Back to Work

I didn't cry either. Yes, I miss my son very much, but I also enjoy my job and getting dressed and out every day. He has an amazing nanny (my mom!), and we are all happy. Don't feel bad - sounds like you have a great set-up, and you are all doing great. Congrats on the new baby!

I went back to work when my little guy was 8 weeks old and I didn't cry either. I am able to watch him at daycare on the internet and I felt really comfortable with his caregivers. I don't think you are a bad mother at all. We all cope differently and react in different ways.

Some of us just aren't built to cry all day. I stayed home with my baby until he was three and I about went crazy!!!! I wanted to go back to work before that but my husband was dead set against any kind of sitters, so I stayed home and stewed about it. I love my child to death, but being home with him all day was not my idea of a good time. I also noticed that if I just got away for a short time, I was a much better parent when I got back. I am much older than you, but I know many people who felt the same way I did and all their kids are happy, healthy, very successful adults.
Hope this helps.
B.

I felt the same way when I went back to work. I had a wonderful lady to take care of my daughter which helped tremendously. I looked forward to coming home every night to see her. I had always planned to return to work after her birth. Some moms don't really want to return to work so I think it is harder for them. I have to admit I did have times when I toyed with the idea of staying at home because it seemed less complicated but I'm glad I made the choice I did. She turned out to be one terrific kid.

It's okay to want to get back to work. Just as you stated some of us are not home bodies, so don't be too hard on yourself. When my son was younger I stayed home for 1 year and I knew that staying home was not for me unless we had more than one child, so I went back to work and I did not cry. Some folks are more emotional than others. Your situation does not make you a bad mother. Enjoy your job and your new baby!
Best Wishes!

I went back when I my son was 12 days old. My husband took off the first three weeks. Then, my mother kept him. I worked in a morgue and it was necessary for me to be there to take care of things the public needed after their loved ones passed away if they had an autopsy done or there was any kind of criminal case involved. Of course, I was the only one there who knew how to do it. It was me and 2 men. One of which was the doctor. Strangely, I did not have a huge amount of guilt about it. My son was in great hands and I had a huge responsibility to the public. Do not feel bad for not crying. Strangely, I had another son less than 2 years later and quit and stayed home 3 years with both boys. I think that working or being a SAHM is a very personal choice and I fully support both choices. As women, we should support each other's choices. Men aren't gonna run around and be our cheerleaders. We have to be our own.

I am so glad to hear that I am not the only mom that was climbing the walls when after I had my son. I was ready to get back to work myself (I went back at 5 weeks). I knew my son was in good hands and didn't give being away from him another thought until I got off of work. Hopefully that doesn't make me a horrible mom. I love to spend time with him after work and on the weekends but I enjoy working during the week as well.

I think that you took time and found a great home care provider, and because of that you feel your beautiful little girl is safe and well cared for, and now you feel safe to go back to work. Enjoy your little girl and your work. You aren't a bad mother not every one is a stay at home mom. I have a friend named Sharon she is the greatest stay at home mom and I am not. My husband was Air Force so we moved a lot and one base I could find work, I had a 2 1/2yr boy, a
1 1/2 yr girl and a 6wk old girl, I found a place where I could volunteer and they would pay for my child care. Most woman volunteered about 4 to 8 hrs a week I volunteered 40 hrs a wk. I loved my kids but I was not made to stay at home I needed to work.
I am now a Grandma of three.

Not only normal but common today! I say if you feel happy, it fits your family's needs, and the baby is thriving, the bonding is strong, then you are blessed that your decision is an uncomplicated one. For me, I really had the expectation and the value set to think that I would really be one of those full time workers...and I was absolutely miserable! I had white knuckles everytime I drove off to work, convinced that the baby was going to choke and that my babies nanny wouldn't be able to help...(part of the cruelties of being a health care provider is that you have too much confidence in self...too little in others). I had to eventually change my hours so that I would be working 32 hours on the weekend and my husband would watch her then I could stay with her on the week days...with the assistance of the nanny. By the time we moved to Dallas, we made the decision for me to work part time and evening type hours so that I could be a SAHM...Something I could at the time I was pregnant NEVER have imagined. So with my rattling done...Good for you for finding a solution that works for you. Just fyi, I have seen some wonderful full time working mothers and some not so good stay at home mothers...so it depends on your mothering, not the work you do.
Congratulations!
Happy Mothering
Marianne

Don't feel bad at all. I actually did cry the first day I took my son to the babysitters (I was out 12 weeks), but I was also very ready to go back to work. After the first day I was fine. I thought about him all the time but I had to go back to work. I don't think that it makes you a bad mom. You love your daughter and that it what matters. Some people do really well staying at home, some don't. But either way, both types mom make great parents.

Everyone is different, some love to stay home, some can't stand it, and others are middle of the road, don't beat yourself up. I stayed home with my first child until he was 16 months old and only 8 weeks with my second one. With the second one, I couldn't wait to get out and talk to grown-ups all day. They are both just as bonded to me at if I never left. YOU ARE MOMMY, you'll always be MOMMY and nothing that anyone says and nothing that you do (including work) will ever take that away. I'm now a SAHM, but there is definately something to be said for having the ability to leave the house for 8 hours and disconnect, and not have to worry about kids or cleaning or feeding or entertaining or doing errands. Being a mom is a full time job in itself, but sometimes I need a break too. Go to work and don't feel guilty.

(oh, hint from my mom when I had the same issues-- You are a mom, it is inbred in you to feel perpetually guilty about anything and everything....for the rest of your life.)

Gosh no your not a bad mom for that. You should feel blessed that you can go to work and not feel bad. Your child will be a secure child that your a well adjusted person. I had to go back to work because of my husband and I hated it but there are women who simply are bored at home and want to get back. It supprised me at first when I met a girl at work who simply couldn't wait to get back, but she is wonderful mother. Then I realized that we are all made different and to each their own. One day your child will grow up and your child wil feel secure to do so that mom and dad know how to function without me being right at their side. It yells out they trust me to live my life. Parents that only have a life because of their kids can make that child feel responsible for their happiness. Lots of stress for a child. So feel happy that you feel satisfied not guilty, that trait was bestilled in you by our maker. Oh and your well adjustment will cause your child to adjusted when he/she is dropped off at the sitter. Goodluck and enjoy

I think that you are fine. I do stay home with my kids. I am with them 24/7. That is my choice and I like it, but there are days when I think it would be so nice to go to a job. I think it is unhealty for your children to be your sole focus of existance. They can still be your most important thing without being your only thing. You need to be happy as a person to be a good mother. So, keep up the good work!

You shouldn't beat yourself up about not crying because you left your baby with a sitter. Every woman is different about working in and out of the home and and can comnpartmentalize being at home and at work and you are one that enjoys being out of the home. It goes something like this you enjoy your child and you enjoy being at work and have found a balance for right now. As long as you feel it is okay then it is okay. Should you have a second child down the way, you may feel different but enjoy it right now. My children were little and I worked. I had a 4 year time when I did not work and thought I would pull my hair out so I understand where you are coming from. Today my son is 34 and my daughter is 30 and both are secure and stable and able to make clear decisions on their own. Besides, it lets the child see that mom is a person other than staying around the home and being totally absorbed into play dates and other mommy group activities. Please don't beat me up about this. Remember through all of this, you ARE a person first, a wife(or lover), a mother, a sister, a friend, a co-worker in that order.

I have been Home Daycare Provider for many years and a Nanny before that.

Guilt comes with the baby and will be attached to her every precious minute of every day! Am I doing the best/right thing? Am I a bad/terrible mother? Should I be home 24/7 looking after my own flesh and blood?

It's normal. There have been Moms that cried, some that just dumped baby and ran and every Mom AND Dad inbetween.

Build a good, respectful relationship with your care provider and discuss your worries with her. If she is a good caring provider she will work with you and help 'squash' the monster called 'guilt'.

Good luck. Love every minute of being a Mom - even when you are not physically there.

J. I

I don't think there's anything wrong with it. You have found the right care for her, so you just don't have anything to worry about. I, on the other hand, was unhappy about having to go back to work. Our situation forced me to have to, it wasn't really a decision that I made on my own, so I was very depressed. In your case, you got to make your own decision, and are happy with it. Congratulations on your new baby and on making the right choices for you and your family. Some mamas look for reasons to feel guilty, and there's just no reason for it.

Have a Great Day!
L. Santiago

You sound like a great mom to me. Enjoy your baby, enjoy your work, and remember that you're the one living your life-- and everybody else is living theirs. Congratulations on the new baby and what sounds like a fulfilling work life.

Hi J.,
I wouldn't worry at all. I think everyone is different. I remember when my son was just a little over a week old my sister and I hopped in the car to head to the grocery store. We left my son with my husband. We were about halfway to the store when my sister pointed out that was the first time I had been away from my son. I honestly didn't think about it like that until she said that. I felt bad that I didn't feel bad about leaving him.
I think it helps that you are very comfortable with your home care provider. I think it's normal that you were ready to get back to work. It's nice to get back into the old routine.
I don't think you are a bad mom at all - just normal!!!

This is totally normal. The debate about what is best for baby and mother has been going on forever. The fact is that there are no hard and fast rules here. I was antsy to get back to work as well. I adore my kids passionately, but I do not have the temperament to be a stay-at-home-mom. It ends up being a bad thing for them if I do because I will either get extremely cranky, or I will micro-manage their lives. There are many SAHM in our neighborhood and I have known more than a few whose kids would be better off if their moms were working.
If you are happy and you have a loving care-giver to watch her, then everyone is happy. Being a good mom is not about keeping your eyes on your kids all day. It is about the quality of the time you spend with them.
Good luck, J. and cut yourself some slack.

I think it's great that you are that comfortable. Some people are not "Home people"... and I for one am glad that we live in a world where you can be a housewife (if your husband can afford it) if you want to, or you can be a mortgage broker (if you can find great childcare) if you want to.

*hugs*
S.

no you shouldn't feel bad... I didn't it was to provide a better future for my kids... When I had my daughter my son was already 5 yrs old and I left them with my mom... you say you leave her with a trusted person, which is very good and you can concentrate on work... you have a Blessing...someone to help you

M.

Don't even give it a second thought. You obviously have a great sitter, and that is usually the #1 reason most moms cry when they have to leave their little ones...they aren't as blessed. My daughter was 2 1/2 y.o. when I went back to work, and I was ready, but I was never convinced the daycare we started with was really doing a great job...which is why we switched, & I felt much MUCH better. Also, my child was old enough to grab onto me and cry for me when I would go to leave...that's a whole 'nuther guilt trip! You do what's right & necessary for your family. Period.

Every woman is different and I'm sure you love your daughter very much. Some women need to be stay at home moms and some women need to work. Shouldn't be an issue. I wouldn't worry about it and don't let anyone make you feel bad for your decision.

Don't you EVER feel bad. You're comparing yourself to other moms' emotions and only you know yourself and how you react to most situations. If you ask me, I'd consider it a healthy sign. I'm a big believer that we shouldn't adapt our lives to our children, rather incorporate them into our lives with modifications. Sounds like you love your daughter through and through but know YOU can only be the best mommy possible if you are being fulfilled outside of the home as well. There's nothing wrong with that. (PS- I didn't cry when I left my son at daycare... I also was out and about within a few days pp even having complications. I know some moms who holed up for a month or two after delivery. To each their own... just not me!)

Congrats on being a wondeful new mommy.

No, don't feel bad, with my little girl I was working Contract, so I was back to work in "2" weeks after having a C-Section ! my mom watched her for us, so it worked out good (we new she was in good hands)! I did miss her though, but was lucky enough to be close by and come home to my moms' for lunch everday ! We had to have our paychecks ! it's ashame we have to depend on money to survive ! Have a great day !

Congratulations on your new baby. I'm sure you will be a wonderful mother.
Please know that you are not the only mother who enjoys being outside of the home.Women of my generation fought so hard for our right to join the workforce because MANY of us can only find a healthy balance between work and love by pursuing our work outside of the home. This is not unhealthy.
Furthermore, in my experience, the bad mothers are not the ones who write to others and wonder if they are bad mothers. Bad mothers usually don't worry about their mothering at all.
Best wishes to you as you start a whole new adventure in love!

Don't feel bad for leaving your child to return to work. I felt the same way when mine were first born. I love being a mother more than anything else I've ever done, but after 8 weeks of being with a newborn with very little adult interaction and so many sleepless nights, I was very ready to be back at work. I missed the day-to-day conversations that happen, meetings, etc.

History tries to make the case that all mothers want to do is be with their children all the time, but ours is the first generation to fully accept full-time work and part-time motherhood because we like it. I refuse to believe that all moms are the same. Some want to be at home full-time, some don't. There is a place for all of us as long as we are doing the best we can for our kids no matter what.

J., I was the same way when I went back to work. I gather my energy from interacting with others. After 8 weeks of staying home with a baby I was emotionally strained and enjoyed going back to work. Having a great daycare provider really helps too. I can say now that my son is getting older and we're interacting more I feel more guilty about leaving him. Don't feel bad about taking a break from your daughter.