As a mom....what Are You Judgemental about...honestly?

"Parents" who allow teenagers at their homes to use drugs and alcohol.
Parents who raise children who feel entitled to do or get whatever they want whenever they want.

I use judgement throughout the day. I judge the distance between me and a stoplight. I judge the time it takes for my children to become hungry. I judge who is safe to be around my children and who is not. I judge who I want to spend quality time with. I judge, I judge, I judge.

I think prejudgment can be unproductive at best and damaging at worst.

My greatest pet peeves (both in life and parenting) are:
- When a person confuses luck with talent
- When people are unaware of *having* biases
- Thinking that there is One Right Answer
- When people treat and think of their children as possessions

That stuff really eats my lunch. Fo' Sho.

I do not do a whole lot of judging of strangers, but I have some so called friends that claim they cannot afford much needed healthcare for their children but still manage to afford a 30 pack of beer every other day. People feel sorry for them, and they just take,take take.

That's hard not to judge.

Molly

Honestly, the thing that just bugs me the most is to see completely ineffective parenting and out of control, obnoxious, rude and poorly mannered kids.

I could care less about how kids dress, if moms breastfeed, or co-sleep, or use pacifiers, or homeschool, but I am definitely opinionated about disrespectful kids running amok. I would swat my kid on the tush before I personally tolerated such behavior. And there are moms that go into great lengthy debates full of denial and cover up about why their kids behave so poorly.

I love the book, "You're Kids Are Your Own Damn Fault."

Well, I'm old now. And so are my kids.

So I have seen children with parents I severely judged turn out to be perfectly lovely human beings.

And I've seen children with parents whose methods I completely agree with turn out to be hopeless loosers as adults.

And everything in between.

I have also worked in a special ed setting and have seen some of the most bizarre behavior out of many many children.

We "judge" other parents using what works for US as our only unit of measure. So like B pointed out, it is not POSSIBLE to not judge, ever.

Naturally what *I* used has worked best for *MY* kids, who have turned out pretty much exactly as I've expected them to be.

So we ALL judge, but we don't ALL keep it to ourselves.

:)

I must have missed that lesson.
Why is judging wrong?
Oh yeah, sure 'judge not lest you be judged' but you've got to believe in some sort of deity or cosmic karma in order for that to work, and even believers don't take that one seriously.
Holier than thou attitude? - It's a judgement!
Everyone has standards of varying degrees - everyone judges.
We're pack animals.
We're constantly judging rank, order, class values and we're competitive.
We know who the alpha people are and we know who isn't.
I'd go so far to say you can not have a human society without judgment.
It's built into our nature and part of who we are.

You asked:)

It boils my blood to see someone at the grocery store buying beer and cigarettes and then paying with their food with food stamps and WIC.

I HATE to see people that have their nails professionally done and look immaculate with kids that are wearing ratty clothes/shoes with holes in them.

I HATE to see a 4 year old wearing nothing but a onsie and sucking on a pacifier.

People have judged me because I am a working Mom...of course these same people aren't willing to pay my bills either!

I have been judged for extended rear facing my DD and extended nursing. I have judged others for letting their kids run amok in stores. I can respect differences - your kid eats PBJ and mine eats cheese and crackers. And all kids have bad days - I see you over there trying to strong arm your kid into the line because you just want to buy one gallon of milk and he's done, and I feel for you.

I have a tough time when someone isn't being a parent at all. That's my biggest peeve with other parents. As a stepmother married to the custodial father, many was the time I wanted to shake some sense into my sks' mom because she just fell down as a parent. Look at what you are doing to your kids! Get over yourself and coparent! So when people are obviously just not parenting or not caring about their choices then I get judgmental. I admit it.

Nobody is perfect, but come on, try. Or get yourself a houseplant instead of having kids. There was one question on here about not buckling kids in properly because she didn't want to ruin her nails - are you serious? Really? So your painted fingernails are more important than your child's life? I was floored.

I can't stand it when pregnant women smoke and drink. Seriously, for nine months, for the health of your child, you can't stop? I seriously have to bite my tongue when I hear people complain about money, yet they have to buy name brand everything and go shopping every week. And smokers that complain about money....don't even get me started.

I'm sure I've been judged. I'm a single mom. Even if I was married, I'd work and would not be a SAHM. Everyone judges.

Oh my, this is something I am always fighting with myself about.
everyone has a story, every one is the way they are for a reason but DAMN!

I am judgmental about people that whine about things, but not willing to do anything about it and are full of excuses.

Bigots

People who call themselves Christians, attend Church and are just so judgmental and downright mean to people that are not like them or do not believe in what they believe. They twist the bible to their needs. But they even worse use it to exclude people. Even though the opposite is what the bible is teaching.
They are so unChristian I want to take them to their pastors, ministers or Priest and have them give confession for their meanness.

People that have no empathy.

People that always think the worst of everyone and everything.

People who are always a downer.

Jealous people.

I'm judgmental about a lot of things, but the one I'm currently ranting about is people who can barely take care of themselves who decide to get pets. I'm not talking about someone who had a pet and then lost their job and could no longer afford the pet.

My BIL could no longer keep his dog for numerous reasons. So what did he do? He gave it away to his sister. His sister and her husband have three kids and their house is in foreclosure. They have already filed for bankruptcy. They are seriously overweight, and the husband already had a heart attack at the age of 25. They eat out at McDonald's all the time, and can't pay their bills. So the best thing to do in this situation is to add a dog to the family? I feel sorry for the dog.

I try hard not to judge others since I don't know their situation. I think things like extended co-sleeping and breast feeding a 4+ year old are weird though. I have been judged for being a stay at home, told I must be an uneducated lazy moocher or I would have my own job. I have been told I damaged my kids brains by allowing them to drink formula (we did both breast and formula and both of my kids are very healthy and bright). The thing I get judged the most for is raising my children non-christain. I have been told I should take them to church just in case I am wrong, that it would not hurt them to go to church even if I don't believe, and even that I should have them removed from my care for "denying them the truth of gods love".

While I try not to judge other parenting choices there are some things I do judge harshly on. One is mis-used CIO, like those who let their babys just cry and cry for hours on end. I hate bigotry and intolerance and I just can not understand how anyone could be against equal rights for all Americans.

I admit I get annoyed at poorly behaved children. I'm not talking a kid crying or whining at the grocery store. I am talking about the kids who scream, hit, bite, kick, throw full on tantrums...and they are 5, 6 years old. I always remind myself that there may be some kind of mental or medical issue with the child but more often than not it appears to be indulgent parenting. Especially evident when mom says "please, please stop screaming. I will buy you a new toy if you stop. Here. Want this one?" Kid stops screaming instantly. Then starts again because he wants two toys, not one.

I judge the parents who repeatedly hit or curse their children. Telling your child to STFU probably isn't the best thing to do. Slapping their face three times isn't working...they are still crying...even harder now.

Parents who insist that their child does no wrong.

Parents who do everything or fix everything for their child. That will turn them into a terrible adult who cannot function in normal society.

Parents who decide their children cannot be friends with children who are not the *right* ethnicity, race, religion, or who do not come from a two parent -male and female- home.

I am sure I have been judged on my appearance. I don't have a problem rolling into school wearing yoga pants and a wrinkly t-shirt.

There was a family in my daughter's preschool who did not want their child to be friends with any non-Hispanic children. Messed up. But we, as a family, were judged to be inappropriate for friendship. So be it.

I'm guessing some people judge me because I am a SAHP. Likewise that we don't bring our children up in any specific religion.

I don't think there is anything wrong with making judgements. That is how we decide who to have in our lives and who isn't worth our time.

Oh man, I judge in my head all the time and I try not to. I try and see the other side of the story, but the thoughts still come rolling in. LOL Some huge ones for me are-
Kids wearing pants that are 4 inches too short
7 and 8 year olds riding in strollers (just saw this at the museum a double stroller for their 7 year olds)
Kids obviously not wearing a seatbelt
Kids with no bedtime or go to bed really late or use the TV to fall asleep at 11:00pm
Tired crying kids at stores at 10:30 at night, with both parents. Seriously, I want to tell one of them to go home and put their kids to sleep.
But, like I said I try and see the other side of the story.
And finally, moms who truly think that all their perfect parenting is the only way to do it, and anyone who is not doing it their way is going to ruin their kids.

When I see a child being disrespectful, like hitting, or spitting at a parent and the parent does nothing it makes me crazy!! I would love to say if they are doing that now, imagine them at 13!!! I think discipline and teaching children to be respectful is HUGE in parenting. I find sometimes parents focus, and priorities are misplaced. To me there was no better compliment then to hear how great my children behaved and what wonderful manners they had. Of course they had their moments, but for the most part that was VERY important to me that they were respectful!!

I've been reading all these responses and honestly quite a few of them have made me chuckle because of just how judgmental many people truly are. I'm pretty sure I'd be judged by a few on here and of course I have been judged IRL as well. The main issues having to do with my personal stance on raising my children in an open home of which no topic is off limits and I always am 100% honest and truthful in giving any information. I also still have a special needs kid in diapers who yes at almost six years old rides in a stroller while at amusement parks. I get the looks and eye rolls often.

I judge the lack of concern people, this includes parents, have with how what we do today is going to impact the future of our children, planet and human relations, generally speaking. I'm not saying I'm not without fault as a parent, of course I am. I do however hope that I'm raising two people who will be able to make a positive impact on their environments in one shape or another.

I do think there is a difference between making a judgement call and condemning someone. If and when I feel condemnation rising up in me, that is precisely when I know all is not right with me. If I am a confident, peaceful person, I will tend to look at what is good in others. (This is my goal, anyway) We should be building one another up and making exuses for each other. If you know better, you do better. If you were similarly tested, you might not do as well as the next guy.

What I don't understand is why we equate judgement of a parenting technique as a personal judgement. An example is Barney parenting. I don't think it works because it does not create independent adults. Instead of raising kids that rely on success or failures to base their happiness on they rely on unearned praise. Sure makes the childhood feel happier but where do they find their happiness as adults. The first wave of Barney kids are early 20s and statistically the most depressed generation yet.

I would be depressed too if I was not in control of my happiness. :(

Thing is that is not a judgement of parents who employ Barney parenting, that is a judgement of Barney parenting. They are free to lay out why they think Barney parenting works.

I am not a perfect parent, I am fairly confident my children will point out all of my mistakes and make new ones on their kids. :)

What I have I been judged on, really stupid stuff I don't feel like listing. What I have never been judged on is my parenting, odd but true. I may have been given stray pieces of advice that I may of may not have taken, but I can assure you I have never been judged.

To be honest, carseat use. I study the accident reports daily to learn, as a carseat tech. And I just don't get why you'd forward-face a child before age 3 or 4, stop harnessing before at least 6, or stop using a booster until at least 10 or when the child 5-steps (which could be earlier for a few kids). These parents who lose kids, they can't go back in time.

What parents do is their business, though. I'm just saying what I really think because you asked. Inside I'm shaking my head because I know if there is a frontal collision that 2-year-old's neck is likely to snap if he's not rear-facing. It's sad, it's tragic, and like I said, I don't have power over other kids. But you asked my honest opinion. :) Maybe not so much judge as I'm just amazed people wouldn't give their kids maximum safety in the car.

I admit I do judge other moms. If we are all being honest we ALL do-its natural for humans to compare/contrast with others to get a sense of where we stand. Two things that come to mind are:
I judge parents with very overweight kids. Esp when the kids are young.
I also judge parents that are more into sports than academics. Parents who act like their kid is the next major leaguer and perpetuate the glorification of all things sports.

I"d say I judge other mom's food choices and if they let them watch a lot of tv. I'm not anti-TV at all but not hours a day. And along those lines, SAHM's who still put their kids in aftercare bc they're "so busy" they can't deal with the kids after school themselves. I'm a working mom so I also judge working moms who seem to still take a lot of time for themselves. ie: pick up the child from daycare and take them to the daycare at the gym so they can work out. Or put them in daycare over the weekend at the gym, hire lots of sitters so they can go out etc. When a mom works, I think the vast majority of her free time should be with her kids or they're certainly not getting enough parent time. Last one - people who have more than 2 kids and complain how hard it is. No one made you have 3, 4, or 5 kids!! You didn't know it'd be hard??

I have read a bunch of the responses, wow, they are all across the board!

My opinion - who cares what other people do? Who cares what decisions they make? Most of the decisions people make have little to no impact on our own lives so why expend mental energy judging them? One of the great things about having your own family is that you get to do it your own way. People should concern themselves with the things they can control. Let it go!

The only thing I judge is when people's kids are always at my house with no reciprocation. It's very tiring for me and free childcare for them.

I am judgemental on how people treat their kids in public. I can not stand to see a mom or dad yell at their kids in the middle of Walmart or any place for that matter. Why can't you just take your kid to the bathroom or out to the car if you feel the need to scream in their ears? It makes you look bad and embarrasses your kid.

I think we do it because we're frustrated for the mother, and worried about the child and we may see/hear one thing that indicates what we think is bad judgement-we don't see the 2000 things the mom has done for her child that may be compensating factors. My sister and mother are very judgmental of me and my children (my sister does not have children) and it is a constant source of angst for me-and them. My mom/sister have ruined holidays-(pretty much all of them), special events, you name it, and caused so much tumult, that I often wonder why I even speak to them-and it is generally because I am perceived as doing too much for my children. Most days, I just want to disappear.

I have very little patience for parents who put their own recreational needs before spending time with their children, especially when those kids are in daycare/school all day long. They need their parents....not a babysitter while the parents are out for the night.

An occasional night out....scattered randomly over the schedule is not an issue. But parents who go out 2-3 times each week, & then again on the wkend are "absentee parents" as far as I'm concerned.

& my other pet peeve are the parents who actually think & believe that children learn only by their own mistakes....taking a backseat during early childhood just so the child can learn independently. An example: when a child is headed for a curb & doesn't stop when the parent says, "don't do that...you will fall". I cannot tell you how many times I've seen little ones seriously injured as the parent stands there & says, "see! I told you. Maybe next time, you'll listen to me". HATE, HATE, HATE this!

I greatly prefer getting off my butt & proactively teaching the child a better way to make choices. Aaaargh. A few words is all that it takes, a helping hand is all that is needed to prevent injury.

Good question! Thanks!

Parents who don't put kids in car seats or who have them installed wrong (ie baby carrier should have handle down facing from of car. Handle is intended to be first line of defense for infant seat)

Parents who watch inappropriate movies with their young children and or allow children to watch bad TV and then wonder why their kids act like brats.

My 4th grader claims his classmates were allowed to watch the Hangover with their parents. Really? It's one thing if they sneak and watch it. If you allow it, they think you expect them to understand it.

I think it's natural to judge (no matter who you are). I think the more important thing is WHAT you do with it! Sure, I judge all the time, but do I speak or act out on it? Nope. Unless I see something that is dangerous, I bite my tongue and tell myself ("well, let's make sure *I* don't do THAT!"). My biggies are: Kids that eat bad (e.g. junk food, misbehave at table to be excused), kids that misbehave in public (whining, crying, throwing fits at the store), kids that disrespect (towards adults, other kids, pets, belongings), and parents who don't ENFORCE!

Only exception (rarely): I will comment to my SIL about her kids. Mostly it's a matter of something like, I observed them doing something bad and I'm trying to discipline them (accepted practice in our family), and my SIL or MIL interupts (like she's going to "protect" her baby), and I have to defend myself "I GOT THIS!" I'm sorry your "poor baby" is crying, but he did something bad/wrong and apparently I'm the *only one* who will discipline him!

I'm sure I've been judged, too, but I don't really pay attention. And, I'm the mom, that if I find out you had to discipline my kid, they're going to get it from me, too! I do get a lot of complements on how well-behaved and respectful my daughter is, so I hope she keeps it up!

Not willing to comment at the moment, but definately want to be able tokeep following this one. wowza.

I have a major pet peeve about mothers not allowing their children to grow up. Pacifiers and bottles past a year old. Refusing to potty train until 3+. Letting your toddler be out in public in just a diaper. Using cribs past infancy. Insisting that you must own a million baby products to raise a kid.

I have a friend who does all those things. And she thinks I have a bug up my butt because I parent differently. I've never owned a crib. My daughter started off in a pack n play and then transitioned to a mattress. Her sister is doing the same. I've also never owned a high chair. I don't find them necessary. I cloth diaper. My oldest is potty training now. No pacifiers past 8 months. I breastfeed. I also prefer to make my own baby food. I'm just old-fashioned, I guess. And people judge me for that. So it goes both ways.

People that continue to have kids they can't afford and don't want.

Great question...awesome responses. Some of them are very interesting indeed!

I'm judgemental about lazy moms. Well, lazy people in general.

I have been judged on being an overacheiving parent. But if that is my badge or my scarlet letter if you will, then I wear it proudly. My son isn't annoying. My son is bright, happy,smart, well adjusted, has no natural enemies and both adults and kids enjoy being around him.

I admit to judging moms who full out yelling at their kids in public. I'm not talking about the 'No, you can't have that' or the 'Don't touch that' kind of yelling... I'm talking about the 'If you don't shut up I'm going to take you out to he car and beat you' type of yelling. Or when mom's call their kids names in a mean way. Sure, I call my son names (Buttface, meanyhead, and jerk have all come out of my mouth a time or two) but I say it in a joking/loving/not truly mad way. I've heard mom's calling their children names like 'fucker'... And not in a joking/loving/not truly mad way.

I also admit to judging moms who are doing something with their children that I think is dangerous. Even if it's something that hasn't been proven to be dangerous but just sets off my 'that doesn't look like a good idea' sensors.

I try not to judge anyone. really. i get judged some, but because i am open and honest and opinionated usually people will tell me what they're bothered by the things i do. it's usually that i am very worried about my kids' health. i will cancel a playmate over sniffles. and if you're coughing up a storm and show up for a playdate, yeah, you're out within minutes. i ask and tell politely that that child cannot be around my kids until he/she gets better.
while i don't care about anyone else's parenting or ways or whatever, one thing that ticks me off is when i hear people spending fortune on house projects while they have not taken vacations with the daily in years, if ever. THAT i don't understand. and i am not talking about families who try to make ends meet. i am talking about people living in mcmansions, in their lil make-shift world why try to make the house into a dream house, probably covering some deep sandiness or unhappiness or whatever that may be, yet complaining at the end of the summer how their children didn't do anything all summer. how can i stay silent and not say anything? of course i do, of course i say, do you think when kids grow up they will remember what countertops the house had, or where the bedding was bought or how often was the furniture changed? no. they will remember how they spent all their summers inside, doing nothing, while furniture was coming in and out. that is the only thing that will get me talking.

I Wouldn't say I judge them but the moms who do all the glitz pagents do bother me. But hey their kids. I get judged for lots of stuff. Like having tattoos, I guess good moms can't be covered in them. And the fact that I medicate my son. He's bipolar so there's really no way around that.

I really try hard to live and let live. But sometimes I secretly think about these things. But as a rule I really try to not judge because I don't like to be judged. I don't get that (SOME) full-time working moms complain and say their job is harder than the SAHMs etc. Both equally work- one gets paid and one does not. But BOTH work hard!!!! Also the breastfeeding vs formula debate. I have been judged alot for exclusively breastfeeding. I get tired of the questions and judgements but have learned to let it go in one ear and out the other. I do what is best for my kids and my family. Period.

I have a hard time not judging those who let their kids drink huge sodas and horrible ho-hos and cupcakes etc. and then have the nerve to complain about how wild and hyper their kid is. Really? Well, if you didn't feed them that 200 calorie drink with 35 grams of sugar and give them that huge cupcake,they probably would be a bit more calm and listen to you more. (This is not for the moms/dads who are uneducated about good foods and treats---its for the moms/dads who knowingly give their kids that garbage and then complain.)