Big Life Changes, and One Fussy Two Year Old!

It's so hard when everything changes. Even when they are good changes like these they are still transitions that make it difficult for little ones to adjust. My situation is that I have a high need two year old. That means he doesn't handle any change well. He doesn't really enjoy the company of people other than his family (trying so hard to put that a nice way). He has ridiculous separation anxiety.

One of the things I have found that helps is to make a time of transition. When you get home with her give her 20 or 30 minutes of bonding time. Then whatever you do try involve her. When you go make dinner, put her in her highchair or booster seat at the table with a banana anda plastic case knife and let her cut it up. Or sit her on the floor with bowls and spoons and let her "cook" with you. When you do the laundry let her fold washrags or help put the clothes from the washer to the dryer (my son likes that because when we are done he gets to slam the dryer door shut). Find ways to incorporate her into what you are doing so that she starts to define time with you in a different way. Instead of only getting to do special things with you periodically let her do little things with you every day. Clean the bathroom when she is in the tub bathing. When you dust give her a cut up old t-shirt as a dustrag and let her dust furniture. When you vacuum give her the dustbuster and let her help. It's not so much about putting her to work, but she will enjoy any time with you and if you put it to her as something you are doing together she will be more inclined to let you put her down. Dad can do the same thing and then the special things you do together won't seem like pennance or a way to make it up to her. While they are tons of fun the downside of it is that you are sending an unspoken signal that you are doing something wrong to her that you have to make up for when in reality your life is changing because you are trying to provideher with a richer life.

Hi J.!
Sounds like you are doing all the right things to make as much time as possible for your family - family nights, zoo trips, etc. It is so challenging being a full time working mom but it seems you have the end goal clearly defined and you have your dreams for her future in perspective (like the degrees). It won't be forever. Jobs can change so quickly. Kids behaviors change so quickly. Just know that this is the season of your life together. It won't be this way forever. It won't 'scar' your daughter. And as long as you are feeling 'called' toward what you are doing, like it is your purpose in life (again, at least for this season), then rest in confidence and take each step, each hour, each day, one at a time. As a full time working mother of 4 (also running my own business on the side!) it is a constant mental battle to check that things are in balance and we are doing everything for the best of the situation. I am doing what I am doing now so that I can be home more in a couple years. Things do get awfully crazy and imbalanced at time and I see that in my kids behaviors as well. So I take a break, recalibrate, snuggle, love, nurture and focus on family.....not so much house cleaning, etc. It's important to find time in each moment. Driving in the car we engage in conversation. Bedtime routine is sacred, personal time. Taking days to have lunch with the kids at school or home. Staying home for breakfast every once in awhile. You may not have a job with that much flexibility so just do what you can. Please feel free to email me if you have any other specific questions. I just wanted to give you a big 'hooray' for what you are taking on for your family and let you know that it is possible to have career without sacrificing family.
Take care,
L.

My husband just enlisted in the Navy and left for boot camp 4 weeks ago. My 22 month old is doing the SAME THING. He used to see Daddy everyday now he hasn't seen him or talked to him in 4 weeks. It's tough! The first couple weeks he was VERY whiny and clingy. For about 30 minutes every night we just cuddle and play! When it's clean up time I have my boys help me. They REALLY love helping with laundry and are getting much better at picking up their room without me helping. After I quit crying 24-7 and paid more attention to the boys things have gotten better! A little extra attention, not too much, really helped my boys get over the hump!

I think that this is normal, she has a lot of changes going on. Right now it might seem like a pain to be up late at night but making her feel more secure I would say is more important. The housekeeping police are not going to get on to you if you don't have the house clean. Making the day about her is perfect idea. My daughter did this when our son was born and we started taking turns with taking just her out. Like one friday was my husband and her going out and then the following was just my daughter and I. Now she begs to have her brother with her when she goes on her outing (date) night. It makes them feel like they are important and they become a happier child.