I Am Hurt, Am I Being Unrealistic? Do You See This like I Do?

I just hate the fighting over *stuff* after family is gone. Thank goodness I am estranged from my parents and my daughter is an only child.

With the thank you cards, they should have been done a long time ago. It has been 40 days since the service, even if you had done two/day they would have been complete nearly five weeks ago.

Oh, it's so sad this is happening. I understand you being hurt and angry. There is no easy way to handle this. You've buried your feelings so long that your anger has grown and grown. I urge you to start some counseling so that you can learn how to deal with your feelings. I suggest that there is no way you can change this situation.

I would send the thank you's back to her as she asked. You do not need to accept her criticism. Let her figure out who to send notes to and when. I don't think any of us sent out any thank you notes after my parents deaths. Doing that got lost in the shuffle. Maybe not ideal but that's the way it was.

Also, accept that the executor can do anything she wants to do. Your father could've told her spcifically how to divide the estate but probably didn't. Sounds like he just said it's to be divided 6 ways. You can find out, tho, by contacting his attorney and asking for a copy of the will. If you don't know the attorney's name then ask your sister, the executor, to send you a copy.

Also, you can ask the county for a copy, I think. A will has to be filed within a certain period of time. Google the county in which your Dad died and see what the rules are.

I would stop expecting to guide them in proper decision making. They've told you in actions that they do not want your input. So stop trying to make this happen the way you want it to happen. Realistically the executor can do anything she wants.

You can file something in court contesting the way she's doing it once the will goes to probate. But until then it's up to you to figure out how you want to proceed. I suggest that you talk with a lawyer to find out what the law is in the state the will is being filed to learn what your rights are legally.

I also urge you to choose your battles. Sounds like you're wearing yourself out trying to make things go the way you want them to go. You do need to find a way to co-operate with your siblings. It's a fact that the majority will rule. And sounds like they're all there which helps them make decisions together.

I suggest you'll have a better chance of being heard if you can stop criticizing them and show compassion for what they've had to do since they're in the same area as your Dad was living. They probably took on most of the responsibility for seeing that he had what he needed. Try to understand that cleaning out his house was a reasonable thing for them to do.

I urge you to get some counseling so that you can deal with your feelings. You cannot expect your siblings to sympathize with you. They're having a hard time too and are having to bear all of the burden of closing out his estate.

Find a way to let go of the past hurts and begin anew with this current situation. Tell them directly what you want without criticizing them. Thank them for what they're doing. Be specific in your requests. Asking for a copy of the will and trust without complaining is a good way to start.

if you're the kid dealing with the aging parents, the move and the estate it's hard to fathom how much pressure it is. i have 5 brothers, and it fell to one of them and me to organize my parents' move to a retirement home, and now the last week or so of mumsie's life. every broken lamp shade, every tattered holey sweater, every one of literally hundreds of knick-knacks and tchotkes accumulated over 40 years of living in a 5 bedroom home became insanely precious to them. there was no way to move all that stuff into this little condo, and even though i've got 2 condos worth of stuff in my own basement, we still had to whittle away truckloads of treasures. it's a hard, hard line to walk, to be respectful of one's parents' wishes, and to be realistic.
my brothers who live out of town probably have many of the same feelings you do. there were probably mementos and keepsakes we *should* have known to keep for them. but with weeks and weeks of backbreaking, heartbreaking work, and the mental anguish of remaining patient and cheerful and kind in the face of aging parents' whims and inconsistencies, there's just not much left to give my clueless and occasionally petulant siblings.
i have a brother arriving today from germany. he's angry that he can't stay here at my parents'. he has come all this way to see them, and has to spend the night at my house while i'm here. fair? of course not. but mumsie is incredibly sensitive to sounds, and my brother is large, jovial, hearty and very very loud. she has told me in no uncertain terms that she does not want him to stay here. so whose wishes get precedence? there's really no contest.
but he could be here writing this post.
i'm not surprised that the executor was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. nor that she is very explicit in what she needs you to do, or that she's too exhausted to couch everything in super-courteous terms.
take as long as you need to get your thank-yous out. naturally people are cutting you plenty of slack.
do the same for your siblings.
khairete
S.

This is why I really don't intend to get involved in any "estate"issue...it is just not worth the hassle. It sounds like you really wanted to be the executor of the estate rather than your other sister. You are expecting complete fairness when you live out of state and cannot monitor what is going on. Yeah, it does sound like you are getting shorted, but really is stuff worth ruining your entire relationship with all of your siblings? Do you really think that your sister is going to be able to realistically get the opinions of 6 people before she does each step? At that rate, the estate would never get settled.

As for the thank you notes, yes you should have done them immediately. There were only 15 to do and it should only take a few minutes to do each. You were asked to do these notes and you accepted the task. Of course your sister was frustrated that it was taking so long to get them done...this was something that she wanted to cross off of the to-do list.

I'm sorry for your loss and this mess surrounding it.

The sister who is the executor must file certain documents with the county and state, so you could possibly go there to the relevant court (though it sounds like you would have to travel) and see those documents on file, assuming they're public record.

I was my mom's executrix and I can tell you that possibly your sister who has this job is totally in pain and upset and hasn't done anything she should have done yet. It is overwhelming her, possibly, but it sounds unfortunately like she would not accept any offers of help with the estate. The fact that she is so overly focused on thank-you cards and not on legal estate documents that must be filed is telling -- she does not want to think about your dad's death or the work involved in an estate, so she is focusing on those cards. And yes, she is being outrageously rude to you. Please cut her a little slack on one point: She may be grieving to the point that she is paralyzed and angry at your dad for dying and angry at everyone else too, but she won't recognize those feelings as part of her grief. But she MUST do certain legal things or the state will not be at all pleased. I don't know how to tell you to press her on this; it sounds like she would melt down on you. It may not be worthwhile.

You DO have lots of leeway on cards after the death. She's wrong to pressure you but again, bear in mind that she is under a lot of pressure herself, much of it probably self-imposed. Or it's possible that other siblings (sounds like you have a lot) are pressuring her to do this or do that, or give them this or that right now out of the estate, which she cannot do.

The melee at your dad's house with the jewelry etc. sounds like a bunch of folks who wanted to get things over with and get out of a place that has painful associations. Let that one go.

Unless you are expecting serious money from the estate, I would try to let this go as much as you can. It is not worth lifelong rifts with the siblings. They are behaving badly but you are not responsible for that.

It's unfortunate that long before you dad developed dementia you did not all sit down with him to go over everything about his estate. Some families actually label furniture, make lists of who gets what jewelry, etc., to end any possible confusion when mom or dad is later incapacitated.

I think you just need to get a copy of the will. The executor legally HAS to follow it, so no they can't just do whatever they want. Their job is simply to do what the will states.

Your brother just moving into the paid for house doesn't seem right. Was the house left to him in the will? Does the will say anything about him being able to live there rent free? The executor isn't in the position to say that's okay. Houses are worth a lot of money, seems to me it should be put on the market and then split up 6 ways.

The cards are a small issue, just get them done and no, I don't think you need to send thank-you's to the sibling's who took the $$ out of the estate to buy the flowers. *And please don't stress about them being 4-5 weeks out...the majority of people will not care that they didn't get them within the 2 week time limit from Emily Post's Book of Etiquette. I've been to funerals and sent flowers and have never even received a thank you, never thought anything of it because the family is obviously having a hard time after suffering a loss.

I don't know what to say about the estate, other than ask for a copy of the will.

As far as thank you's - I dislike the all around. They get quickly thrown in the trash when receiving them, and I absolutely abhor writing them. However, I do know that 2 weeks is the standard time frame accepted to receive them. With a death, I'd say you could squeak by with 4 weeks. But, you are nearing the 6 week mark. I can understand why your sister is upset with that. You were given that task and have not completed it in a timely manner. Not to mention, whenever she sends you an email (however nasty it may be), you are ignoring her about them. It's not too far of a stretch for her to assume due to those facts that they are not getting done nor a priority. Also, you said you live out of state - any chance she is seeing these people and is embarrassed knowing they have yet to receive a thank you?

The executor's job is outlined in the will. Get a copy of that and see what it says. It is a big job and many estates takes months to settle - my husband has a family estate that was very clearly written that took 6 years to settle. So that takes time.

However...15 thank you cards can easily written in an hour and should have been out in a couple of weeks. It's not a huge amount - if that's what you agreed to do, sit down and do them. If you can't or won't then send them to another sibling.

No, you don't have to send thank you notes to your siblings.

I am so sorry for your loss and this whole situation. I think the executor should have kept you in the loop and asked for your input etc. But...since you chose not to speak up and defend yourself, tell them what you thought, your feelings etc. No one knows how you feel. I would start there---write an email or call the person you feel the closest to. Tell them that you are upset and need closure around this. As for the thank you cards---I think people expect within a month but with death--its not concrete. I am sure they will understand. For the floral arrangements--I don't think you need to send any.

I would suggest that from now on you are completely honest and up front with people about your feelings --even if you don't want to ruffle feathers etc. its better to tell people what you want to say then to stay silent and be hurt all the time.etc. Hang in there and let us know what happens.

I am sorry for your loss. Read the will. The Executor's job is to follow the will, not make it up as she goes along. If the above is what the will truly states - it was a BAD will and a great argument for using an attorney and not doing it yourself. The point of a will is to distribute your belongings as you wish and generally in a way that will AVOID disputes among the beneficiaries, not cause them.

You do not need to send thank you cards to your siblings. I would get to work on the thank you cards - traditionally they are sent within two weeks. However most people would not be hurt receiving one at 4 weeks.

You are not alone in this type of problem. My husband's mother died 2.5 years ago. DH's brother (S) is the executor and he has done almost nothing. The step-brother (D) went into the house and stole a bunch of stuff and sold the car and took the money. D also started cleaning out bank accounts. To this day no action has been taken to punish D and S has done nothing to get the estate settled and divided. My husband's theory is that S knows he is going die soon (very sick with heart issues) and hates his brother enough to want to make sure he gets nothing from the estate so he just dawdles and does nothing.

So what has my husband done? He initially pushed hard and was in contact with the lawyer for the estate. But since he had no power, he realized that he should just back away and we will live our lives without concerning ourselves about the estate. DH gets upset once inawhile about it but generally we just distance ourselves. He was never close with his brother so nothing much has really changed.

I think with the thank you notes, you need to just stand up for yourself. Say "I am working steadily on the thank you cards. You need to back off about it. You made this my responsibility and I am handling it." Don't get into more than that. If she keeps bugging you just send the exact same statement.

I would let it go. It is really too much fuss over possessions. Learn the valuable lesson about having a will and having the interested parties have a copy of that will so there is less fuss about the possessions of the deceased.

My mom died in 2011. My neices and nephews went through her things and took everything they could get. As far as I am concerned that was their inheritance. As for the remainder of my mother's possessions, they were either thrown away or sold or kept by someone. Her clothes were gifted to charity. I am still sorting through her papers and the as for the house in the south, that will be dealt with at another time since it is owned by 2 others jointly.

Worrying about things that don't belong to you is more trouble than it's worth. Unless you have the financial resources and the temperment to pursue this, I would let it go and just keep the memories of the good times with your dad and just let go of the stuff.

I seem to be reading this differently than many commenters, so perhaps I am off, but...I am the youngest in my family too. I am the most financially responsbile, emotionally stable sibling, and have gone so far as financially HELPING my older siblings at times.

Yet....I still get verbally slapped around for not doing "as I was told" in times of stress, and (like you?) am not given much opprtunity to be assertive. I mean, I *am* assertive, but when people respond to something other than what you said or did, there is not a heck of a lot you can do, other than manage your own emotions.

When it comes to deaths in the family, I have learned to stand my ground HARD about my need to grieve. I would probably have pushed back on the thank you card thing, saying something like "I am getting through them, thanks. I do not need help. But like you, I am grieving, so I need patience; I am sure everyone understands."

With the STUFF though....I have decided not to give a Sh8T about that. It's not worth the struggle. I would have watched my siblings make asses of themselves over the jewely and if possible, taken a single memento.

I am so sorry for your loss.

ETA - I would probably send my siblings thank you cards too for the flowers.

It sounds like there are some long-standing hurt feelings on your end - probably rightfully so. That being said, your siblings aren't going to change at this stage of the game.

Re: the thank you cards . . . I don't think too much time has elapsed but the rest probably do need to go out soon. If it were me I'd send the ones I could get done within the next week, and then send the rest back to my sister with a note that I just did not anticipate how heavy my workload was going to be and could she please finish them (giving her a list of the completed ones). Just be honest, and be prepared to be OK with criticism from them. You are entitled to be human.

No, I would not send thank yous for the arrangments from your siblings. IMHO the thank-yous come from your family as an entity - to which they belong. And what was up with them using your Dad's money to send flowers honoring your dad? Gee thanks! Perhaps there is a misunderstanding (I hope so) - otherwise that seems really tacky.

Re: the legalities of the will and what is appropriate - there are legalities to the settling of estates, and you probably have certain rights dependent on state law governing the will. But here in the real world, what does that mean? Are you going to hire a lawyer and push your siblings to do whatever is supposed to be done? I wouldn't have the heart to do that myself (not that it would be wrong). Perhaps it would ease your mind to consult with a qualified attorney in that state just to be on the safe side. But again, it's tough to really do anything.

You are not alone in this . . . many families go through alot of upheaval at moments like this, and people's true colors shine through. That's why it's good to do extensive estate planning prior to one's death. Even then hard feelings surface.

Hang in there - I'm so sorry you're going through this. And I'm sorry for the loss of your parents!

ETA: After reading Jo's answer - if there is any chance that your Dad's estate has any significant value to you then I do think it's advisable to consult a qualified attorney as soon as possible. I would want to protect my interests for my children's sake down the road. But it's not easy to get adversarial with siblings.

I'm sorry you're going through all of this, and I'm sorry for your loss.

These things really do tend to bring out the worst in people. I wish that wasn't so.

The simplest thing first....
The Thank You cards should have been done right away. I know you're busy and have had a lot going on, but if I'm reading correctly, you had 15 to send out. When my mother-in-law passed away, I had close to 150 to send. Even with a newborn, I got them all out in the first couple of weeks. Some of the people, I didn't know personally, so I just wrote, "Your kindness and thoughtfulness are so greatly appreciated. The Bridges Family."
For immediate family members, some who had traveled a great distance to attend the service, I enclosed a brief note about how Grandpa was getting along and how the baby was doing and enclosed a photo of the baby. I did the same for her neighbors of 30+ years who had been so gracious to help with food and preparing the house for all the many, many visitors.
For the most part, addressing all the envelopes took the most time.

Anyway, don't stress about it, just get them out now. Sit down and just finish them up and get it over with. Then, it won't weigh on you anymore and your sister can get over it.

I'm not sure exactly what to say about the rest of it. It's very complicated.
In my family, everyone pretty much knows what's what long before a person passes away. We are given the option of getting back whatever we gave as gifts and major things are divided. Not necessarily evenly, but there are reasons for that. For instance, when my grandmother passed away at 94, her money was split evenly among her four children. However, her home and property went to my aunt, her oldest, and only daughter. My aunt and grandmother's houses take up an entire block. My grandmother didn't want that property divided or sold to someone else. None of the other siblings had an argument with that.

You feel as though you are trying to help guide your siblings in proper decision making. Part of the problem with that may be that you don't seem clear on exactly what the will states is to happen. Things don't seem very organized.
I know that when my mother-in-law passed away, my husband's only brother demanded his inheritance. Two problems with that: 1) My father-in-law was still alive and 2) The wills specifically stated that their youngest son was to receive $1. He threatened to get an attorney and sue, blah, blah, blah. The fact is that he is a paranoid schizophrenic who can't be responsible for paying his own phone bill. They were well within their rights not to leave him anything he could squander, but it got really, really ugly.

Check the laws in your area. I know that in certain circumstances, a "legal" has to be run a certain number of times in the paper. "Notice of Intent to Administer Estate".....I used to type the legals when I worked for our local paper. I don't know or remember if it had to do with probate or non-probate, but you can check that angle.

In the meantime, get the Thank You's out. The estate itself, could take a while.

Just my opinion.
Best wishes.

Thank you cards, especially in situations like this, should be done as soon as possible. You waited much longer than you should have and have no business being catty about it.

Yes, the executor of the will should be updating those involved, but you could also have taken a more active role in trying to find things out.

You also could have taken a more active role in all of the various situations that you're criticizing your siblings about. I don't see that they did anything wrong.

My point is that life happens when you're waiting for things to come to you, and it's really not a spectator sport. You don't sound like a do-er to me, and maybe that's why my post sounds kind of frustrated with you. I'm a do-er. I don't like to let things happen to me. I like to be proactive in situations rather than rely on someone else and then be disappointed when it's something important to me. I don't see anywhere in your post where you were proactive... and in fact, you were the opposite, to the point that you were criticized for it by people that you know personally.

EDIT: I should have prefaced my post by stating that I'm the eldest of three children and the only girl to boot. And when my husband's father passed away, I had to be proactive in nearly everything because his older sister handled everything and needed his help but he had no idea how. I was the one who had to touch base with each sibling (four of them) and my MIL and make sure that she was all right and that my FIL's sisters were behaving. It was made so much easier knowing that my SILs were all proactive even if my husband isn't.

Here is the thing.... it doesn't matter anymore. I can see where you would be upset but doing anything about it will only hurt your relationship with your siblings. I doubt you want that. They are alive, real people. The rest of it ... just things. Try your best to believe that your siblings were only doing the best they could for the time, or what they felt was best or fair. You don't agree but try to understand they can't help how they feel anymore than you can help how you feel. Let it go and just love and enjoy your sibs. Feel lucky you have them.

and forget about the time frame on the sympathy cards. Everyone of us lives a busy hectic life. People should understand. If they don't there is nothing you can do about it. Respond at your convenience.

My mom was her mom's executor and my uncles still tried to nab things. She like you let it go let it go let it go and it wasn't until they tried to screw my cousins, who's father (my uncle) had already past away, that she hired an attorney to enforce the will.

You don't have to be the executor to hire an attorney and it may be the only way to protect your rights. If you were just talking trinkets I would say just let it go but it sounds like your share of that home could come into question.

Sorry to hear about your loss and your ordeal. Sometimes Executors are given specific instructions: http://mathieuranum.com/category/probate-trust-administra.... You should get a copy of the will-probably registered and a matter of public record-and see if there has been a breach of faith and duty. It is always nice to get a thank you-never too late to thank someone for a kindness and not necessary to thank your brother in writing for the three arrangements purchased by the estate. "Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called children of God". I understand your hurt-and you are certainly justified based on how you have been treated. I also understand the importance of having something to hang on to from a deceased loved one-but I assure you-you will be the one to have the riches-God bless you.

Getting thank you cards out within 2 months seems reasonable to me. Your siblings are out for whatever they can get. There is no group consensus here. They are doing what they want and your sister is the ring leader and a bully might I add. There is no need to send thank you's to your siblings for the flowers. It's the least their mooching asses can do.

I'd like offer my condolences. my dad passed on Oct. 16th, also of alzheimers and the services were on the 22....in my case, I'm an only and mom's still around and finally had surgery on her broken arm (a whole other story for another day)....so we've barely gotten any of thank yous out (she wants to do most of 'em)....I've done some...and honestly I don't think 2 months too unrealistic...respond at your convenience send a few out at time..whatever works for you ...take care of yourself

Stuff is just stuff. It's NEVER worth being upset over. You got some items, so let the rest go.

If the property is in trust, it is much easier for you to get your fair share. Hire an attorney that is experienced in trusts, this is VERY important.

As for the cards, you were at fault on this one. Just get them out ASAP, and be done with this one thing.

You have a right to get a copy of the will. Request one from the attorney

Death brings out the worst in people. It did in my family. When my grandmother died she appointed my aunt the executor and she screwed us all. I was just a kid but my share was enough for me to go to Harvard if I wanted & still have a nice nest egg. The only people who gotanything were my aunts kids and it wasn't dished out the way it was supposed to be. One of my cousins got his full share but he had to sue to get it.

Get the thank you cards finished.

~On a side note: I have been searching for wooden puzzles my entire adult life. My same grandmother had a whole bunch if them & I have no idea what my aunt did with them? If your box of puzzles are old wooden one people will pay a pretty penny for them, just fyi.

Depending on the value of the estate and if it's a Will situation or a trust. If it's a Will, and the value of the estate is sufficient, then the Will has to be filed with the Court. I would check with the local courthouse to see if that's been done and/or if a probate case has been opened. If it's a Trust, then they don't have to do that.

Yes, she should let you know what's going on. It is her job to execute the terms of the Will. She will have to account to the estate for everything that's sold. Problem is I don't know how you can prove your father owned something that she might have sold unless you have it in a photograph or have a receipt.

This is when you see the ugly side of people. Greed and dishonesty are abundant in estate situations.

My grandparents put my dad on the Will years before they were ill it causes so much anxiety so I knwo where your coming from I feel for you.Have no advice since I personally haven't been throguh it I was very young & knew what was going on now years later a ripped up family from it seen my cousin again yesterday at the store and we just walk by no HI no eye contact nothing mind you I was young when all this went down she is older than I but we were still young in age.Anyway to avoid this I told my parents long ago & still remind them time to time I don't want my name on anything there's nothing I want or need sign ot off to my siblings.
For the cards I don't like sending them out late a few days after is ideal for me

Hello,

Let me start out with I am sorry for your loss.

I can understand where you are coming from. After my father passed (my mom had already passed 6 years prior), my SIL, brother & 1 of my sisters, took it among themselves to have a garage sale. None of them informed me or my other sister about it, until after the garage sell. Of course me being the youngest & living in another state, probably had something to do with it. Still not right. Now the things that they were selling was some of the furniture & stuff out in the garage.

We had gone through the house prior to my fathers passing (at my fathers request), to more or less tag what we wanted, in regards to furniture, jewelry, china, & other collectables. But all items were to stay in the house, until after my father passed. Well, we had to put my father into an assisted living place. Not long after that, my SIL, brother & again that 1 other sister, decided that my brothers son should get to move into my dads house.Let me mention, that my other sister & myself, had not been asked if it would be ok for our nephew to move into dads house. Neither of us would have agreed to it, thats probably why we weren't asked. He supposedly was paying rent to the executor of the estate (my brother). Anyway, since my nephew was going to be moving in, they need to empty the house, that is where the garage sale came into the picture. Mind you my other sister & myself was not informed of the garage sale in advance. I did get the furniture I tagged, but the items out in the garage, was never tagged. Tons of tools, which I would have liked to gotten some for my son & hubby.

The only good thing that came out of my nephew moving into the house, he decided he wanted to buy it. That worked out good. The only thing is, that isn't home anymore. I haven't been back in the house, since my dads memorial. At that time, my nephew was already in the house & it just didn't feel the same.

The money was divided amongst us evenly. However, when it came to the china, I figured I would end up with it, since all 3 of my sisters & SIL had gotten china as wedding gifts. But no, my SIL told us that my mother had told her, she wanted her to have the china, to keep it with the family. Now my mother (I don't think) would have done that & there was no proof that she had told her that. But, my sisters & I kept our mouths shut to keep peace. See my mom did not care that much for my SIL after they had lived with my parents for a short time. My SIL took over my parents house & rearranged my moms kitchen to her liking without asking my mom if it would be ok. My mom discovered the change, when she went looking for a utensil & couldn't find it. My moms kitchen had been the same for approx. 30 years until that time. My father also did not care much for her, for other reasons. My mother would have told us girls, that she decided to give the china to the SIL at that same time OR would have asked if it would be okay with us for her to give the SIL the china. But neither of those happened.

In regards to the thank you cards. You do have time to grieve first & your sister should know this. No, you don't need to send thank you cards to your siblings for flowers. You are right there.

You are totally correct in what you said about being fair on the division of the jewelry & other items. Lucky for me, my siblings did do an alternate on who chooses 1st on each go round. See, I am the baby also. You are also correct that EACH of you should be consulted before a decision is made. They should not be using the excuse your the baby, (but you have a twin, so both of you are the baby, it doesn't matter which of you 2 was born first), nor the fact that you live out of state. You are still part of the family & you have as much say as the eldest child does.

As far as the excutor of the estate (your sister), yes, she should be sending documentation to each sibling with what is going on with the estate. My brother did some, but not all.

You are on the right track. Tell your sister, that as important as it is to her that the people receive a thank you card, it is just as important (if not more so) to you, that you have some documentation on what is happening with your fathers estate. Tell her you have completed your task with the cards & she has had an extra month to do hers & hasn't yet.

I hope this helps.

Best of luck & Merry Christmas,
C.

Yes sweetie, it's sort of bad taste to be taking this long to do those cards. That takes about 5 minutes for personally write each one. Either get them in the mail today or mail them to her. I hate writing on cards and stuff like that so that chore would have been one I said no to.

The executor has control of the estate. She is in control, no one else, if she keeps it all for herself that's what happens, if she says brother gets the house and she gets the jewelry...that's what happens.

Unless you can get a copy of mom's and dad's wills you have no grounds to stand on to even take her to court. They might say she has control of the estate and it's to be taken care of at her discretion.

They might also say that XXX goes to XX and CCC goes to nn and the house is to be sold for no less than $XXXK and the proceeds are to be divided equally.

There are always ways around wills and stuff. I would let this go.

When my mom died my brother got everything, mom refused to do a will. He gave me a couple of thousand dollars out of her bank account and didn't give my sister a penny.

I still feel horrible about it but I have never told her. It would hurt her more than anything else our brother has ever done to her. They hate each other. So I say nothing about the money I got.

I decided before my mom died and I knew my brother was going to be the one she had take over that I was expecting nothing from her home sale or from the items inside the house. My sister did woodworking and had built my mom some gorgeous bookshelves that covered a whole wall, no dividers, the shelves went across the whole wall, books could be put side by side with nothing between them, it wasn't several individual bookshelves, it was one shelf. There was carving on the top front and down the sides, it was lovely. He gave that to a neighbor or someone. He doesn't have it and the neighbors told us he was asking them if they wanted anything from her house, shelves included in that offer. They had said no to the shelves but she did take my mom's washer that was just under a year old.

So he gave everything away and let his granddaughter live in the house rent free. She had a puppy farm in the front bedroom that the neighbors could smell when they got in their cars.

He finally booted her then fixed the house up and sold it. He kept the money to himself.

My sister is bitter and still feels the pain. I accepted long ago I would get nothing and it would be done just this way. I am not hurt, I am not going to let this shadow my life.

I accepted that I would get nothing and when I got a couple of thousand dollars I took that as a blessing and used it to pay bills and by food storage. We live on SSDI and child support that we get from my 2 grand kids dads.