So my kids dad is never really in the picture he comes over for birthdays and he'll get them something for christmas, but other than that he really only shows up once a month to two months and it kills me b/c my son really loves his daddy and asks for him for about a week after he sees him. I constantly tell his daddy this, but he never comes over to see him. I'm about to give up trying, but this child support still attaches us to him, but he doesn't even pay it! I maybe get twenty dollars a month and he's getting to be over two thousand dollars behind. I thought the courts do something about this, but they haven't. I don't know if I should try figuring out how to get the court of his butt so I can just wash my hands of him or push the court into making him pay so I at least get that much out of him. I'd appreciate any and all opinions on the matter. By the way he doesn't really have a job in his words he's financially in his girlfriends pocket, but he always seems to have money so I think he does some shady stuff under the table, but I can't prove it..
And I don't want to spill my life story, but just to get a better knowing of everything to get good advice it was a couple of one night stands we were never together, but I did try to get him involved when I found out I was pregnant he came to a few dr. appts until I was four months along and then he dissappeared, but he now blames me for not contacting him when I went into labor so he doesn't have a connection to his kids b/c he didn't see them born, but I did try contacting him a few days after I got home to which he didn't respond. He never tried to have anything to do with us until after the court started going after him for child support he started to try coming around, but it was never steady. He always just came around monthly or bi-monthly..
Just adding that I have twins I didn't do but the one child labor thank you. Guess I should've put that too.
This man is neither unique or special.
And this is why God invented Family Court.
Call them.
File a complaint with the IRS CID (Ctiminal Investigation Department). Tell them he is ordered to pay child support but doesn't pay saying he has no job. They can do a lifestyle audit on him. He has a place to live, a car, gas for his car, food to eat, clothes to wear --- where did it come from and how much did it cost?
So basically they look at his expenses if was able to spend $20,000 a year on his expenses then he had to have earned $20,000 a year and he will get taxed and have to file tax returns on his income. With fines and penalties he could be in a world of hurt.
When he complains about it -- tell him 'I dropped the dime on you'. Next time pay your child support.
Oh, the child support agency for your county can use this IRS info to decide how much child support he needs to pay.
You can't make someone be a good father. Let Child Support Enforcement deal with the CS and you just do what you can for your kid. I suggest that if your son is having problems (and who wouldn't?) that you get counseling for him so he understands it's not about HIM.
How many kids are there? You talk about your son and it being a one night stand but then refer to your "kids" so did this happen more than once?
Anyway...your state has a child support enforcement division. You should contact them and request enforcement. They can see that he's not paying support but often don't actually do anything unless the parent who is supposed to receive payment complains. There are some automatic enforement steps in some states (seizing bank accounts, suspending driver's licenses) but losers like this guy usually don't have bank accounts to seize or care about whether or not they have a license.
There will be certain steps they go through to try to enforce your case, then they can take him to court for contempt. Usually you have to push for this because they have to send one of their lawyers to present the case and they don't like spending that kind of money. Once he's in court, he'll have to answer to the judge as to why he hasn't paid and how he plans to pay down the balance. If he doesn't show up, then they will issue a warrant for his arrest and will arrest him if he's local.
Your son's heartbreak is the unfortunate price you and he have to pay for hooking up with his loser father. Sorry to be harsh, but I say that as a former single mother whose son's father is totally absent and the step-mom of my husband's daugther, who was abandoned by her mother a few years ago. The adults made this mess. All you can do at this point is move forward and make better decisions going forward and try to minimize loser dad's presence in your son's life.
If I were you, I would work through child support enforcement to try to get any money you can (good luck with that - I've collected about $500 in 14+ years and he owes me $34K) and would not let him have visits with his son. That might violate your court order for visitation, but what's he gonna do - take you to court and risk being arrested over the back child support? Not likely. Let him know that he can resume visitation when he's serious about being there reliably and consistently. Until then, good riddance. And btw, stop talking to this jerk - "constantly" telling him anything is a waste of your time and energy.
Go to court and get a child support agreement for your child. If your ex won't physically be there for your child, the very least he can do is provide and be there financially. Good luck!
Wait... wait... he wasn't a one night stand if you have more than one child with him, okay? And if you sleep with a man more than once it's not a one night stand. It's an affair or a relationship or a bed buddy. One night stand implies exactly one thing... sleeping together exactly once and only once. So unless you two have twins or triplets together I don't see how you could have had more than one child with him and still call it a once night stand.
I know, it's semantics, but it's important semantics.
If he's not visiting with his children you can't really force him to be interested in them. You're a great mom for encouraging the relationship and for caring. But you can't force love and interest on his part. It's his responsibility. He probably doesn't understand that the relationship he probably envisions having with them in the future won't exist if he doesn't put in the work and effort now. He's leaving it up to you because you're willing to do it and, well, you love the children more.
As for child support, well, you can take him to court. If he won't pay the child support that he was court ordered to pay, then that needs to be reported. If it hasn't been arranged through the courts yet then you need to file for child support with the court against him. AND if needed request that they garnish his wages. Whatever he HAS paid, be honest about that.
I wouldn't count on his child support payments, though. You have to count only on yourself. Whatever money he does give you should go into bank accounts for the childrens college funds. Put it away in the bank and forget about it. Over the years it will add up.
You hooked up with a loser and it is now your responsibility to take the best care of your children that you can. Let the DA (family services) and the IRS go after him (when he gets a job).
If he doesn't visit on a regular basis, you might consider asking the court for "supervised visits ONLY". They can then observe that he is not an involved parent and you should have sole custody. If that happens, he would still be obligated to pay child support. Your support payments should be sent to the DA's (family services) so if he flakes, they will go after him and you can stay out of the drama.
Blessings.....
Uh... you have more than 1 child with this man? Or.... is it twins?
You didn't learn the first time when he got you pregnant? You went back for seconds?
ETA: I stand corrected... it was twins. Thanks for the update.
hmmmm....
I doubt that he will ever be in your children's lives...... contact family court and see what you can do. However, if he doesn't have a job, they can't garnish anything (except maybe IRS taxes....)
Good luck!
I feel your pain my ex husband is the same way. It sounds like the only thing he is better at is he talks to my children on the phone every evening. My ex is over $4500 behind in his child support and while the OAG says that my case is in legal status they do not really seem to be doing anything. I am leaving it to them in order to avoid more fights with my ex. If its coming from the OAG then its out of my control and all on him.
