Babysitter issue..HELP

The disorganization would not be a huge deal to me, if you hadn't also said that she doesn't play with the kids. How do you know she doesn't? I think she should Mostly be on the floor playing and talking to the kids, most of her time, and breaking only to get food, drinks, bathroom, diaper changes. Actually, maybe it's because she's so disorganized that she doesn't have time to play. Leaving on the cartoons is fine if the adult is there, more than she's not, watching and chatting and playing.

I'm guessing you're a first time mom? Not a bad thing! I know when I left my first daughter with a baby sitter I was way over the top paranoid. Everything had to be just so. With my second I'm much more relaxed.
A few things 1)I doubt that she leaves him on the floor all day by himself. I would hazard a guess that he gets interaction. If she has 4 other kids, I'm sure that they interact with your son.
2)Why does it matter if he has a blanket or not? Or if it's his? It's a good thing that he doesn't rely on it to nap! Trust me! I have a baby that's a blankie addict. I have to sneak it away from her to wash it. She's a sobbing mess the entire time it's in the wash. Not fun.
3) If the pacifier has fuzzies on it, then your son's not taking it. Again, nothing wrong with that. She probably sticks it in her pocket so she knows where it is.
4) Of course the kids are going to share stuff. They're kids. There is just no possible way that she can keep everything separate. They are coming into contact with each others germs by simply being in the same house.
5) How do you know she does all of these things if you're not there? I'm not trying to be rude, but it's hard to know what she's doing if you're not there. I mean, how do you know that she's wiping your son's face with a dish rag and not a paper towel or a baby wipe? Or one of her own wash rags?
6) The diaper bag mix ups are inconvenient. I wouldn't like it if my child's things went home with someone else. To limit that, label your sons stuff.
That way there's no confusion as to who it belongs to.
I totally understand that you want the best for your son, we all do! I just don't think that it's worth finding another babysitter over. It sounds like overall your son likes her. If he's happy and healthy, then don't mess with it. It's hard to find a good babysitter.

I have a home daycare and my first thought when reading your post was "how do know ALL these things are happening"? and why are they "demands". Many people gave you both sides and that is great. Kids need lots of floor time and with 4 kids there, I am sure there is plenty of interaction. How can she give one on one time specifically to your son? What would the other kids be doing during that time?? I sit on the floor and play with my kids, whoever climbs on me or wants my attention gets it, I think it all evens out over the week. Kids willl share toys of course, but I would hope you mean bottles and sippies are NOT shared. I try and have each child have their own blanket to sleep with, perhaps it is folded for you to take home again. I have blankets here and it is easier for me to use what I have and wash on the weekend. Nothing wrong with a bit of tv, most babies/toddlers only pay attention to the music anyway, perhaps you could mention music or something similar as background noise.Do you wnat your son to have the pacifier during the day? If not, what is wrong with her having in her pocket? Chances are, if your son has it during play time, someone else will take it and put it in their mouth.

The one issue I agree with, is the dishcloth, however, have you actually seen her do this? If so, are you sure it was a dirty one? Having each child with a separate washcloth would really only work if each child had a specific color. That is only possible if the caregiver has control and uses her own, or assigns you a specific color to buy and bring. I find it easier to use mine and throw them in the wash at the end of the day, not sending home abaggie with a wet washcloth in everyones bag. Germs aren't such a bad thing, if you can't learn to live with some of what she is doing, you need a nanny which is more expensive and won't give your son as much socialization. You say she is loving, caring and it sounds like your son enjoys going there, sit down and have a nice chat, LOSE the demands and see if you can compromise on a few things.

Hi. I have been/am on both sides of this issue. When my girls were little I had a sitter and now I sit for two little ones. You need to realize that no one is going to care for your child the way that you do...that's just a fact. It's okay to be a picky parent, but you have to decide what is more important. I your son happy and well adjusted? Does he smile and go to his sitter? Does he seem to get along well with the other children she has? Is he sick a lot?

Sure, getting other childrens toys in the diaperbag is annoying. And maybe you don't like her using a dishrag vs. wash cloth (seriously if it's clean what is the difference?) Is leaving cartoons (I have Nick Jr used to be Noggin on my tv or disney movies) on all day really a problem? Better that than the news, talkshow crud, R-rated or scary movies etc. HIs pacifier comming home with fuzzies just means that he isn't using it much if at all while he is with her and that is a good thing...the eariler you break that habit the easier! And learning how to play alone, how can he be playing alone if there are three other children there?

My point is that it is hard to find good child care. To find someone that is willing to take your child into her home and heart that does take care of him and his needs as well as the needs of three other small children and can meet your schedule demands....you are very lucky. I could tell you horror stories of the stuff my friends have had to deal with at daycare centers for hours... You have to pick your battles as a parent. What is really important in the long run? A wash cloth? A blanket? or a Happy baby? Parenting is full of heartbreaking decisions, and you tend to second-guess yourself a lot...and what is great for one may not be great for the next one. You need to talk to your sitter to put your heart at ease or to decide to change things. Be honest with yourself, your own needs and the needs of your son. LIsten to her, she what she is going through or how she sees things and follow your instincts. Best wishes.

Well, as far as blankets for nap, here in MN, we are not supposed to use ANY blankets in a crib for children under 12 mos old, due to SIDS recommendations. As far as blankets I do use thru the day for cuddle time and holding them or whatever, I supply them all and wash regularly. I also provide all bibs, burp cloths, wash towels and single use paper towels and fabric ones for face cleaning, etc. I do not like to have diaper bags going back and forth each day, so I don't. Too much for parents to remember to bring and for me to repack each day. I am busy.Toys are washed regularly and I am a freak about spraying Lysol on doorknobs and other common surfaces, using Clorox cleaning wipes and general cleaning!

I do alot of floor time and "just" play as well. I am a play based situation. Sometimes with PBS shows on, many times with music playing. Nuks go in my pocket all the time, as I do not encourage their use and prefer nap use more than anything. They can easily be washed and sanitized quickly in a sink of soapy water.

Just my take on how I do things in my own home daycare...for perspective, perhaps?

Best wishes...

The leaving him to play on the floor all day long is what concerns me here. Sounds like she has too much going on with the 4 kids of her own to give your child much attention. I don't think children should be entertained 24/7, but there is a balance and he does need to be one on one sometimes. The other stuff you mention really sounds like small potatoes to me and honestly if you are a bit phobic about germs than a lady with 4 kids is not a good choice for you when it comes to a babysitter. I think it does sound like you should start looking for a new sitter, but when you find one learn to pick your battles and what is really important to you. Fuzzies on the binky and what rag she uses to wipe a dirty face are so not important and you can't expect to dictate the provider's every move. You are having someone else care for your little one and they need to have some freedom--don't select someone you don't trust. I know as a new mom it is really hard to let go of some of that control, but you will make yourself sick worrying about every little non-issue. You and your son do deserve a provider that loves your child and keeps him safe and nurtured, but you won't find a good one if you expect them to be a robot and just follow your every demand. I really wish you the best, but consider making a list of the stuff that are essential for a caregiver and then let the rest go---your sanity will thank you.

I want to speak on having a nanny. I know it's not within everyone's budget, but it's definitely probably a good choice for your son. That way, they are in their home environment, where the nanny could use your washclothes, nap in their own bed/crib, and as far as socialization is concerned, there are playgroups, classes, and things you could enroll your child/nanny in during the day.

I do think that this provider may be too lax for your taste, HOWEVER, nobody, not even the best person in the world, replaces your intuitions, your style of doing things, etc. So some things you do need to learn to let go, or ease off of. Just because your kid goes to a home daycare-doesn't mean that you can nitpick at your provider. She may need to hire someone to help her if she is confusing your childs stuff.

Just something to think about. ALSO, let me be clear on this fact. I have been a nanny for over 10 years, caring for children for over 17 years, and I will never work for a parent who nit-picks at everything I do, wants me to stay at home all day, and constantly micro-manages my day. If a parent wants that, they should stay home and work out a different work schedule with their spouse!

I am also on both sides some. You are paying her and she should do what you ask. I wouldn't like the cartoons all day either. She should do some interacting, but I am sure it is hard to do with 4 kids. I have two and its hard to give them the attention I want to and I love them, they aren't someone else's children. I'd understand about not wanting everything shared with all four kids.
I am assuming this is your first child? I know from experience how picky you are about your first and when the second comes along you are much more lenient. It's not that you care less, you just become less over-protective, i guess or just realize everything is not a huge issue. Not to say that you shouldn't be concerned about these things, just to take them with a grain of salt.
But like I said, you are paying her and she should try to be as accomodating as she can. Talk to her, tell her that it really bothers you, and you are providing all these things and paying her to use them. And if things don't improve, tell her you'll go elsewhere.

I think you might be picking little battles but your going to loose the war. It sounds like she is taking good care of your child. If the bink is coming home with fuz then its not stuck in your son's mouth. this is a win from my angle. and so how do you know if she uses your blankets? just because they are folded doesn't mean they are not used. jsut that she has put them back to the table. playing on the floor is fine if the floor is clean the washing face with dish rag thing is not bad if she is wiping face and not doing dishes first lol. but if your son is happy and your not worried about safety i would back off. sounds more like you want a steril daycare center not a daycare home. you would get the things your talking about at a center but he will also be in contact with up to 10 kids at time in a cneter. provider's might and sometimes do change weekly or monthly. and they don't get near as much cuddle time in a center as they do in a home setting. just my thoughts.

I fully believe no one can do it as good as mom. I used a daycare center for a bit and the ridigity of it didn't suite my daughter, so I moved her to a homecare situation. I learned that the sitter will never do it as good or how I want, but as long as they're safe, loved and cared for, everything else is water under the bridge. I've had to ask myself if I can live with it (whatever IT is) - if yes, then it's fine, is it harmful to my child - if yes, then we moved on. Been with my current sitter for 3 years, she is a tough chick, has a harley (I'm a girly girl - we are opposites) - but she is soft as all get out when it comes to kids and my daughter LOVES her - she doesn't she do everything like I would, like she has a no talking at lunch rule - I hate that rule and think it's mean, but I also realize lunch would go on forever if all of them were talking. I can live with that and it doesn't harm my daughter.

When my youngest was a baby, I had a nanny come in (a lady from my church) - that is really the only way you can dictate how you want things done and expect them to be done that way. I loved having the nanny, but knew between 2-3, I wanted her in a home situation that provided a preschool situation and would give her more socialization and get her ready for school. You may want to look at an in-home nanny route. If you go through an agency, it's very expensive. BUT I was able to find a lady from church looking for extra money and didn't need benefits. It was wonderful.

Good luck to you!!

The short answer is that if she isn't willing to comply with your (sounds like simple, reasonable and sensible) requests then I would find another sitter. There are many caring and loving sitters out there that WILL listen to the way you want things done. Don't settle for less! Some of what she is doing isn't strictly "harmful" but isn't how you want things done. I wouldn't be happy to have cartoons on all day - there is some evidence regarding too much television at an early age being detrimental to a child's development. Speak with her again if you really want her to continue caring for your son, otherwise start the search for a new sitter! You'll be happier!!

i'm sorry, i know i was spoiled because my daycare lady was amazing - but washing a child's face with a dishrag is pretty disgusting. also she could at least make an effort to keep the kids' things straight when it's time to send them home. occasional mixups are understandable but if it's constantly happening, that just sounds lazy. some things might be a matter of personal taste but to me she sounds lacking. especially since you have already asked her to do some things a certain way and she's basically ignored you. don't bother arguing with her, just switch.

I am a provider, and I can see both yours and the babysitters point. She obviously is watching him with those toys. How do you know she is not using the blankets you give her? I know when my kids wake up, I remove the blankets and fold them to be sent home. In order to be sure items do not get mixed up, please put your childs initials on the items. My parents do this for me, so I know who is who's. As far as the pacifier, yeah not cool about the fuzzies. Just ask her when taking the pacifer out of his mouth, just place it in a baggie(provided by you) with his intials. I do agree with you on the wash clothes. Never use a dish rag on a baby. Just ask her sometime, I do not think you would wipe your own face with a dish rag, so please use the wash clothes provided by me to wash his. Follow a demand with a positive word...: For instance:
Please use the washclothes I have provided to wash his face. I am very glad that you are caring for my son, and I appreciate that you do such a great job in making sure his needs are met.
Let up a little, cause I know when pre k comes, you may have issues with the care/education that your son will be getting.

Honestly it sounds to me like day care is not the right choice for you. If your child is in a day care, they are going to have to share the sitter's time with other kids, be in contact with other kids, etc. It is frustrating if items get mixed up, etc. but it is just a fact of life and it is going to happen. You need to either chill out a little and accept that a day care provider is not likely to change the way she does all these things just to accommodate your personal preferences- or find another solution.

Have you considered a nanny or au pair? It sounds to me like you require someone who will just watch your son in your own home with only your own rules. If your child is happy at the day care and has had no health repercussions then you might want to consider trying not to worry so much.

Otherwise, get a nanny who will do exactly what you tell her to and only be caring for your child. It sounds like that might ease your mind.

I think you have some valid concerns. The TV is a really big one; according to the AAP (American Academy of Pediatrics): "Pediatricians should urge parents to avoid television viewing for children under the age of 2 years. Although certain television programs may be promoted to this age group, research on early brain development shows that babies and toddlers have a critical need for direct interactions with parents and other significant caregivers (eg, child care providers) for healthy brain growth and the development of appropriate social, emotional, and cognitive skills. Therefore, exposing such young children to television programs should be discouraged."

Your instinct that your child needs more is certainly reasonable, and if you'd be more comfortable having him in a setting that better aligns to your beliefs (many of which are valid; a few might be too nit-picky, but don't ignore a generally dissatisfied gut instinct), then you'd probably be better off finding a new setting versus trying to change the current one. Good luck.

Hello Jason1W,

I've noticed some other people mentioning a nanny or au pair. I am a former nanny, and have worked with children for over 25 years, most recently as a local childcare coordinator. If an au pair is something you'd like to learn more about, here is some information about the agency I chose to work with, the country's largest Au Pair Agency with over 7000 au pairs in the US.

We provide local families with experienced au pairs with legal visas. Our au pairs – young women and men from all over the world – are carefully evaluated, selected and trained. They are between the ages of 18 and 26 and are excited to spend a year (or more!) with an American family to provide up to 45 hours per week of childcare.

Cultural Care Au Pair offers:

• Flexible, live-in care for your children
• A low weekly cost of just $340/week (That works out to less than $8/hour)
• Qualified, carefully screened candidates
• Personalized matching service
• A cultural exchange experience for the whole family

Apply for FREE and pay 2010 prices:

For a limited time only, Cultural Care Au Pair is offering new families a $75 application fee waiver, a $500 program fee discount, plus the opportunity to lock into 2010 prices! This is a rare opportunity to match with qualified au pair candidates at NO COST! To qualify, families must submit an online host family application by December 6th.

If this is something that interests you, feel free to go to my website or call me at ###-###-####. I am happy to answer any questions you may have.

Best wishes to you and your family.

~P. G.
http://PGowing.AuPairNews.com
http://www.PortlandPreschoolDirectory.com
http://www.VancouverPreschoolDirectory.com
http://www.MrsGowing.com

If these are big issues for you, its pretty obvious these things won't change and your going to have to look for a new babysitter.

Personally, I don't have a problem with that many of the things you stated, except maybe the sharing of everything. But then again, I'm not sure to what extent your talking. I mean if they are sharing, bottles, sippys or cups with drinks in them, pacifiers and things of that nature....then yes I would have a problem with that. If its blankets, toys and things of that nature, that's a daycare.

She sounds like MY kind of mom/babysitter, can I have her number?! tehehe

I have 2 kids & am a SAHM. My kids & I share everything. Plates, forks,cups, toys, etc. I think it is reasonable to ask her to keep cups, forks, & pacifiers separate. But impossible to keep toys separate.
My kids spend most of their day playing alone on the floor & as a result they have fantastic imaginations. Also, how do you know that your child gets NO one on one attention? I imagine he must get some or he wouldn't be happy.

I am also a leave the tv on person. We have it on a large portion of the day. Especially, if I am cooking or cleaning. I think you have a right to request that the tv is age appropriate (PBS, SPROUT, WHYY, or Disney channel (am only for the disney channel)).

Ultimately, you get what you pay for. If you want you kid to have lots of one on one attention, and no tv & no sharing of items; then your best option is to get a babysitter/nanny to come to your house & care for only your child.

You can talk to her about it and see what happens. I took my daughter to an at home "daycare". I discussed things with her any time a problem came up. She was the same way it seems as your sitter is. I couldn't deal with it anymore...and neither could my daughter. My daughter ended up HATING going there. To the point where she was making herself sick to go there. I finally pulled her out. So try talking to her and if it still doesn't work, pull him out. You will only hurt your son in the end. I found that out the hard way...after a year and a half :(

Sounds like these are valid concerns. I think you need to have a serious conversation about these things. I would ask her if she is having an issue about what you are asking her to do? How much are you paying? Are you getting what you pay for? Also, because I have kids in daycare everything is labeled with their names. Do you have your son's name on everything? If you are not happy can you switch sitters?

Doesn't sound like a good situation. I would go to your state's website and find something that is licensed in the area. T.V. all day is NOT good and most home daycare providers who are licensed by the state will not have the t.v. on at all. They will also provide you with a schedule of activities that they do throughout the day along with their "cleanliness" procedures.

I wouldn't stay with this lady!

Hi, Jason:

1) Is your child sick alot?
2) Is your child happy?
3) How do you know what she is doing with your child?
4) Is it something you can cope with or not?
If not, then talk to your babysitter and discussion what the options that can be arranged for the care of your child.

Good luck.
D.

If I were you I would be looking for a new childcare person. I think She is doing a terrible job, leaving your son on the floor to play alone all day is neglecting him, and he does need lots of interaction at that age to aid his development.
It also sounds like her hygeine levels are extremely lacking, wiping his face with a dish cloth and sharing all the children's things????
Your child absolutely needs more than a "leave on the cartoons type".
You are paying her to care for your son and she should be doing a better job than she is.

How do you know all this? It sounds like he's at her house. Did you witness these things? I know that I used to do in-home care and just because a blanket was folded, doesn't mean it didn't get used. I'd fold it up after their nap so that it didn't get forgotten. How do you know that he's not being played with? Go with your gut, but it's just not clear how you know all of this.

i think you need to ask yourself what you want from a care-giver. from my experiences the ones who are great with parents and logistics are not always the greatest with the kids -

be willing to lose a few battles to win the war.