Asking for a Gift Back?!

I'd give it back with a smile & let her know you found an AMAZING new set you're going to buy & not take the ugly set.

it's pretty tacky, but i think you are being very gracious about it.
can you politely decline the ugly replacement set?
khairete
S.

My mom have me a set of china years ago. She asked for it back, and I told her no. I've had this china for years, it's mine now.

I think your SIL asked about it and wants it, and your MIL is choosing favorites.

if this was the day after she gave it to you, or even a couple days after, this is what would be going on: your MIL being rude, showing favoritism, and slapping you in the face.

after 8 years? she is basically asking you to give your SIL YOUR set of christmas china. because she wants her to have it. even though it's yours. it's not HER property. (oh, and "here take this uglier set of mine instead" is just bizarre. a weird, awkward attempt to make you feel better? or herself?)

how does THAT make sense?

i agree with the ladies- give it back graciously - decline the uglier set. i would even tell her, "oh no, that's okay - that's really not something i'd use. we will get another set."

T.A.C.K.Y

The china is YOURS. If you want it, keep it. If not, give it to her. If you give it back, I'd be sure to mention you will decline the offer of her other china. You don't cadre for it. You want to go out and purchase you own, attractive china.

If it were me? I would NOT give it back.

If you've had it for eight years, then it's not your MIL's to give to someone else. It's yours, to do with what you will. Had she promised that set to your SIL and forgotten? Has the SIL asked her for the set, and MIL doesn't want to tell her she's already given it to you? It would be a good idea for your husband to talk to either his mom, or maybe his sister, if that would be more helpful, and find out what's really going on.

Then you need to decide what you're actually going to do. You could do nothing - the china is yours - and let your MIL figure out her own path. Her wanting it back to regift is really her problem, not yours. If she gave it as a gift 8 years ago, asking for it back is rude, at the very least. But IF you have no attachment to the china, and your SIL does, letting her have it would be kind. As for the "consolation gift," why would you accept a set of china that you do not like? If it had been the first gift, then you would need to accept it gracefully. But it is being offered in place of what you thought was a real gift. Do not take it. You need not explain why to the MIL - just say, "No thank you," and be done. If she presses for a reason, simply tell her that the newly offered set doesn't suit you.

Is there any way that perhaps your MIL had a small stroke, or could she possibly be in the early stages of Alzheimers? Both can cause personality changes. If she has never done something like this before, and if she acts like it's perfectly normal to do it, that might be what you're looking at.

It's really up to you if you want to "keep the peace" and give your china away. I wouldn't want the ugly one, though. Have you talked to your SIL and asked her if she understands what's going on? I'd do that before you make your decision (unless you decide that you aren't about to let your MIL do this to you.)

I would be a little worried that this won't be the first thing she wants you to "give back", to be honest.

Dawn

My mentally ill mil started doing that kind of thing too. She would get mad at people in her family and want stuff back. If she even hinted at needing anything she gave to me, I would say, I'll pack that up and get it to you tomorrow, if you need it that bad. She would always back down. It would make her embarrassed to hear me parrot it back to her.

I believe after you hear from your SIL, I would try asking her if she needed anything else she had given to me 8 years ago?

Obviously she's being excessively, tackily rude. What's your husband's response to this? I hope he said, "I can't believe you actually asked for a gift back, Mom. That was rude." If he agreed to give it back, then this is on your husband, not your MIL.

I would refuse the new set of dishes regardless of what you decide to do. And I might tell her that the old set accidentally dropped while cleaning out the attic or something. It's how I got rid of my husband boob mug that my brother made him.

People are just an incredible level of weird sometimes, aren't they? It's like a sitcom!

I like Adansmamma's answer, unless your hubby has an idea that will work for him.

Perhaps I'm mean or just missing something here but heck no I would not give a gift back. No way. You've had the set for 8 years they're YOURS not your MIL's or SIL's. However if you feel it's best to keep the peace by all means pass them along but don't accept the ones you don't care for; there's no sense in getting mixed up with gifts and your MIL again. Hope you're able to work this out.

It's not her set anymore.
She gave it away - to you - it is yours to do with as you see fit.
She treats you like axillary storage - if you wanted to be nasty you should charge her for 8 years of storage of 'her' property.
If you like it keep it.
If you don't care, give it to SIL.
Don't accept anything else from MIL or she'll pull the same nonsense again.

you don't have to give it back. It's yours.

What does your husband say about all of this? What is HIS take on it? Yes, it is VERY bizarre.

Now it depends upon YOU on how to react.

Sorry - she GAVE it to you. She did NOT loan it to you. Sounds like she is trying to start some drama and nastiness. For me? I would not give it back if I use it. If I don't use it? I would tell her - fine - don't use it anyway - then tell her to donate the ugly stuff, as you don't like it and won't use it.

How complicated do you want to make the whole situation? If you value your relationship with your mother-in-law - what are you going to lose by giving back something she gave you? On the other hand - SHE GAVE IT TO YOU...tough situation....

Interested to find out how you handle it!

GOOD LUCK!

I agree that this is rude. If it were me I would ask you which you would rather have since I already gave it to you!

I have a sister that gave me some material she wasn't using. I did not ask for it. 2 years later she saw it was still in my closet. "If you aren't going to use it soon then give it back." I gave it back. No resentful words. Just politely gave it back. I thought it was rude too, but not worth a fight.

If you don't want the other set I think it's okay to politely tell her, "Thanks, but no thanks." Be honest and tell her they really aren't your style.

The China was given to you as a gift. It's yours. So you don't have to give it back. I agree, SIL probably mentioned your China.

Ouch! That is quite rude and hurtful, and, of course you have the right to keep it, but if I were in your shoes I would take the high road. I don't think this rude gesture of your MIL's is big enough to cause a rift, so I'd comply with the mildly insulting request.

Return the dishes without grumbling, but decline the ugly set.

I'd tell MIL no thanks for the other dishes and go buy my own that I like. To be honest a family "heirloom" is a gift with strings attached for every, well, until the person who has them last gets tired of them and no one can remember grandma or anyone that every even used them.

Let her take her dishes and be done with it. I'd remember this though and next time I got a gift from her I think I would make sure to just put it on display but never actually use it.

I would just call SIL and work it out with her. She may not even want it, or if it was really important to her she could have asked you for it directly. If she really wants the stuff and you dont, send it directly to her. Otherwise keep it. I would not take the other set, and let MIL know that you arent taking on any more heirlooms that you may or may not be allowed to keep.

Maybe she promised SIL the china and forgot? If that was the case, she should have apologized and explained this. I wonder how old your MIL is, elderly people sometimes get confused. Otherwise, she is being really rude.

I have no idea what is going on with your MIL. Is she usually rude? If not, I'd be worried about possible mental deterioration. If she's always been rude and this is in character, I'd give her the dishes and politely decline the others. While you are perfectly within your rights to not give them back, I just wouldn't want the drama.

I don't know what's going on with your MIL, but once a gift is given, you don't have the right to ask for it back.

It is bizarre and rude, if the dishes mean something to you and your family, your husband should have a word with his mother. If not I would just hand over the dishes and tell her rather then give you a different set, you will just barrow them if you need Christmas plates in December.

Insulting and rude...but maybe your MIL doesn't see it as that...she is probably just trying to "match" the gift she is giving to SIL. She is giving an exchange which means she has no clue. Either way, if you don't really care for the china set, give it back and don't accept the exchange either, but be sure to let her know how that makes you feel or at least tell your husband.

Have you called your MIL and asked her?

If it was a gift, then it's YOUR china, not hers. I don't feel that you are obligated to give it back. If it's a family heirloom that she wanted her daughter rather than her DIL to have, then she should have given it to your SIL to begin with. I would decline her offer of the ugly china and any other gift that she ever gives you again. You don't ask for gifts back. If she regrets giving it to you, she should just deal with it and get over it. Her behavior is disgraceful.

I would tell her no. She gave it to you 8 years ago and your not going to pack it up and send it to your SIL just cause she wants you too. If she wants to give her china, give her the other set~

Wow, that is rude. I'd be uncomfortable even ASKING someone to give a gift back, even if it's my own mother or blood relatives! That is the epitome of rude. Once you give someone a gift, you cannot ask for it back. She gave YOU the china, so it's yours to keep.

Did her own daughter not like the china she's now trying to give to you as a replacement? If that is the case, that her daughter likes your china better, tough break. It's still yours and you have owned it for 8 years. She should have the guts to tell her own mother she doesn't like the china she has offered her and help her find something she can buy for her that is within her taste, rather than trying to take your china away and get it replaced with her rejected set.