Am over Reacting?

You are overreacting if you stop letting the girls play together. They are only 2 and 3, after all. At 3, they aren't "mean."

2/3 year olds do not share well but it also opens up good teaching experience for them if they are getting together to play. Maybe try a neutral territory such as a playground or playgroup where the toys are not either of theirs personally.

Good Lord... It is the stage they are in right now.

Really...... Trying to make a 3 yr old a mean girl??

Expand friendships, if this is the only friend your child is around then you need to get out and socialize more... Library story time, Gymboree, pool, parks, church, moms day out, etc

The girl isn't being mean, she's being developmentally appropriate. There is a difference.

If you want to have playdates, you need to sit right there and teach them. (so and so is playing with that right now, you can have a turn when she's done. Would you like to sit on my lap while we wait for our turn? When your daughter is playing with something, you say to the other girl basically the same, we don't grab, we ask for a turn. would you like to play with Y while you wait?)

With that said, kids this age do not really share. Think of it this way, at this age, they believe the whole world is theirs. Everything is their private property. How would you feel if someone came into your home and started touching your private things? You wouldn't like it. Well, 2-3s don't either.

has your daughter decided that your dinner is her's yet? "mine" isn't something taught, it's a developmental stage all kids go through.

I highly recommend book by Dr Ames. they are "your one year old, your two year old,etc." Your library should have them.

It's the age and stage they are in.
2 and 3 yr olds really don't play well with others yet.
4 and 5 yr's old is much better.
Try just having lunch/coffee dates with your friend without the kids.
Play dates right now are not so much for the kids as they are for you to socialize.
If you do get the kids together - both you and your friend have to stay on top of how your kids interact - it's going to be toddler typical - which means a whole lot of squabbling - which makes for fairly exhausting encounters and not much fun for the grownups.

My kids always had their toys, their friends had their own. Toys to toddlers are kind of like currency, if they have their own transactions go smoother.

they're so tiny. don't succumb to the temptation to look at yours as a 'thoughtful' little angel, and the older girl as 'bossy and mean.'
they're at different developmental stages. i promise your thoughtful child will snatch toys and psychically mark everything in reach as 'mine' in her own time.
yes, it's fine to limit play if YOU find you can't handle it without angsting or over-managing.
yes, you're overreacting. just a little.
no biggie. just take a deep breath and try to let kids be themselves, with gentle oversight and a lot of understanding.
khairete
S.

It's kind of a natural response ... if you aren't getting anything out of the visits, and your daughter gets upset, why would you want to continue? I get it.

I sometimes use those kinds of visits to model appropriate behavior to my kids ... that happens a lot with kids in that age group. Sounds like your friend isn't stepping in enough - but even if she was, sometimes kids are just too young to get the concept of sharing.

You could either bring a toy with you (that both kids can use) - I used to show up with a batch of freshly made play dough - hard to not share a big bag of that, or something like that (age appropriate).

You can talk to your friend (probably what I would try first) and just say "Hey .. love our coffee dates but what should we try to have the girls play a bit better together?"

Or you could get together at parks, etc. instead to avoid the whole toy sharing thing until it blows over. Or have her to your house more.

If it doesn't work out, no sense putting yourself and daughter through this - just see your friend without the kids.

Good luck :)

Oh my goodness, are you trying to equate the 3 year old to a "mean" girl? Seriously??? I don't know many if any 2 to 3 year olds that share and play well. This is part of their development.

Now, you could say "Sally, let Betty play with the toy". Try bringing a couple of your daughter's toys. When the other girl says "mine" give your daughter her toy.

Yes, I think you are overreacting right now.

Well, sounds to me like the perfect opportunity to help your "thoughtful and shy" child learn how to cope with a "bossy and mean" child.

It's a win, win.

Fact is though, they're both just babies, they're both learning. They could both learn valuable life skills from this situation.
:)

Kids that age don't play "with" each other; they play NEAR each other. They haven't really figured out the whole personal vs shared thing regarding space, posessions, etc. They tend to adhere to the dog rules of possession: If I am holding it, it's mine. If I'm not holding it, but I want it, it's mine. If I can see it, even if I don't want it, it's mine. If it has my slobber on it, it's mine.
They aren't being malicicious; they have only recently figured out that they are a separate being from their mothers, and are still trying that revelation on for size.
I would continue to let her play in the company of other kids, including this one, but don't try to force adult manners on her.

At that age it's best to let them do whatever. They don't hold on to hurts and grudges longer than 2 seconds. Your child isn't soaking in a major permanent influence on sharing at 2. They pick up bad habits even with no influence. And then they learn better over time. Reserve discipline or not playing together anymore for excessive tantrums, hitting, biting, whatever. Words? Grabbing? Meh. Kids don't care. I know lots of parents want to try to coach sharing and stuff at this age, but to me it's hovery. Let them be as long as they're not being destructive and hurting each other. As long as you rein in the terrible stuff, they'll develop the control for demure, civilized politeness as they get older.

Yes, you are overreacting. This is a normal stage of development.

You are not overreacting. But you need to put it in context. This little girl is not your daughters friend. This little girl is your friends daughter. And the ages are hard. 2 is very young and at that age they still play parallel. I would just not take her around this other little girl until she learns to share. She is also young.

You aren't overreacting, but your friend probably won't see it that way. The thing is, her daughter isn't being run over by your daughter. So it's easy for her to get her nose out of joint.

If I were you, I'd try to work out Girls Night Out instead of play dates. When she asks why, tell her that you would like to have some time with friends (and notice I said friends plural) without having to always take care of your daughter.

When she pushes too much to get the kids together, make excuses. Do it once in a while just to keep her from being too hard on you, but try hard to let your daughter mature a little more (hers too) for a while.

You can find other personalities for your daughter to play with.

No, I don't think you're overreacting. It's a legitimate concern. Your daughter should interact with friends with different personalities, not just ones that are like the 3 year old you described. It will give her a more rounded experience as you said in SWH.

But wow. Your 2 year old daughter sounds just like my 2 year old daughter! Mine is very slow to warm, even with people she knows well if she hasn't seen them in a while (ex. out of town aunts that she keeps in touch with via facetime). She also freezes in these types of situations.

What you described happens to my daughter a lot. For instance, yesterday, my daughter and I were in a waiting area with some toys. My daughter picked toys she wanted to play with and was playing with them for a while. A boy around her age came and started playing with the toys that she was playing with even through there were plenty of other toys he could've grabbed. She froze and just looked at me, as if to say, "do something, mommy!" I watched a little bit to see if she was going to do anything, but she didn't. She just stood there, not knowing how to act. And I could tell she didn't want to play with the boy, she just wanted to play on her own. So I just simply told her "let's go play over here" and grabbed the toys and moved away from the boy while letting the boy keep some of the toys he took from my daughter (to show her what to do if she wants to be left alone). At the same time, I told her she needed to let the boy keep the two toys he took from her (to teach her to share).

I personally think that these situations are good for modeling what you want your daughter to do/should do in these situations. While most parents focus on teaching their children to share, I think it's equally important for moms of passive children to teach them to be assertive and empower them so that they don't feel so helpless. I try to model that as much as I can.

In your situation, I would also tell the 3 year old that she needs to share. Say something like, "can I play with this for a little bit too?" And make sure your daugher sees/hears it. If you do it enough, I think your daughter will soon learn to say that too.

depends on how close you are to the friend. I would suggest you sit and play with the kids. You can say things like "Jake, can Sophie have a turn playing with the car?" or "Let's play nicely and share." You could also encourage your daughter to come play by you if he can't play well with others. I had a friend who didn't get it. So I brought my daughter some toys of her own to play with and when her daughter was being mean I would say, "Come over here, Brooke, because she doesn't want to share." That got my point across without being nasty about it. Good luck, sometimes it's the hardest with our friends.

Well it's probably pretty normal but unfortunately just because the parents are friends doesn't mean the kids will grow up to be friends. I would try to guide your daughter toward things to play with and try to keep the other child from taking the toys from your daughter. "Anna, is playing with that right now, you can play with it when she is done."

M

It was around age 3 that I started role playing with one of my kids. I would first ask him to pretend he wasn't letting me play with toys, and I would show him how to react in that situation. Then we would trade. So, when she pretends by saying "No, Mine" you can say, "We need to share." or "OK, then I will go play with the doll instead." (or whatever other toy is nearby). Teaching your child to walk away from a child who is not being nice is very valuable.

This will get easier as they both get older.

I think you might try this, based on your description above where you say that when the other child is bossy, your child stands there frozen. Use role playing to teach her how to respond.

She might be a little too young for this, but you can give it a try. If she doesn't seem to get it, wait another 6 months and try it again.

I believe that possibly you could talk with the mother first. She should be monitoring this habit of her daughter and let her know she needs to be nice.
does the other woman say anything to possibly help you. This is what I would do. Overreacting yes a little! But then maybe cut back on the visitations.