Baby Who Does Not Sleep

Babywise is the book I followed when I taught my baby to sleep. She is 14 months now and still sleeps great.

Ideally, you don't.

Feeding on demand has a list of HUGE benefits (possibly even more than breastfeeding...if that gives you any idea about how important it can be), that include but are not limited to:
- brain, bone, & organ development..
- .psychological development -have a need, and need gets met, huzzah! hello building trust-...
- a metabolism that it patterned to believe that food is plentiful...which is a good thing for maintaining healthy weight & activity later in life. (The fastest way to gain fat and decrease energy is actually to withhold food when hungry at ANY age.)

The issue right now though, is the enormous amount of physical and mental growth that's going on. Imagine how much YOU would have to eat if you wanted to double your weight this year...much less double your height as well! Also imagine, if during this time your brain would develop fast enough that by the end of this year you'd make Einstien look like a first grader. Sooooo many things going on. While rice cereal CAN make babies eat less often (rice cereal takes 8x longer to digest than breast milk), rice cereal has no where near the nutritional PUNCH of milk...it just makes them FEEL full. It has only 1/4 or less the nutrition of milk. So when that cereal wears off, they're going to be doubly hungry/craving the fats, proteins, and myriad other components of milk that grain just doesn't have. A trick is to make it with breastmilk, but that only helps to a degree.

On the sleeping in bed with you...I doubt he's just climbing out of his crib and crawling in with you...so you're taking him. Why? Probably to get more sleep. But if you're both light sleepers my bet is that you're waking each other up more frequently than you would be otherwise. If you're going through cluster feeding though (a short lived phase where babies will eat as frequently as two or three times an hour...usually heralds a growthspurt or major developmental milestones), it may be the only way to get some sleep. Cluster feeding doesn't usually last long. A week or two at most is the average, although many babies will only cluster feed or a day or two.

If you don't want him in bed with you, the solution is easy; don't nurse in bed. (If this is the case, I reccomend a soft comfy rocker right next to his crib).

On the eating at night, you CAN'T stop him growing (don't want to really, now do you?). You CAN
- Save the rice cereal for right before YOU go to bed, esp. if it's mixed with breastmilk you should get a little longer in between feedings.
- Patience....this is a phase.
- Check and make sure he's not teething
- See if he's eating much/at all or sleeping overmuch during the daytime. (During quarters where I was gone a significant portion of the day, my baby would "figure it out" about 2 weeks in and adjust his sleep/wake schedule to durn near match when I was going to be home. Inconvienent to say the least. Although "aaaaaawwwwwww, he wan't mommy time"...when exactly was it I was supposed to rest?) My son started doing 3-4 hour naps in the daytime and then was up most of the night. He'd also only be eating 2 or 3 times. I had to have a talk with my provider, who would wake him after 1.5 hours...and then his night time sleeping went more normal, and he started eating more in the daytime.

Good Luck! Sleep dep sucks.

Take it from someone who has been there on the "light sleeping" and "baby in the bed" issue... the sooner you get him out, the EASIER it is!

I can't speak to the nursing issue, as my kids are/were bottle fed, but I do have a very close friend who found that her son slept much better if she gave him a bottle of expressed milk at nighttime. It was really so her husband could have some one-on-one time with his son since he works all day. The discovery of added sleep time was a benefit, rather than a goal of the bottle.

My oldest daughter and I are both very restless and light sleepers. She had a nasty cold at 7 months that was keeping her awake due to the congestion. I started sleeping with her in the guest room to help keep her elevated so she could breathe easier... fast forward to 10 months, now she only wants to sleep with me. I was already back at work full time, and the sleep deprivation was making me moody, depressed, angry, jealous of my husband, etc., you get the picture! Our pediatrician told me I had three options:
1. Get used to it, and let her co-sleep with us until she was ready to stop (which she said is typically around Kindergarten with most families...UM, no thanks!!)
2. Keep doing the "no-cry" methods I had been trying, which were NOT working, or would relapse every time she hit a little bump or milestone.
3. Try the Cry-it-out method (something I was totally against), and have her sleeping in her crib, alone, all night, within two weeks.

My husband just wanted his wife back, my brain and body just wanted rest, and my heart wanted to stop "resenting" the situation I was in with my dear, sweet, otherwise amazing baby. So, against my initial feelings, we did CIO. I am so glad we did because I realized she was too sleep deprived as well! When we got her sleeping well again, our whole family dynamic changed for the better. Some people think it's cruel to let an infant cry for any length of time (I will admit that I was absolutely one of them), but our pediatrician explained it to me like this... It's her only way to "protest" that she doesn't like the situation, and she doesn't have the ability to process the dislike and turn it into resentment or anger the way older kids and adults can. She was right, my daughter was always happy in the morning, and never seemed "extra clingy" or anything like that after starting sleep training.

Good luck to you M.. It's SO hard to try to function and be "all you can be" while sleep deprived. I have a 3 month old too, and those first few weeks after she was born were ROUGH! Thankfully, I didn't have to combine it with a toddler who doesn't sleep well too :)

If you really aren't sure what to do, contact his pediatrician-- she/he has probably heard it all before and has some strategies to help.

It sound like he's using you as a pacifier and I think both of you would sleep better if he slept in his own room. If you haven't already, purchase a reliable monitor and do some sleep training. We put my daughter in her bed during the day when she was wide awake with a few toys while i was putting clothes away or cleaning her room. When she could happily stay in her bed for 20 minutes with me in the room I started leaving for a few seconds, gradually increasing the time I was gone. i always told her i was leaving and would be right back. When she was fine in her own bed alone for 20 minutes we started doing it during sleep times. She cried every 20 minutes the first day, my husband or I immediately went up to her room to comfort her, holding and soothing her until she was calm then laying her back down (it usually took literally 2-3 minutes to calm her), then 20 minutes would go by and we'd repeat the scenario. Gradually the time she could be in her bed increased until day 3 and she was sleeping like a pro in her own room in her own crib. She did pick up the lil' habit of thumb-sucking to soothe herself. If you don't like that then offer a pacifier. My daughter was 3 months old when we did this type of sleep training and has continued to sleep well (she is now 2 1/2). The nurse in the hospital when I delivered said babies can smell mothers milk so when they reach a lighter stage of their sleep cycle it's enough to wake them up and want to nurse.

not to sound too drastic...but stop nursing him and letting him sleep with you. You know that he isn't starving - he is doing this for comfort - you need to help him find a new way to feel safe in his crib. I don't mean to imply that co-sleeping or that night nursing is wrong, but you seem to be looking for a solution to it. My daughter is nursed exclusively (she will start rice cereal at 6 months next week) and is a great sleeper (which is an advantage - I don't have to deal with her crying) but she eats one time a night (and has since birth)...you might have to endure some horrible crying filled nights, but you can get passed this if you want to!

Nothing is broken! :)

Give it time and as he grows and matures and develops, things will change naturally. My daughter was the same at 6 months (nursing probably 9x each night). She's now 2 and sleeps 11-12 hours overnight in her own bed in her own room and has been doing that for about 6 months. She also takes a 3-4 hour nap daily. She's nursing, but no longer wakes to nurse unless she's particularly sick or feverish. Let your little one nurse on demand and sleep where everyone gets the best sleep even if that's with you.

There are two points you bring up.. sleeping with you and night feedings.

Sleeping: You must choose which method you think is best for your family, in bed with you or in his own bed in his room. There is no right or wrong, only what works for you. Having said that, we started crib training around 4 months starting with naps in the crib and then putting him in at night by 5 or 6 months. Our 10 month old is now very comfortable in his space and even enjoys some playful babble with suffed animals before and after sleep.

Night Feeding: The literature says it's okay to continue night feeding as needed but by 8 months or so they physically don't need it anymore and it is more of a habit that can disrupt their much needed continuous sleep. My experience with my little guy is that he wanted to eat every two hours through 4 or 5 months of age. I was really turning into a zombie so we wanted to start cutting back the night feedings a bit. So over time, we had to force him to go a bit longer and we made the 4hr rule. Once he went down, we would check and comfort him but not feed him until 4+ hrs had gone by. This worked pretty well with some crying for sure and a few times of bad teething/fever/ or traveling that we broke our rule to comfort him but then right back to the schedule. There was a time between 8 and 10 months where he was still waking fequently whether we fed him or not and so we had to just let him cry some of that out. Now at 10 months, he has been sleeping better/longer with only one feeding and sometimes he'll go straight through until 6am. If he does have a crying episode before the scheduled feeding, I send my husband in to comfort and resettle him.
It's a process. Some say let them have what they want, some say train to your needs, go cold turkey or gently ween off feeding? Try a gentle reduction but sometimes we just had to let him cry. As they get older, month by month, the demands and frustrations are more amplified. There will be times when it doesn't go his way. That's Okay. We will be fine and thank you for better sleep later.
I too love the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child"

It will all come together!

Good for you for sleeping with him and meeting his needs at night! Especially since you work fulltime, this is an important time for him to be close to you. I imagine he isn't really "not sleeping" and eating "constantly" throughout the night, but rather is waking up frequently to nurse - and several times a night is quite normal for this age - it may help you to realize that this is normal and that babies gradually sleep longer stretches as they grow. (My daughter actually woke up to nurse about every hour for the first year, which is unusual, but I think it was because we slept on a wavy waterbed and every little movement my husband or I made would wake her up!). On the other hand, it's possible that you and/or your husband are sometimes waking him up (in addition to the times when he awakens on his own) when you roll over or stretch during the night. If so, it can work well to have a separate mattress with separate blankets for him right next to your mattress (mattresses on the floor are the easiest, and will also help with minimizing falls out of bed as he becomes more mobile). That way, when he wakes up, you can roll onto his mattress, nurse him back to sleep, then roll back onto yours to go back to sleep yourself. Or if your bed is big enough that there can be enough space between you, you can just have separate blankets for him, to minimize your movements waking him up. Also nursing him a lot in the evening before bed may help him sleep longer stretches at night, as well as giving him some supplemental foods. But I really do encourage you to keep sleeping with him and meeting his nighttime needs. I slept with both of mine, nursing them to sleep until they weaned at 2-1/2 & 4-1/2 years (as they grew, they gradually woke up less and less during the night to nurse, so that it eventually became only bedtime and morning nursings). They have both grown into happy, secure, loving adults who sleep with their very happy children!

oh boy, definitely read the past request/responses on baby sleep problems, there's alot of advices already. Read, "healthy sleep habits happy baby". The sooner your baby is in their own room and crib, the better. CIO method worked for us at 5months old, but it was really really tough. They will have regressions, but try to stay strong and have the baby stay in their own room and crib. Ours sleep from 8pm to 8am for most times. Cross my fingers that it'll stay that way. Good luck

Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child by Marc Weissbluth is a very popular book for tips on baby sleep. I have not read the whole book (I also had great sleepers, so didn't really need it), but it has been recommended to my sister-in-law for sleep challenges with her 6 month old. Many of my friends swear by the book.

Also, I think it is important to do what works best for you and you family. If you sleep better with the baby, go with it. If you (or he) is more restless with him in bed, it needs to change. It looks like you work full time, so you have to figure out ways to get the most productive sleep. Hopefully the Weissbluth book will have some helpful information in it.

First of all, IT'S A MYTH THAT KIDS WILL CO-SLEEP UNTIL THEY'RE 6! I co-slept with my son and he happily and easily went to his own bed at 2. He never got in bed with us in the middle of the night after that.

It has way more to do with the personality of the child. When my husband was a child he always needed to sleep with someone (until he was 10 or so). His mom didn't co-sleep with him, but he still kept sneaking in bed with someone else anyway. He often slept with one of his brothers. Some kids need more snuggles and some kids sleep better alone. It about YOUR child's needs and personality. There is no hard and fast rule that fits everyone. If co-sleeping works for you and your baby then you should do it. Your child will sleep on their own when they're ready, whether you force it or not (meaning that they'll keep getting in bed with you in the middle of the night)..

Second, you can start to cut your night time feedings back a bit, but it will probably take your husband to help. I fully believed that my son needed 1-2 night feedings until he was 18 months old. Any more than that can be slowly cut back on until the child can learn to fall asleep (in daddy's arms) without nursing..

Remember, this will pass. It's such a short time and your baby needs you to comfort him and meet his needs. Good luck!

Try feeding more often during the day and see if that makes him decrease his feedings at night. For example, if he eats every 3 hours during the day, then give it to him every 2 hours instead. He will eat a set amount in a 24 hour period and if you can get him to eat it all during daytime hours, then he won't need any at night and will wake less often.

Well, I didn't read all the responses but you are asking how you fix this? It is much easier said than done, but you need to have your baby in his own room and simply stop feeding him at night. No baby his age NEEDS to eat at night and sounds like he is using you as a pacifier and using you to sooth himself. He needs to learn to self sooth himself. Does he use a pacifier or suck his thumb?

I would cold turkey stop feeding him at night since it seems like it is more of a habit then out of neccesity. As long as he eats enough in the day there is no reason he needs to eat at night. When he wakes up at night, go in and sooth him, whether you have to pick him and and rock him, or use a paci, or rub his back or whatever. When he figures out he isn't going to get fed then he'll get tired and go back to sleep. Both my kids slept though the night early on (my son at 12 weeks and my now 6mo old daughter at 8 weeks). My son took about three days to catch on that he wasn't getting fed... I'd pick him up, give him a paci and rock him back to sleep, three days later he was sleeping through the night. With my daughter, I moved her into her own room at 6 weeks and two weeks later she was sleeping throught the night on her own.

Now if because you are breast feeding you can't be the one to sooth him at night then get your husband to do it since he isn't the one with the boob. Do it on a weekend or whatever if that is what is needed. Now, it is going to take a lot of patients and consistancy for you since he is now old enough that he expects to get fed at night. Good luck! :)

This book saved my sanity and had practical solutions to all my questions; even as far as breastfeeding at night. The sooner you get him to sleep in his own crib and cut down on the night feedings the better. I was clueless and not sleeping much at all with my girl in my bed. Once I got her in her own crib it was so much better for the both of us.

Sleeping Through the Night, Revised Edition: How Infants, Toddlers, and Their Parents Can Get a Good Night's Sleep

http://www.amazon.com/Sleeping-Through-Night-Revised-Todd...

Good luck!