My 17 Month Old Daughter Hates Sharing :( Plz Help Mee Help Her

It is her age. This is the time when they go through the "mine" stage. This is normal. This is the age when everything is about them! I would punish her for hitting but not sharing. This is a normal stage.

At 17 months, your expectations are not age appropriate. She's just beginning to discover object permanence, and she genuinely fears that if she allows someone else to have her toy or hold her toy or play with her toy that it's theirs and therefore gone!

I would just nicely remind her each time that it's ok for him to play with it, he'll give it back, be gentle, etc. If it's something she really wants to play with, and sometimes it will be, you can talk about taking turns or have her offer him a different toy to trade. Both tactics worked well with my boys.

Just remember that sharing is a really tough concept until 2 or 2 1/2, sometimes 3 even. Gentle reminders will help her along.

This is totally normal! She is only 17 months and at this age they don't even play with each other - they will engage in "parallel play" and do things side-by-side but not really play together like older kids will. Toddlers this age are naturally selfish and totally focused on themselves and their own needs and wants - they can't be expected to know how to share or why it is expected. Even some 3 and 4 year olds have trouble with this sometimes. You haven't done anything wrong! The fact that they have "been friends" since they were 3 months old means nothing to them. They are not even "friends" in the true sense of the word - my daughter had kids she got together with for play dates but she didn't start developing true friendships until she was closer to 3 years. For now I would get some books on basic child development so you can see that this is perfectly normal, and not at all a reflection on her, or on how you are raising her. Try talking with some other parents with kids the same age and older and you'll see what I mean - Mom's groups are great for this. You can talk to her about sharing, but it will still be a while before it sinks in.

For now, it would be best to let her play with what she wants to play with, and if necessary, try distracting her with something else. My daughter is good about sharing now, but we also have some things off-limits to other kids during play dates if it's something really special - then it is put away, "out of sight, out of mind".

Do you make her share with you when you are just one on one? I know it sounds silly, but I do it with my daughter and I think it works. I always feel a little mean doing it to my daughter, but as an only child she doesn't have anyone else to learn this from. I will intentionally play with one of her toys and when she trys to take it, I tell her she has to share her toys. If she continues to grab at the toy I threaten to take it away, if she continues I take it away for at least the rest of the day. I've been doing this since she was one. If we are playing with other kids she may need to be prompted but she will share her toys over 90% of the time right away. She also understands the concept of waiting her turn for things. If we are at the park and someone is in the swing, I will tell her we have to share and she has to wait her turn. She usually does without fight.

It's not about sharing. It's about doing what you say, and not hitting and tantrumming. The sharing is a by product. If you are consistent with all other things, you wont' have aggression and tantrums relating to the not sharing.
She's too young to care about the talks on how to act. She needs consequences every time so she learns to follow your verbal warning.

Our kids don't really have to share at that age. UNLESS I SAY SO, like if friends are there. And that pretty much just means they can't scream and act out if someone takes a toy. And if they go to grab someone else's toy, I warn them not to, and discipline if they do (never bothered with a lengthy time out-too vague under 2). But I don't elaborate on sharing and taking turns at 17 months. Too complex for stubborn ones.

My oldest naturally shared, but the younger two had to be led there step by step with the basic "other" rules. My youngest, 2, my most difficult BY FAR, still doesn't share, but thanks to discipline, she no longer grabs or screams or hits when playing with certain toys overlaps with other kids, and that's good enough for me.

I would let the other mom know you are disciplining her and swat her hand when she does it. If the other mom doesn't approve, or you dont' feel comfortable, you can wait until she's older, or enforce it when you are alone with her playing, so she understands "no" when you say it when the friend is there. She's also old enough to know she can probably do it when people are around though (yes, kids are that smart that young) so you may need to enforce once or twice in the moment with friend, remove her right way to restroom if you want. From then on, she'll get it at just the warning.

This is simple and clear enough for this age if you are firm, consistent and calm, never angry, just a "teaching" tone with consequence, so she learns "no" which translates to, "stop right now, screaming, pushing, hitting, whatever". Longer phrases are for older kids. It seems really young to start, but it prevents TONS of discipline later. The shrinks are way off the mark with how young kids can learn, and how many problems it prevents if they do. If you start now, you'll have a terrific 2 year old instead of a terrible two year old. I know, I turned my rager around. She's been bad to the bone since age 9 months, but now she's a sweet, bright, 2. I only knew it could be done watching 30 cousins before me do it first with their tiny tots. You can wait, or you can start now.

Jennifer G has it right.

Until they are in the 2 1/2 to 3 year old range they are just too young to understand.

Example. My oldest grand daughter in this area likes to sit on grandma's lap. Because she was the oldest she felt like that was HER grandma. When the next grandchild came along, my wife held her too. My oldest grandaughter was around two and when she saw another child in grandma's lap she yelled and screamed like a banshee. My wife gave back the other grand baby and the oldest calmed down when she was in grandma's lap and put her arms around grandma's neck and scowled at the "interloper." We adults knew and chuckled, but it wasn't funny to the oldest grandchild.

Good luck to you and yours.

You have to lead by example. Play with her favorite toy and make her share with you. Then give it to her and grab another or ask if she would like to trade. My boys love the trade concept. Also, maybe have her little friend bring some toys over when he comes so he has something to play and trade with. She will grow out of it and move onto another thing.

Sharing is a very difficult concept that children don't fully comprehend until age 4, approximately. Very young children, like yours, can start to learn simple rules like taking turns, but they won't think twice about taking a toy out of another child's hands or growing upset when they cannot have something they want. Be consistent with reminding your daughter about taking turns, but be patient with her because she's still not quite developed enough to truly understand sharing. The hitting and pushing are issues that deserve a time-out. Be sure to give her a clear warning by making eye contact on her level and telling her that "hitting/pushing is not okay" and if she hits or pushes again she will sit in time out for one minute. If you have to put her in time out, tell her clearly why she is there and then stop talking to her. If she gets up, put her back quietly and restart the timer...as many times as it takes. I promise, she will eventually sit still for the full minute. At the end, remind her of why she was there and that it isn't okay to hit or push. Then tell her to say sorry (even though she might not yet be able to...my daughter just gave me a hug at that age). Then give hugs and kisses and say I love you. The issue is over...move on. If she hits/pushes again, it's straight into time-out...no warning. My husband and I have had great success with this strategy.

oh my please do not punish her for not sharing!!! She is not supposed to share at 17 months, please read about the developmental stages! She must be soooo confused getting punished for something she doesn't understand! Children that age play beside each other, not with each other, it's the mommies that want to force them together. Also I just read that it's developmentally VERY important for them to have a concept of "mine" and that if parents don't foster that it can cause problems later, they won't have even their body being their own and no one is allowed to touch it. Let the playmate bring their own toys to play with.

Your little girl is still a baby. She's way too young to understand sharing and ownership issues. Just make sure you and your friend are monitoring the babies at play and enforcing no hitting and sharing rules. She'll start to learn soon enough that she must not hit and must share. Don't punish her for what she doesn't understand, but a little time out is fine. My son was that age when my daughter was born, and we had to watch him carefully because he had no concept that she was a real person, not a toy. She is really not misbehaving, she's just behaving like a normal 17 month old.

Her behavior is to be expected at 17 months. Not clear if she only pushes him after she gets a time out, or before. But one idea is to narrate what you think she's feeling "It's really hard to share.. you seem really angry but we don't hit" kind of stuff. Acknowledging that sharing is hard and you understand her feelings, but still setting limits with regards to hitting.
But rather than give her a time out -- why not model for her the behavior you want her to learn -- by frequently offering to share things of yours with her (a piece of food, a warm blanket, etc). She's still learning, so take advantage of that by modeling for her, the way you want her to act.

She is developmentally not able to share yet. It does not hurt to gently remind her to share and keep working on it but at this age she is not supposed to be sharing. The world is all about her and she is acting normally.

Go to babycenter.com or parentcenter.com and read about stages of development.

Hi there,
You have gotten some great feedback about how a 17 month old does not understand sharing. As a mom, I dealt with this issue a lot as I had an only child....

Here is a great article that gives some ideas about how to work this out peacefully with another child.
http://www.naturalchild.org/inbal_kashtan/grabbing.html
Blessings,
K.
Kimberly Smith Cavins, OTR, CPE, EFT-Cert
"From the Heart" Family Healing

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"We can do no great things, only small things with great Love"~Mother Teresa

I also echo the advice to get some books on child development so that you know what to expect (your expectations are off by a year or two). Browse your library and see if any of the books "speak" to you. I like the Touchpoints series by T. Berry Brazelton but the books are a bit wordy and not a quick reference. If you're looking for a quick reference style, the "What to Expect" series is nicely divided by age/stage. Having objective information on what you can expect as your child grows is a HUGE help in parenting. She's too young to share, too young for time-outs, and really too young to have her normal behavior characterized as misbehavior. Here is a link to what's typical for toddlers in how they socialize:

http://www.babycenter.com/0_toddler-milestone-socializati...

Hope this helps!

Sharing is just such a hard concept at this age. Ask her to share, explain it, model it-but if she doesn't get it, don't punish her.
Put the toy in time out instead!
If there is a struggle over a toy, tell them they must share. If they push or fight, take the toy, remove it from their sight. Tell them the toy is causing trouble and when everyone is getting along, it can come back and play. Then distract them with something else.
Also, try putting out toys that you have multiples of. Or switch to an activity- blowing bubbles, playing In the hose.
At this age, there are bound to be struggles. Praise them when they get along, distract them when they don't.
Good luck!