Brokenhearted at Only 3?

Hang in there! Eventually she will move on, and probably much quicker than if she were 12.

My daughter went through this same situation. She was 4 and her favorite friend, a boy, decided to move on and play with other kids. She was heartbroken. When she would tell me that he didn't want to play with her anymore, I would simply acknowledge her feelings -- "I'm sorry that happened. That stinks. That would make me feel sad, too." I'd also tell her how much I love her and how wonderful and beautiful she is. Even though it bothered her a lot, she did find other kids to play with. Give it time and hopefully she will move on, too. Maybe the teacher can help direct towards other activities with other kids. Good luck!

B.,
I don't know where you are at in your faith, but for all of us we have a deep need to feel accepted and rejection is truly heartbreaking. I think that it is so important that Children (and we as their Parents) know that we are totally forgiven and accepted by our Creator God through Jesus Christ. Tell her how she was fearfully and wonderfully made. Tell her that she has a Father in Heaven who loves her no matter what mistakes she makes and always thinks she is a princess. Tell her that He wants to be her friend and tell her that He dies for her and rose again-He is alive. This is a perfect opportunity to let her know what Easter is all about! He is also is faithful-He won't ever stop being her friend no matter what! When she sees that she is so perfectly loved by her Father in Heaven, maybe she can heal from this boy better. Also, keep reassuring her of your love, and tell her all the things you love about her. Tell her that she will find a new friend that she will have fun with, but to be patient. I just think that 3 year olds are 3 going on 12 in a lot of ways. (I have 3 girls). Just love on her and pray that God gives her a ton of wisdom through this. It is also a great opportunity to talk about forgivess. (ie. tell her it is important not to stay mad at him-but continue to be kind to him). I hope this helps.

What a loving child she must be to feel such passion and such connection with God! Tell your daughter that maybe there's someone else in the class who needs a friend (boy or girl), just to have fun with, and that that person would be really happy if she made friends with them. Every day she should try to spend special time getting to know someone in her class, find out what they like, and then draw a picture for them or tell a story or play a game that they would enjoy. She will make many new friends this way and after awhile someone will want to be best friends with her and do things together a lot. Tell her God wants her to have lots of friends because she is such a special person.

Well, I'm a psychologist and I've worked a lot with kids. When they're that young they usually won't respond to logical arguments we know would help, so how about making it into a sort of game. For example, how about you ask her to help you make a list of all the things she liked about her friend. Bring out crayons and construction paper or whatever makes it a "project". Then, on another sheet of paper write out the days of the week. The "game" will consist in finding one person each day of the week (which you will write on the calendar you made) that posseses one of the qualities she liked in her friend. For example, if her friend was funny, then her "job" will be to find one funny person (it could be dad, a friend in school...). At the end of the week, your "detective" will have 5 people who have qualities she likes, and she will have found out on her own that a lot of people are her friends...I don't know if this makes any sense to you, but I hope it helps!! Good Luck!

B.,

I have gone through the same thing with my son for the past couple of years. Well at least since pre-k and now that he is in Kindergarten. I have done like you have and tried to explain to him that it would be the other childs loss that they didn't want to be friends anymore. I explained that not going to school would upset the other children that liked him and asked him if he wanted them to be upset and cry if he didn't come to school to see them and play with them. He didn't like the thought that the other children wouldn't like the idea of him not being there for them to have as their friend. Explain to your daughter that the other children may get their feelings hurt should she not come and play with them and that it would hurt them the same way it hurts her and that wouldn't be something that she wouldn't want to happen because the other children really like having her to play with. I bet that will perk her up and maybe put a little sunshine back in her day. I know it helped my little guy. He sometimes still has days like that and he remembers that there are other friends there that want to have him around even if at the time some feel like they don't.

Good luck.

S.
SAHM of 3 boys 13, 5 and 3

Hi B.:
First of all be thankful that your little girl is normal.
The big rule to remember all through her life is that her *FEELINGS* are *HER* feelings. We all feel what we feel! But no one can tell us that our feelings are not what we feel.
It is okay to feel. (Acting on inappropriate feelings is what is wrong, feeling what we feel is okay.)

My daughter was four when she had an episode similar to your daughter's. I even remember that she gave him a nickname, "Buffalo" because he ran around the play yard 'like a buffalo.' She was fixated on him. She was practicing being a friend, and threw herself into it full force!

We are not born with social graces. All of life is a series of preparations for the next step or phase of life. By learning how to relate to others we prepare ourselves for OUR FUTURE RELATIONSHIPS, and for the day when we choose THE RIGHT MAN TO BE OUR BABY'S FATHER. Some peole don't have enough practice and are doomed to make poor choices for friends and spouses.

We all want to be liked and when we are liked, we respond by being satisfied with our place in the world! When something goes wrong and we find ourselves separated from the one who liked us, we are unsure of our place in the world and it is depressing. These situations are normal and we must guard against reading too much into it!

She is a little girl and is behaving like a little girl. Mother's and Father's responsibility is to guide the little child through these bumpy times, by being confident and reassuring. Express your love and *approval* of her often and well. Parents' approval and eye to eye contact do much to bolster a little child's ego and reassure her of her place in the world.

She is not leaping into teenage dating and needs to be allowed to be a little girl Remind yourself that she is only thirty six months old. She is still an infant and is testing her friend making abilities. The less drama the better, is the best response.

I hope this has helped you. I am a great grandma, but I still have a Mama's heart!
Phyllis

More on the subject. Only child daughters, like my cousin when she was small, needed pals. My aunt invited constantly my sister to be with her. They played together all the time during week ends. Now a days they share a friendship that is like a sisterhood. Both of them studied medicine, and are constantly talking to each other on this and other subjects. Our grandchildren live a big city. They do have a lot of friends, mainly in school and after school. Crushes aare normal, but if they suffer too much I would consult a professional as your pediatritian. Try to bring children during the week end for more interaction among pals. samall ativities like baking cookies, or just playing. Sometimes people don't click. The click in friendship usually comes around common interests, common goals, ways of viewing life, attidudes, etc. Today, as a grandmother, I would be more watchful to see that her socialization is as good as possible. Sometimes only childs need more sibblings at home. Some little boys fear girlls when they get too close. He might be reacting our of shyness, or may be embarassed, or maybe that's the way he reacts now, but not later.

Hello, B. G. I am a working mother of a 13 year old son and a student at Barry U/ACE. I do understand what you and your daughter are going through. My son went through something similar in his pre-school when he was 4 or 5. Children know when they are loved. I don't like to hear when people say "Children do not know anything about love", or "It's puppy love". What your daughter is going through is not a crush. Her friend made her feel special by calling her princess and being nice to her. If you take a moment to think about the friends you obtained as a child, whether male or female, you were most likely drawn to them because of the kindness that they expressed to you. You may want to consider allowing your daughter to write the letter to God. Allow her to express her sadness and anger about the friend that she lost. After she writes the letter, discuss it with her. My son has always told me that I made him feel better by listening to him and sharing my own childhood experiences. I know the feeling of wanting to protect your child from the hurt and pains of this life. Hurt, pain and heartbreak are inevitable. Unfortunately, we cannot protect our children from all of it. The trick is teaching them how to cope. You may also consider having the teacher to intervene and find out why the little boy no longer wants to play with your daughter. The teacher could possibly help mend their friendship. You did good by telling her that she can make other friends in the class. Her feelings are very real at the tender age of 3. You and your daughter can get through this by your support and constant encouragement. "This, too, shall pass."

It sounds like you are reading into this the wrong way. It sounds like your daughter made a friend, not neccessarily a love interest, and is sad about losing the boy as a friend. If you don't make a big deal out of it, she probably wont either. She's 3, she'll get over it. Chances are, the boy is 3 and tomorrow he'll be her friend again. Think of this as a test run. In the blink of an eye, she'll be 12 and you'll be having this conversation with her again...Good luck!

Hello. My son is 4 and has a boy in his class who absolutely adores him, but if on any given day my son doesn't play w/ him or give him a hug as soon as he walks in the door, his day is ruined. A friend of ours knows the other child's parents, and the situation has come up- the father of the other boy told our friend that he is amazed at how our son's actions toward his child makes such a huge impact on his day-even at home. We have the luxury of knowing and are able to talk to our son and remind him how much his actions make this child feel good or bad. It's a great learning experience for him- to have him see how what we're teaching him at home really means something to someone else.

It depends on how far you want to go- maybe talk to the teacher and ask for he/she to pass along your concern to the parents or ask the teacher to try to help 'repair' the friendship??

This is such an amazing age- these are our childrens' first 'friends' and boy, do they love them! ;) I hope this helps! Good luck!!

Hi B.,

I have a three year old myself. I went through this with her and not only with a boy. I would suggest not focus on the romantic aspect as much as the why she is not liked. With mine, it was that something actually occured. The boy was a follower, there was a bully in the class who made the kids argue. I spoke to the teacher, got the information and planned a play date with some of the moms outside of the classroom. The friendships were reinforced this way and the bully no longer had power over the other kids.

At three they don't understand what a bully is much less romantic feelings.

I feel that as parents we should help reinforce our childrens friendships outside the class room as well as getting to know the families of those friendships. It is important to understand the type of friendships our children are selecting. The people they choose now will reflect the kind they choose later in life when we will have less ability to impact there lives.

Keep in mind, children mold there personalities between the ages of birth to nine years of age.

Hope this helps!!!!