the other girl is for sure a Mean Girl. the only incident that actually tiptoes across the line to bullying is the food incident, which is unacceptable. your daughter should have gone to a teacher immediately over that one.
i'm glad you've been working with your daughter on staying way from jerks, and that you're encouraging her to handle things herself. it's okay to help, though. your help doesn't have to mean handling it for her, but your support and encouragement can help her develop her own coping tools.
role playing is super helpful in this sort of circumstance. this will let your daughter figure out how best to respond in a fashion that fits with her own personality. some might respond to the 'opposite day' situation with a smart and sassy comeback like 'oh, i'm so glad it's opposite day! i've been waiting for the chance to tell you what sweetheart you are and how much EVERYBODY likes to hang out with you!'
of course that also runs the risk of escalating- which could be a positive if your child is a fighter (not literally of course) but backfire if she's a little more easily intimidated.
she might want to work on looking down her nose and saying 'really? i was past that sort of thing in 2nd grade.' or just rolling her eyes and walking away.
you also want to practice what sort of things involve going to the teacher, which the food incident certainly did. physical contact, or threats and intimidation, would fall into this category.
it's not a bad idea for your daughter to simply ask the advice of the teacher or a guidance counselor. 'mr confetti, i have a problem i'd like to discuss with you. i don't want you to intervene, but do you have any suggestions as to how i can handle this person who keeps trying to make my life miserable?'
Mean Girls like reactions. when they don't get them they usually fade away. that's not putting the onus on your daughter, it's simply a useful coping technique. doesn't always work, but it's a low drama first step to try.
one often helpful technique is to ask your daughter what she would advise a friend going through the same thing. our kids sometimes have terrific solutions they come up with themselves, and just need that nod of approval to put them into play.
khairete
S.