Anyone Have a Stick-in-the-mud Child?

You ignore it.

When a child is being a grump, ANYTHING you say they will want the contrary. So it's no use trying to engage them in anything.

Ignore them. If they do something positive, jump on it and compliment them. Otherwise, just ignore it. They will probably snap out of it on their own when they aren't getting any attention and they get bored with being contrary :)

First, I try to ensure that the child has their needs (sleep, food, needing connection/attention) met reasonably. Sometimes, acting up in this way is a bid for attention. But generally, if those are met-----

When my kiddo is getting grumpy or contrary, I STOP giving him any forewarning of what's going to happen. It's only an invitation for complaint.

Instead of "Let's go to the store." it's "Put your shoes on now. Come on outside." ("I don't want to go outside!" --I ignore this. It is just a matter of fact that We Are Going Outside.) "Come with me now." and we walk to the store.

Strollers are really helpful in those situations. :) Put'em in and ignore them. A stroller would have been helpful for you today.

I do a lot of *selective* ignoring when the kids whine about something that can't be changed. I had a stick-in-the-mud kid in one of my preschool groups early on and discovered that the more I tried to reason with them, the worse/more whiny/crying the behavior got. Once I had decided that giving a choice whenever possible (you don't have to play ball with us, you can sit under that tree) was the best I could do in this sort of situation, I just ignored the complaining. Want to be a sourpuss? Go for it... but don't expect us to get sucked into your drama. As time went on, I noticed that the less attention I gave to the complaining (no correcting the attitude), the faster that child was able to get over themselves. As soon as their attitude changed or the topic of conversation was not a complaint, they got my attention.

I am also a big fan of letting family know (discreetly, of course, and in advance) when I have a cranky-pants on my hands. Then they won't take it personally. But I certainly don't spend any time trying to talk an obstinate child into having fun if they're digging their heels in.

And if you are worried about the other children, here's the thing: you get to set the example. "Kevin has decided he doesn't want to have fun right now, and maybe he'll change his mind later. But WE can still have a great time." Try to teach them to ignore annoying people-- it's a life skill, really. (I do this with preschoolers too... "Oh, Sarah doesn't feel like company right now. You can go play and she'll come tell you when she's ready." ) If the whining happens at home, send the child to their room until they can use their 'regular voice' or can tell you what they need.

Ignore bad behavior ( well, that kind of bad behavior).

Regardless of how much sleep you report, your son does not sound like he feels well. Perhaps he's coming down with something and the extra exertion and summer heat just got to him?

Back when mine were this little, if anyone was indeed just being grumpy, after I've eliminated checking for swollen lymph nodes and signs of flu/cold/virus happenings, I tell them to snap out of it and have a good time and keep their negative attitudes to themselves.

Be sure he gets plenty of sleep. And of course I assume he's eating a good diet, not full of sugars, empty carbs, sodas etc. These will cause the grumpies even in an adult as will the lack of sleep. Kids this age actually do best with 12 to 15 hours of sleep, sounds like a lot but for them it's not.
I'd ignore him for the most part when he acts this way and when he does something you like start your sentences with, "I like when you__________ or I appreciate when you____________ or you are funny, helpful, etc. Keep up the positive. But most of all at this age he needs lots of warmth and love, kisses and hugs and singing. Be the model you want him to be.
Some kids are just grumpier than others, just like adults but we still have to be a positive example. Keep your phrases short and positive to him and move on.

Sending you and your's the very best

As others have already said, make sure your boy isn't ill.

Sometimes you have to use this situation as an opportunity for teaching kindness. Complaining and "grumping" is unkind to the rest of the group - it makes them feel unhappy for no good reason. "Each of us gets in a bad mood, sometimes, Trevor, but it isn't right to take it out on everybody else. We're going to take some time next week and practice talking cheerfully and politely to all the people we're with." If he comes back with, "But I don't LIKE them," you say, "That doesn't matter. You and I will still be kind to them." A three-year-old can wrap his brain around that. What you know, but he doesn't yet, is that when you act kindly, even if you're just pretending at first, you come to grow into the feeling you're acting. We all have to do that every once in a while.

Hazel W. is right, too, that a bad attitude shouldn't get a lot of attention. Sometimes a child will think any kind of attention, even negative, is better than none at all. And your boy did get noticed a lot, didn't he? Save your attention for any hint of the good stuff. Don't give in to the negativity, but don't reward it with a lot of notice.

(I just thought of the old Maurice Sendak/Carole King song about the boy named Pierre, who always said, "I don't care!")

Have you asked him what is wrong? Why he doesn't feel good?

It sounds like he may be hurting in some way, but doesn't know how to express it correctly.

I have worked with 3 to 5 year olds for the past 10 yrs and when they are "grumpy" there is always something else "going on". Try talking to him alone about what may be bothering him, and go from there.

I hope this helps!

My 4 1/2 yr old grandson has been doing that a lot lately..... anything we suggest, he doesn't want.....

He's just being contrary, and trying to exert his choices/boundaries.

If he grumps about a certain meal, we just say "This is what we are having for dinner. You don't have to eat it, but we are not fixing anything else. If you don't eat this meal, you will wait until the next meal." Thus, he has a choice... to eat, or not to eat. We aren't letting him rule our lives.

If he doesn't want to do something, he can sit there while the others have fun. If it is something like going someplace, just put him in the stroller and ignore him.

Heck, he has even said no to treats, like ice cream or chocolate milk!

If possible, we do give him choices.... for example, I was getting him a children's meal, and asked him which he wanted.. sprite or chocolate milk? Did he want a hot dog, hamburger, chicken strips, or a grilled cheese? That way he had some control over it, without spoiling things for others.

I'm going to sound like the loon here, but if he's always like this maybe you could try removing artificial food dyes and high fructose corn syrup from his diet. They can cause mood and emotional issues in many children, not to mention make them feel unwell except if they've always eaten and drunk these things they don't realize they don't feel well and can't express it until you remove those things and test the hypothesis by reintroducing something with the offending toxin.

I speak from experience on this one, which is why I suggest it. We discovered lactose intolerance with an elimination diet this way too.

Being a grump is like whining.

You ignore it or you tell him to find his regular self or you are goin ghome. If you go home, tell him it was very disappointing you had to go home and did not get to have any fun.

Speak with him about his attitude.

I am sure you already do this, but every once in a while make sure he gets to pick out what he wants to do..

Could be he is coming down with something.. Going through a growing spurt.. He will be more tired, more hungry and just not himself.. Measure hi today and again in 2 weeks, see the difference.

He's most likely tired.

Yes, they want to start to exert their independence but seriously I think he
was tired. Make sure he gets more sleep at night or a nap.

I know it's hard when you have something planned & they don't sleep well. When that happens I come home & let him rest. Then the next day I don't do much.

Don't worry, your lovely 3 yr old WILL return!

Was the behavior unusual or does he normally act like this? If he was having an off day, I would just chalk it up to an off day: "Oh Tommy, looks like you're having a cranky pants kind of day today. We all have those sometimes. We're going to continue with our plans and hope you have fun with the other kids but if you want us to leave you alone, we will" (not literally alone, but just don't talk to him, wheedle, cajole etc.).

If he's like this a lot, it just may be his temperament. My oldest son was a "slow to warm up" kind of kid and if he felt like his boundaries were being pushed, he would become very negative. Even at his own birthday parties, we would have one friend come early for a "play date" for a while before the guests arrived because the friend would warm him up a bit so he'd be a little more gracious and less shell-shocked when the rest of the guests arrived. My second son is nick named "Eeyore" among the adults in one group of friends because he doesn't really like a couple of the kids (these are the children of some of my best friends) so he's just negative and contrary. With both, I would just quickly explain the behavior to the group "C takes a while to warm up - just let him be and he'll play when he's ready" or "J is going to stay with me for a bit and he'll play in a little while" so that the child felt validated and protected and everyone else had appropriate expectations and would not try to "fix" or "cheer up" the grumpy child. Usually the kids would warm up a bit and join in and eventually have fun but if not, oh well.

FWIW my oldest is now 14 and very outgoing and charming. I don't know when he outgrew the instinct to grab my leg, hide behind me and scowl at everyone but somewhere along the way, he did.

You just described my son lately!! It's maddening!! We had a birthday party to go to this morning at a splash park and he actually cried saying that he didn't want to go. He has also done the same thing about bowling and an animal park this past week. I'm trying to do some fun things in the last week of summer and my Mom was here visiting and I know she wanted to take them out places, but my son (he's 4), is a miserable kid! I don't get it, but I guess I'm glad I'm not the only one dealing with this. I also have a six year old daughter who loves to get out and about, so I'm not going to make her miss out because he's being obnoxious. So, I told him that from now on, if he wants to be grumpy, then I will drop him off at the drop in child are center by himself and the rest of the family will go and have fun without him. This morning, I gave him the choice of coming with us to the party (and named all of the friends that would be there) or sitting in his room by himself while we were gone and that Daddy would stay home and get a few projects done. I told him there would be no TV or games and that he had to play quietly in his room by himself because nobody wanted to be around a grumpy kid. He changed his mind and decided to come to the party. I told him before we left that he was not allowed to ruin their party by being a grouch there so he needed to snap out of it. He was fine once we got there (probably because I also threatened to send him to sit in the car if he started acting up and ruining the party....with than adult and the AC on, of course). I tried to remind him afterward that he relly enjoyed it and to remember that the next time I offer to take him somewhere fun. I guess time will tell! Ugh!

Updated

You just described my son lately!! It's maddening!! We had a birthday party to go to this morning at a splash park and he actually cried saying that he didn't want to go. He has also done the same thing about bowling and an animal park this past week. I'm trying to do some fun things in the last week of summer and my Mom was here visiting and I know she wanted to take them out places, but my son (he's 4), is a miserable kid! I don't get it, but I guess I'm glad I'm not the only one dealing with this. I also have a six year old daughter who loves to get out and about, so I'm not going to make her miss out because he's being obnoxious. So, I told him that from now on, if he wants to be grumpy, then I will drop him off at the drop in child are center by himself and the rest of the family will go and have fun without him. This morning, I gave him the choice of coming with us to the party (and named all of the friends that would be there) or sitting in his room by himself while we were gone and that Daddy would stay home and get a few projects done. I told him there would be no TV or games and that he had to play quietly in his room by himself because nobody wanted to be around a grumpy kid. He changed his mind and decided to come to the party. I told him before we left that he was not allowed to ruin their party by being a grouch there so he needed to snap out of it. He was fine once we got there (probably because I also threatened to send him to sit in the car if he started acting up and ruining the party....with than adult and the AC on, of course). I tried to remind him afterward that he relly enjoyed it and to remember that the next time I offer to take him somewhere fun. I guess time will tell! Ugh!

Answer to the topic question: TWO