouped" and got another job. He went and filed for unemployment figuring he would milk that until he was good and ready to get another job, but my attorney garnished his unemployment payments. Then when he did finally get another job, we went back to court and my attorney requested back pay with interest and attorney fees paid. If you can get yourself a good attorney, you can succeed in showing him that your child is important and needs the support that he is obligated to give. If not, then he needs to pay the consequences for his actions and maybe next time he will think twice about messing with the child support. If you cant afford an attorney, then go back to court yourself and request the back pay with interest. Its in your best interest. Once you start letting things go, he will start taking advantage of your giving nature and walk all over you and the child. Go get him girl!!

There has been some great suggestions here on how to get the money from your ex so I won't get into that. I notice, though, that you seem reluctant to want to take him on so here is some food for thought: your job is to be your child's advocate. Your child does not have a voice in the world except for yours. If another child punched your kid, would you stand by and do nothing? This guy sounds like a loser and you are letting this loser hurt your kid. By letting your ex shirk his responsibilities, you are showing your child that he/she should expect to come second. This guy is, essentially, stealing form your kid. Are you gonna let him? Feeling riled up now - good! Make those phone calls!! You can do it, mommy!! Remember, we have nothing to fear but fear itself.

Laura,

Oh I have been down this road. My ex-husband claimed that he was layed off but I then found out that he was fired for illegal spending on a Corp. Credit Card. so for months he had not paid me (I have 3 children) and I found out from his ex who had called to inform me that he was living the high life during this time but choosing not to pay for the kids. I was always trying to keep the peace but this is when I took it all into my own hands. Before I was trusting and let him pay me each pay day on his own but now I let Child Support Services step in. It takes a while for the ball to get rolling but I did it anyway and Im so glad I did. He now owes me $11,000 in back child support with 10% accrued interest a mo. I dont have to deal with him at all, they do all of the footwork and if he doesnt pay, they will take other actions such as suspending his drivers lic. passport, freezing bank accts or going after his income tax return. I have had a good experience with San Diego's Child Support Services and I highly stress to you to open a case. He will pay a hefty amount since he makes so much more than you do. He owes you...you didnt conceive your child alone and you shouldnt have to do this alone either! If you have any questions please let me know.

~A.

He has been taking advantage of you, and the more you let that happen, eventually he will stop payments altogether. I would go to court to get all the backpayments, etc.

Well if he can afford it, make him pay what is due.

I have one just like him. Take his tail back to court! Go file the papers today. If he dosen't want to be a man and take care of his responsibility maybe you should help him. Just because the court suspended his payments doesn't mean that he is free from all that back child support. Job or no job he still has to take care of his children as we do when we loose our job. Do not pass go, go directly to the court house and have him served. Good luck and I'm praying for you.

You have been looking the other way for a while and its not fair. Forget about keeping the peace, you have a child to support and its hard to do it alone. You helped him when he wasn't working but now it's his turn, if he can't see that, then you should take him to court. I am fighting the same battle, so I totally understand. If you want to talk more you can e-mail me directly at ____@____.com.

Laura,

I just speed-read through the responses below - there are so many wise words there. I chime in with the BIG points noted below and I send you strength and grace with which to do what you need to do on behalf of your child.

Do remember that you aren't alone in this situation, and you have many proactive steps you can take right now!

Do remember that you are the Mama bear here, and you must be fierce in defense of your child.

Do remember that your ex is purposefully shirking his duty both legally and ethically to HIS child and you are letting that happen with your inaction, however much 'peace' you are preserving. The support goes either for immediate needs or for education and security later. (& if you lost your job, your child would still need to eat and wear clothes, right? Seems like there is a little disconnect with the way child support works in this regard . . . . He should always need to help with SOME amount, shouldn't he?).

so take heart in solidarity. Take a deep breath and be proactive. I am sure that you will feel much better, and I share other contributor's opinions that your relationhsip with the ex will be better for it. Certainly your child will realize that Mama doesn't put up with being manipulated! And after your ex realizes the same, you two can get on with the business of being parents, not fiscal adversaries.

again - strength and grace to you -
A.

Listen to Doris. "Keeping the peace" is a bunch of hoo ha. Your ex shouldn't be upset if your trying to get him to own up to his responsibilities.

Hi Laura,

All I can tell you is that my ex did the same thing. I tolerated slow pay or no pay for 14 years. Then, when my daughter turned 15 years old, she decided she wanted to know what it was like to live with her father. And guess what, he took me to court and was awarded $100 more per month than he ever paid me (we were both making much more money by then). I had never asked for more money than the amount I was originally awarded in 1989 just to "keep the peace".

Well, my daughter soon found out why I divorced him, and she moved back home. I couldn't afford the expense of hiring an attorney or paralegal to do the papaerwork to modify his modest payments. Then, I found out that all I had to do was go to the Department of Child Support Services and they handled everything for free. He went from paying $300 a month and leaving me struggling to provide for our daughter, to paying $850 per month which was really helpful during her expensive teen years. He was furious, but he had no option except to pay because I had the government collect the money and then forward it to me. That caused a slight delay in receiving the money, but it kept me from having to call him and beg for payment. No more excuses!

You can try to "keep the peace", but if your ex is anything like mine (and it sounds like he is), he'll probably turn on you if your children ever decide to move in with him (and they may). After about 12 years old, the courts let the child decide where they want to live. I hope this helps with your decision, and good luck.

C. C.
President
C.E. Cooper, Baby Specialty Retailer, LLC
www.littlemamu.com

Your ex-husband needs to pay. It doesnt matter how much or how little money he makes, he needs to provide for the child he helped bring into the world. I have 2 step daughters that live with me and my husband but have visitations with their mom. She refused to pay us child support for a long time. The judge ordered her wages to be garnished. We spend a lot of money on the girls and every penny helps. Even though the money is NOT nearly enough, the girls deserve it.

Laura,
No, do not look the other way. Take him back to court. Never Ever give him a time not to pay. These are his children or child that He is responsible for. The children never go away, the responsibility never goes away. He still has a hold over you that you need to break. Keeping the peace should not require you to have your children or you do without. If he threatens you, go to the police, women's shelter, or advocates through the county offices. Whatever he is holding over your head can be dealt with in a reasonable manner. We have all made mistakes in our lives, and we need to bring them out in the open, so that they can be taken care of. The decisions you have made in the past, still apply when it comes to your children. It sounds like you may be going through growing pains as far as knowing how to be in the "new relationship" with your ex husband. It will evolve and change throughout the years, but that doesn't negate his responsibility to the children or you has the mother of his child/children.
I will be praying for you in this situation of turmoil, and transformation. Stay strong, believe what God has told you, and never waiver from your gut feelings regarding your children.

E.:)

My ex is $8000 behind in support. He quits job after job so OCS can't garnish his wages even though we have a court order for one. We have been to court multiple times about this and are due to go back again in about two months. My current husband supports our entire family. We do not count on my ex and his money. We know that he will not come through. My ex has the attitude since my husband married me, that he should support the kids now. I told him fine, give up your parental rights and let him adopt the kids and we will stop asking you to support them. He did not like that answer. If you don't mind ruffling a few feathers, and you know he will keep his new job, take him to court for a wage garnishment. The courts should also be able to order him to make arrears payments on the money he owes. OCS can help you with the paper work and filings. It doesn't cost anything except your time. It is a lot of paperwork, but in the end, I think that it is worth it.

Take him to court and sue for back child support. Have his wages garnished. This is not right and the courts will be on your side. Did you forgive the debt in writing? If not, get all of it through the court. You could even ask for an increase. Contact the District Attorney also. Unpaid child support will go on his credit report. Forget trying to keep the peace. He screwed that up a long time ago.

Not to sound harsh, but you need to take the dead beat to court! Go fight for what is rightfully YOUR CHILDS! Peace can only be acheived if it is working out for both sides and your child is obviously being wronged.

I certainly hope that you did not forgive or waive any of your arrears legally! Did you guys modify the order in any fashion through the courts or your child support enforcement office? Child support only covers a fraction of what it actually costs to raise a child! You go after him with both barrels, he needs to help support the life he helped to create! I am a strong advocate of primamry custodians getting their fair share of child support. I have on occassion encountered the custodial parent who tries to rake the other over the coals, which is not fair either, butI do believe that monetaritly the parent who houses the child encounters far more expenses than the parent who pays child support. The statutory formula for child support guidelines is more than fair to the non-custodial parent. I'd say make him pay, whatever his job pays him if he's gotten a big raise - get the order modified, there's a statutory cap in the State of NV so it isn't like the non-custodian will ever pay far more than the child is worth, the child deserves and it costs in raising the child with basic necessities.

emails never worked for me.
I took him back to court. Went after what was owed me.
You not a collector. Stop being one. It adds stress to you life.

Court can be funny but it is easier for them to be the bad guy and yell at him. It gives you an out. If he has issues I always say well talk to the the judge.

it is easier then feeling funny and hounding him all the time

It is his obligation and duty to pay support. You should hire a lawyer who specializes in child custody situations to figure out how to proceed. It does not matter that his job pays more than yours. What matters is that he is obligated as a father to pay support, to go toward the needs of his child. Best of luck to you.

I have had a similar situation when my daughter was younger.
Where I too have reduced his monthly payment fom the amount the courts have set because he was not getting any money coming in from his job. Then he too lost his job and got another job that paid more. I would go directly back to the courts and let them know that he is making 4x your income and
then you will have to go back to court. I wouldn't ignore the matter. Now that he is making more money your child support may increase.

Laura W. Go down to the child support office on telphone rd and they will do all the work for you.

Take him back to court and fight for the back pay. If he is doing this now, he will continue and you will not get anything.

J.

Laura, he needs to fulfill his obligtion to your child/children. He has to pay. You need to either go back to court or at least enforce the current child support order. If you have a wage assignment it should be immediately forwarded to his new employer. They have to honor it. As many of the women write, it is his obligtion to his child. If you go back to Court, you can ask the judge to make a new order including the 36 months that he did not pay so that your children receive the arrearages he owes. As far as I am concerned "keeping the peace" means things like, "sure it's not your weekend, but your family is in town and they will want to see the kids, so yes, I'll switch weekends." Or perhaps letting him keep them a little longer than the time frame he is supposed to. Keeping the peace does not mean your kids have to go without so that he does not. Good luck and do right by your kids, not your ex husband.

Obviously, everyone is telling you to go to coourt and get child support. I concur. Take this guy to court. If you can't afford an attorney, go to the legal aide office at the Superior Court, or go to the District Attorney's office for CS. Paralegals can also help. My mom is a licensed paralegal and has been helping parents like you for the last 23 years.
Your child deserves to be properly cared for and supported by both parents according to their income and hardships. Don't let him neglect your child and make you carry the financial burden on your own. Children get more expensive as they get older.
If you need assistance with contacting Legal Aid or the DACS office or a local paralegal, I'd be happy to assist you.

Good luck and God bless!

You seem more interested in playing the "nice girl" role than protecting the rigths of your child. Take the ex to court NOW.

If he chooses to not pay even after being re-employed, take him back to court. He is still the dad and still has to be responsible. Don't let him short your child anything.

Laura,

I am on the other end with my twin boys turning 18 next may and graduating high school next June. This is very different advice than what I would have given you 10 years ago.

If you are able to have a good quality of life with out his support I would not go to court. Although I would not forgive any debt that he owes you if it is in writing. Continue to request the money but if it not need for living a decent life with your children, I wouldn't open the door of going to court. You might want to meet with an attorney but I think one that is also a mediator would be best otherwise they will push you to go to court so they can make a livelihood. You are still due that amount as long as it is in your divorce papers but I would make sure you are not giving anything up by not going to court right away. If you are able to have a good life on the income you have just continue on that way and use the money he owes you to go toward your child(ren?)'s colleg fund. Maybe you can talk him into opening a 529 fund for child(ren?) that he cannot touch. Have the statements sent to you also so you can see it going in.

I went to court 8 years ago to have my child support raised and my ex started a war against me with manipulation, coerccion and lies. The end result after a few years and many legal meetings and court dates was that one of my kids didn't want his dad to have to pay child support so he told the court that he wanted his dad to have full custody. I am making a very long story very short but after everything and that my son was 13 years old, the court awarded full custody to their dad. Even though my other son wanted nothing to change, the court did the same to him. Even though my sons are with me a very similar amount of time because the wording say he has full custody the numbers are all different and I have to pay him a small amount.
Be careful what you open yourself up to. If someone had told me this could have happened I would not have believed it was possible.

Good Luck,

Evelyn

my advice is go after him and don't keep the peace. i'm big on keeping peace, but when it comes to child support and your kids, look what he is trying to do. skip out on his responsibility to his children. that is simply not ok. sometimes, unfortuantely, you have to be aggressive and hold him to his responsibilities. yes, it would be great if he actually saw the light and stepped up and did it himself, but sounds like he has a track record of not doing that and being selfish in the meantime (still living at a certain standard). if you're passive, you'll get what you are getting now, nothing....you're choice.
:)

It's his kid right?
He needs to get back on the field.
Make sure he pays you for the time he missed.
His kid still has to eat and be clothed.
If being nice does not work... Wack him! Call the lawyer.
Just remember, kids listen and know what is going on. And when they get older, they will know who was there for them.
Good luck.

Hi Laura:
You are dimissing and permitting your husband to neglect his responsibilities as the father of your child.Its puzzling,why you feel more of an obligation to make life easier for him,than your daughter.I'd guess that either you still are in love with him, or are intimidated by him. In truth, Its not YOUR MONEY to forfeit.you are voluntarily giving up support money,that was intended FOR your DAUGHTER,and ordered by the courts FOR HER.You may not have a need for this support,but your depriving your daughter,who possibly could set up a college trust fund,to further her education latter.My advice would be to Stop worrying about being A saint in your exes eyes,and think about your daughter. I wish you both the best.

Hi Laura

I too tried to be the decent parent. In the end it hurt my kids. For both you and your children you need to get the support you all deserve.

If you need a good and decent lawyer, I recommend you call Richard Sperling ###-###-####.

Good luck.

J. C

Get what you have coming to you!!!!! I have been through this too. My ex owes me tens of thousands of dollars that i will never see since our children are now 30 & 28. He also turned his back on them & never seen them again. My kids suffered for it. I also suffered & my siblings because my dad did the same thing. Dont trust him, dont let time fly by...take care of it now. You can still be nice to him & take him to court.

Been there.

Get a lawyer; go to court; have him live up to his responsiblity.

Did you give up on your obligation when things got tough?

You did not conceive this child alone.

call your worker who handled your case and tell them what is going on and that you need to go back to court. if your ex husband fights you on it make him pay the back child support that he owes you and your child. you dont have to be nice to get what your child needs. it sounds like he can almost careless since hes just carrying on like that. i dont mean to be brutal to you at all but stand up and put your foot down. good luck!

I would definitely take him to court and get this straightened out. That money is OWED to your child regardless. Obviously he has to be reminded of his duties as parent. I would especially do it since he has abused your trust and clearly knows how to manipulate the situation. It will probably put waves in your ocean for a short and brief time, something I feel would be worth sacrificing.

Do you think he would let the situation slide if the tables where turned?

If he is not currently working then you can't do anything about it except for to bare with the situation. If he refuse do a Bank levy and get him to pay. Get the paper at the court or request his presence to the court to have the court order him to pay again. If he doesn't pay you need to garnish his wages as soon as possible. Have all the records with you it important. I hope it helps.

Getting support started is a stressor and a pain. However, I encourage you to go to the district attorney and file papers. It is best to have everything legal and documented. The drawback is that he can start and stop jobs as often as he wants and by law he is suppose to notify the court when this happens.....they usually don't, so you'll have to keep tabs on him. If he has issues and he will, simply explain that you want to have things in order so that the future will be easier on everyone. You won't be asking or bothering him for money, the court can garnish his wages, cut you a check and mail or direct deposit it to your account. You don't have to talk to him about it anymore. How about custody? I'd encourage this also be filed and in legal standings. Bottom line, it protects your child, and as a mom, that's our responsibility. It'll be hard at first, just keep a good attitude, if you choose keep him in the loop and have an open discussion about your plans. I wish you luck!

You need to take him to court! This is his child and he needs to be held responsible.

In CA you don't even have to hire a lawyer, there is a child support office (used to be the D.A., now it is a separate office) that will handle it all for you.

Forget keeping the peace. My mother "kept the peace" with my father for years and I got screwed in the process. I have done a lot of work as far as forgiveness but I will never trust my mother 100% and I certainly have a lot less respect for her than I would otherwise, and always have.

So if anything, do this for your child. Don't back down - he OWES this to his child and you owe it to your child to make sure it happens.

Best of luck to you.

Don't let him do that! Get an attorney or use a child support service to garnish wages for his back child support plus interest. He should be ashamed of himself! Keeping peace for co-parenting is nice....but it only works when you have two respectful parents. He clearly does not respect you or your daughter's needs. Stop being so nice and fight for your daughter's rights! Also, if you do go back to court, you may want to revisit your agreements on medical, dental insurance, co-payments, child care costs, school tuition (just in case you opt for private), he should have life insurance to provide for her in case of his death, college funding, etc... believe me, it's better to do this while she is young and your not facing these costs now and alone...but they do creep up. Better to have a legal agreement up front that can be enfoeced later. Best of luck!

WHY just look the other way just to be nice?
He's not doing that.
You get an attorney, go to court, and get reimbursed for back pay too.
Yes he IS violating the law. Plain and simple.
Meanwhile, you have a family and children to raise, and pay for.

That's it.

For starters, you should have gone to court immediatly. Never handle it between the 2 of you. The courts always side with the mother (take it from a step mom who can give her kids very little because the courts keep raising child support for the step kid)Go to court NOW. Tell them you haven't received support in 20 mo and request a new expence declaration be sent to your ex and a child support review be done. Most likely if he's making more the support amount ill be upped and he'll also owe arrears for the last 20 mo. he didn't pay!

You take him back to court and garnish his wages and get back child support. If he's able to travel while unemployeed he can support his kids!

Dear Laura,
As these strong, wise women have informed you, the Courts are there to help you keep the peace. Please use them if needed. I was in a similar situation and a friend told me getting support from my ex and sticking to it would be one of the best things I could do for HIM, the ex, because every month he can say to himself as he writes a check that he is being a decent man and father by providing for his child. She was so right. He also had more buy in to parenting when this happened, making him more present in his child's life since he was so "invested." Regarding keeping the peace, it actually made our relationship better. I respected him more and he respected himself, I think. We are back together and in weekly therapy. I am NOT saying that this will happen for you or that I even think it could or should, but I know in my heart that we would not have gotten to this point if my main concern was keeping the peace instead of modeling what it means to be a responsible parent and holding him to that standard. You can do it peacefully. One way is to name an amount you would be comfortable with and offer to work with him to come up with an amount he could give to his child each month and feel good about. I was clear that it was for our child and that since he was choosing to be a part of his child's life his child would benefit from his income, as it should be. Maybe a kind, clear email would work if you're not comfortable with the confrontation. If that doesn't work, please get a lawyer. Good luck.