Am I Wrong Here? Behavior at a Cemetary...

Personally I don't think you did anything wrong. However, maybe the couples loss was very recent and they reacted out of heightened emotion. I would not take it to heart, there could be many reasons for their comments that had more to do with their feelings of being upset over their visit than truely with what you were doing.

You keep doing what you're doing! Years ago I was so touched as I sat on a rooftop bar that looks over into a cemetery here. A woman and her two kids were placing a jack o' lantern on a grave ( it was two days before Halloween) and it was so sweet. My mom died a little over a year ago, and I take my sons all the time to place flowers that she loved, Christmas decorations she loved -and jack o' lanterns at Halloween. She loved Halloween and instilled that in me, and it's my favorite holiday. For two Halloweens now we've taken jack to her gravesite, and I know somewhere that makes her happy! My kids talk to GiGi there and if someone doesn't like what we do, they can F* off! That's my way of respecting the dead, and it's my way of keeping her alive in my children's hearts-the youngest of which will never have a true memory of her. Some people just need to "unclinch" their sphincters!

NO, not at all! How great to be laughing as you remember loved ones, especially kids parents! Keep on doing what you are doing, :)

I think you are wonderful for making sure that your niece and nephew have a positive experience celebrating their parents' lives. Like you said, it's not like you were blaring music and throwing stuff on other people's graves. If I had come across you decorating with the tinsel, etc., I certainly would have noticed it but not been offended.

Visiting their parents' graves obviously makes your niece and nephew feel connected to them, and as they grow I'm sure it will give them a lot of comfort, as will the memories you share. You sound like a fabulous aunt; they are so lucky.

You have every right to be there, doing whatever you wish, as long as you aren't bothering other headstones,etc. My best friend was killed when we were in high school in a tragic car accident. Every time I'm home visiting, I drive up there, sit on her grave, and drink a cold beer. I just sit and remember all the great times we had together, and actually chat to her. I'd love for someone to say something to me. I'd beat them with my purse.
I miss her dearly and that's my way of feeling close to her still.

Anyway, sorry to get off track. People are just clueless. Carry on with your tradition. I think it's wonderful.

Lynsey

I personally would not be annoyed, but if I were you, I wouldn't worry about a couple of cranky strangers who obviously have no idea what you guys were laughing about or the fact that you were sharing a happy memory with your niece and nephew about their deceased parents. They were not being disrespectful at all but apparently these other people thought they were, and were being judgmental without knowing the whole story. Forget 'em. Maybe they were dealing with their own issues, so don't be judgmental in return.

EDITED TO ADD: Just thinking about how everyone deals with things differently. My mother just passed away 9 months ago after a year-long battle with cancer that resulted in her being in hospice care the last few months of her life. It was extremely stressful on myself, my brother, and everyone else in our family and circle of friends. When she did pass, it was a blessing. When my brother and I had to go to the funeral home to make arrangements, one of our tasks was picking out a casket and anything decorative to make to more personal - like embroidery on the back panel and whatnot. Looking at the numerous options, we couldn't help but start joking around about picking things that were the complete opposite of what my mother would have wanted (i.e., she was Catholic, but we joked around about using Hindu symbols, or a John Deere tractor when she obviously didn't do any farming, that sort of thing). We didn't mean any disrespect but we couldn't help it, and it was actually nice to be able to laugh about something and be silly after so many months of grief and sadness. And the thing is, our mom would have thought we were pretty funny too and probably had been laughing right along with us if she had been there.

each culture and family has a different way and 'tradition' of visiting cemeteries.

In my State, some cultures even have a PICNIC AT the grave site. They actually bring a mat, flowers, and food and hang out at their loved one's grave. The family is there and they all spend 'time' with the deceased.
Some decorate the grave site for each holiday.

Different strokes for different folks.

I don't see anything wrong with what you described. I would have probably said something like "I am sorry we disturbed you. We were celebrating their parents life by telling a story about their parents and it was a very funny memory".

No you were not acting inappropriately. Those farts need to just move along.

Now if they were there first and seemed to be there praying, I would have kept it quiet till they left.

Our family is not afraid of death. We speak of past relatives all of the time, remembering the funny things that happened. We do this everywhere. We also go and decorate the graves for different occasions.. not all of them.. But my husbands grandmother LOVED to decorate for each holiday, so it is appropriate for us to decorate her final place.

hmmmm.... I honestly think this was one of those situations where it was an A, B conversation so they could "c" their way out.....if they got offended by your behavior they may not had fully understood why you were laughing and carrying on as such. Quite honestly if I had seen the same sort of thing I think I would have wondered why everyone was laughing ....but just smiled and went about my way because I obviously didn't know the entire situation....I don't think I would have even thought about how rude you were being or whatever. I guess I might be out of the norm though because as sad as we feel there comes a time when you need to be able to celebrate the person's life and remember those fond memories and honor that. I have told several people that when I die don't cry for me because I am in a MUCH better place and that it's only a temporary seperation-one day we will meet up again and we can again laugh at all those silly moments in life. Sometimes I think the older generation may see us as being disrespectful because they were taught that death was a "bad, dark, sad, depressive" thing. It IS indeed all of those things but the point is that at some point you have to be able to move forward and sometimes the laughter of it all can break the heartbreak you feel for the loss. Ever watch Steel Magnolia's with Julia Roberts-if not watch it! I think your actions were totally appropriate and shrug off those other comments-they obviously didn't know the entire situation.....regardless some people deal with mourning in different ways.....there is no wrong way or any right way. It is what it is......

I suspect that they totally misread what was going on - and responded based upon what they THOUGHT was happening.

We all "read into" things, and I think we'd do well to remember this before we get peeved about what other people are doing/saying when we don't really KNOW...

I am sorry this happened -that they did this to YOU - when YOU were taking part in a family remembrance.

Cemeteries are for the living, not the dead!

I think what you did was lovely. Others may not know or understand, and a more recent loss could make one more sensitive to non-somber behavior. I'd attribute it to that and no worry about it.

It would not annoy me personally but a lot of people do not celebrate life while visiting a cemetery but rather mourn death. I could also see this bothering those who have lost someone in the not too distant past.

I think I would have smiled at your family obviously remembering happy times with your lost loved-ones.

Not at all. It sounds like you were having a lovely experience celebrating the memory of your sister and brother. Apparently this couple received some kind of secret memo that says that you must be almost completely silent and somber when you visit a cemetary. Don't let them bother you. If I were there, I would enjoy seeing such a happy family.

It doesn't sound like you were being disrespectful at all. In fact, it sounds like your family has come upon a way to deal with the loss of your loved ones in a very healthy and special manner. What a cool tradition to decorate and remember your loved ones at each holiday. Perhaps the people that were making comments are not as far along in the grieving process and displaced their emotions onto you? I would try not to let it bother you. It sounds like they could have been nicer to you or not have said anything at all, but we all need God's grace now and then especially during times of suffering the loss of a loved one. God Bless.
A.

i think your tradition is beautiful and inspiring. i wish we paid more respect to our beloved dead in this society.
but i don't think the other couple are necessarily farts. there's no way of knowing what sort of issues they were wrestling with that day, possibly their own grief or sorrow or terrible challenges.
i'm sorry for them that they were not able to see the light and beauty you and your kids were creating. but that doesn't dim the positiveness one bit.
khairete
S.

No it is wonderful what you do with them. Sorry that happened.

.

Annoyed? No way. If I saw people sitting at a grave and laughing, I would assume that they were doing exactly what you were doing - sharing fond memories of happy times with their loved ones. In my never-to-be-confused-with-anything-even-remotely-resembling-humble opinion, that's the best way to show honor and respect for the dead - by keeping alive the joy that having known them gave you.

Boy...I hope that couple who made the comments to you never ever attend an funeral for any of our family members. Yes...we mourn our loved ones...but we also celebrate their lives...as we left the funeral home, heading to the cemetery for my Mother's funeral...my daughter commented "I have never heard so much laughter at a funeral".
Everyone remembers and pays respect in different ways...and I think it is absolutely lovely that these precious children want to visit their parents gravesite...and that you love them and their parents enough to share wonderful memories of their parents with them!!
If the children heard these grumpy folks...just tell them to ignore it that what they are doing would make their parents proud and happy and they don't need to change a thing!!!
You will probably never see those folks again so don't lose a moment's peace and joy over what they had to say!!

Nope, it wouldn't bother me at all. I think it's a wonderful tradition that you've started.

Don't let those comments get to you.

can the dead hear what you are saying? i'm sorry but i had to say that. my mom works at a cemetery and we are always making little jokes. everyone has they own way of looking at death-i would rather remember people for who they were and the good times. i say go for the laugh and keep the laughter alive!!!!!

Everyone grieves in their own way. Don't change a thing! I'm sure your sister is looking down on you and is so pleased with the way you are doing things.
The people who complain are just grieving in their way. They are also suffering the loss of a loved one - and joy might be just a bit too much for them to take at this point in their process.
LBC

No, I would probably be acting the same way.
I think it's disrespectful of them to actually make a comment walking past you as your standing over your loved ones burial site.
I probably wouldn't have been able to keep my mouth shut.
Keep doing what you're doing. =)

Just know that no matter where you are or what you are doing, there is always going to be someone who judges you. You can't stop them from doing that, but you can control how you react. If you know in your heart that what you are doing is right, then keep doing it. I think you are doing a fabulous job of raising your sister's children. I think that spending time there occasionally with the kids will help with their healing process. I have so much respect for what you are doing!

God Bless you!

I think you have a great approach to remembering your family. My cousins also lost their parents when they were quite young and we always take time when they visit to share stories about their parents and pictures of their mom when she was growing up. The family stories are part of how relatives feel connected to one another and their shared family history.
I would guess that the people who complained are still dealing with their own grief and either have not come as far along in the process or just deal with things differently.

It certainly would not offend me, but some people do not see the joy in remembering the people who have gone before us. Or perhaps their loved one just recently passed and they were still grieving. It's hard to say because you don't know their circumstances.
Don't worry about what other people think. There is nothing wrong with what you are doing AT ALL!

My daughter (5) and I go and visit my dad (died 2yrs ago). We've pulled out the picnic blanket and had lunch. Her and my niece have played tag. As long as you're not ruining other sites, or intruding on someone else's version of visiting, I say do what makes it feel right for you guys.

That couple was the rude one's in my opinion!!

When I die - I don't want people to cry- I want them to LAUGH!!! If the tears streaming down their face are from laughter - give me more!!

yes, people are sad. yes, people mourn - but really - instead of being sad - rejoice in the time you got and revel in all the laughter!!

Don't stress over them the next time you go! If they are there and say something to you - step away from the kids and tell them - "we prefer to remember our loved ones with all the good times!! This is how WE keep her spirit alive!"

Updated

That couple was the rude one's in my opinion!!

When I die - I don't want people to cry- I want them to LAUGH!!! If the tears streaming down their face are from laughter - give me more!!

yes, people are sad. yes, people mourn - but really - instead of being sad - rejoice in the time you got and revel in all the laughter!!

Don't stress over them the next time you go! If they are there and say something to you - step away from the kids and tell them - "we prefer to remember our loved ones with all the good times!! This is how WE keep her spirit alive!"

absolutely not. I think it is lovely that your visits to your sister's grave have become opportunities to celebrate her life and provide your niece with important memories she would otherwise not have. I guess we have to deal with the fact that everyone grieves in his/her own way, and allow them the room to do so. The only thing I might have done is approach the couple (just you, not the kids) and explain that you were celebrating the life of your sister.

You did nothing wrong. Perhaps the couple didn't realize the children had lost someone very dear to them and they were visiting in their way! I wouldn't find it annoying at all. It just shows people grieve in all different forms and thats ok!

M

No, it would not annoy me one bit.

~Don't waste another minute worrying about what happened...you continue on being you and remembering your family the way you wish. Period.

Some people have different opinions to behavior. However I think the other people were wrong. My father who was a fun loving jokester passed away when I was a child. I have taken my young son to his grave a few times with my mom. Every time we go we have a picnic on his grave and tell stories or do other things. We've released balloons etc. My son is 2.5 so obviously it's not all sedate and quiet. This cemetery is old and has always been empty so I never really thought about it. However knowing my father he'd be happier if we were fooling around. Sitting there crying quietly wouldn't do it for him. So I think as long as you are honoring the person you are coming to visit it's no big deal. Let those people honor their dead however they wish.

I agree with Patty K, they may have had a recent loss, or, just very old-fashioned non-flexible beliefs about behavior in a cemetery. I commend you for how you are raising (from your post, it sounds like you are) your niece and nephew; to celebrate their parents' life and their life together through their memories. You really warmed my heart.

I love it!!! As all the other moms have said, I think this is a wonderful way to keep their parents' memory alive. I mean w/out being there for St. Patty's Day maybe you wouldn't have thought to tell them the halarious story about their mother! I hope if anything happens to me my son will be helped to remember me just like this! I think it's very healthy and you are doing a wonderful job w/your nieces and nephew!

Updated

I love it!!! As all the other moms have said, I think this is a wonderful way to keep their parents' memory alive. I mean w/out being there for St. Patty's Day maybe you wouldn't have thought to tell them the halarious story about their mother! I hope if anything happens to me my son will be helped to remember me just like this! I think it's very healthy and you are doing a wonderful job w/your nieces and nephew!

Some people view a cemetery as a place for the dead and they don't think life should intrude. They think living is somehow an insult to the dead.
Other people feel a cemetery is a place for remembering their loved ones and including them in their lives (picnic at the grave site for Day of the Dead / Halloween celebrations).
It's a cultural thing with potential for different views clashing from time to time.
Personally I don't think a spirit resides where their earthly remains are buried, so I wouldn't go out of my way to picnic among grave stones, but that's just me.
But then I also don't understand the road side flower displays that pop up where people died either.

Hi M.,
No way - I would not be annoyed. Maybe the people who came across you all had just lost someone and were in a bad place. Don't worry about it! Sounds like you are doing a fabulous job raising your nieces and nephew. What a great way to honor their parents.
Cyndi

No way would I be annoyed. You and your family did absolutely nothing wrong.

If you just remember - people are jerks - then you won't have to ask questions or second guess yourself like this again. =)

No it wouldn't annoy me. I always think our families who have passed on would rather see us laughing and sharing happy memories than sad and upset all the time. Its not like an actual funeral was going on right beside you!! Some people just treat death in a different way.

I remember when my grandad passed we were so upset at the actual funeral and when we were leaving the cemetery all the Grandkids were in one car and the car kept stalling in front of everyone, well all of a sudden we were in hysterics, laughing, we honestly couldn't stop. My grandad would have loved that as he had a crazy sense of humour (maybe he planned it. :-) lol

Well that couple would have really had a fit if they could have seen my kids first time to a cemetery! They kept opening up the pictures on the headstones! No I would not be annoyed I would think it was sweet seeing people decorate the graves of loved ones...I would also be jealous because I would probably be running after one of my kids trying to stop them from climbing on a monument !

I think you guys have an incredible tradition! Ignore those other people. I think its great that you are able to celebrate the lives of your loved ones with happiness!!

I wouldn't have any problem whatsoever. Everyone grieves/remembers loved ones in their own way, and yours sounds healthier than getting depressed about it.

No, it would not bother me, but not everyone mourns the same way. I am like you a happy mourner if there really is such a thing but my in-laws are dramatic mourners ... they do things like throw themselves on the casket and cry crazily ... it's odd to me. So, you offended two people it's not like they are the only two people you have ever offended or the last two.

Overall, it wouldn't at all. I think that this a great way to spend time in a cemetary, and a good attitude to teach your kids.

I think the only way you would have been in the wrong was if you weren't respectful of somoene nearby. Like, someone was either already there or someone came to a grave close to you, but how often would that happen??

It doesn't matter their age...they may have been visiting the gravesite of their deceased child or something and been in a bad mood. They may also have not realized that the gravesites you were at were your/the kids family members. When I was a kid, there was a huge open cemetary in the center of town and people would often just take walks through it and kids tear through it playing tag -- not exactly respectful. I think what you guys are doing is great! It wouldn't bother me in the least and would be refreshing to see. Don't put too much more thought into it :)

Maybe their loss was recent and they were still mourning.

What a fantastic way to remember their parents! Don't let other people get you down. We all have different traditions, and if it's not disruptive or disrespectful I think people should not be judgmental of each other.

Absolutely nothing wrong with what you did.

Not everyone grieves, remembers, or celebrates in the same way and unless people are showing disrespect toward the dead, there are no 'rules' at a cemetary. I think the couple should respect that.

I would not be annoyed in the least. In fact, I might even engage you in a conversation about your loved one as it would seem like you were celebrating the wonderful life of a special person.

I wouldn't have found it annoying at all. I think it's a very positive thing that you have built with your family. We as a society don't "honor" our dead and I wish it weren't so.

Everyone remembers their loved ones in their own way. They may have been too close to their loss to be where you are. I think that it's good that you can share good memories (I laughed as much as I cried at many a family funeral) and I wouldn't worry about the other people so long as you didn't deliberately disturb them. They in turn disturbed you, so everyone is "even".

Every Christmas my SIL goes to her son's grave with the other kids and puts a small tree down for him. So no, decorating for the holidays is not out of line, IMO.

M.,
You are so correct, not everyone has the same view of death, and everyone is different in how they handle and experience grief. I applaud you for keeping the fun memories alive in your nieces and nephew. Personally, I would have congratulated you on how you were helping the children cope. I do see, however, that some others - even folks our own age - might have been offended.
I am glad you are a kind enough person to not have been "snippy" back, and hope you were able to explain to the children that many people experience grief in a different way. You may want to go ahead and write out and "prepare" some answers or statements that are kind and gentle to respond to other folks that may make comments like that in the future. If you are prepared in advance, you will be better able to make a quick, nice statement that will let folks know that you are helping the children cope and remember the things that made their parents so special and that you mean no disrespect toward them or anyone else. Hopefully, then, others will understand where you are coming from and not be disrespectful toward you.

i think that couple was probably too wrapped up in their own sadness and grief to see what was going on. two children at a gravesite decorating it for st patricks day? HELLO! if there is a need for that then let them act however the heck they want to. barring running around like heathens over graves screaming at the top of their lungs, of course. i know i am super late in answering you but just wanted to give you a mamasource hug - you are fine. great job with the kids. i'm really glad that they aren't being taken to a cemetary to see their parents' grave and being forced to stand there like statues in silent respect. how depressing and awful. i really feel those two were just too wrapped up in their own situation to see what was going on.

My father died when I was two and one of the only things that seemed to help our family was that when we went to the cemetery we would "talk" to all of the family who were buried there. My mom was so funny because her old boss happened to be buried right above my father's crypt and she would always ask him if he took is money with him, but in a funny, not mean way. Some of my earliest memories are of looking for caterpillars in the gardens there and sharing memories. It was hard for my mom to talk about my dad, so we would talk about other relatives.

I think you are doing an extraordinary job with your niece and nephew. Once my godmother came to the grave sites with us and she thought we were being irreverent, but my mom gently told her that until she lost a husband and her kids lost a father, there would be know way for her to understand. I think you are well within your rights to behave as you would like, but obviously if there is someone grieving very close by, I would teach the kids to be respectful and lower voices, which is what my mom did.

I think that my mother taught me to have a healthy understanding of death with what she did. If I had had the chance to NOT have to learn this lesson at such a young age, I would have taken it. But now I realize that I am able to better handle loss of loved ones and I am also better able to help my children through grief.

God Bless you and yours.

I wouldn't give it another thought. What you described says it all - you were doing something so nurturing for the kids who lost their parents (how tragic, I'm so sorry). they are interested in being there, grew the clovers, and get to hear stories about their mom and dad. Great job and ignore that stupidity of those people - stupid people are everywhere, we just have to walk around them sometimes. :)

I would not have been offended at all. When my siblings and I visit my parents' grave we laugh and talk about our memories of them. My father was ALWAYS asking us if we checked the oil in our cars so on the back of his headstone we inscribed, "Yes, Dad, we checked our oil." I'm sure that couple would really have a field day of complaints about our respect for the dead.

Perhaps their death was new and they were in deep grief. I remember right after my father passed away from lung cancer I would get so upset if I saw someone smoking or purchasing cigarettes. I wanted to lecture them on the dangers of cigarettes. Now I just grumble because I despise their second hand smoke!

I think they were silly to make their comments loudly enough to be heard. If you want to confront, then confront, otherwise wait until you get in the car to complain.

Oh jeez! I would have said "Would it make YOU feel better if these kids were sitting here CRYING instead of LAUGHING!"

It would not annoy me at ALL!!! I would assume that you were visiting someone who was very close to you and sharing stories.
That being said, maybe they had a very recent loss and their wounds are fresh. You never know - maybe they just buried their son or something. So as much as they shouldn't judge you, you in turn should not judge them (which I don't think you were, just sayin)

I think what you are doing for those kids is fantastic. Don't you let what any random RUDE strangers may think deter you from sharing great memories of their parents. I grew up going to cemetaries with my grandma. We would go "decorate" the graves of all our family members. We were fortunate enough to have almost all of our family buried in the same place, and the cemetary is beautiful; tons of old trees, benches, etc. We used to love learning about the history of the town by reading old headstones and memorials.
So would it annoy me? No. I would think you were doing an excellent job!

no- first off, there is no rule that you have to be extremely quiet and sad at a cemetary! I think it is very healthy what you are doing with your neice and nephew, and as long as you aren't disrupting anyone... those other folks should mind their own business! Death is a hard subject... but who would want to leave thier family members and loved ones ONLY to be remembered through tears and distress?

I have been to sad funerals, and relatively "happy" funerals. People that really made you happy and were great people are bound to bring a smile to your face long after they have passed on!

It is very gracious that you bit your tongue! I am a little more of a firecracker, and might have just had to interupt THEIR rudeness and give them a "what for" in manners! If they want to be a solemn as the dead in a cemetary- so be it... but it is a good thing (and a right) that these kids get to remember their parents lovingly and happily!

Good Job!
-M.

I think the kids behaved great. It's wonderful that they are laughing especially under the circumstances of losing both parents. Unfortunately some people are never happy unless they have something to grumble about!!

I think thats crazy, My dauther has been a toddler running and playing during ceremonies...and ussually seeing kids brightens peoples spirits....I think that they should have been aware that obviously the fact the kids where there decorating a grave stone that they lost someone close, and should have said a prayer for them instead of being grumpy!

While I think the behavior of your group was *completely* understandable and appropriate, given the background and history, I can easily see that it would be offensive to those who don't know, and think that you were being disrespectful. If something similar happens in the future, perhaps you can quietly go to those saying/looking disapprovingly and explain the situation: "I know that this looks like a party, and perhaps we're being disrespectful, but my niece lost both of her parents in a car wreck, and this is the only way she has of spending time with them, and she wants to come every holiday to be with them as a celebration. Believe me, she has mourned and still is mourning, but we are trying to remember the good and happy times with her parents, rather than have her childhood be bleak and dreary without them."

Things can so easily be misinterpreted without the correct context, so by providing the context, you can let people come to the proper conclusion.

Usually, I don't respond when there are so many responses already but, I think if I walked past you guys it would probably put a smile on my face and lift my spirits. I go to the graves of my dad and grandparents and it usually makes me sad so, I think I would appreciate the way you guys are honoring the parents. I think what you and the kids are doing is wonderful.

I just have to say how incredibly blessed your neices and nephew are to have you and your husband. It brings tears to my eyes.

Nope wouldn't annoy me in the least... But I'm a Nice person ! LOL
I think its Wonderful what your doing for those children !!!!! Keep it up :-)
they're lucky to have you in their lives !!! xoxoxoxo

ps: unfortunately you don't know whats going on in those other peoples lives... to make them 'respond' that way. So please dont take it to heart - let it go !!!

Maybe their grief is not so old and they are still in pain. However, I would rather remember my loved ones with joy and look forward to the day we are all together again, so I would want to be a member of your family. Pray for those who don't know what your are all about and that they may come to terms with their loss and remember the good things rather then bad.

Blessings....

When i see the decorated graves, i think about how much that person/people were loved. You are such a wonderful aunt to your niece. I am sure her parents would be proud :)

I used to put baked goods, decorations, all kinds of things on my sisters grave when i little. It helped me grieve.

What a great idea & tradition. I would've never thought of doing something like this. I think it's wonderful to remember the good times of the departed. As for this situation, if it were me I probably would've gotten up & walked over to the couple & just say bluntly "Excuse me, if you're referring to us, laughing & having a good time, then you're being disrespectful to us trying to remember the good times about our deceased relatives" & when they ask what was mean by that, tell them that while it's none of their business but since they seem to find it appalling that your neices & nephews ASKED you to bring them there to celebrate the memory & good times of their parents & they have no right to loudly proclaim what you should or should not do to remember them. Maybe that will shut them or anyone else who complains up. If you feel this is just not something you'd do, that's fine too, you can also just ignore them & explain to your neices & nephews that some people just don't respect others & feel they hafta complain b/c they have nothing better to do. hope this helps & don't worry about other people, I truly think that those without a legitimate complaint just complain b/c they think they're superior or have nothing better to do.

Of course not! We take flowers that go with the season to my sisters grave site and I see christmas trees, and easter baskets etc. Obviously people go all out, and why shouldn't they? The first time we took my son he was only 2. My sister's cemetary is out in the country and privately owned and just really peaceful. He was looking around at the the windchimes and what not and I see him throw a ball. I look and and he is taking toys off of a young child's grave! Of course I immediately put a stop to this as I don't want to raise a grave robber, but it also brought so much levity to a sad day! I think either you misunderstood those people or they take themselves and life way to seriously. The grave, the remembrances, all that is for us who are left here. However we choose to remember is ok. You are perfect and I think it is great that kids don't see it as a heavy thing. Good job!

PEople make comments out of ignorance. I think in this siutaion this elderly couple coudln't have realized that these kids were visiting their parent's grave. Oh my goodness - how lovely that your neice and nephew have you to share these times with and get to hear the happy stories of their parents. I would bet that had this other couple known that they would have felt differently about it.

PEople process things differently. Obviously - this older couple was still greiving in a very sad way the loss of their loved one - perhaps it was still fresh. Or they could jsut be curmudgeons - and feel that a cemetary is solemn place. I would not spend time worrying about it. if you happen to see them the next time you're there you can tell them that you hope your neice and nephew aren't a bother, but you're trying to share happy memories with them about their parents. I would think that would quite them. ;o)

Make God richly bless you for being who you are to these kids.

No. I would not be bothered by people doing what they needed to do while visiting the grave of a loved one. What a pity those people were so narrow minded.

Not at all. I think some people have the idea that there should silence and solemn at a cemetery. I disagree. I think you are doing a beautiful and wonderful thing w/ your nieces and nephew. They were just curmudgeony old farts (no matter their age). Keep doing what you are doing and don't tell the kids to keep it down.

people are funny about cemeteries some think of it as like a church. Dont get too worked up about it I think it is great you celebrate their lives on every holiday

heck no it wouldnt bother me. everyone mourns in their own way. its easier to remember the good times than the bad. I would have said something to the people walking by but thats just the way i am

Hi, M.! No, I wouldn't be offended if I heard you all laughing at the grave site. It's true that people grieve in different ways and the couple clearly have different ideas on showing respect for the dead. On the other hand, if I were in mourning and saw your little family obviously celebrating memories, the last thing I would do is grumble loudly by you. It's very possible that they are just spiteful people and couldn't stand seeing someone happier than they were.

In any case, it sounds to me like you are a wonderful aunt to these kids who have lost their parents. I'm so glad there are people like you in the world. It's very heartwarming. Keep up the good work. I'm proud of you.

Wouldn't have annoyed me at all. I wouldn't let it bother you - they don't know the whole story and I'm sure if they did, they'd feel awful.

Keep doing what you are doing, I think it's great!

It would not bother me because I believe in celebrating life. The couple
that went by might have just recently experienced their loss. You are doing
a great thing. Everyone mourns differently. If you happen to be there when
they are there, I guess, try to be even quieter and just keep in mind how
different we all are. However, again I like you, believe in the celebration of life.

Updated

It would not bother me because I believe in celebrating life. The couple
that went by might have just recently experienced their loss. You are doing
a great thing. Everyone mourns differently. If you happen to be there when
they are there, I guess, try to be even quieter and just keep in mind how
different we all are. However, again I like you, believe in the celebration of life.

I think what you do it great. Don't let others make you think any different!

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what a wonderful way to remember loved ones. R.

M., me again -- We are on our way next weekend to bury my late mother's ashes (four years after her death) and my daughter wants to make fabric flower bouquets for all the family graves at this tiny graveyard and there are lots....I can't wait to go with her to pick out flowers.

At the graveyard where you were, had I heard you, I might have thought, my, those folks are noisy, but I would hope I'd then think, wait, they're decorating that grave and celebrating this holiday with whoever is buried there-- how wonderful! It's especially nice to celebrate something other than Easter and Christmas at a gravesite. It's personal.

What you are doing with your niece and the graveyard holiday visits is meaningful. Please don't let the other folks' comments upset her. They may indeed have been in pain, and may tend to remember their own family members in quieter ways, and might have taken their pain out on you with their comments. I'd cut them some slack in my heart, not knowing what they might have been going through. But don't change your own sweet celebrations. Sure, if you see other people around on future visits, you can just keep the volume down for a while, but don't be reluctant to let your niece place what she likes on the graves and stay and talk as long as she wants with her parents, and yes, you should definitely share happy stories while there!

One thing I find comforting is to clean the headstones from time to time, just pouring water over them, wiping them with paper towels, picking grass that has grown up right at the base, and so on. I only get to my father's grave maybe once a year as it's in another state, and the same will be true for my mother's and grandmother's, but the cleaning is a ritual that might make your niece feel involved there. (Don't use any cleansers, only water -- someone in the long past cleaned a marble headstone at our family gravesite with some chemical and damaged it.)

Your niece at some point as she gets older and busier and more time passes might show less enthusiasm for the visits and that's OK too -- let her take the lead on it. She'll come back to it one day, especially as you're making it a tradition. For now, I'd take her whenever she wants to go and let her pick the things to go on the graves, etc.