Being a Surrogate Mother

A friend of mine just gave birth to another couple's child a few weeks ago. For her it was a mostly positive experience. She enjoys being pregnant but didn't want to have anymore children of her own. She's a stay at home mom so this was a great way to earn some money without leaving the home.

A few things I observed from her exeriance are...
1. Expect people to not know how to feel about it. It's an unusual situation and Hallmark does not make a "congratulations on your healthy delivery of someone else's child" card

2. Don't expect full support. Some people have real serious issues with "playing with god" and "using fertillity treatments". And some people are just rude.

3. Lastly don't ever complain about any pregnancy realted discomfort in mixed company. My friend complained about her back one day and one of the women she was with said "you're being paid too much to complaine so shut the f*** up"

Unless you have done it yourself or are really close to someone who did I don't think you can give advice. You can get paid for carring someone eles child; they call it child support. You don't have to carry multiples and you don't get "paid" nearly enough money. The whole process is almost a year and you make less than part time low income. You can contact me privetly and I am happy to share the pros and cons and what to watch for or ask for to protect yourself. :-)W.

Just be sure you can handle it emotionally.

You can make some good money at it, that's for sure!

I have a good friend who is prego with twins as we speak as a surrogate I will ask her if you can check out her blog or contact her via email. If you send me a msg if you're interested I'll check it out!

Be sure you are emotionally ready, physically ready, whether your OWN FAMILY is emotionally ready and able to handle this choice. Aside from that, research the surrogate agency in EVERY WAY you can to be sure it is LEGITIMATE. I had a neighbor who started a surrogacy business after being a surrogate herself. She made one couple happy parents and they invested in her company and it grew. Then she embezzled and stole money from her investors and the business. She is under litigation. All the people currently in the process of surrogacy with her agency are out their money (parents and surrogates) and/or not going to get a child. Check how long they have been in business. How are they rated with the Better Business Bureau? Ask for references from people who have used their agency as parents and surrogates. Try and uncover if their is any litigation against the agency. I don't know what all steps to take to do thorough research, but their must be some kind of published guidelines as to proper practices for this kind of agency. Talk with a librarian to help you conduct research, they are often very knowledgable on how to find info. Good luck to you!

I just want to say god bless you for wanting to do this. If I was younger I would do the same. You know as well as I do what a gift your children are and the opportunity to give that to someone else who is not as lucky as we are is priceless. My brother and sister in law tried to conceive naturally for 6 years and it eventually ended their marriage. I hope that you can help some deserving couple avoid the pain they did and experience the joy of being parents. I wish you all the best. Please keep us posted on what you decide.

All the best, D.

I was a surragate mother 3 1/2 years ago and I loved it I ended up having twin boys. As long as you start out from the get-go thinking of the baby/babies as not yours then you should be fine. I would love to do it again but my hubby won't let me as I was on bed rest for a little while and we had our son who was 3 when the twins were born. The agency that I went to is one of the best but most of their clientele is not man/woman couples. I did get paid to do it and got a little more because they were twins. If you are interested in the name of the agency let me know. I unfortunatly don't get to see or be a part of their family I do get an update about once a year from their dad. If you do decide to do it then good luck.

Someone at my bible study was a surrogate for a friend. She carried triplets full term. I do not know her, but wanted you to be prepared for a multiple pregnancy, it is very likely with fertility treatments.

Hello B.,

I was a surrogate mom 9 years ago. I was a "gestational surrogate" meaning the baby's were 100% biologically their parent's and had no biological ties to me. I was just "the oven" so to speak.

I ended up having twins. I wouldn't take any of it back for a second, however, it's a very involved process and takes a lot of dedication.

Additionally, I personally think it's best done once you have finished your family and are quite certain that you don't want anymore children of your own.

You are on a strict medication regimine, which requires you to take medication, and give yourself injections (or have someone else do them) at very precise days/times. Once the transfer of the embryos takes place, you must till continue on the medication for about three more months until your body figures out that it's pregnant and takes over in the production of the hormones that will sustain the pregancy.

People always ask me if it was hard to give the baby's up, but emotionally, my mindset from the get-go what that they were not my babies and I was simply helping another couple. Don't get me wrong, though, you definitely develop a bond. I am very lucky that I am now considered "aunt J." and I keep in touch with the family. They live on the East Coast, so I don't get to see them as often as I would like, but I am a part of their family and they are a part of mine. I would assume not all surrogate cases happen in this manner and some people might not ever speak to the family again...not sure.

Being pregnant with twins was very hard for me after the easy, complication-free birth of my own children. I ended up having a cesarean, and the experience honestly ended my desires of wanting to be pregnant again (which was okay since I had already had my own children!). But, again, I wouldn't take it back for the world.

Oh yea, additionally, there's a LOT of legal paperwork involved as well.

I would be happy to answer any questions.

Good luck on your decision!

be sure to really research the hormone drug that they would give you. i have no idea what drug is used for surrogancy, but i researched the one given to women who are going to have their eggs harvested. now that drug was very, very nasty indeed. i found with research that there are some ugly side effects that may not develop for years, but once they begin, they never go away. furthermore, insurance companies will not insure a person who has taken that drug, if they are showing signs of the side effects or not.

while being a surrogate mother would be such a blessing for a couple, the potential for long-term affects to your health due to the hormone drugs is great. anytime a person introduces a drug such as that to their system, it throws of the body's balance and disrupts the natural functions of the organs. this sort of imbalance increases your chance of developing a long-term degenerative disease.

best of luck~

I read somewhere that a surrogate mother can not be paid for carrying someones child. They can pay for your medical, room and board and so on, but you can not be paid for it. I don't know if that's true for all states. Good luck