A friend of mine, who lives out of state, is going thru a terrible time. She's only been married a year (they have a small child) and found out her husband started drinking excessively, is no longer 'in love' with my friend, and the kicker...having an affair with their 21-yr. old daycare worker (who was subsequently fired). Needless to say, this has been a shocking, devastating time for my friend.
My friend is an amazing, strong, optimist and I know she will be okay in the long run. I just wonder if there is anything I can do (other than listen) to help her through this tough time. I've offered to come see her, but she sidestepped. (She has a lot of friends & family in her area and probably doesn't need a house guest at this point.)
Any moms out there who have gone through a difficult time and had a friend that you really helped? If so, what was most meaningful? I have some disposable income, so I could spend a little $, if necessary.
Like Jo says - laugh at her jokes...
offer for her to come see you....let her "get away"...
sucks that she's going through this...just be there!!!
Laugh at her jokes no matter how stupid they are.
I went thru this. It seemed like no one was there to really just listen to me. I wanted to vent and say how crappy everything was and just have someone AGREE with me! My mom was terrible, not supportive at all and tended to point out all my faults...I already know that...I wanted someone on MY side! So I would just call her and tell her you are there if she needs to talk, or vent or anything. That was really all I needed from my friends. Just to rehash the whole thing over and over and not get mad because they already heard it! lol! So you are a good friend...good for you.
Offer to have her come stay with you (with her small child probably). Give her specifics about what airline, when she could come - and make sure she knows you'd buy the ticket happily.
Other than that, email or call frequently. Give her something to focus on other than her problems (tell jokes, stories of what's going on in your life, etc.).
Just be there too listen. I found what I needed in times of crisis what just and ear - and most people would rather give something than just listen. Listening is what I needed, not stuff - but maybe a nice lunch or dinner would be good, while you listen :) You are a good friend. I wish the best for your friend.
I just wanted to pipe up and say how BLESSED she is to have you! What an awesome friend you are!!!!!!!
My best friend paid for my initial attorney visit, arranged daycare for my son, and drove me there/went with me.
I would reach out to her. Tell her you are available if she needs a shoulder, if she needs to call you, no matter day or night, it's ok. And if she needs to just get away to clear her head, she is welcome to come and visit you. If you are actually ok with those things. Bottom line...tell her you are here for her if she needs you.
I went through a horrible divorce. It makes me sad to this day, because despite my own divorce I still think things can work out in so many cases. Anyway, one of the things that I felt was a lot of judgements being made. People do not know what goes on in other's houses and I could no way make this marriage work. But what I needed was an ear, lots of ears, lots of love and help with my children. My own family was nasty to me. They didn't know how much counseling we had, how difficult it was and how alone I felt. So as so many have said, be an ear, perhaps invite her and her child and just remain open. She is lucky to have you as a friend. I just wanted to add this too...before my divorce my sister had me watch her children all of the time. Well, almost to the moment I filed papers she snatched that away from me and told me I couldn't care for them anymore. That had been one of the most important parts of my life and she stole that from me. Help her to maintain the important consistent parts of life. Encourage her to continue taking care of herself and do what makes her happy.
I say J. being there for her, if shes not well off and you are, you could pay for a night at a nearby beach or something or J. a hotel close by to maybe getaway and relax with her kid and swim in a pool andnot worry about stuff...I'm poor so I;d opt for the J. being there, but gosh I sure would love an escape for J. one day when in the heat of it...so i'm sure she would too
When I went through something difficult it was so comforting for my friend to just come over and hang out with me. Can you visit her and babysit while she gets some things done? Help around the house or with yard work, take her out to eat etc.
My friend is going through similar crisis. I have been lending her an ear and been trying to "nourish" her with making her lunch or a cup of tea. Also...my mom has given me great insight upon reflecting on her own divorce. I will mention my friend and my mom will say, "Oh yeah...I remember going through that same thing...."
So maybe just be reassuring and let her know that all those emotions are really normal, etc.
She's lucky to have you.
