Biting, Pinching and Scratching

One thing that worked great with my now 2 1/2 year old when he was that age was a tight hold of his arms. When he pinches, hits, or scratches, just grab both of his arms tightly. Be calm and say "no pinch" and don't let go until he relents and stops fighting out of your hold. It may take quite a few minutes but it has worked wonders for my son. He doesn't like it but it's the best way to have him stop this kind of behavior.

Good luck!

Our son did this also, around the same age too! We read "Teeth are not for biting", and "Hands are not for hitting". We also (the advice from our pediatrician) would hold his arms at his side, to the point where it's not painful, but it's uncomfortable for him, look him right in the eye and say "No BITING (or hitting or pinching)! BITING HURTS! Only gentle pat-pats!" The last part I think really helped. I think kids bit, hit, or pinch not with malicious intent - sometimes just because he's excited, or angry, but maybe even happy! Giving our son an action that WAS acceptable (the gentle pat-pats) gives him an alternative that is not hurtful, and is ok for kids too. Now, sometimes he'll still run up with his mouth open like a crazy guy, and when he gets close, he does a little pat-pat with his hand. Sure, there are still incidents, but they're very infrequent (maybe 1 every 2 months or so).
I don't think you should pinch back. Not only does this continue to make a game out of it, but it undermines the message that teeth aren't for biting, hands aren't for hitting, and fingers aren't for pinching. If it's not OK for him to do it, it's also not OK for you to do it. Give him an acceptable alternative instead.

Read or listen to 'Children are from Heaven' by John Grey... it is an effective parenting/ disciplinary tool. Also, it is time to put the child in his own bed. You need to establish your boundaries; your son needs his own space.

My son is 20 months old and went through the same thing around your son's age. Someone recommended to us that we don't make a big deal of it, that we redirect his attention somehow. It really worked. WHen he'd go to hit my husband, he would turn him the other way, so he would basically hit the air. Distraction, distraction, distraction. My son is totally over that phase, so hang in there. Hope this helps!!
BTW..don't listen to people who are against co-sleeping. They shouldn't speak about something they don't practice. We co-sleep and LOVE it. They grow so fast and in my opinion, there's nothing wrong with making them feel secure and enjoying every moment of when they are little enough to WANT to be in your bed. It will change, so savor it.

Hi A.,

Ouch! As a parent coach, I can assure you that this behavior is completely normal... which is not to say that you can't refocus his energy. There are a number of reasons why your son is biting, pinching and scratching. In order to stop or change his behavior, you will need to first identify the cause.

*Infants are powerless in our world. We control everything for them and sometimes aggressive behavior is their only opportunity to have power.
*Aggressive behavior usually elicits a strong reaction from adults, which is another way in which they are able to have power.
*Physical behaviors, such as biting, pinching, throwing, hitting, etc, are all ways through which infants explore and understand the world around them.
*Infants also do not have the ability to identify or articulate their frustrations, therefore their strong emotions need to be expressed physically- through crying, hitting, etc.

You need to identify what is causing this behavior. Is it being used as a release of emotions, or is it a way to physically explore the world and take power? Once you've identified the feelings, you can find ways that are safe and healthy for him to express them. Here is an article I wrote that will be helpful to you.

http://www.gilabrown.com/GB/Blog/Entries/2009/7/21_The_Ga...

I am also offering a parent workshop series next month that would be perfect for you. Here is the full class description.

http://www.gilabrown.com/GB/Classes.html

If I can be of any further help, feel free to contact me.
Be well,
G. B., M.A.
Child Development Specialist & Parent Educator
www.GilaBrown.com

...when he bites (or scratches, or pinches) crinkle your eyebrown and say in a low, stern and loud(ish) voice: NO, biting is not nice." then set his little bum on the floor next to you. - look away - count to 10. This is a mini time out.

Most of the time he will be surprised and wants to be picked up again. After you are done counting,turn to him, pick him up, take his hand and rub it softly over the place he just bit. Repeat: "biting is not nice, biting hurts: show me gentle. ah yes! that is nice, I like that" Smile big. Give him a hug.

It shows him that you are NOT OK with him hurting your body and teaches him to take actions to say sorry if he did hurt somebody...It also will make him understand how to read your facial expressions to judge if you are upset or happy with him.

:)

You will need that in the near future - might as well start now (lol)

good luck!
-C.

We've also gone through this recently. I didn't feel like timeouts were helping. When I would sit her down she would laugh and it became a game. But I did think showing her what was ok (e.g. you can give me a kiss instead of biting me, you can bite your food or your pacifier) seemed to help a bit. Also finding activities that would keep her interested or just giving more attention *before* she got to the point of biting me seemed to help. The biting seemed somewhat random, but for attention.

With scratching it seemed like she was doing it to act out her anger if she didn't get her own way (e.g. no, get out of the garbage, yuck!). So with that I tried asking her, "are you angry? grrrr (face). angry? You can tell me you're angry. Say, I'm angry!" That seemed to help a bit, and she would sometimes laugh at my pretend angry face.

Good luck... it will pass!

Ugh, so sorry to hear you are dealing with this. My little girl is 16mo and occassionally does those things, but not too often. I can usually get her to stop with a very firm "NO, do not pinch, it hurts mama". If necessary I'll put her down with no further immediate reaction/attention. Once she stops I'll continue to play, read or whatever. I have never bitten/pinched her back...because how is that teaching their simple minds that it's not OK for them to do if you are doing it?
I actually have a harder time with her doing those things to herself when she gets frustrated. She has mini temper tantrums that don't include screaming, but she smacks or bites herself!

HI..

Thanks for posting your request! My son is 16 mos. old and is doing the same thing!! He'll charge at me, screaching with his mouth open and ready to take a chunk out of me! We could be talking about the same child. I've done the pinch him back thing, too, when he pinches and/or scratches, but to no avail; he thinks it's a game, too. It's sad and maddening when you're afraid of your own child! One thing that sort of helps me is I cup his mouth with my hand so he can't get a bite in, and tell him sternly "No Biting. Biting Hurts". It's sort of helping. He's gotten a bit better with the pinching and scratching. I believe the biting is getting a bit better, too. I babysit, and he's bitten them a couple times near to the point of bleeding. UGH! For me, it doesn't do any good to just simply sit him down without a toy, etc.. because he doesn't comprehend he's in a time out. And to move away doesn't work, because, as I said, he'll follow me to try to bite me. It's sad that when he's upset and wants to bury his little head in my legs, it scares me cuz I don't know if he's gonna chomp me or simply cry....Also, what seems to be helping, is I pick him up and hold him really close and whisper in his ear that I know he's upset/sad/mad.. whatever and tell him it's okay..it's okay. I repeat this for a minute or so and it soothes him enough so he's not upset. I know he's doing these things because he can't relate his frustrations, anger, fear, etc...

So, thanks again for the request. Maybe we can both get some advice!! :-) Oh, and sorry it was such a long response...

Children this age bite, pinch, etc because they are learning about cause and effect. In addition, they get a reaction out of you, be it negative or positive. The bad news is, it is not going away easily, but it will eventually go away with age and intervention by you.

Here's what I did with my twins:

Boy bites. Pull him away from you and get eye level with him.
"L, that hurt Mommy. No biting. Biting hurts. Be gentle with Mommy." -----Show him how to be gentle by holding his hand and bringing it in a stroking motion along your arm.

Boy bites again. Again, pull him away from you and get eye level with him.
"L, no biting. Biting hurts Mommy. When you bite Mommy, you will sit by yourself."
-----Pick him up and place him in a designated spot for a moment or two and move a few steps away. After the few moments, pick him up and get eye level with him.
"L, no biting. You hurt Mommy. Be gentle with Mommy."
------Again, show him how to be gentle with you.

This seems totally obnoxious, but I was superconsistent with this and it really helped us. Today, we are mostly hitting and biting free unless someone is super tired. They key is showing them that when they do bite/hit, etc, there is a negative consequence (being removed from the situation) and an alternative to hitting/biting (being gentle).

Good luck!

My son did the same thing when he was around your son's age. The thing you can do is "no big response" to what he did. When he bite us, we would not raise our voice or react big, we just said to and look at him calmly "no biting, it's hurting". If you gave him big response, he probably thinks it's a game and he can get your attention from that. Never do the same behavior back as we supposed to past the message that it is an unacceptable behavior. Try this. We tried for some time, then, he has no interest to do it again as it is no fun to him.

First of all, you need dad's support for dealing with this, and more than just his presence, communication is key to good parenting, and you both need to be on the same page. He probably would appreciate it if you weaned your baby and put him in his own crib in his own room. This will help you and your husband reestablish your physical bond and he will feel more important to you. Second, your son needs to be told immediately when he does hurt you in some way on purpose that this is wrong. Time out is good, a quick swat on the behind may be more effective. There's a diaper there, so it won't hurt him, just startle and make him realize that's what he gets when he does that. Then have you husband do the same. Your son needs to see he can't pull one over on either of you. Good luck to you! Now go bond with your husband again, all right?