Best Friend with Different Parenting Style

Honestly, I'd tell my friend that "popping" my child isn't acceptable. If time outs work for her then that's what she needs to do.
I don't ever want anyone laying their hands on my child, even if they are watching her. I'm the parent and if it's my child then I am the one to determine how to discipline my child.
Good luck.

I would find alternate child care. I also wouldn't allow hitting to go on in my household. We have a rule in our house that our hands show love, and that applies to everyone who steps in the door. I would ask her to step outside if she felt the need to hit her child in my house. I don't want my children exposed to that. We work very hard on teaching the rule of hands showing love and seeing a grown up hit undermines that.

I would also talk to your daughter about what she has seen. Talk about what you do in your house compared to what others do in theirs.

I completely agree with what Alicia J. said. The discipline needs to be consistent, no matter where she is, a friends, home, or even school. Simply ask your friend to please put her in time out when she needs it. You don't even have to bring up how you feel about the "pop", simply tell her you want the discipline to be consistent, and leave it at that.

As for worrying about if people think you hit her...don't. It is nobody's business how you discipline your child, and if they ask, just tell them the truth...she picked it up at a friends house.

First, like someone said before, if you can go with alternate care for awhile rather than having your friend watch her. Or you can tell your friend that with multiple caregivers (yourself, babysitter, and friend) that you want there to be consistency in discipline. You can always say you and your husband have talked about it recently or read somewhere that consistency is best for a child (I'm sure it is). Then spell out what your daughter can and can't do and how she is to be disciplined. If your friend is truly a friend she will do what you want, if not, then she is not much of a friend.

I would talk to your friend and ask her to use the same method you use on your child. Maybe she could stand to learn a new technique!

L., I am a mother of 4, 2 girls, 2 boys. I have had to pop them occasionally when they were small, but not very often. I would simply explain to your friend you mean no disregard for her parenting tactics, but that your child is showing the behavior that you said. I never allowed anyone to pop my kids other than my mother.."That was a pop on the hand. Now this is not to say that when they get older you may change your mind a little! Litle girls once they reach 9 and above tend to sometimes have a mouth on them..Hopefully you won't have this problem. Go with your gut feeling about "your child". If the friend is a true friend I believe that she would understand your concerns..If not, maybe your daughter does not need to be there. I don't know the person, but as I said before, you know your child better than anyone and I personally would keep a look out.. Good Luck! K.

Oh i dont think there is anything wrong with it i wouldnt worry about your daughter!~ dont be afraid fo what people think cuz youve done nothing wrong.

You neeed to tell your friend that you do not discipline your daughter this way. Tell her you prefer time outs. IF she does not agree with you, you need to find another person to watch your daughter.

For me and my bestfriend it's backwards...I used to pop my son (he's 14 yrs old now so pops ended awhile back) and my friend didn't. When I watch her children I use the discipline methods that she uses. It was never an issue either. The first time I babysat one of her kids, she politely asked that I discipline them the same way she does. I didn't feel insulted in any way at all.
I wouldn't bring up your personal feelings about "Pop!" but certainly feel free to say how your child is to be disciplined. I'd wait until another time to bring up your daughter saying "pop" and how you feel about it. Don't ruin your friendship over a difference of opinion. As long as no child is being abused then it isn't really a big deal.

L.:

Every parent has a different way of discipling their child/children...there is no correct style of discipline. So she says "pop" too often (and in your opinion it is not effective)... is there a better word for "pop"? I would rather hear the word "pop" than spanking or a slap on the butt.

Your child is a toddler and beginning to speak...so she is going to repeat words she hears. She will eventually stop...it is just a phase she is going through.

Now you also mentioned you were thinking about talking to your friend about her discipline style...you and your husband have chosen to discipline your child in a different manner (and like I said...there is no one correct way to discipline). Your friend might do one of two things...she might thank you for making her aware of the fact that she says "pop" too much OR she might be offended and your friendship could suffer from it. Are you ready for this?

I have a sister-in-law who has chosen the "time out" method of discipline (and again...let me stress there is no one true correct way to discipline....it is a preference to the parent/parents)and that woman has no control over her children! Her oldest child (now almost five) is out of control. When she tries to discipline him...he runs around saying he doesn't like her and spitting at her and everyone else. Let me tell you...a good "POP" would do him some good!

In my opinion...how you choose to discipline a child is a preference...there is not correct way. We are human...we make mistakes. We try to learn from our parents mistakes and try not to make the same ones with our children. I don't think your friend would ever hurt your child and really...I don't think she's aware of the fact that she uses the word "pop" too much.

Take care.

I just think that if she is such a good friend then you should be able to talk to her about what's bothering you,. I would be prepared though for her to decide that she cannot abide by your way of discipling your child and you may have to find alternate care. Keep it friendly, don't let tempers flare. I just had a run in with one of my good friends (a difference of opinion) I just held my temper and watched my words carefully as I told her how I felt or what I thought. We ended the conversation a bit abruptly, but the next day everything was back to normal between us. That's the way real friends talk something out. Good luck!

Now I may be completely out to lunch here, but given the fact that I am mother to a 13 month old, i definitely would not let me friend discipline my daughter. Discipline is for the parents of the child only. And the fact that you're friend "pops" her kids on the back of their legs...I just think that's wrong.
The fact that your little one is picking up on this and is smacking things in her hands, she gets what's going on. Little kids mimic what they see.
Good luck!

I was in a similar position before moving. My friend just didn't watch my DD. She can do what she wants to her child-within reason oh course, but this is not how I wanted to raise my DD. So, my frined just wasn't allowed to watch her. She of course didn't know that she wasn't "allowed" to, but we just always found alternate care. If this is your only choice, then you might bring it up the story without drawing a connection to your friend saying this.
"My husband and my daughter were at Target and she picked up a Slim Jim snack and started smacking it in her hand and saying 'Pop! Pop! Pop!' It was so embarasing. I'm sure the people around us thought that we take her home and beat her. Kids say the dandest things." Then change the subject. Maybe she will think twice about saying it next time. If not, find someone else. Good luck.

i don't think your friend's choice of discipline is harmful (maybe ineffective though) but the problem i see is that if you use time-outs for your daughter at home and she gets a different form of discipline while at your friend's house, then your daughter might become confused about her boundaries. consistency is key when disciplining a child, especially a little one. i would just tell your friend that you don't have anything against her form of discipline, but when she is watching your daughter you would prefer for her to use time-outs with your daughter, because you think it might be confusing to her if she receives different forms of discipline with different people.
hope this helps!