Boyfriends at Too Young of an Age?

When I was kid, in middle school, 7th grade and up... some kids had "girlfriends" or "boyfriends." Who knows if they actually told their parents.
And, while out or even after school, they'd go behind buildings and make out and grope each other. Other kids, knew this.

At this age, sometimes friends/buddies, girls and boys, go out and hang out, go to the movies or what not. Well, these kids, after the parents would drop them off...would then separate from their group of friends, and couple up and go somewhere inconspicuous and make out. And no, they didn't tell their parents this.
These were kids, who were otherwise regarded as normal good kids. It was not only the "bad" kids that did this.
It was not lots of kids that did this... but some did. And the other kids knew this, and/or saw it.

So keep this in mind.
At this age, they don't even know what a boyfriend or girlfriend is.
And they don't even know about their bodies but are finding out.

I wasn't allowed to have a 'boyfriend' until I was nearly a sophomore. This was a good thing, as the 'nice boy' I 'dated in groups' was a pretty handsy guy and pressuring me non-stop to have sex with him. Even at nearly fifteen, it took a lot of backbone to keep saying "no". He even was adamant about trying to cop a feel in the car in the backseat while our friend's dad drove us from the church lock-in back to the house.

Boyfriends can wait.

with both our sons, we stood firm on "NO" dating until age 16. & yes, it created issue for both of them at school, but it also taught them to stand up to peer pressure.

Our catchphrase was: "it's not a date if Mommy/Daddy have to drive you." I think our older son was 15 years/9 months when he had his 1st girlfriend....& we did the victory dance knowing we'd held off the angst/drama of teen love until he was mature enough to fly solo.

For our younger son (who's 16 now), he's mature enough....but has decided that the girls in our small town create drama where none exists. He swears if you date one girl, then you're dating the entire class....& I would bet there's a lot of truth in that statement. He knows he'll eat his words at some point, but is willing to wait until the right moment. (sigh) If he wasn't as active & involved in school....I'd be worried about his social skills, but he's a.o.k.

Sooo, my thoughts: encourage your daughter to wait for the whole boyfriend thing. This should be her time to enjoy what life brings....not to be tied down & emotionally-tethered to a partner at such a young age. & unfortunately, you may be asking this question waaaaay too late! I hope not. The earlier the boyfriend....the quicker the sex. Sorry. JMO.

& I want to be very clear: I am not saying your daughter is having sex. I am saying it's always better to delay this process. :)

It's fine to have friends who are boys.
I guess I'd want to know what she meant by boyfriend.
Our son isn't allowed to date till he's 16 and he is perfectly fine with it.
He sees the drama some of his friends go through and he's like "You do this for FUN?".
My philosophy on dating is:
you start out going with groups of friends
no one on one dates till at least 16
no exclusive relationships till maybe senior year or college
while you are young - play the field
you are finding out what you like and don't like in people with the ultimate purpose of eventually finding a mate (about mid 20's)
12 is just really really young to be starting up with this
My concern would be that I don't want her equating her self esteem by if boys are attracted to her.
At 12 - she's growing and maturing on a lot of fronts - and she needs to do this without boys being a major factor in it for right now.

This is your second post about your daughters and boys. You are wayyyy too permissive.

16. If you let her date at 12 and the other girls tell their parents, the parents may keep their 'innocent' daughters away from your 'grown' daughter.

The boys parents make all the difference. The groups going to the mall with mom doesn't impress me. I would say 1/3 of parents give their child alcohol and encourage bad behavior. I am not saying this might happen, I would just need to know if these folks have any convictions. His good grades make me want to trust him but you need to met this guy and let him know you are there for your daughter.

I think it all depends on parenting. You don't have a choice to "let her keep him." That's really a weird way to put it.

My parents didn't let me "date" until I was 16...in fact, they didn't let me hang out with boys or talk to them on the phone or anything. So what COULD'VE been innocent, like what it sounds like your daughter has, had to turn out to be sneaky "off somewhere else" type of stuff because it was taboo in my house. My parents could've handled it differently.

When I was a kid we all started "dating" at 12. Dating meant we went to the dances together, talked on the phone a lot and hung out with a group of friends.

I agree with Veronica, we need more information.

If it is the innocent we think the other is cute, maybe hold hands and see eachother in school it is no big deal.

If it is more than that - well, I would create some ground rules - there are 12yr olds having sex these days.

That's very little information to go on. What do you mean by "boyfriend"? Is this what she's calling him at school but not really spending time with him outside of school? Is she seeing him in groups or alone? What are you willing to allow? And how exactly do you think you'll prevent her from having a boyfriend? I was in 5th grade when I had my first "boyfriend," but I think I went to see him play baseball with his little league and he gave me a necklace. Other than that, it was nothing but cute puppy love. I had my first real kiss when I was 12 (it was gross) from my "boyfriend," but I only saw him at school. I went out with boyfriends in groups until I was about 15. But I was a very naive girl and my parents knew I could be trusted (but the boys couldn't be). Even then, I could only go out with boys if my parents met them first.

Personally, 12 is too young to go out on dates. But how does your daughter define her "boyfriend," have you met him, when and where does she see him -- these are all questions that are necessary to answer your post.

ETA: based on your edit, it sounds rather innocent, although I'd still be monitoring closely.