I feel like I've been to a million funerals, I swear. But I missed my uncle's funeral b/c I had just had a baby and wasn't feeling up to making the drive. Sure, it was only 10 hours, but....I didn't feel like it. Sometimes the person in question may have a health concern.
My great aunt was VERY close to my grandma; they loved each other very much and talked on the phone all the time. But she lived 10 hours from grandma and did not attend her funeral. That is totally a doable distance, but they were a support to each other on the phone....they'd said their goodbyes....her husband was having health issues that didn't really need to be discussed, they are short on money, it just was what it was. Noone questioned her love of grandma, it just wasn't feasible for them at that time.
I'm not attending a different great aunt's funeral tomorrow. It's a 15 hour drive, but is just 2 days before my husband leaves the country and I want to spend time with him, we don't really have the money to fly on such short notice (cheapest tickets were $722 each, and it'd be me and the 2 little guys), and driving that distance right now isn't going to happen. I loved her very much.
My husband DID attend his father's funeral 3 years ago, but has said he won't be going to his mother's funeral. First, they don't do burials, they do cremation and the little memorial service after that's been done. He adores his mother, and we all speak to her every single morning on the phone. He's leaving on Sunday to see her for 11 days. But the prices are a big stretch for us. Of course I'd rather go into debt before saying he can't go to see his mom, anytime he wants to. But he says that he went to see his father before he passed away, loved on him, they said their goodbyes, he told his father what he meant to him and that we were naming our youngest after him. Then he came home and a month later he had to go back up for the service, and he did so to be a support to his mother. BUT we speak daily to her, he is on very good terms with her, he says "that stuff" to her all the time and kind of maintains his goodbyes with her because she has alzheimers and he wants to "make it stick". He knows in his heart he's done right by her and they are in good standing with each other. He will visit her every year, sometimes twice a year, but when she passes away, he says there's no reason to go. She won't be there. Everyone else is gone now except an uncle and 2 brothers (one of which we are absolutely not on speaking terms with). Some people will probably wonder why Jeremy won't attend when she passes away. But it won't be a disrespect or lack of relationship with his mom. His mom knows how he feels and she is fine with that. She is the one that said "I won't be here, and your uncle and brother can comfort each other".
Jeremy WILL be there spending some time with her before she passes though. We maintain contact with the social services and her doctors, and if she takes a turn, he will be there. Just not for a memorial service.