Behavior Issues with My 5 Year Old

He's miserable.
You're miserable.
Medication might help but you won't know until you try.
If the kid were diabetic, you wouldn't think twice about giving him insulin.
Please have him evaluated and get him some help.
He doesn't enjoy crying all day - he deserves a shot at being happy - you all do.

Something here doesn't sound right - either you are leaving something out, or are a troll.

How did you get a behavioral specialist without testing and a diagnosis? What was the diagnosis? Specialists don't come to your house without specific reasons and goals to achieve. What were those? And how is it that your doctor doesn't know about the testing? A copy of the therapists report, with the testing results, should have been sent directly from the therapist to your pediatrician.

How did you find the specialist? I would go back to them for a referral or talk to his pediatrician about behavioral health resources like counseling for him. There are a lot of behaviors that don't require medication. When you say he whines and cries, two things come to mind. 1. That he is highly sensitive. There are many books on the topic of raising highly sensitive children. Mine is one, and she needs help remembering to "level" her feelings. Not everything is the End Of The World. 2. The other thing is, how consistent are you? If he whines and cries, does it work for him? Does it get him results? If so, have you considered a book like Love and Logic or How to Talk So Kids Will Listen to guide you to a new set of behaviors? when the behavior specialist left, did you feel like you got new tools or not? Did you get "graduated" from the program or just stop?

Another question or two. Is your home organized and for the most part happy or is there chaos and anger or something in between? Is your home for the most part organized with a consistent schedule. Do you have a few rules that are consistently enforced in a way that teaches. Are your expectations age appropriate. How do you and others in the home discipline?

My grandson was evaluated thru the school district before he was 3. The district provides in home services until the age of 3. A SW came to my daughter's home to teach both my grandson and his mother. A part of those visits was evaluation. This person was not a behavioral specialist. I don't know of any specialist that does home treatment for 3 months.

I know of a family that was reported as abusive to CSD. Again a social worker came to the home for several weeks to teach parenting skills. The mom learned new ways to parent. This was helpful.

If your son frequently ask for a new home, I suspect that there is anger involved when you discipline. Perhaps there are frequent angry fights. I suggest he doesn't feel loved. I suggest that a change in discipline so that it is tempered with love may help. Discipline should focus on teaching instead of punishment. I suggest that you praise him 6 times more than you discipline. Spend time with him showing that you love him: read, play games or watch a cartoon with him.

I highly recommend two books: Love and Logic and also How to Talk so Kids will Listen.

Also do ask your pediatrician for a referral to someone who can evaluate your son and teach you how to manage him. This needs to be a trained and experienced professional such as a psychologist or social worker.

Know that any problem within the home affects everyone and is caused or made worse by the way everyone responds to situations. It's possible that your son became whiny and difficult and he's gotten worse because of the way his parents responded. The whole family needs help.

Parenting is the most difficult job in the world. If we don't learn more effective ways to discipline we just stumble along.

You have to get to the bottom of this. You don't say how you found a "behavior specialist", what the qualifications were, what evaluations were done, or why it stopped. (Your decision, theirs?).

You also don't say whether there have been any traumatic or trigger events or illnesses, what the nutritional situation is, or what else has been done.

It's a huge statement from a 5 year old who says he wants "a new family".

I understand your fear of medication, and it doesn't have to be the only route. But your child is miserable and you have to get some answers. A solid early intervention evaluation is the first place to start. Even if medication is suggested, that doesn't mean you have to jump into it right away or at all. But having all the facts would help you decide about what types of therapies he needs. Does he have anxiety? Depression? A medical issue? Is he on the spectrum? Does he have sensory issues that trigger a reaction? Maybe some talk therapy would help to identify his fears. You can get referrals from any good pediatrician, with whom you can also share your concerns about medication. I'm not pro-medicaiton or anti-medication. I work in food science and I've seen so many kids with sensory issues and/or who are on the autism spectrum who turn around very quickly with supplementation. I've seen others who do well with medication. I've seen others who do a combination. There's only one thing for sure right now - he's miserable and you must act. Poor kid! Poor mom! Poor family!!

Updated

You have to get to the bottom of this. You don't say how you found a "behavior specialist", what the qualifications were, what evaluations were done, or why it stopped. (Your decision, theirs?).

You also don't say whether there have been any traumatic or trigger events or illnesses, what the nutritional situation is, or what else has been done.

It's a huge statement from a 5 year old who says he wants "a new family".

I understand your fear of medication, and it doesn't have to be the only route. But your child is miserable and you have to get some answers. A solid early intervention evaluation is the first place to start. Even if medication is suggested, that doesn't mean you have to jump into it right away or at all. But having all the facts would help you decide about what types of therapies he needs. Does he have anxiety? Depression? A medical issue? Is he on the spectrum? Does he have sensory issues that trigger a reaction? Maybe some talk therapy would help to identify his fears. You can get referrals from any good pediatrician, with whom you can also share your concerns about medication. I'm not pro-medicaiton or anti-medication. I work in food science and I've seen so many kids with sensory issues and/or who are on the autism spectrum who turn around very quickly with supplementation. I've seen others who do well with medication. I've seen others who do a combination. There's only one thing for sure right now - he's miserable and you must act. Poor kid! Poor mom! Poor family!!

Where did a behavior specialist come from? Child Find?

Your child's behavior cannot be changed unless the parents (you and significant other?) behavior; actions and reactions, is changed.

What does your pediatrition recommend?

Not much info for us to even consider.

For starters, why did you have a behavior specialist? What triggered that and how long ago? Is he in school? If so how is he in school? Is dad in the picture? Are there other siblings? Maybe it's a phase? How long has he acted this way? What do you think is wrong? Have you changed?

My thought is if he screams and cries in time out, then time out is something he doesn't like and quite possibly effective. I hope you didn't give up on it because he was screaming and crying. Let him know you will start the timer when he's quiet and if he starts screaming again, it starts over. Five minutes is a bit long for a kid who's not used to time outs. I'd suggest three. Be consistent and don't give in. He can get a time out at someone else's house. I've given my child a time out in the middle of a store but only had to do it once or twice. Just make sure he knows what is expected and the consequences beforehand. If it doesn't work, he has to go home.

It's also too hard for a five year old to wait a whole week for a reward. Start with one day and small rewards. As he builds success, you can stretch it out two days to earn a reward. Make the goal fairly easy at first so he can meet it.

You have to be consistent and not give in. Kids will scream and cry in time out if they think it will help their case. Ignore it until he's quiet. It's hard for a mom to do, but you can love on him when it's over.

Sounds like the time out IS working. He's not suppose to like a punishment. So what if he screams and cries, ignore him. When the 5 minutes are up sit him down and tell talk to him about what he did and ask him to apologize. keep this conversation to less than 2 minutes.

Sounds like he needs to be in school so he can have experiences outside of your home.

When he comes home he appreciates having his family again.

My son once told me that he wanted a "new mommy" in the heat of a fit. It made me feel horrible. He's five as well, and didn't mean it, but kids will do that sort of thing. I told my mom at that age that I was running away and pulled all my toy buckets to the door. With my son, it was all fixed with conversation. I sat with him and explained how that had made me feel and asked why he said it. He told me it was because he was sad. I explained that just because he was sad, it wasn't okay to make others sad and I told him all the things I love about having him as my baby. By the end of talking about all the things that make us happy to be together, we were smiling and laughing and he apologized for making me sad. Maybe you can try this with your son?

I'm with mynewnicname on this one.

Missing an awful lot of information.