okay mamas, i'm not really sure what i'm asking at this point, but you're all always so helpful and supportive, i just have to share what happened last night and get your takes on it.
we had a great weekend this weekend, my son, who has gone through some growing pains lately (i believe) finally seems to be back to his own sweet self, and we got along great. he even took two great naps, which a lot of times nowdays he only takes one, either on saturday or sunday but not usually both. so when it came time for bed last night (sunday night) i was prepared for it to take awhile since he'd gotten a little extra sleep this weekend...there have been times like this, he's stayed up till past 10:30, just awake. not crying or fussing just unable to go to sleep. his bedtime is, and has been forever, 8:00, so that's pretty extreme. well when he is happy and quiet i don't care if he stays up...but last night...
he was mostly quiet in there for about 30-45 minutes. then started the fussing, turning into hardcore crying. yes, i went in there multiple times which maybe exacerbated the issues...it certainly didn't calm him down. i took toys away that might have been stimulating him, i left the door open, i closed the door, i sprayed for "scaries" twice. he never would tell me WHY he couldn't sleep. so i really thought he was just being a booger...then about ten o'clock he started really crying hard, and refusing to be consoled...i went in and finally started asking him things that could be wrong (i hate doing that because i feel it just puts ideas in his head...he's very articulate so i don't see any reason for him not to tell me if something was hurting, but he never does, until i ask...so eventually i broke down and asked.) he said that his ears hurt, well he had four ear infections in a row in the spring, and even though he had not shown any signs of being sick, he has had a runny nose for a couple weeks, so i thought it was possible. at any rate his crying sounded to me like something was really wrong by this time, so i got my husband to go buy some children's motrin. he works nights and had just gotten off work, hadn't even gotten home yet. so i went into my son's room and knelt by the bed petting his hair, and told him that daddy would be back soon with some medicine...well within about two minutes (he was so exhausted he could hardly keep his eyes open, no surprise), he was out. well then i felt really silly. i know that moms have told me that even when they're adults, sometimes we don't know what to do....but after three years i feel like i should be better at this! i just was at a total loss, last night...i honestly couldn't tell if something was "actually" wrong...should i have put my foot down hours before, and quit going in? that last time, before i petted him to sleep, i laid in bed, going back and forth...wanting to be firm and annoyed that he was doing this to me, but then i thought, you know, "those people" who give advice don't know MY son...and "I" do. something felt wrong. i just checked him again and he seems to be fine, no fever and sleeping soundly...i just don't get it. how do i know if something is really wrong, or if he is playing me? because that is what it is starting to look like. help!!
PS - this morning has progressed since i wrote this, and other than a slow start, (which i expected, at the very least!) he has done great. apparently feels fine! now how is a mom supposed to tell the difference??? i really feel now like when i thought something was "really wrong" towards the end, he was just SO overtired he was miserable and couldn't quit crying. being a mom is great...lol!
Hmm... I never thought about it the way that Cari put it. She must be right though. I have 4 daughters and never had any bed time issues. I've been a stay at home/work at home caregiver. So there's plenty of time to snuggle, kiss, hug, and generally be there for my children. I've always wondered why it seems that so many moms complain a lot about getting them to bed and I've never had a problem.
Personally I think kids this age go through a couple of cycles. Just when you think they are masters at putting themselves to sleep, all of sudden they need those snuggles again for some reason. I think it might have something to do with the nightmare stage but I'm no expert. I was getting pretty frustrated a couple of months ago with my youngest because of this same issue when it dawned on me that she just needed more snuggle time. She has always been so indepentant and I just forgot that she was still some much a baby. The snuggle time doesn't even need to be at bedtime necessarily. Sometime just taking an extra 5-10 minutes to read a book during the day or just quite time on your lap can make all the difference. I have found that bedtime issues are usually about security issues so when you encourage that security through out the day, it helps with the bedtime routine as well.
Dear Carrie,
Don't beat yourself up over this. You did fine. I had four children. I always thought the fourth would be a breeze. Surely, I knew everything by now! It wasn't like that. Each child is unique. It's always a learning experience.
I would like to congratulate you on being a great mother. You care enough to ask questions and make sure you do what is best for your child. I say listen to your mommy instinct. You can only do the best you can. You aren't a doctor so you can't possibly be able to figure out what is going on with him, especially when it is out of the blue. It is possible that his ear did hurt, but it is also possible that he knew that would get mommy to feel bad for him and he might get his way. Kids will be kids. Kids aren't robots, they don't always follow what the books say. Do what works for you and your child. Have tons of fun. It's just beginning. :D
A lot of time there ears do not hurt until the evening when they are laying down and they may be fine during the day. I have had three kids and this is usually the case in the beginning of an ear infection. I think you know your son and you know his cries. Even if it was not his ears something was wrong he was exhausted and could not get him self to sleep. I know even as an adult I have those nights. I think if it happens again tonight give him the Motrin and then get him into the doctor the next day.
My son was doing the same thing a couple of weeks ago, and by the time I took him to the doctor the next day he said nothing hurt, but he had a severe ear infection - the doctor said it was bright red and he gave me pain drops for him in addition to the antibiotics to get rid of the infection. Of course, my son is also very into the "I was just pretending" thing right now, and sometimes makes things up to get me to do what he wants. You just have to go with your gut, and when in doubt, they can never have too many hugs and kisses. And doctor visits...just in case!
I struggle with this, too. Our 2-yr-old is very smart, and she plays us often, especially regarding sleeping. I get frustrated for letting myself be duped sometimes, but I also don't want to ignore something that could be a real problem. One of my bad mommy moments was this summer when she woke up at 5am, and I told her she needed to go back to sleep. She threw a tantrum, and I was tough on her and denied all her requests. To make a long story short, an hour later I discovered my poor baby was covered from head to toe in hives. I think it's a fine line to walk. I still try to be tough with her, but sometimes I let her get away with more than I think she probably should because I'm trying to discern if there's a real problem. My husband thinks I spoil her, but at this age, it's too hard to tell, and I'd rather err on the side of indulgence than risk overlooking a serious issue. No real advice; just wanted to let you know you aren't alone. Good luck!
Hi Carrie,
I think we all end up in that same boat...I know we go through very similar things. My 3 year old complained only at night that his ears hurt. He did it 2 nights in a row, so we saw the doc the next day and he had a double ear infection. He didn't have a fever, but did have a runny nose for a little over a week. So if it makes you feel better, you may just want to take him in to be looked at. On the rest...trust your judgement :) that's about all you can do.
Good luck!
My son acts almost the same way when he gets overtired. I hate it because it's at the end of the day (when I'm tired too), and I know if he would only go to sleep he would feel SO much better!!
I try VERY hard to keep his bedtime routine the same - prayers, books, lights off but talking quietly. Lately he has been asking me to rub his back, or "draw" pictures. (I'll trace shapes on his back and see if he can tell what it is.) After 5-10 minutes of this he's usually ready to go to sleep by himself. Sometimes he gets up again, but I won't turn on any lights - only soft music, and I try to not talk to him at all. I'll just lay next to him, lightly rubbing his back.
I know there will be moms out there that will tell me I'm not doing it right. He isn't going to want Momma to lay next to him forever - and chances are (for me) he is the only child I will have. I want to be able to enjoy him being little for as long as I can!
Remember 'those people' who give advice have been through the same thing and that's how they even have ideas. :-) We all did the bedtime thing, the wondering if they hurt or are angry, or need something, etc. I think the more uptight we get about bedtime the worse it gets as they pick up on it. I would get him to the doctor first and have those ears rechecked, or checked, since he's had ear infections. If that isn't it then cuddle, hug, kiss, etc. before bedtime and do whatever and then say we have so much time, whatever time you want, until bedtime and then go in and pray or whatever you do and kiss him and say goodnight. That lets him know bedtime is for sleeping, other times are for loving, hugging, etc. I did read to my kids usually on the bed with them, until I had so many it was better to use the sofa and chairs, etc. We did read all together at bedtime. That's my advice but you will learn by listening which hard cry is pain or controlling you, etc. I think some people pick up on that easier than others. Not that they are better mothers but maybe just hear that easier. Listen for the difference and if his ears are fine then you'll probably know that cry was not pain. The older they get the harder it is to tell at times. They are good at acting too.
Above all else love him, enjoy him and don't get discouraged. It's a process and by the time you get it all down you either have another child that's 'different' from the first or they're all grown and gone. :-)
any age can have an ear infection without fever, without a runny nose, or any other symptoms. As of this morning, I awoke with dizziness & a congested ear. No other symptoms other than my normal everyday allergy battle....which is never a runny nose...
Soooo, I seriously recommend getting his ears checked! Pain upon lying down is a classic symptom, & there are nights when (at age 47) I have to sleep propped up to relieve the ear pressure!
Ask him today if his ears hurt. He still could have an ear infection. While it is more common to get on ewhile or directly after being sick, you can still get one w/o other symptoms. My son has had double ear infections before with no symptoms other than he 'just not acting right'. So, if he is still acting irritable, get it checked out. Ear infections often hurt after going to bed because lying down makes them hurt more.
Good luck!
J.
