My son is 9 and plays baseball. It is his 5th year and his first year with "kid pitch". He had 2 years of t-ball and 2 years of coach pitch. One of my best friends has a son that will be turning 4 in a few weeks. She sent me a text teh other day to say when she had booked his pirthday party. It is as a local indoor pool. I asked if it was a saturday and she said yes and it was from 1-3. I told her I would have to check my son's baseball schedule (I had to wait I was on my way to a meeting at work). She responded with "He has to come...who cares about a baseball game...Jacob is more important. please don't be one of those moms that will stop showing up to things because of a game!!!!" This is where I REALLY hate texting because I was thinking 'surely she can't be serious', but I do know that she is dramatic, so I wasn't sure how to take it.
After my meeting I checked and OF COURSE he has a 1:30 gam that day. So I wrote back "he has a 1:30 game that day. He has to be there for his team. He made a commitment :( We will do something special for Jacob though"
She wrote back " Forget it!!!!!! Can't believe ur not coming. Trey made a commitment to be Jacob's friend but that doesn't count I guess!!!!"
WOW! I just wrote back "ok" and haven't heard from her since. That was 2 days ago.
i understand that she is bummed and I know that my son is her son's favorite "friend". He really doesn't have many other friends his age. But in the same respect my son IS 9 and hers is turning 4. While my son adores her little boy and plays very nicely with him, there is about a 5 1/2 year age difference so he looks at him as his "little buddy", not a peer.
When I mentioned to my son that the party and his game were at the same time he looked concerned and asked, "What should I do?" I asked, "What do you think?" He said that he would like to go to the party because it woudl be a nice thing and it would be fun, but he thought that he should go to his game. I told him I agreed with him.
So, what would you do? I guess I am more or less asking if most moms agree with what I did, rather than what to do.
**I do want to say that I know that I called my friend dramatic, and she is, but she really is a good person. She has a wonderful heart. I don't want anyone to think poorly of her. If she wasn't a good person, we woudln't be friends, right?
**First - no I don't think my son plays professionally, but I DO think that he should keep his commitments to the team. If it were t-ball, I would flex more, but he is older, they play for standings and playoff seeds and I think that he needs to learn now that sometimes what you WANT to do and what you SHOULD do are 2 different things and you need to put others before your own wants.
I didn't do anything for the next few days then she sent me a text last night that said, "I was thinking you can bring Jillian (my almost 2 year old) and have your parents take Trey to his game. U have to be there or it's like having a birthday party but no cake!!!!"
I was out for the night so I didn't respond. I talked with my DH and while he wasn't happy about it he would support me in whatever I decided. (He is a co-coach so he will be at the game most likely, although is depends on his work schedule so he can't be sure he could even get DS there on time.) I explained that I think she is worried there won't really be any kids there. He felt it was ridiculous but, again, left it up to me.
I waited until this morning to write back. I wanted to word it the right way. I told her "I will see. The way you treated me and the things you said about Trey really hurt. Him having a game in no way means we don't care about Jacob. Trey always says how much he loves his "little buddy". I think that in a friendship you should be able to *appropriately* tell the other friend if they hurt you, right? I EXPECTED that she would see that she overreacted.....wrong
I got a message back that said, "That is why I don't understand why u guys r not coming....Jacob should be first not a stupid game... I will make it easy on you don't come!!!!!" Followed up by an "The end of our friendship!!!" message.
I admit, I was furious and responded with "o.k. I can't believe I was going to blow off my own son's game to go to your son's party. Thanks for making the decision easy for me."
The whole thing is just ridiculous and feels like we are in high school or something! I will miss her friendship, but I really don't think that I need this. It doesn't feel like a friendship anymore. It feels like playground drama "If you don't play the way I want you to , I won't be your friend anymore!" type of stuff.
Thanks for the advice/support!
We have this happen with my son's friends all the time. Their game comes first. They either show up late or later just to hang out for a bit.
My opinion is that if you were really "close" friends, she would already know your son has games on Saturday and would check with you FIRST to see what time the game was and then plan the party around it. At least if it was THAT important that your son be there. Doesn't sound like a "healthy" friendship to me. I think you did the right thing.
In this case, I would go to the baseball game over the birthday party. While this mom is one of YOUR best friends, your son's are not best friends. She should not expect a nine year old to drop his plans to go to a four year old's birthday party. If it was THAT important to your friend that you be there, she should have checked with you before planning it.
This year, my son was invited to play in his baseball league's all star game. We had to commit a couple of weeks ago, but won't find out until next week whether the game is on the 25th or 26th (we get about 5 days notice). His cousin's birthday party is on the 25th - this is a first cousin that he is pretty close with (cousin is turning 5, my son turns 6 the same week) and our only local family. BUT, when my sister in law asked (prior to booking) if we were free that day, I told her about the possible conflict with the all star game and said we would not miss the game. She chose to book the party then anyway, but understands that we might miss it. She isn't mad - she realizes that we have other commitments and will do our best to be there.
Last year, the all star game almost conflicted with my son's own birthday party!! Don't know what we would have done if that had happened! :D
Anyway, your friend has no right to be mad. However, you do need to talk to her about it. As you stated, texting is not the way to handle it effectively.
ETA: I can remember back when my son was turning two and a good friend of mine skipped his party because of her daughter's soccer game. The kids were not friends (my son was too young to know who his friends were!) but the mom and I have been friend's since kindergarten. I remember being a little annoyed at the time that she wouldn't miss one game for my kid's birthday. But now that my son plays sports, I totally get it. And, for the record, I was never mad and never held it against her - just didn't understand why she couldn't miss just one time. Now I do...
You made a commitment to your son's team. He should go to the game.
I have a 4 year old. He couldn't tell you who didn't come to his party last summer. Mom may be hurt, but the little boy won't know the difference.
I would text her, acknowledge her feelings, but remind her that your son made a commitment to his team and you feel that is an important lesson for him to follow through. I would also mention that it's unfair of her to make your feel poorly about your decision. Then maybe suggest something you could do with her son, like take him for ice cream, to celebrate on another day.
Good luck! I'm with you on this one!!
If it was grandma's 60th birthday celebration, or a family wedding, THAT would trump the game.
But a friend's party? No, games come first (or performances or whatever else kids spend their time and energy committing themselves to.) Parties are fun and nice but they are not major events. Your friend will need to get used to this. The world is not going to come to a halt for her child's birthday.
Sorry she's taking it so personally :-(
Your best friend is behaving like a brat right now. The best thing to do is what you've already done and not cater to it. If you give in to emotional manipulation like she is attempting, they just keep doing it and getting worse. If sounds like your son has a good head on his shoulders. He gets it from his mom. :-)
It really all depends on the situation. We made a big mistake this year and signed my daughter up for Spring soccer and softball. I was told they would only overlap by 2 weeks. Ummmm nope, overlapped the whole season.
Thankfully we only had a few conflicts, but I basically coordinated with the coaches. I would ask each one if they had enough girls and if one was short we would go to that one. It is hard on the softball team since she is the main pitcher for them, but it also gives some of the other girls a chance to play that position. We learned our lesson and won't do both again, but while he did make a commitment, if there are enough kids to play the game, he can miss one. It isn't like he misses all the time.
On another note, I do think your friend was being way over the top here. That was a very dramatic reaction.
You did the right thing definitely. My son is 9 and is on a soccer team. The coaches work so hard for these kids and the team needs all their players at games! We lost one player due to an injury and so we actually have to borrow some kid from another team each game just so we have enough people. Anyway, your friend may be nice but wow, she seems very dramatic to me. She probably does not really get it yet bc her son is so young...just a preschooler. One day when he is 9 she will get it better but that's a long way away. I guess if it were me I'd call her and gently explain to her that when your kid is older and plays sports that the team counts on them and it IS important they be at the games. Tell her you and your son both love them and would love to still get together to give her little boy his gift. Perhaps just swing by the party on the way to the game or invite them over the next day.
Your son should go to his game. I think your friend had a lot of nerve to say/text those things to you.
Not to sound harsh, but your son does not play for the New York Yankee's. However, when I noticed the age difference, I thought... hmmm, if he was family I would attend, but since he quite a bit younger maybe not. My daughter has played ball for six years and we do miss games due to other family/friend events. You did not say if he play city house league or competitive travel?
