Being Punished in Our Parents' Will

My grandmother's generation believed everything went to the eldest. It;s hard to know the rational unless you have a chance to ask. I think the trick is finding a way to accept and know how they felt about you despite what they left you. Good luck

Noone got a dime in my father's will. It ALL went to my mom to pay for her mortgage and his costly medical bills. It would have been nice to get something, but my mom is good with letting us have a memento here or there.

My grandparents, have 3 black sheep children who are absolutely vile and disgusting people. They aren't getting a thing, but the most responsible of the children is the executor (my mom), and she and her 3 siblings who help take care of their parents are getting the other things divided amongst them, Some will get more than others, simply because they show more interest in taking care of their aging parents and such.... it doesn't have anything to do with who is neediest or not.

Wow. Since when do parents have to leave you anything? It's HIS money. No one is being "punished." He made a choice, that was his right. It's such a terrible thing, that we feel entitled to our parent's money. It was never yours, so what is there to be mad about?? He was dying, and you were concerned about money? I guess I just don't understand how you justified your feelings. Then again, they are your feelings, and you have a right to them.

I don't think any child 'deserves' anything from their parents' estates. I think that parents, while living, help out the child who needs the help. That is certainly how it is with my sister and SIL. They need the help, regardless of the reasons, and my husband and I do not...therefore, they get the help. I'm sure if we needed it, my parents and in-laws would do what they could for us.

I think parents leave items to certain people because they feel that person needs it or will put it to better use than others. For instance, you have a house so dad didn't will you his house.

I used to work in wills and probate and the vast majority of the wills I probated split things evenly between the heirs with a few special, personal items going to various people (mom's favorite quilt to Maud..things like that).

What he does or doesn't leave to you has nothing to do with how much he loves you.
Verbal agreements can often go astray and everything should be written down in the will.
Personally I think my Mom should spend it all and have a ball.
This isn't a competition.
I think your feelings are all part of your grieving and it's going to take awhile to make your peace with this.

I'm an insurance agent and I can tell you, I've heard it ALL!!! I used to have a G. that had about 16 grandkids and I swear, every single month she would send in a new Change of Beneficiary form with new percentages next to each ones name, depending on how much she liked or disliked them at the time. It was ridiculous, and frankly, embarassing.

That being said, I think the kids that "have it together" always seem to suffer in these situations. For example, my cousin was handed everything over to her because she was pathetic and needy and everyone wanted to "help" her. I had a full time job, owned my own condo, and paid my own bills, although I struggled to do so. Just because I didn't whine and cry for handouts like she did, I was often "overlooked".

Use this opportunity to make sure your own will is in place so your children do not go thru the same things. Good luck.

Having observed my husband's family (there is a lot of family money there), it's not always divided "fairly," but then, who is to say what "fair" is? We have always figured, if someone dies and leaves us money, great. If not, it was never ours to begin with, so who cares? Living life worrying about who is going to administer a trust or estate and whether or not they like you well enough to split things up evenly creates a lot of animosity, in my experience. My SIL doesn't speak to anyone else in the family anymore because she perceives that the way a family member's estate was divided was "unfair," and I think it's sad. She will spend years of her life without family now, all for what? Is there an amount of money that's worth it? In my view, life is too short to worry about that stuff. It's only money, and no amount of it can buy quality time with family. Just me personally, I feel like the memories we have with our loved ones are the true riches. Take heart that you have that much, at least!

My mom died with no will, no insurance money, a ton of bills and a few measlely accounts at banks that just kept the money because she owed them money. There was nothing to fight or be sorrowful about. To bury her my husband and I and my aunt (her sister) came up with the money. My sister couldn't contribute a dime but I did let her pick out the casket and mom's final resting outfit and wig.

Nothing from any loved ones estate is promised to you. It was their stuff to do with what they felt they should. And when you die you will do the same thing with your stuff and someone will always feel slighted. FYI - my neices and nephews went through my mom's stuff and everyone took what they wanted and took all of the money she had stored in her room and didn't offer to help with one dime of the expenses for her funeral. It just was what it was and I was and still am fine with it.

You are not being punished you just need to adjust your expectations. His possessions were his to do with what he wanted and that is the end of that. No need for you to feel bad, your financial situation isn't reduced for his death. Just get better right where you are and live your life in a loving way and make the proper provisions for your family.

FYI - my mother lied about having insurance and a will and everything but I still love her and miss her tremendously.

I was just talking to my mom about this. I told her and i firmly belive it, There is nothingin this world that could be given to me that would ever replace the good memories i have of her. Nothing that she owns is worth fighting with my sister. It just isn't worth it, If my sister never wants to talk to me again then so be it, she can have everything and leave my life, if that is her choice.
My parents are divorced and my dad has remarried and doesn't often have much to do with me, I certainly don't expect him to remember me in a will, I woudl rather he remembered me and called me when he was alive. Nothing he can give me after he dies wil change the memories that he did or didn't give me while he was around. Would it be nice yes, but i'm not holding my breath. MY LIFE is to imporant to me and i'm not going to harbor resentment about other peoples decisions.

Personally i've always wondered why people didn't leave money to the grandkids instead, If you haven't gotten your life together on your own by your 40's (assuming everyone lives a long life) then you probably won't and if you have then you don't need it. Give it to the grandkids.

You are looking for an "entitlement" from dad. It is his money and his life. He has his reasons why he did what he did.

I had a cousin who had huge medical bills and owned several homes. Her brother was the exec and had to sell them off. Her medical and whatever else were cleared. Another cousin expressed his unhappiness because he didn't get anything. Well, he never was close to her but because she had no children he "thought" he would be entitled but when the will was read several people who no one knew about got sizeble sums.

My wish is that my daughter gets the house we live in because she is single and may never own a home if we don't leave ours (the economy and such). Our son has a home and a family. But that is my thought. Do I love one more than the other? No. It is just what I feel needs to be done. I still have to sit down in the future and write out who gets what dish set and punch bowl and stuff and jewelry. The jewelry depends on the daughter and the daughter in law. Of course this will cause the son to be upset because of his make up so life is life and what will be will be.

The old way was to give to the grands the money but in this day and age the grands are not any more responsible and mature than the parents so does it go to the great grands or to charitable oraganizations?

I'm sorry you feel punished but look at the others who said they did not get anything. I had to live 8 years with relatives and court appointed guardians because my dad never completed the will he said he would do. So there are many sides to the coin as to why people do what they do.

Just love him in life and have good memories in place for when he goes. He loves you regardless of how you feel right now and always has.

The other S.

PS I have seen in my extended family how siblings have fought over things and it had a very bad end.

Oh and Bill Gates says he is giving all of his money away and his kids will have to earn their own way.

at the end of the day - you had a relationship with him and your kids did, too. you can't put a price on that.

I know you may be too hurt to believe this right now, but consider this: For some in the older generations, especially if your dad was a Depression-era child, not leaving the responsible child much, or anything, is thought of as a kind of compliment. I know! It feels like a slap, not a compliment! But though it is NO excuse, it might be an explanation.

This generation (my mom's) often felt that the child who was ever so responsible was "taken care of" and that they could breathe a sigh of relief about that child. "Sally's OK! She has paid off her home, car and kids' college bills. She has great kids. She is so competent and organized. I know she will be OK after I die. But I'm not so sure about Sarah and Jenny...." And so on. Yes, you are right, objectively speaking; your dad certain should have left you at least something token - though he might have left you an item like a sentimental object rather than cash, because...you're responsible and have paid your bills through life. Your siblings may or may not have done so and he might have felt that leaving them money was the last way he could ever take care of them. His letting the oldest child dole out the money as she sees fit also sounds like the act of someone from a generation when the oldest was considered the one to "inherit" the job of head of the family. Fair? No. Sensible? No. But like I said -- it may help you be less angry if you consider how he was thinking and how his generation tends to think. I won't take all the anger away but it could help.

As for your siblings: We don't know the full story here of your lifetime of relationships with them, but if they have not manipulated dad for money or did not jockey for position in his will -- why then cut yourself off from them over this? Frankly, I've known folks who cut off siblings in similar circumstances then much later, when it was too late, regretted that they let the dead parent's poor decisions and choices influence them into dumping their siblings. You won't get another set to replace these, and unless there are other issues between you that are so grave they would drive you apart -- I would not let this alone do that.

is money that important to you? aren't the memories more than money? i could care or less if my mother left me money.....i cherish all our memories and it's my younger sister that has missed out. and now to say that you aren't going to be around your siblings??? you are punishing yourself!!!

My opinion is that parents try to "leave things" the way they think will cause the least amount of trouble. It does often suck that the more responsible you are the less you are thought of as needing a fair share. I understand it is not about the money, it is about the respect you were hoping for. I get it. You took care of him, made time for him, made sure your children made time for him and you feel unacknowledged. It's not that you expected his life's fortune, but a pat on the back "this is for you" would have been nice. The way I look at it, it could have been worse. My mom was the youngest of 4. My mom passed just a few years prior to my grandparents and another sibling passed in teen years. When it came down to dividing the estate, money, cars, etc. I got nothing, zip, zero. My two aunts divided it amongst themselves. I lived with my grandmother for many years, took care of her, took her to the grocery store, doctor appts, etc what ever she needed I was there. After I had my own place (renting) and family, I made sure that my kids knew her and spent time with her. But still that was time I spent with her and for her, and that can not be taken away. Try not to hold it against your dad, he was trying to "keep the peace" (I hope).

It's unfortunate that you're going to allow a will to come between you and your siblings. That's petty and not what your father would have wanted. His legacy is not about the objects he's leaving behind or who he's leaving them to, and who he's leaving them to is not a final message about punishing anyone.

He knew that you, the responsible one, could handle it if you didn't receive money. That with or without the money, you would do well for yourself. That with or without the car, you would be happy. That you have your own home. That to you, your relationship to him was more important than material things.

Were you good and kind to him and spend time with him in his final days only for the reward of an inheritance? If the answer is really "of course not" then don't you dare let your relationship with your siblings be ruined over this.

Yes, I think what a parent wants is to know that all their kids will be alright. And if they don't have enough money to take care of all of them, then they certainly might take care of the ones that don't have as much. I don't see any reason that you would think your dad was punishing you - I think he was doing the last thing he could do to take care of his kids.

I want my parents to spend it - take the vacations they didn't take when we were kids, travel and enjoy themselves. If there is nothing left - well, they raised us and put us through school. Anything leftover is theirs to do with as they please.

Not too sound jaded but since you are one of 5 how do you know that some of your other siblings didn't influence what he wrote out? Unfortunately, in families sometimes a will is never fair and equal. If you are looking for a portion of your father's estate, I certainly would make sure you have that discussion with your oldest sister and go from there. Keep it positvie and upbeat so the conversation doesn't get negative and combative.. Money and material possessions can certainly bring out the worst in people.

Yes, I do think that happens. I also think parents sometimes help 'needy' children more during the parents' lifetimes (of course not all parents do this). It almost feels like it doesn't "pay" to be responsible.

That being said - it's their money and their business to do with as they choose. I respect those boundaries and am grateful for all the things my parents have done for me and my children (and there have been many things through the years).

Rhonda:

Maybe he feels you don't "need" anything. Why do you feel entitled to something of his in the first place?

If you are that upset over it - talk with your father. Tell him you feel slighted. Tell him if there is something specific you want from him - maybe he can make a codicil to his will.

Edited to add: Oops, sorry, it looks like I didn't read everything you wrote. You can't talk to your dad about this. I hope you'll bear in mind that most parents probably love all your children deeply, but will not treat them exactly the same, because they are individuals.

As much as tradition tells us we're all born equal, the truth is, we're not really. Some are born with special gifts, some are born with special handicaps. We all have different emotional landscapes and physical abilities that make us more or less available to take advantage of whatever opportunities may come our way. Since most parents bring their children into the world deliberately, I think it's reasonable for them to treat each of their children according to their individual strengths and weaknesses as a matter of personal responsibility. This may mean helping out the less capable or responsible kids in hopes of boosting their chances to succeed.

Original post: I'll bet that's really common. I'm the "financially responsible one" among my three sisters, and my mother has really struggled over how much to leave each of us, because my income is small, but I manage to steer clear of debt. She's been fairly co-dependent when it comes to enabling my sisters to spend on passing whims. So it really surprised me that she decided to spit the proceeds of her estate evenly – I expected to be left with just a token gift. But she also wants me to execute her will, so maybe she felt obligated.

You know, even during life, it's often the most needy or demanding children who get the most time and attention and even material gifts from parents. It sets us up for all kinds of misery and envy if we compare, so I try to avoid doing that.

But you know, if this is something that you feel really terrible about, you should probably find a way to talk about it. Your parents could be surprised to hear you have feelings about the situation, since you seem so capable to them.

Wishing you well.

I think it varies. Some leave everything to the favored child and/or nothing to the black sheep. Some do something in between...leaving a home to the one that needs it, the car to the one that needs it, money to the one that won't just blow it. While others give to those that they see as the one that will need it and nothing to the one that seems to have it together. The problem with each scenario is it is based on what they perceive which may or may not be accurate AND they are not around to deal w/ the hurt feelings or explain their rationale.

So sorry for your loss. I suspect you should feel flattered that you dad felt you "had it together" while I am sure you slighted/punished.

Usually something like you described has more to do with time than money. Although the money is spelled out I am the executor of his will, I have power of attorney, not because I have more or less money than my brother but that I have more time. I also noticed that he left it to the oldest, another thing parents do.

What is bad is that he didn't spell things out. I am not sure why parents assume that the kids will do the right thing, they rarely do and even in the best families it can tear it apart.

What I am basically saying is I think your dad meant for it to be even but was sloppy going about it.

It's not about the money. It's never about the money. And no one should accuse you of feeling entitled to this money.

My dad always told me and my siblings that we would be getting equal amounts when he died. He saw too many adult friends fight over inheritances with their siblings. And much of that infighting was created by the deceased.

I always find it fascinating how adult siblings in their 50's or 60's all of a sudden won't speak to each other because a parent died and left them unequal amounts of money or things. It is a shame that the deceased made a decision to create sibling rivalry as their final act. It doesn't matter if one sibling needs money more than the other. Distributing the estate in unequal amounts (barring a special needs child) is like saying that he did not love you equally.

Yes, a lot of parents do it. It is a shame that this is the kind of legacy these people want to leave. Sorry to hear that your father used poor judgment with his final directives. At least you have good memories with him and can sleep with a clear conscience.

From my perspective, I disagree with others who have said your siblings didn't do this, that your father did. My brother works every angle every way he can to make sure everyone around him 'knows' he's having a really hard time of it. He is lying to everyone, Dad, his siblings, his friends, about being hard up. He's got money stashed in investment accounts. Thus and so, my Dad feels sorry for him (Dad's words) and feels like he has to help support him. Dad's health is deteriorating, Dad's finances are dwindling (so there likely won't be anything to divide). And my brother does not care at all that Dad will go bust because of him. Sigh. Families. Who says you have to love 'em? :0)

I didn't get a dime from my father, what little he had went to his faithless wife that was living with another man while my dad wasted away in a nursing home. My grandmother left her bar to her husband, who left it to his daughter. She pushed everyone away and then let it go to the state for taxes. My grandparents on the other side left everything to one son of 3. My dad has since died, so there's no worries there. I don't think the other son cares. But I could be wrong. But that means all the grandkids from my dad and the other brother left out, get nothing. I'm quite certain my mother has little to nothing to leave behind, except her room in my house which has her whole life of "stuff" to go through...think mini hoarding problem. I'm going to have fun going through it all.

Shrug it off. Does it really matter? I mean what's the norm? In a world full of hurting people it doesn't seem that there are many trust fund babies in the world.

I think it is terrible that you may not be getting much - but that's just the way it goes. And I think it is terrible too that you say you won't be around your other siblings after this. That is selfish on your part. Your siblings didn't do this to you. Maybe you can think about it in this way: Maybe your dad has more respect for you, than your siblings. Maybe his thoughts are that you can take better care of yourself than they do, and that you have the smarts to do it. Maybe he thinks more of you. I know it is backwards thinking, but just think about it for a minute and maybe you'll see what I mean. Please don't let this make you bitter, that is what could truly change your life.

It's a fact: people can do what they choose with their own money (within some limits).

There's something about wills that drives people nuts! It's important to make wills - don't get me wrong about that! - but emotions get higher than they should. Maybe it's because we feel a bequest is, so to speak, our loved one having the last word about us. And I don't know if that's true at all.

I knew of one person, long ago, who told his grown children, "I'm tickled pink to give to you and your kids while I'm alive, and come to me when you need to, but don't get obsessed about my will, because what's left when I die will all go to..." and he named a certain charity. The longer I live, the better this idea sounds.

When my FIL died, he left a will, but he also left a request (*not* in the will): that funds in a certain bank account of his be equally divided among his children. However, requests have no legal backing, and it was deliberately not done.

At the moment, we have been "voted off the island" by my MIL, and it wouldn't surprise me if, when she dies, we find there is nothing bequeathed to us. The only thing I can say is that I'm thankful we don't have to depend on her money. We've done all right on our own, thank you very much.

And so have you. You have a lot going for you. Be glad you haven't banked anything on expectations from your father.

My mother stated in her will that everything was go into her estate - house sold, bank accounts closed, etc. - and then divided up equally into separate trusts for my brother and I. We have different money habits - I tend to spend, he is pathological about NOT spending - but we are equally responsible with money, so it's not an issue. In retrospect, that's really what your father should have done, instead of putting one of you in charge - otherwise I could see this leading to a lot of squabbling and bad feelings.

Looks like you got a ton of answers, but I spoke with my mom after she made her will, (very early) I am the oldest and have a home, two cars etc. My younger brother has none of that and she told me that since he doesn't have anything and I do that she is leaving him the house. I think it is a little messed up, all of our older family writes things so that it either goes to the eldest or gets divided equally, but I do have those things and refuse to let myself get caught up or overly upset about it.But I totally get the idea of feeling punished for doing well because that is how I felt when she told me. So I don't think it always has something to do with deserving, as much as them trying in their own way to be fair, or care take.

Sometimes, the offspring will manipulate the parent(s) to get what they want per the Will.
Which is not nice of course.
Things like this happens all the time. Even to the best of families.

I'm sorry your dad is doing this to you...but please remember that this is your dad's choice, not your siblings choice. Saying you won't be around them much after this doesn't seem the mature angle to take. They didn't make his decision(s), he did.

Maybe he just simply thought with all that you've done for him, time everything...you got what you needed from that. I assume you didn't do all of that to "get something in the end"...

My cousins all got material items /before/after my G. died...but I was the one who "won" in the end...I was the one she waited for on her death bed...she waited two days for me to drive three states to get to her...she died within hours of me coming to the hospital...they all knew! SO maybe just maybe he knows you have this life under control and don't need all that "stuff"...you have memories!

I'm also the youngest of 5 daughters...I have 3 way older half-sisters and my "fullblood sister" is just 15 mos older than me. We have the same mom whereas the older 3 have a different mom. It's been stated numerous times that my full sister will get everything...i basically get nothing. My 3 half sisters were already grown and married, w/kids, when me and my full sister came but not sure if they're getting anything. My fullblood sister is extremely spoiled, got literally anything she wanted, and now, at 41, still does! I became the black sheep when i came along so i got left out most of the time. Not completely sure of how things will end up being once he's gone but i wouldn't be surprised if she still gets everything and us 4 get little to nothing. She was always the favorite for some reason. I've had to literally struggle for all i have, to make ends meet. Even more so lately b/c i had to have emergency surgery due to injury, i had no money to begin with and couldn't even put up the required down payment for surgery...several thousand dollars! I am off wk for 2-3 months or more so no income, i have NO idea how in the world i'm going to pay bills! I ask for help and seems like ppl just give to my sister instead. She doesn't need financial help, I do! But b/c i'm the black sheep, ppl think i don't i matter, and that's pretty sad. I end up getting a pretty restrained bare minimum as far as help when absolutely needed is concerned. So in MY case, yeah, my spoiled sister that needs very little help gets everything and me, the struggling one, gets little or zero. Don't know abt my other 3 half sisters, who are well off too in a manner of speaking, i know so far it's been said, they get little also.

That depends on the person.
My mom split everything down the middle between me and my older brother, and my will is set up evenly between my 3 sons.
So, it all depends on the person. I would talk to your oldest sister and ask for equal distribution, regardless of need.

How sad for you and your family. It's not their fault that your father made the will as he did. Why does what your father did cause you to love your siblings any less?

I am so sorry for your loss.

Not nearly on the same scale, but when my grandfather died he left all of his "things" to my two male cousins and nothing to the three of us (girls). At the time I remember thinking... Really? My sisters and I were the ones to go over and visit, run errands, call, send cards, make dinner, take him places, etc. My two cousins lived within a few miles and ONLY went there for family functions (read: free meal).

In the end, though, the guilt has been on them because while they have the cars, gold watch, jewelry, etc., my sisters and I have no regrets wiht respect to how we spent our time with him.

I know it stinks, but he's not punishing you so much as continuing to enable them.

I am sorry that you are going through this. It is very hurtful. It is not about the money it is about not feeling valued.
I would tell the oldest daughter that I know she will be fair because that is what your dad expected and if she isn't I recommend a lawyer.
I did not do that when my dad died and I was stupid. The money should be evenly divided.

Hi Rhonda,

Sorry for the loss of your dad, and the pain you are feeling about his will. I know where you are coming from: it's not what you "get;" it's about feeling punished for being responsible. My guess is that this is not the first time you have felt this way.

I am also the responsible one in my family, and my dad named me as executor. We discussed that things would be split equally and I told him that if there was any arguing over money from the other two that I would donate the whole shebang to Doctors without Borders. He laughed and said he preferred the American Cancer Society. We shook on it--done.

However, I know that if he precedes my mom that she will probably favor my siblings in her will, for the same reasons as your dad. And yes, it will hurt, but only because I think we should be treated equally, and that my kids should not be punished indirectly for the fact that I went to college, etc. But, as others have said here, it is my parents' money to do with as they wish...I actually have told them to spend it all!!! They should enjoy their retirement.

I hope you take some comfort in the fact that you can sleep soundly at night because you made sound decisions and modeled good behavior to your children. I know it's hard to feel the same about your other siblings, but please don't blame them, because your dad wrote the will...

I wish people would know better than to make anything verbal with it comes to final wishes. My SOs grandmother left her estate to the older daughter because of tax reasons, but verbally asked that it be sold (25,000 acres) and the money divided into 3 shares, one for each living child, and the third to be divided between the dead child's offspring (my SO and his brother). The oldest daughter kept everything, even charged my bil for the one 4 wheeler he wanted to take. Death brings out the greed in people, and it is ugly.

I just wanted to offer you tons of hugs.

*sigh* My husband's side of the family still believes in giving the son(s) everything. I feel badly for his sisters. I am pretty sure they have no idea and when the parents pass it is going to make things very sour. Not only that but, it is 2012 and I cannot believe I have to be the witness to this type of discriminatory behavior.

On my side it is a mess. My Mom died when I was young. Everything in the house was essentially hers -- from her apt. prior to being married as well as any items she inherited. My Dad brought nothing to the marriage because he had nothing. Even the house was in her name. So, after she died, the probate took a few years and then transferred the house into his name. I'll never understand what my Mom saw in my Dad. All I know is that she left behind a husband that either conned her with his graciousness or he became the true narcissist that he is today as a result of her death. I can't tell you how many times I have been threatened with being cut out of the will as well as my siblings. Well....it is his decision I guess. We are frustrated that we were minors at the time of her death. We are powerless. Sadly, I may never get to have things that were hers and that probably mean more to me than my Dad. He never understood how to take care of her things and it has always pained me. *sigh* Life.

I have made it clear in my will that when I and their Dad pass that my 2 kids will each get half.

i deeply apologize for not reading your post closely enough...i thought you were thinking about the future. my condolences.

is there any way that you can call dibs on a special photo album or other treasured momento that would make you feel close to him now? i know it's hard, but in the end, the rest IS just money.

Sorry you feel punish, not sure what is affecting you more if it is that you feel he is kind of punish you, that he "assume" that you didn't need it without asking you or you're taking this money thing as a reflection of his love?
It is his money and he gets to decide where it goes, but I am sure you already know that, I wish you could get to ask why he took this decision, perhaps his reasoning would make it a little easier?
I hate wills, I know they are necessary but most of the times leave more misunderstood and hurt feelings then what is worth, I think.
I have a 15 year old sister, I have help my mother with thousands of dollars through my life, I help pay half of her car and build her house, however I don't expect nothing from her will, if she would leave me something, unless I am in super need I would give it to my young sister and probably would ask to her dad to let her come with me (since he also travels for work).
I would however, love if she leave me some special things that for me have a special meaning, like a music record, one of my biggest good memories f is when one day we start dancing, we were in a bad time on our life (I was little) but that day we dance like crazy, she knows I keep that moment deep in my heart, I think I would be hurt if she leaves that to my sister who has no memories about it because at that point they didn't even have a record player, I should tell her I want it, but part of me wants to let her decide on her own. I probably just steal it from my sister if my mother forgets, lol.

Sorry going so long.
I hope you can pass this and remember the good, you most likely will with time.

It is not your siblings fault that the will was written like this. Don't be mad
at them. You have not gotten your share yet right. Wait and see before
you cut them out of your life.

Updated

It is not your siblings fault that the will was written like this. Don't be mad
at them. You have not gotten your share yet right. Wait and see before
you cut them out of your life.

I would not punish your siblings for what your father did. It is hard right now as you go through the grieving process. I'm so sorry about your loss. You must be dealing with the anger now and you don't want to be angry with your dad because you loved him so much. It sounds like you are directing your anger toward your siblings. That is natural. But don't ever let money and stuff come between you and your family. Don't ever let money become more important than relationships. Yes, we all have family members who make mistakes, have made poor choices, who don't have common sense, etc. But if they are not evil people who intentionally try to hurt you, I would spend time with them and relive the memories together. Our siblings are the best people to help us keep those memories alive of our parents. Be aware that they too may be dealing with their grief in a difficult way so allow some things to just go by you without taking them personally.

You have a lot to be proud of in the way you dealt with your dad. Good for you! You don't need to be financially rewarded. Pity those who have to deal with their guilt... Your dad was probably trying to help them in the best way he knew how. Be thankful that your dad didn't die feeling like he had to help you.

I know my parents want to treat my sister and I equally and fortunately neither of us "need" the money anyway so it's all good. But I understand where you're coming from. It doesn't seem fair and why do some parents keep enabling the less productive kids? I guess we won't know until we're in their shoes one day (hopefully not) and just feel protective of the underachieving child. I have to say that if my parents didn't spell it out, my sister is a good enough person I have confidence that she'd make it even anyway. Maybe your sister will? Otherwise - I'd have it out with her a bit. Why does she have more right to the money than you? In the end, you have to decide what's worth it to you though. My MIL has said everything will go equally to her 4 children. There's not a whole lot and 2 of the kids need it - they're not really functioning adults - but there are also some trusts for them and she said she trusts that my husband and his sister will give their inheritances if needed to the 2 other siblings since they're somewhat incapacited. And of course my husband will. So here's a case of 2 children truly needing the $ vs just being irresponsible and "needing" the money and the parents is still dividing equally. I'd understand if she left my husband nothing... But in the end, bitterness will only hurt you. I hope your sister is fair.