Any Mother

I went through the same situation at 29yrs old. How old are you? I am willing to talk with you on this. let me know.

In my opion, you should try just enjoying your child. When the right man comes along you will know. Don't fell guilty for the fater or the ex because all you are doing is makeing yourself misreable and your child can fell this from you. But no matter what the advice you get, in the long wrong you have to do what fells right for you to do. You really should leave both of these men alone. I wish you all the luck.

I think many of us have been through this and learned that if it didn't work the first time, it won't work a second or third time. I felt the same before, and I really did not know why or where it came from...I later realized that I was only remembering the good things about the ex and forgetting the bad. I think pretty soon, the bad (the reason/s it didn't work before) will come back to you. Give yourself some "you and baby" time. Just enjoy your time with your baby...not having to share that precious angel with anyone, seeing all the firsts, and especially not having someone else say "Give me the baby...we didn't do it that way in MY family." Just enjoy this time.

I was in a similar situation once. You are in a trap. My suggestion for happiness is to get out of both relationships and go do your own thing for awhile. You may be alone for bit but it is SO much better than being in the wrong relationship. I know from where you are sitting that it doesn't seem like the "right" one is out there. But you can't find the man of your dreams if you are with Mr. Wrong. It takes some sacrifice and a lot of prayer but I am living proof that you CAN be happy and find a wonderful man. If you take care of yourself and put your focus somewhere else the right one will come along. (Maybe even sooner than you think.)
Good Luck!

Hi, just two things I want to say actually 3
1. A tiger never changes his stripes ( meaning accept them for what they are) if not what you want then move on
2. Life is short live it to your fullest,it passes fast
3. Let go and let GOD, I am not a religous fanatic but when I did turn it over to GOD he did what was right for me. Good Luck

I agree with Wolfgang. I dated A LOT and had many relationships before I married at 37. In fact for many years I was quite the BUM Magnet! LOL I can tell you that neither one sounds like a good long term option. Sometimes when you are away from someone you tend to remember the good things and the bad memories seem to fade. However, I am sure that you are not SOLID with either one for a reason. Once you become a mom you have to think about more than yourself. You want to find someone who respects you and your child. If he has been caught before he does not have the respect for you that you and your child deserve!!! I learned that not only do I want to be with someone who is a good role model for my child but I have to make good choices and be one too!! I hope it didn't sound like I was preaching but it sounds like you probably KNOW that you don't NEED/WANT to really be with eithr one and maybe you just need some support. Here was my motto about men who didn't treat me right!! Always remember know matter how much you think that you are in love with someone or are attracted to someone ----Men are like Metro, there WILL be another one coming by soon. Don't jump on the wrong bus just to be on the bus!!!! Wait PATIENTLY and the right one WILL come!! Funny but 100% true!!! I hope this helps you. Good luck!!!

OK, Been there done that. to tell you the truth i went back to my x-husband and ended up staying 2 weeks, then left because i relized he was not what i wanted i just wanted the other guy to get off his trips... ie; house cleaning, laudry being folded just little stuff. It does not make it better. If you caught him twice you will catch him again. But if you feel like you are going to be hurt by this other guy then you need to back out and do it on your own. It sucks when you have to listen to someone nagging all the time so maybe you need a breather.

B.

Dear R.:
"he has been caught 2 times already"
It sounds as if you are separated/divorced/single, so how can he be 'caught'? If you are not together, he (and you likewise) can do whatever he wants.

Your ex and the father of your child are two different men, right? You may need to explain more what the problem is.

My short answer would be: Neither. It sounds like both relationships are over, so you may open your eyes to someone else altogether. Whether it was you or the guy, the relationship ended for a reason.

Regards,
W.

R.,
Let them both go. If it did not work out the first time in the relationships, then just grow from it, improve yourself and situation and dont start a new relationship until you feel completely comfortable doing so.
Enjoy your life with you and your child are the only ones in the picture and in the life you lead, someone who fits your lifestyle will come into focus.
Have fun, be safe and stay smart,
M.

I agree completely with Erika R. She hit the nail on the head about remembering only the good times about the ex. If your baby's father is someone different than the ex, I have to include that if he's been caught twice, it's likely he'll be caught again, and again, and again . . . you get the picture. Take time with your baby, those moments only come once while there'll always be men in this world - one willing to treat you right, like you deserve.

I agree with everyone here that neither of these two are a good choice. I have been in this situation as well and I know how hard it is to get rid of both and be alone. You will find someone else though when you least expect it. Your child needs to see you in a good relationship 1)to be comforable 2)to know what a good relationship is and strive for that in their life and not settle. You may already know deep in your heart what the answer is but if not turning it over to God is by far my best advice. Good luck.

You have feelings but he obviously doesn't ! Maybe it's time for you to get out there and find someone new.
Try plentyoffish.com, you may find someone ! Don't waste your time and wait around on some one who may not be interested in you ! Good luck & blessings ~

Well, this is how I feel... Do what makes you happy and follow your intuition. Now, if your feelings get stronger towards your ex only b/c your child's father is messing up, it's probably more of a "I'm going to get back at you" response than actually liking your ex more. Guys are going to be guys, they're going to piss you off and they're going to mess around. Your intuition will always guide you the right way, but it's up to you how far you will let him go, and how far the relationship will go. I love my sons' father, and we got married for several reasons, one being I wanted the "family" to stay a "family". I always knew what he was doing, and he'd always get caught, but I stuck it out thinking it'll change. Now, I feel like it's the same ----, different day type of thing. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband to death, but there's always doubts, especially when he gets in one of his mood swings. No lie, even after we got married, there's been ex's he's talked too, and tried to hide from me, but like I said, he always gets caught. A man will only go as far as you let him, so don't let him go too far.. and if and when he does cut him lose. If you continue to stay and stick around for it, it'll stay the same and get worse, and you'll end up living your life with doubts that should've never been there to begin with. Doesn't mean go straight back to the ex, but he can be one of your options. There's plenty of men out there... Take your time when choosing the next one. Have friends, and go out and choose later, for now, let you child be your boyfriend, and give them all of that time and love and attention.