Asking 2Nd Time Mothers

I am only the mother of one, but I have dealt extensively with infertility and having trouble conceiving a second child is called secondary infertility. However, if you are under the age of 35 you have to have been actively trying to conceive for one year before they will even attempt to make this diagnosis. If you are over 35 the wait is 6 months before seeking out a fertility doctor. I do know how hard and frustrating it can be as it took me over 2 years and IVF to conceive my son, but give it some time and I bet it will happen before you know it!

My only thoughts are to stop trying, relax and just enjoy the special time you and your hubby are spending together. I've heard many, many times that when couples try to get pregnant they often get too stressed and worry too much and when they just relax and go with the flow and what happens happens then that is when they get pregnant; I've also seen couples that have choosen to go the adoption route and gotten pregnant, again because they are not putting the pressure on theirselves. So I say just relax and have fun.

Our first was a surprise, our second was conceived the first time we had sex after having our first so imagine our surprise when it took us about 4 mos. or so with our third! Not to worry, it will happen soon enough. I know the one thing that helped me was self confidence. Just before each child I had lost any additional weight I wanted to get rid of and begun working out regularly. 10 pounds lighter and looking great and WHAM I was pregnant again! :) Be patient and enjoy "trying", I'm sure you have nothing to worry about!

I got pregnant with my first son within 2 weeks after my wedding, it was sucha surprise. When we decided to have another baby it took us almost a year to get pregnant. I know it has taken my friend that long to conceive as well. But stressing out and trying too hard can cause you to not concieve quickly as well. Good luck!

I would hope you wouldn't get down after only four months. i was told 6 -8 months for a completely healthy woman is a "start off point" I am a mother of two who had to try very hard and had several miscarriages as well.I cannot imagine trying to stress myself out after 4 months. You cannot even book an appoinment with a fertility specialist til after a year of trying with no interfereance. I think you are looking too hard into this. It is very different for every woman but I would hope you would keep in mind how blessed you must have been the first time to get pregnant so quickly when many of us don't and remember there are those who have gone years and endured losses.

Hi A.,

I have an 8 years old daughter and a 3 years old daughte....that probably tells you something:)
I thought I couldn't get pregnant anymore so my doctor sent me to do one (I don't remember the name) when they clean your Fallopian tubes with iodine and check them out. It is a process that can tell them if they are obstructed, but it is also good to do it because it cleans them and you can get pregnant the very next day! That happened to me! They did this after I lost a very early pregnancy that I almost did not realize about (less than 3 weeks).
Sometimes fallopian tubes can get obstructed just by your period.
So ask your doctor about this, it did help me and other moms that I know.
Best of luck!
Mariana Abadie
www.MyKidsFirst.com

It is called secondary infertility (not that this is what is going on with you) and it is very common to have no problem the first time and then all of a sudden have problems the second time. I think 4 months (while it feels like an eternity) is not very long to be trying. If you aren't pregnant in the next month or two I would definitely talk to your doctor about it or go get some testing. You could even make the appointment now for in a month or so to make yourself feel better. You know there is something out there waiting in case it doesn't happen.

good luck

Hi A.,

I had the exact same issue. My first daughter I got pregnant with the first try. Then my second daughter took us almost 5 years. We were so discouraged; had test done on my husband and myself to see if something was wrong with either of us. But everything always came back ok. We even tried the Clomid (it makes you release more eggs each month; so it gives you a greater chance of getting pregnant. But the Dr. will only let you do it for 6 months because it can cause cyst). After 3-1/2 to 4 years we finally got pregnant but then miscarried. We had completely given up on having another child. It was so hard dealing with the miscarriage but luckly we were able to get pregnant again 6 months later. We have a gorgous little Girl. We then tried our luck again and were able to get pregnant right away with a baby boy 15 months later.

The best suggestion I can give is to just relax and try not to stress; I know it's easier said then done. But it really does make a difference. You can try the clomid it's not expensive at all and easy to do. I don't know about you but we checked into fertlity doctors and they wanted over $600.00 for just a consultation. We couldn't afford to do that and the additional fees that would follow.

Good Luck!

My best friend had the same issue, and a lot of stress over it. She got a fertility monitor (the kind that checks your saliva and detects ovulation, about $30 at any drug store) and they put their energy into trying "when conditions were right." Good luck and I hope this helps.

I agree that 4 months isn't a very long time trying. Have you been on birth control pills recently? When we were trying for our first, it took my cycle 6 months to get straightened out after being on the pill. Then 3 more months before we conceived. Good luck!

I agree that exercise is a wonderful way to help this along. It took my husband and me 16 months to get pregnant the first time. After the first 13 months of trying I finally started dieting and exercising very regularly and then suddenly got pregnant. Right after I had my son, I immediately went right back into dieting and exercising so that when we decided to try for the second, it happend the first month. I think that exercise works wonderfully to reduce stress, keep your blood pressure stable, and to put life in perspective. I know four months seems like an eternity but once you do conceive, you'll look back on it and realize it really wasn't all that long at all. Good luck! I hope everything works out for you!

While this never happened to me, I know lots of woman that had to try for 6 months to a year after getting pregnant fast the first time. And yet I know others that took forever to get pregnant the first time and then got pregnant suddenly and without warning the next time. I know I can't tell you to be patient or not feel bad. You want this bad! But it really should happen.

I personally believe you should pray about it and trust Gods perfect timing.

Suzi

We didn't have any trouble getting pregnant the first or the second time, but it took us about 6 months the 3rd time.

The chances of getting pregnant, even if you time everything perfectly, is only about 25% in any given month. So having it take a few months is perfectly normal. As a matter of fact, 6 months is about the average time it takes to conceive.

Also, if you've just come off of some sort of hormonal birth control, it could take a bit longer because your body takes a little time (even up to a year in some cases) to get back to normal.

Don't let it get you down! Just relax and keep trying... Have fun. I know the month we got pregnant with our 3rd child was the month we both stopped worrying about the timing and whether or not it would happen and just let things take their course. :)

I have some friends who both have had problems. One, she had a girl that was 4 when they started trying again. It took 3 years before they got pregnant. Then they got pregnant again right after that one was born.
I have another one who had an unplanned pregnancy the first time. So her and her husband thought it would be ok and go good to plan a second one. They tried and tried. When she did get pregnant she lost the baby at about 5mos along. That happened to them 3 times. But now they have a beautiful set of 3 year old twins :)
Just make sure you aren't stressed. If you stress, it will be harder to conceive. Just try to relax and be like I hope it works, but if it doesn't we'll at least enjoy the times it takes trying.

Hey A.!

Don't give up hope! :) I don't know if you'd say that my husband & I had trouble getting pregnant with our second child but she came along 4 yrs. later (after our son). We were married for 4 yrs. 8 months when our 1st one was born so then about 8 yrs. when our 2nd one was born. (This March we will be married for 10 yrs.) But we just kept "doing" what we had always done - I was only on birth control for a VERY SHORT TIME into our marriage (way less than 2 yrs.) and haven't been on ANY birth control since then. I guess it just took that long for me to get pregnant & it was God's timing.

Some people are just more fertile than others and can get pregnant if their husbands just breathe on them - (my sister got pregnant when she was married for only 5 months - she is now pregnant with their 3rd child - they just celebrated 4 yrs. of marriage)

But with us, I guess God had His own timing with when our kids would be added to our family ... (I wanted a second child but was unsure of how many yrs. apart, etc. so I'm glad that God worked it all out for me & He always knows best) I always seemed to get pregnant when I least expected it - when I wasn't "looking" for it to happen. So, my advice to you would be to just enjoy each other and just wait and see ... perhaps SOON you'll be writing back to tell us all of your HAPPY NEWS! Best of luck to you! :)

It took us 9 months to conceive our daughter. 4 months is the average minimum that it takes most women to get pregnant... so really I don't think you should worry about it yet (easier said than done, I know), but you're just stressing yourself out.

Like another poster said, it took me over 6 months to have a normal cycle after stopping birth control, so that may be a factor. Have you tried charting your cycle? If not, I highly recommend it. It might take a few months of getting to know your body and cycle, but after you get the hang of it you'll know exactly when your fertile. Get a good digital thermometer that goes to the hundredth. Take your temp every morning around the same time before you even get out of bed. That's your basal body temp. On days when you ovulate it will be slightly higher. If you conceive your temp will stay elevated. If your temp drops, then you can expect AF to start soon. http://www.fertilityfriend.com is a GREAT resource, I highly recommend it.

Good luck!