Am I Doing It Right? Any advice...on Sleeping Through the Night?

Please consider The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. There are studies that show CIO can have long term negative effects on children, such as developing anxiety disorders as adults. We have been using her method and have had very good success.

Its tough on mommy because you know all he wants or needs is you! My son did the same thing at 7 months. What I had to do was just put him in his bed, music on, and close the door. After a several nights of him going to sleep on his own crying, he started sleeping on his own without crying and no more getting up at night!

My pediatrician made similar recommendations when my first son was about 6 months old and not sleeping through the nite. I tried one nite to let him "comfort himself" and suffered like you did. I decided that the pediatrician didn't know my son as well as I did and if he found comfort in my helping him go back to sleep that's what we would do. IMHO, you have to do what works for you and not what your pediatrician thinks should work. In the end, I just brought my son into our room and he slept great. So, one option is to bring your son's crib into your room beside your bed, so he can see that you're there.

With my second son, we never even bothered trying to keep him in a separate room. This does not spoil them, but rather creates the bond that lets your child know you care about them and you are there to meet their needs. When our sons got older they would sleep in a twin bed by our bed. But, if you don't have room, you can make a little mat for them to sleep. By the time they were 2+, they were sleeping in their own rooms and we never had the problem of them getting up at nite. But, again, you have to figure out what works for you, your baby and your family and not your pediatrician.

My heart goes out to you. I don't know if I could do it. I think a little crying is ok, but crying so hard that he wears himself out doesn't sound like a good idea to me. I know many moms will disagree with me, but that's how I feel and luckily my husband feels the same. We had some problems getting our now 10 month old to sleep through the night, but he finally did it without too much crying. I don't have the answer for you. You'll have to do what feels right for your child. Listen to the pedi, the family members, the friends, and the books and then do what you think is best even if it goes against everything they say. You're the mom and you know best. I'm almost afraid to write this because it is such a no-no with some people, but after my son had been sleeping through the night for a while, he had a phase when he woke up crying and I just let him sleep with me until it passed and no I didn't have to retrain him to sleep in his own bed. It's what worked for us and let us sleep in peace. Good luck to you and your precious little one!

I agree with a few of the other moms....cry it out isn't for all babies. We tried it with our daughter, now 11 months, and after 1 night of hours and hours of non-stop crying/screaming, I realized that this wasn't the method for us, even though my pedi. feels that she shouldn't be waking several times a night to nurse at this age.....but if that's what soothes my little one, then I'll continue to do it. Don't get me wrong, I'd love for her to sleep more than 4 hours at a time so we can all get some sleep, but her cries tell me that she needs me. Just do what your "mommy gut" tells you to do and what feels right to you. From my experience, not all babies sleep thru the night.

Good luck to you!

Hi D. - I haven't read the other advice on this one - I sure hope you find some help! You're doing everything "right" according to me - that's the same way I did it for my kids. Just a thought, but when my 8 mo was a little one, I always tried to get him to "put himself to sleep" like you're doing. We had lots of trouble. He was pretty fussy during the day too and always had trouble going to sleep (unless he was laying on me!). Finally, after doctor visits and trial and error, I realized he was lactose intolerant. I was breastfeeding, so I cut out all dairy. Amazingly, this made all the difference in the world. I couldn't switch him all the way to formula either, so he was about half and half and then, I could only use soy formula. He's now a great sleeper - puts himself to sleep and sleeps 12 hour nights.

So, long story, but it may have something to do with his diet. It's just an idea - I'm sure you're getting lots of ideas from other moms on sleep techniques, but I thought i'd give you something else to consider. Good luck and hang in there - it's like labor - it's a pain (understated) right now, but it will be over!!

I'm not one for crying it out. In my opinion, if it feels wrong as a mother, it probably is. Our kiddos, especially when they're so little, need to know that they're safe & need comfort when they're upset/scared/lonely/whatever. I don't believe for a second that little ones take advantage of us; they just need us close.

Both of our girls have coslept with us & we've really enjoyed it up to the point where it was just too crowded. Our 6 year old has been in her own bed since 3 & has never had any sleep/soothing issues; our 2 year old will be evicted soon, as we're expecting our third.

That is not to say you should cosleep, only that it's an option & your child will not suffer for it. I don't think you are doing wrong by comforting your son when he calls for you in the night; infact, you're following your instincts, taking care of your child! It won't last forever, you are not setting yourself up for a lifetime of sleep problems; he just needs this right now.

Good luck & follow your heart!

Dear D., between all the different advice of letting your baby cry it out and respond to his every call, we can get so confused. I personally decided to go with what my heart is telling me, and that is different for every mom and baby. First of all I'd suggest to really listen to what you feel is right - does the "crying it out" method feel right or do you do it because your doctor/friends/family suggest it? Second, I highly, highly recommend the book "the no-cry sleep solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. The sub-title says it all "Gentle ways to help your baby sleep through the night." There is no "crying it out" in her book, it is very loving AND it stresses the importance that mom gets her sleep, too. Some people say it takes longer and more patience to do it that way, but as far as I am concerned, I don't mind putting in the time, because there is no way I can let my child cry it out. And again, that is my personal choice, other moms may feel different, and babies are different. For some the cry-method appears to work - and I also hear from many of those moms that they have to go throught the "crying" phase again and again, because something comes up: teeting, illness, vacation...so they have to go through it again - and so does the baby. In your decription, it seems that you are really suffering through this, so maybe you take a couple of days break, go back to what you did before, read the book - you don't have to read the entire book, you can get started right away - and see what works for you. The author has so many different ideas and suggestions for all different situations (co-sleeping and not, breastfeeding, bottle-feeding, and past the "milk stage"), I am sure you will find something that feels right and works for you. And by the way, don't put pressure on yourself thinking your baby needs to sleep through the night at 10 months. As I have heard from other moms who have several children, one of their babies slept through the night at 6 weeks, another one was four years old when she first slept through the night - and that is within the same family. I think we let our environment put too much pressure on us expecting that our baby or toddler needs to sleep through the night at a certain age. Maybe if we can just relax a little more, trust our hearts, and enjoy those night time cuddles while they last, we look at the whole "sleeping thing" differently, and a different point of view is sometimes all we need to relax and allow things to work. Good luck! M.

My son is 13 months and doesn't always sleep through the night, but when he doesn't sleep through the night it's usually for a reason-like his diaper is full, or he's hungry or his diaper leaked in the crib and his clothes are damp. After a having a bottle and /or being changed he goes right back to sleep. Do you think maybe your son is going through a growth spurt and might be hungry?-I would try feeding him and leaving. Turn on some classical music at a low level, that might help him sleep and it's supposed to be good for brain function.

You are on the right track. Don't stop now. That will only confuse him. It is tough but it won't be much long. Keep reassuring him you are right there and you love him. You are doing great. Hang in there!!

D.,
I feel for you. I know it is soo hard to sit there and hear you baby crying/screaming. your initial reaction is to go in there and rescue him. My son did the same thing, but I got tough and let him cry it out. I felt horrible and you will too. I found that when I would go in and check on him, it would only make it worse. He cried the first night for 1 1/2 hrs, the second 2hrs and the third night 15 minutes. I sat and cried on the couch the whole time. I wanted to go in so bad, but I didn't and he is now almost 5 years old and we have never had a sleeping problem with him. When he wakes up now, it is usually because he is sick. He is completely normal, no emotional problems. He doesn't even remember. You are not damaging him psychologicaly. Just show him plenty of love when you are with him during the day. Also, put your baby down awake at night. So important. When your baby awakens at night, he's associating you picking him up and rocking him back to sleep, so that's why he can't get back to sleep on his own. I know it seems like your helping by rocking him back to sleep, but your not. The best advice I can give you is this: It's your job to put your baby down in a safe environment and it's his job to get himself to sleep. This will pass. Good luck.

Hi D. C,

I understand the emotions that make you want to comfort him every time - my daughter is now 4 1/2 and it pulls your heartstrings every time! But what you are in effect doing is training him to continue crying for 10, 15, 20 minutes or longer because he gets a reward (you) if he does. You have to be tough, momma! I know it will make you feel like the meanest mom in the world, but don't go in his room! Let him cry himself to sleep, with no visits. Mine hung on the first night of this for just over an hour, and I assure you, it was torture! But a big cry doesn't hurt, and she figured out really quickly, as yours will, that no reward was coming. Within a week of NO visits, she was able to learn to comfort herself and go to sleep. And if she woke up in the night, she was able to go back to sleep on her own. What a lifestyle change! Your child gets a valuable life skill, and you both get a peaceful night. I have a friend who didn't do this, and her boy was still coming in to her room for multiple midnight visits for the next 4 years. She was exhausted, her marriage was strained, and her boy couldn't trust that nighttime is OK, and that bedtime is serious. Believe me, you want to do this NOW, before he is more mobile. It will only be harder the longer you wait. Good luck to you, and stay tough! It will work!
D.

mine did the same thing every so often... which i would give him a little bit of a bottle and he would go right back to sleep... of course i'd cook the bottle, get him, feed him, lay him back down and never say a word or turn a light on... havne't had any issues til a few months ago... which he is almost 2 now and is being stubborn!

Hi D.,
I feel your pain. My daughter (almost 3) was like that. She still can be sometimes. We finally just had to let her cry her self to sleep, I hate to say it but your going in there just prolongs the process. He is getting what he wants. They crying is working.
It is hard, It took over 45 min the first night we did it with my daughter. A few nights after that it only took maybe a min. of crying.
One thing that worked was letting her sleep with a favorite (quiet) toy. Or maybe you could let him sleep with an article of clothing that is yours, you smell might comfort him.
There is no way around it it is hard. Good luck.
L. Jo

Promise this works -I tell all mom's even experienced ones to read this book "BABY WISE".
Are you stay at home or working? If you are stay at home then you can put this into place.
This is all normal and exhausting but a good schedule will make him trust that you are still there when he sleeps.
I tried everything with my first and and nothing actually worked and my sanity and exhaustion won over patting baby till she fell asleep. I finally gave in and lost.
I did Baby Wise with with my second child and I slept so much better. It was like playing house and i really enjoyed mothering so much more.
Working this schedule now according to this book will make sleeping easier and happier for the family way beyond baby hood.
Have you ever heard of a toddler not wanting to stay in bed or even a school age child exhausted every day because they did not want to fall asleep by themselves at night?
You will be exhausted too. Promise.
Please give the book a try "Baby Wise" worked fantastic for me.
It is a matter of TRUST between the two of you - not so much wanting his way. Your doctor has told you right too.
i look forward to hearing your results. God bless you and baby!
PS: My daughter is 16 and still does not want to go to bed and my 2nd child is 5 and goes to bed with no issues. Love it!

I have a daughter that did the same thing... The best thing that I can tell you if you have a mobile great use it. Don't rock him to sleep anymore when it is time for bed then lay him in bed and turn on his night light on or we have a bear that is in her bed and it glows and turn on his mobile and let him fall asleep on his own. If you don't then her will always want you there to put him to sleep... and you won't get any... Let him cry it out.. after a few nights of this he will fall asleep on his own and probably sleep through the night. because he knows how to put him self to sleep instead of you doing it for him... any questions or tricks you would like to know... get a hold of me at ____@____.com

Hi D.,
I know what you are going through. My daughter is 10 1/2 months old and I was fighting the same battle up until about 4 weeks ago. I tried the "cry it out" several times and it was way too heartbreaking. I talked to my pediatrician and she finally said if you don't want to let her cry it out at night, try putting her down for her naps during the day awake so they train themselves to go to sleep on their own. Then it should make it easier for her to go down at night. This worked for her initially going to sleep, but she would still wake up in the night and want me. So again, I asked the pedi and she said that I could give her 1 mg of melatonine (which is a natural supplement to help sleep better) crushed up in something I knew she would eat 30 minutes before I put her down for the night. I have been giving it to her in her cereal before her nighttime bottle. I didn't want to take this advice at first because even though it is safe and natural, I wanted her to do it on her own. Well a couple of weeks later I guess I felt that this needed to change now - I was soooo tired! I went to Walgreens and bought it. With the exception of 2 nights waking up once for a couple of minutes(she is teething) she has been sleeping throught the night since! And I am feeling alot more rested! The pedi said it may take 6-8 weeks of the melatonine before the habit is formed for them. I am on week 4 and I will continue to use it for 4 more weeks. I like to sleep :). I don't know if this is for you, you probably want to check with your pedi - but it is a suggestion. I do know what you feel like - trust me. Hang in there!
A.

I had a lot of luck following the suggestions in these handouts from our pediatrician. It worked a little better with my older one, but I think he was just a better sleeper. I hope these help you!

http://www.drcarolynashworth.com/Scans/4-6_Baby_Sleep.pdf
http://www.drcarolynashworth.com/Scans/4-6_Child_Sleep.pdf

Does he have a night light? That might help some.

I am a grandma of 9 and had 3 girls, the first born started the crying for "Mama" at birth until I don't know when. They didn't have MamaSource back then..haha I read asked my Grandma my Mom and Drs. and teachers and Dr. Spock..oh was I confused when they said do not let them go to sleep with you..I was watching Nanny on tv last week back and she told the lady to do the repitious things you are doing the 50 min latest is not a set back, just keep doing it. As years progress though you will find the best years of communications can be dreaming dreams and understanding emotionals as you like on the bed together. It is bonding then that matters the most. My Mom passed away when I was 38 and still today I miss those times we could read a magazine share a scripture or just talk on the bed... the second daughter born I thought I had mapped the way to her sleeping through the night and we were ever so the strictest...and the 3rd born girl she was the cuddlest as she had the older two siblings that would just mother her so...and today this daughter is the one that will come over and visit and shares about her childrens ways. She is working on her strictness and it is working for her, she has 3 children under four years old.
Don't feel guilty if you left your child in a safe bedroom and WD 40 the hinges for you will want to check on them later in the sleep time without making noise, take a flashlight cover with your hand and do a spot ck for their covers and room temps. Turn you music at a tone to override the crying and keep your heart tuned to God and it will all work out. Train up a child in the way he shall go...follow that verse it has worked...

You are doing OK, and I know how tough it is to listen to your child cry! Personally, I did the "all or nothing" method, because I think it drags out the process when you go in every 10-15-20 minutes. With my oldest daughter, I just checked in on her once, then let her cry. It was a good 50 minutes of agony the first night! But by the fifth night, she slept through the night, and has been a great sleeper ever since (she's now 13).

But whatever the method, as long as you are consistent each night, then your doctor is right -- it will happen. Don't feel guilty and don't think for a moment this will mess up your bond with your son -- it won't!

I know it's hard . . . be strong and hang in there!