Baby Has Major Separation Anxiety, Help!

Hey D.,

I totally understand-been there... I don't think you're going to like what I have to say, because it isn't a magic bullet that will fix everything right away, but here goes-you gotta wait it out. Yep, different babies have different temperaments, and your baby needs you, craves you if you will. I, too, had to forego the gym. It won't last forever, and if you really want to help him get over you, you're gonna have to wait until he's good and ready. I know that's not what you wanted or needed to hear, but in the big scheme of things, this will pass quickly. The more you respond to his desire to have you near, the more secure he will be to eventually leave your side for longer and longer forays into the bigger world. That may seem counterintuitive, and there will be hardliners who tell you to walk away and let him cry, but I'm telling you that research proves it out. Hang in there, my sister, and I promise that this will pass. You will get back to the gym, you will go to Dr.'s appts. by yourself and it will happen sooner than you think.

Take care,

A.

This is entirely natural behavior, and good by the way. He is strongly attached to you. The good thing for you is, (if you accept the velcroish nature of this stage of attachment) eventually he will not need to be so physically close all the time. When he starts walking more you will get more freedom. He may also bond more with your husband (and chosen caregivers) as he gets to spend more time with them.
The best way to get him to accept care from others would be for you to spend time with your boy and the babysitter together, the three of you. I know this sounds like more time and expense but at least it approximates the natural relationships that would occur inside a family . The baby learns to trust who the parent trust, and trust, for an infant, is demonstrated very physically....by being there and doing stuff together.
I'd skip the gym until you can get a baby-n-me type class.

D.,
My first son was very independent, and my second was a "velcro" baby too. I was luckier than you, in that my babysitters are my husbands parents, and they live in the same city as us, so they see the boys about once a week. My little guy still didn't like it, and when I'd come home from the Dr.'s appointment or whatever had taken me away, he'd scream for me and be EXTRA clingy for abount an hour or so. But, if he didn't see me coming in, I could observe him playing quite contentedly with his grandparents. The big key, I think, with a baby like that, is to make sure that you get the same baby sitter and that your child is familiar with that person. After my youngest was about a year old, I had to get a baby sitter from time to time. I would pay her to come an hour early, because at one year, my son wouldn't remember her from time to time. He still threw a fit when I left, but I trusted the baby sitter, and I knew he'd be fine. Sure enough, I could call the house 5-10 minutes after I left and he'd be laughing in the background (as long as he didn't know I was on the phone).
The plus side is, now he's two, and all of that clingy that I indulged as much as possible (ESPECIALLY away from home where he was the most likely to be insecure) has now turned into the cuddliest toddler I've ever met. Really nice, since my four year old is getting way to busy to indulge me in more that a few hugs a day!
B.

I know this is tough to deal with when you are feeling like you can't escape. Is it possible that you can reframe it in your mind? Think of it as an extended pregnancy if you have to! If he so distressed without you, do you really want to deprive him of you? I know it feels like it will never end, but it will. Really! If you can possibly find it in you to hang on while you keep him in tow until he feels safer without you, you might be circumventing later issues. Looking at it from that perspective, can sometimes help. Think of creative ways to include him in your activities for the time being. Sometimes, when we change the way we think about it, a marvelous thing happens! As long as you are trying so hard to "get out from under", he may feel threatened by it. When you accept it and embrace it, he might feel more secure and let go. Just a thought! :)

"Velcro baby" how funny! I have an 11month old that is still a velcro baby. I'm going out for my first girls night out tonight! I know it's hard. I firgure she will be ready soon? I try to escape for short trips here and there. Dad is starting to figure out how to calm her. My son used to have no problem staying with Dad or Grandma & Grandpa...I was the one that had a hard time leaving him with a sitter. Now that I NEED time she thinks otherwise. I tell myself, "I will miss this one day...they grow so fast". Hope this helps?

You should probably have a set time once every week or two weeks that you go out and have the same babysitter be there and be prepared for the baby to scream the whole time for the first few times. He will get used to it. Then you can introduce more unusual times (outside the normal time) with other babysitters.