Teen Daughter and 'Going Out'

I am very old school!! 13 is too young emotionally and they don't know how to handle these emotions!! It is sad that girls this age sometimes feel they have to be identified as having a boyfriend for their identity. This is a big social issue for me!! My 18 y.o. DD was not allowed to "date" until she was 16. This was because they can't drive until age 16. Prior to that, she could go anywhere with "friends" in groups of 4 or up to 20. They could text, talk, etc but she knew she could not "date". They could go to the show and sit by each other with other friends, etc. Way less drama and I think it gave her more of a chance to get to know the boys as people!
Just had this same discussion with some mom friends-1 agreed with me, 1 did not. But just my opinion. If they start dating 2 early, they tend to get closer physically at an earlier age which avoids another whole set of issues.

Girls need to be taught that boys are only friends. If you don't teach her this now you will only have more issues with her as she gets older. They are too young to get involved with boys at such a young age. I taught my kids that there would be group dating at this age. If you don't put some structure into it you will have such drama in high school!

My daughter has been putting me through this for the last 2 years. Our solution? We told her that if she wanted to say she was "going out" with anyone, they had to come and meet us first.
Stupid as it may sound, it also gives her a clear look at what the boy is up to.... if he won't bother to come over and meet us, then he was obviously up to no good, and probably trying to get in her pants. If the boy came and met us, she knew he was really interested in seeing her more often, and that he would be more "boyfriend" material.
We stress to her regularly that if a boy is truly interested in HER, then he will do what it takes to spend time with her.
I think now that she is 15, she is really good at using judgement when she talks to boys, and the rules will always be the same until she moves out of our house...good luck with your teen.. these are fun years!, lol

I would just talk with her and let her know the differences between boyfriends and friends, and see how she really sees these boys. At 13 she is probably flattered that they "ask her out" and she doesn't know how to say no. It is really important that she learns how to say no now, it it only gets harder.

So, totally normal, but a great teaching moment....wish I had been taught at that age. :)

There is nothing out of the ordinary about what your daughter is doing. Let the boy's parents worry about their broken hearts. All you can do is ask your daughter if she realizes how she is making them feel and how she would feel if she were in their position. The rest is easy.....love her through it no matter what. That's it!

I believe this is completely normal. As for all the parents telling you dont let her date till she is older or in groups only need to realize that doesn't stop the kids at ALL. Most of my friends growing up were only aloud to date after 16 & only in large groups. They lost their virginity on group dates long before I lost mine & my mom didn't set those restrictions on me. Just taught me as best she could the repercussions of having sex & held me responsible for any repercussions that occurred due to my having sex. I knew by the age of 10 if I ever came home prego my mom & dad werent going to help with the baby at all. If I wanted to have sex I had better be able to take care of a kid cause thats what it leads to. Hopefully though you have several more years before you have to start worrying about that.

why dont you tell her what you have told us and talk to her about it. it seems you want to break up with the boy as soon as he is around. relationships are about working things out. mostly she will have to do it on her own she is learning. but if she dosent want a boyfriend why dosent she start dating and not get serious about any one boy but date different boys. (althought that is something i never did ). you can also suggest if she enjoys the relationship for a few days and then is over it she needs to wait (tell her months even though it should be a yr or so) because she is hurting these boys feelings by being so wishy washy. also ask her why she is breaking up with these guys. are they being rude? or is she just over the honeymoon high!?

Hi Rebecca -

"Going out" doesn't really mean they are going anywhere, I have learned this. Probably not anything to worry about but Thirteen is really young to be so centered on boys. Maybe try to increase comminication on the topics.

Good luck!

Talk with her. It is possible she breaks up with them so she will not feel pressure to make out/have sex. I know you said she is only 13, but I know many many girls who became sexually active at this age, myself included. Do no judge her or push, but really sit down and have an open conversation with her about boys, her feelings, her thoughts on sex, everything, and let her lead the conversation and do not jump all over her or yell if she tells you things that surprise or scare you.

I know that I quickly broke up with my first few boyfriends at that age, at first because they wanted to make out and I did not feel ready, and than because I would have sex with them and then feel uncomfortable about it and not want to see them because they would expect me to do it again.

Hopefully what is going on here is more innocent, but I would find time to have that talk sooner rather than later.

If you really want to address it and she's open to discussing it, you should ask her what it means to her. Try to get an understanding of what is in her mind during this process--if she just loses interest quickly, if they are making demands of her (sexual, emotional, etc.) that do not interest her, if she has a hard time saying no.... You might be jumping to conclusions--at this age they are in and out of these relationships, and their interest levels vary from none to way overboard.