Asking with Class on Birthday Invitations

Hi A.,

It can be confusing as to what's acceptable. It was the big industry stores who came up with the idea of gift registries, and it was to their benefit they did it, without a care to the goodwill of our society's values.

It IS easier for most people to have a gift registry to use, however, it is NEVER appropriate to put it in a birthday invitation. Even for weddings, where it has become the norm for people to use a gift registry, it would be inappropriate to put it in the wedding invitation. Weddings and birthdays are events where people are invited to "share in our joy." Guests should never be given the idea that they are invited for any other reason. Asking for certain gifts in the invitation can give the recipient a feeling of being used. Even though times have changed, and manners have gone by the wayside, the phsycological response to the request is still the same.

Our society has been a little more embracing with the idea of registries for showers, because the whole purpose of the event IS to shower the person with gifts. (This party was probably the idea of the big store industry too!) In those cases registry info can be put on a wedding shower invitation, but still, even for these events, it can and does feel tacky to some people. And writing in 'gift cards requested' would even be innapropriate on a shower invitation.

The best way to go about this is to have your daughter start telling people about her big plans to redecorate her room. Maybe using such topics as "I'm so excited about my room! I can't wait to get started!Target had everything I wanted but I can't purchase it all right now because we don't have the funds." Leave it at that and hope that people will get some ideas.

Or better yet, only invite one or two kids instead of 20 and use the money you saved to go buy your decorating goods.

I'm sorry, but there really is no classy way that I'm aware of to specify what kind of gift people give your daughter unless they ask you or her themselves. I think word of mouth is really the only way to influence this and even that can come across as tacky if you're not careful. If people ask you what she wants, then you can feel free to say, "well, we're redoing her room for her birthday, so if you'd like to contribute to that, I'm sure she'd love it", but beyond that, I really think asking for particular gifts or putting anything about it on the invite is a big no-no.

I agree with Marilyn. There's absolutely no classy way, plus although it's customary to give gifts, you shouldn't expect them. I would take Marilyn's advice on the whole word of mouth deal.

A.,

Just put it on the invitation. That isn't rude at all. In fact it is really convenient for all of us mom's. There is nothing worse than last minute shopping and gift wrapping. We juggle so much and buying a gift card is so easy. My daughter is 10 and she LOVES getting and giving gift cards. She would rather shop on her own. Of course, she loves getting presents too but she would prefer cash $$$$$$ :-)

E.

Just put in the invitation the following:

"Now that she is ten, our gift to our daughter is to let her redecorate her room however she wants. Gift cards to Target would be greatly appreciated so that she can be creative and have fun. Thank you."

It is that simple. Do NOT listen to those who said it is not acceptable. I think that when your daighter gets the redecoration complete, she should have her friends back over and show them(and thank them) for making it happen. Also, do not forget to have HER write thank you notes to each person individually. It may soothe any mothers who are hesitant.

I can't wait to hear about the final decor.

Blessings,
B.