Am I Spoiling My Baby

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Hi H.,

What you are going through is perfectly normal and not only aren't you spoiling your baby but you can never spoil a baby enought. Whatever you do, DO NOT TRY THE CRYING OUT method. It would be dramatic for your baby (emotionally and psychologically). He needs you 100%. It is not easy but it will be woth it and it will pass. I have one recommendation is to get the following book (it REALLY helped me a lot)"Healthy sleep habits, Healthy child" by Marc Weissbluth. This book I believe is the best for this subject (I bouth a few). Anyway ENJOY YOUR BABY, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, AND ALL THE BEST.

Hi H.,
I agree with the other women who say you are doing the right thing! He was in your belly for 9 months, and he needs to be close to you. It is totally normal. A sling would be great- you can go about your day doing things with the baby snuggled on your chest. It helps to have someone who knows how to use one help you. I actually have one that I no longer use if you need it. Have you tried lying down and nursing? That worked well for us. BTW, even Dr. Ferber no longer endorses cry it out.

Hey H.-

If you read Leslie R's question from 12/4/06 "Seeking advice for sleep issues" it addresses similar issues where I as well as others have responded with advice. I highlighted Dr. Ferber's method - read the post before you judge. I also mentioned in my reply that babies are capable of sleeping through the night at 3 months but I've found research that says as early as 6 weeks. You might not want to get him to sleep through the night yet which is perfectly normal, and personally at 2 months I wouldn't try it just yet. But you could use the method for during the day so that you can get things done. He has developed a sleep association that will definitely haunt you later if you don't try something now. If it's not already driving you crazy. In the reply I mention Ferber's theory on sleep associations. Your son's sleep association is being held and the pacifier. Since he is so young it should work pretty quickly...2 to 3 days is my guess so long as you are consistent. Good luck.

Are you sure you aren't holding my child? This is exactly what I went through with my first child. Everything was one big balancing act, just what you are describing. I basically did what made her comfortable. I tried letting her cry herself to sleep, and that didn't work, so I mostly had to give in. I thought giving in would make things worse, but actually in my experience, she grew out of certain phases as she got older. She began to fall asleep easier, and things just got easier with time. I know that doesn't sound like an answer and it didn't to me when my sister and others would say, "Just hang on, it will get easier." But it did! It's not spoiling your child to give in. It's partially selfish when I gave in and did what made her comfortable because I needed a break from the noise.

Hello, H.. I don't feel that you are spoiling your baby at all. He is very young, and is in that point in his life where he still needs you near. After all, you were all he had to hold on too for 9 months right? Enjoy this time, make it special, because one day, not too far away, he will be 18 years old and ready to leave the safety of your arms. Enjoy your children for as long as you can. My advice to you, purchase a rocking chair, and get your baby used to being rocked to sleep. It will help him fall asleep faster, then after that, when you put him down to sleep, I suggest that you leave some soft music playing all night. The ryhthm and beat of the music will continue to rock and soothe him through the night. I have done this with my children, and they slept well at this stage of their life. The music, also helps block out any noise that may be stirring him from his deep sleep. Hope I've been of some help. God Bless You and your baby.

Sincerely,

R.

Welcome to having a BOY!! Yes, they are babies from birth to old age.....You are not spoiling at all!! It's a fact, I believe a proven fact, boys are less independent as youngsters and "need" more, I have a seven year old who still loves his momma and the bond is much greater that I would've ever known....my three yr old boy is still attached very much so and I wouldn't trade it for anything, it's just challenging, especially when I need to focus on my older one with school or times of disclipine. He and (his brother) unfortunately have to learn slowly they are not the only child. That transition was sooo hard for me...I'd gotten used to my older son being an only child for 4 yrs. It's been difficult for my little one many times when I just simply can't be with him....So I really have to negotiate my time with wisdom so I know my three yr old is getting enough of me, he let's me know by acting out or just being a stinker.

I really feel your pain though, just take it slow, it's new for everyone and I would enlist your little momma to help with baby, don't feel bad if you have to be on baby duty 24/7....remember? that's the way it is the first few months anyway, many children or one. Your daughter(s) will get enough of you if you include them and let them feel as important as baby by giving them special jobs like bringing you the diaper or patting baby's back.......
I read a great comic strip a while back. It was one of those Family circus ones. The mom was answering her door with all the kids around her legs, the person on the other side of the door says "How do you divide your love between all these kids?"
she replies " I don't, I simply multiply it"
simple yet profound. Hang in there sister, the storms will soon be over.
Your precious baby just wants his momma, there is nothing wrong with that, buy a sling and baby wear him, for goodness sake, God bless and feel free to email. T.

Hi H.,

I can somewhat relate with my 9 month old daughter. She has always been a very light sleeper and extremely picky about how she falls asleep. Since she was born she has never slept through the night. I thought is was just a matter of time and months later, we wake up every two hours for feeding and just to hold her and rock her back to sleep. I don't believe in any way that you are spoiling your baby. I just think some are a little more needy than others and we do what we can do for them. If it is just more love and attention they need so be it, right? Well, I am 4 months pregnant and worried that it is going to be a challenge to be up with my new born and my 1 year daughter (at that time), plus working full time - separated from husband so just me and my babies... I think you are doing the right thing to be there when they need it. They'll let us know I think.

Best of luck to you.

I don't think you are spoiling him at all. Babies at that age are getting used to the scary world and need to be close to mom. My daughter was very fussy and high maintenance for the first 8 weeks, but mellowed out soon after (I had to go back to work, she had to be away from me, no choice there, maybe it helped) Have you tried swaddling at night? It didn't work for us, but I know that a lot of parents do this and have a lot of success. Have you tried using a crib toy/mobile to put him to sleep? We use a crib soother with projection and it works wonders. Have you tried some kind of infant carrier during the day? Like a Baby Bjorn, Snugli, or baby sling/wrap? It keeps baby close but still allows you to do other things. If all else fails, just know that your baby will not be clung to you forever and that this stage will soon pass. Good luck to you!