Two-year-old Wetting Bed and Being Rough Around Newborn

You shouldn't punish him for wetting the bed. His bladder isn't even developed enough to last very long without going potty. If he wakes up in the middle of the night, you should just gently tell him its time to try to go potty and help him sit there and try. Put a nightlight in the bathroom so you don't have to turn on the big light so hopefully he doesn't wake up too much. I would just keep a pullup on him for now at night. My daughter is 3 1/2 and still doesn't stay dry all night long. Some kids just take awhile to develop the muscles necessary for that.
As for being gentle, have him practice on a baby doll. Let him practice holding the baby doll, feeding it, touching it gently, etc. And let him hold the real baby with your help on the couch. Show him how to play with a baby. Let him help you by fetching diapers or wipes or a burp cloth. Let him pick out the babys clothes sometimes. Make him feel like this is his baby too and get him as involved as possible. And don't worry about him hurting the baby. Poking the babys head won't hurt, even the soft spot. You have to push pretty hard to hurt the baby ther =) just make sure you are always there to supervise until he learbs and always try to give him a job to do so he isn't just trying to mess with the baby all the time.
I also nursed my 2nd baby and my older one was just 2 yrs old when she was born. I would just sit on the livingroom floor with a few pillows to nurse the baby so I could still interact with my older one. (I knew I was a pro when I could change my 2 yr olds diaper while nursing lol)
I promise it will get easier, but it might be slow going at first. Just relax and enjoy both your kids and don't worry so much about the small things =) congrats on your new addition by the way!

I would NOT punish him for wetting the bed. Regressive behaviors are very common when a new sibling enters the picture. You can put him back in pull-ups for a few weeks or until he starts waking up dry regularly again, but don't get mad at him for something he can't necessarily control--even if he was able to control it before. (And barely 2 is really young for making it through the night!--my son was 3 1/2 before he slept without pull-ups!)

I know very well how terrifying it is to have a new baby with a toddler who doesn't quite understand how to interact with the new baby. It's hard to keep it mind, but it's actually a good thing that he wants to interact, even if it's hard on your peace of mind. There were times when my youngest (our 3rd) was a baby when I seriously wondered how she would ever make it to age 1--but she did! Follow your baby's lead--if he's not too bothered by his big brother's ministrations, try not to overreact to them, even while gently reminding him how to be gentle (showing him how to rub her head and play gently with her arms and legs, etc.). And even if he touches his brother's "soft spot," just touching it is not going to cause any damage whatsoever.

Lastly, he probably wants some attention from you while you're nursing since your attention is focused so much on the baby. Try having him sit next to you (on the opposite side from the baby's head!) and read him a book while you nurse, or watch a tv show together and talk about what you're watching. He might not act out so much if he doesn't feel like he's being ignored because of baby brother.

Take care! And good luck to you during this time of transition!!

I have 3 kids - the first two were 21 months apart and the last two are 30 months apart. Kids go through transition issues and my oldest (4 1/2 years old) will still have occaisional bed-wetting episodes whenever there are any major changes in his life (new baby, when I started back to work, his dad out-of-town for awhile, when he started with a new class at preschool, etc...). It's just emotional bed-wetting. The best you can do is but down a pad or liner on the bed and just encourage him to get up when he feels the need and let him know that if he is "peeing in a dream" he needs to wake up and go. He's also still young to be fully potty-trained at night, so don't get mad - physiologically it is still hard for a child that young to control the need to pee. This will pass, just try your best to be supportive.

As for the roughness, there is nothing wrong with giving warnings and telling him he can only "play" with his sibling if he is going to be gentle. Also, encourage cuddling with both of you when you are nursing and try to play (sit on floor or couch and have toys interact or drive cars on your leg) when your movement is limited so he can feel included. Also, while you should always try not to "lose it" or yell, know that you will as no one is perfect. Apologize if you do and use it as a lesson of "even mom isn't perfect and has to work on behaving" and quietly explain why you got mad and what you can both do in the future to keep it from happening.

It's pretty normal for kiddos to regress when a younger sibling arrives. My toddler stopped going potty altogether when his baby sister came home. Thankfully it was only a phase.

I wouldn't punish your son with all the changes in his life right now. Maybe just put him in a pull up at bedtime? One book I recommend (Siblings without Rivalry) compared the emotional upheaval a toddler experiences with a new sibling to: How would you feel if your husband came home with a newer younger wife? That you were supposed to love and be happy about.

As far as touching goes it sounds like you are already attempting to re-direct by saying "soft touches". When he does touch soft I would praise the heck out of him. You could try things like saying "tickle his feet" and see if that works. Another thing I tried to do when nursing was read my toddler a book so he didn't feel left out.

Good luck, it is rough at this age, but it does get easier. My two are 26 months apart. The early months were rough but now they play together great and my son is an awesome big brother.

It is very common for young children to regress when a new baby comes in the house. They see this infant getting a ton of attention that used to be shown to them and they think that by acting more like the baby will get them that same attention. Try telling him what a big boy he is and how proud you are to have a big boy. It is also important to remind him that you love him and that you love what a big boy he is. Let him do something special and tell him he can do it because he's big and baby brother can't because he's so little. Also, if he usually wets the bed at 6:30, set your alarm to wake him up at 6:15 and take him to the bathroom. It should only take a few days before he is doing it again himself. I think that punishing him would just cause him to regress further.

My son is 5 and it is sometimes still difficult for him to understand that he is being too rough around our 2 mo old sometimes. Helping him hold the baby, letting him give her a bottle (with help), and letting him help bathe her have all helped because I can take his hand and demonstrate. I nurse also, but I pump bottles just so he and my husband can feed her sometimes and feel involved and bond. Also, he is much more likely to scare you and/or the baby than to hurt him if he's just being curious. By pushing him away from the baby, you increase his jealousy and curiosity.

try waking him 20 mins before he usually wakes up and telling him to go to the bathroom.

he might not understand the word "gentle". talk in a calm soothing voice and say things like "touch the baby softly,what a great job your so kind to your little brother," tons of positive reinforce ment and gentle/calming voice from mom goes a long way. while breast feeding find a chair that he cannot climb into with you. (rocking chair). Also tell him when you were just a baby we did this with you. your such a big boy now your not a baby. get him busy with something while you nurse, draw a picture, go get a certian toy from your room, keep him busy.

Wow! Your son of 25 months is regressing by wetting the bed? That is so cool! What an accomplishment to be out of diapers at such a young age! I think I'd let the bed wetting go for now, just put on some pull ups or goodnights and tell him once he doesn't have any more accidents he won't have to wear them any more then let it go.
Our youngest is incredibly precociouse over active and very much the baby of the family. We protected my neice's very small puppy by teaching her "Tippy is breakable". She was 3 at the time and it worked great. She would pet gently and softly, not pick her up, etc. She was also told when Tippy was older she wouldn't be breakable anymore. She was always asking if Tippy was still breakable, and finally one day she and Tippy were "bigger enough" that she could hold Tippy in her lap.
Find a word he understands, let him know it's temporary and follow the advice of the Mom that suggested one on one time. Our kids are 14,14,13,12 and 5 and the one on one time is preciouse and so special to each of them. It also has turned around not so great behavior. There is lots of advice here and I'm confident you will find what works for you.
Be sure you get some time to yourself as well. That will go a long way towards keeping you from "losing your temper".
Good luck and God Bless,
L.

Oh, how I understand you!
My boy is now three and his baby sister one, so about the same age difference than yours.

I'll tell you to be VERY patient with him, it is a very, very difficult time and a big change for him and it is a long road for it to be Ok. Until this day my son sometimes hurts his sister even he absolutely loves her!

Usually all the books tell you that you should not try to potty train when a big stressful change, like the birth of a sibling, is coming. I tell you they start acting like little babies all the time and the more attention the baby gets the more thay act out.

For me, my son's teacher from Mother's day out helped A LOT, she was a real blessing and what she did was tell him all the time that his parents loved him and that his sister loved him and that having a sister added to the number of persons that love him. She did this day after day.

At home, him touching the baby was only under supervision at no other time he would be able to get close to her and I was very lovingly clear about not pocking her and eyes, and stuff but at the same time you need to pamper, cuddle, kiss and hug your big boy as much as possible. That will calm him down.

Also please watch out for what is normal curiosity, that comes with your boy just being a little boy.

As soon as is possible for you I'll recomend a "date" with your big boy, a day out just for the two of you. You'll notice how your son feels a relief.

About him wetting the bed, I do not know if you would consider nightime pull ups, at least for a little time, that will help you not be so tired and having to clean his bed every day, which will help keep your cool. Of course if you decide to do this you need to tell him every night why you are doing it and what you would like and expect him to be able to do in a short period of time.

I tell you, it is a very, very rough time for your boy and it will make it more difficult for both of you if your reaction in any way could be felt as rejection. The peaceful way will get you far better. Of course that does not mean that you will tolerate anything that you should not and timeouts or your dicipline of choice is and should not be compromised at any time.

I wish you the best and congratulations on your little ones!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
M.

It is normal for little ones to regress when a baby is born. Just be patient with your toddler. A new baby is a big adjustment for him. If the bedwetting is an issue, I would suggest some kind of a pull up until this time passes. Best of luck!

I agree with the ladies on the bed wetting. Let it go. It is his only control right now, so let him have it. With the "gentle" issue: A newborn is not as breakable as glass. Let him explore, obviously protecting vulnerable parts like eyes. Soft spots are not as soft as one would think. Read him a book while nursing, let him help with burping, help with diapers, hold the baby and read to him. Let him help with as much as possible, with the emphasis being on him, not the baby.

I don't really have much advice but do want to say DON'T punish him for wetting the bed. 25 months is VERY young to be potty trained so if he's regressing right now because of baby, it's totally normal. I think you just stick this one out, and put mattress protectors on the bed! or perhaps training pants at night until it's under control again.

as for having him be gentle, that will come, too. It took both of my children a while to really learn this when the next sibling came (I have 3). My first was 27 months when his sister came and he was SO rough. My only bit of advice is to take his hand and show him. When he's touching the baby rough, instead of cautioning him, "Gentle" or saying, "Don't touch the baby's _____", take his hand and say, "This is how we touch the baby!" Eventually he will learn. When you're nursing, try to pay attention to him as well. I used to take that time to read a book to my oldest as his baby sister nursed, and now that sister is older and I'm nursing a new baby, she's content to just let me have an arm around her so she can cuddle with me and watch the baby nurse.

My oldest tended to act very rough around baby and crawl and jump all around her, until I involved him more. At that point, he would stick around for a bit listening to a story or "petting" the baby, and then he would play with his toys. He only wanted to be involved. I thought I had involved him enough until I involved him even MORE and realized that the bahaviors I didn't love would go away.

My daughter is different and just wants to love on the baby all the time. Even that has gotten calmer as she's gotten a little older and we've had the baby longer. But just when they seem rough or too active around the baby, I pull them in my arm (the other one is busy with the baby!) and cuddle and read or talk. It works for mine!

Welcome to sibling jealousy. On both issues!

I would buy a pack of goodnights and leave him along on the bed wetting. It is very stressful when you are no longer the center of attention.

Next, hand baby off to Dad or Grandma and go out and do something fun with your oldest. Children's museum, park, it doesn't matter as long as you two are alone. Even window shopping at the mall. Don't even mention the baby while you are out. THis is all about him.

Good Luck!

The best thing for you to do is wake your son up at 5:30am and take him to potty, don't wait for him to wake up when it is too late. You may have to carry or guide him to the restroom, you may have to pull his PJ's down and sit him on the potty. But I bet he and you will have a dry bed.
As far as the gentleness around the baby. Until he understands, he can not be around the baby.

Hi,
Your 2 year old needs lots of love and hugs right now and needs to learn over time how to express feelings about the new baby. Here is a great article:
http://www.med.umich.edu/yourchild/topics/newbaby.htm

I am a parent educator and in our class "Redirecting Children's Behavior" so many parents have such an "aha" moment when we teach the section on the older child being 'dethroned' when the new baby comes. If you can, I would suggest that you find an RCB course in your area (it is taught around the country) or you can contact me directly and I can help you.

Blessings to you and your family,
K.