Am I Depressed?

I am glad to know I am not the only one.I have wondered the same thing. I think its boredom and lack of being needed or not being useful. I think if you start an excercise program wether it be yoga or martial arts or dance you will feel better and overcome this quicker. I read the other posts before answering to see if others thought you were depressed so I would know if I was or not. Glad I am not depressed.

Goodness...there's so much here and I relate to a lot of it. I'm not the chitty-chat mom at drop-off and pick-up at my daughter's MDO program. I'm the mom who is sort of on my own, quiet...a bit of a loner while the other moms are chatting away with each other. When I was younger and my two older daughters were in their MDO programs, among the other moms II felt like it was me and them...that I wasn't a part of it all...and that sometimes I just wished I could be a part of those chitty-chats, but I didn't really know how and I do not enjoy talking about the weather and such things...I don't really care. I started to look back at myself...the only time I ever wasn't like this was in my early 20's and only when my husband and I went out drinking with friends. It's like this gave me a false perception of my real self...which has always been the quiet one, in the back of the room listening to everyone else. In my younger more confident days, I liked this...I enjoyed my lonerness...it was fine wtih me and when I've had friends, they have been far more than chitty-chat aquaintances. They've been very deep friendships...the kind you can leave for years then talk on the phone and it's as if you just talked with each other the day before. This past year I grew tired of not being comfortable with who I am...I just accept it. I stand in the midst of the other mothers and listen. I'm quiet and that's fine. I don't question myself on the matter. Funny thing is, I work professionally in theatre....that's all I've ever done...I play some of the most extreme roles including the White Witch from the Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe...I mainly land parts that are anything but quiet! What is it with me? I don't know...but there's nothing wrong with me...and there's nothing wrong with you. The only thing that might be wrong is when we compare ourselves to others...when we think we should be what we perceive others to be...when we create the lives they are living in our heads and think that's how we should also be. I know how to be outgoing...I can be if I want...but it's fake. I can mimic anyone and anything, but it isn't real. I like being with my children. I like being in my home with my children. My husband goes out...he has much more of an outside life than me. You know what it is, though? See, I'm safer for him...I don't venture out the way he does. He ventures out...and that creates a place where my thinking could sicken and fester into something awful...so I don't indulge it...I can't...it does no good for me. Yes, my husband doesn't seem as 'grown-up' as me...but really, what does 'grown-up' look like? I don't know exactly...I have a few ideas, but mostly those end up messing with my mind far too much. Are you sure he'd rather be with his friends all the time? Or just when he goes out with them? My husband would rather be at happy hour with all his work comrades, many of who are women, and get an ego feed and all that stuff...when it's over, however, he comes home and he wants to come home...and he does. Sure, go to counseling...I've gone before. You know what I learned? I had to quit looking at what I think is wrong with me. I had to quit thinking that somehow I must get fixed or get better. I lived in a way that told me everything about me is wrong or different. That was my mistake. I'm fine. I may be a bit odd to some, but then again maybe that's why I get to play dress-up and act crazy on stage so people can pay for tickets to partly see me for which I then end up with a paycheck. I'm like you with work...I like to go...and then I like to get home. I do what you seem to be doing...I get out of my shell for the sake of my children. When I do this, it isn't about me, it's about them and that's just part of parenthood. I think I'd like to be a part of those chitty-chat groups because maybe then I wouldn't feel so out of place since I need to be there for the children...wanting not to feel uncomfortable because then it would be easier for me to be there with the children...but for me I am out of place and it's no big deal...I can be out of place long enough to have that benefit my daughter/daughters. The truth is, I'm not out of place, that's just how I tend to see it if I'm not just like everyone else or doing what everyone else is. I want to want to chat...but I just don't. So you can try counseling, yes alone...I mean it can't hurt. Okay...long enough...you are not alone.

You sound to me like you have a serious case of the "ho-hums". You are probably alright, just need a "passion". What do you like? What interests you? Do you like animals? Do you like cooking? FIND what makes YOU happy. You dont sound depressed to me...more like you're bored. Man, when I was 25.....whew!!!! I now am a SAHM and LOVE it!!!! If I were 25 when I had a kiddo, I can imagine being a little lost too.
Find what you want to do....find what makes you happy...find yourself.
:)

I applaud you so much for being so authentic - there are so many of us out there that feel like you do, no matter what age or accomplishments we have. People feel isolated by our own lives, unless we really get to know the people we are around, we are just mere acquaintances passing each other by, and real friends are hard to make later in life.

Sometimes for me, it just took so much effort to load all the stuff out to get out of the house, that I would rather just stay in. And it wasn't good for my self esteem to be around the other moms who were super-organized women who totally thrived on just being a mom. But it really wasn't good for my self esteem to isolate myself either . . .

I have always had my own passion and hobbies, and my own businesses that I worked on at home, during the nap times. I definitely think you need something to feel passionate about -- something to get you from one diaper to the next! So that you realize your own self-worth goes deeper than just the very giving role that you are playing in your life right now.

Before you try drugs or expensive therapy, check out the life coaching at www.MyLifeCompass.com. Surround yourself with encouraging women, and work through the daily 5 minute action plans on Life Balance (I did the Remodel Your Reality series and it saved me from a nervous breakdown. not that I actually changed much in my life, just shifted how I viewed the situation and my own feelings of self worth).

Please email me if I can help. I don't think you are depressed because you care enough about yourself to post your message! You've just become buried under your new life, and this new role you are playing (while your mate has not really changed as much as you from the experience), that you have forgotten who you are deep inside, instead you have become completely focused on your other tiny being, which is also good, but not if it causes you to forget yourself. . . and you know at 25 I didn't even know who I was to begin with, and that would have caused me even more confusion to be in your spot.

Another tip: I started focusing each day on 1 thing I wanted to accomplish that made me feel good. Just 1 thing - no matter how small. And then I celebrated at the end of the day!

Oh, and I LOVE listening to paraliminal CDs when I fall asleep. It is so different than what I thought hypnosis was. I especially love Lisa Nichols CD "You deserve it". I became hooked on these tapes when I did Hypnobabies with my last birth - it's such a peaceful way to fall deeply asleep fast. A very efficient way to sleep when you get less than 7 hours of time each night!

Blessings,
N.
www.MyLifeCompass.com/NicoleSteiman

You sound a lot like me! I am a stay at home mom and I spend a lot of time alone. Whenever any of my friends want to get together I make up excuses. Whenever my husband and I make plans to go out I get excited about it, until the acutal day comes and then I feel like I just want to stay at home. I know that for me it is because of anxiety. I've spent so much time alone (with my son) in my house, for the past 2 years, I know it has caused me to have a lot of anxiety about leaving the house. Sometimes if I am going somewhere I've never been or haven't been to in a long time I have a little bit of a panic attack. I am still working on this, but it does help to get out of the house with friends occassionally and with my husband, we only get to go out once a month, but it helps. I am naturally a shy person so that doesn't help my situation much either but I know that I do have anxiety issues. I think counseling could benefit you, maybe go by yourself first to find out if they think or are depressed or if it's anxiety. If you do find out that it is either of those things I think it would help to bring your boyfriend to counseling with you so he can understand how you are feeling.

I agree with the below post that you have to find a passion. As mom's we devote our lives to our children and then forget to live our own. It could definitely be depression (probably mild), but if you don't want to go back on the meds (I refused) there are other options! If you are opening to therapy, you should try hypnotherapy. Hypnosis gets a bad rap, but if you message me I can tell you more about it and how it worked for me.

I am a single mom of one daughter, (with no contact with her father) and I too feel little to no desire to spend time with friends. This stems from them having nothing in common with me anymore, so I joined a mom's work out group to meet people like me and improve my self image. Both the connection, and the self improvement kind of helped me get over the "depressed" state I was in after having my daughter.

Be strong momma, and message me if you want to talk more!

((((((( Hugs))))))) It sounds like your bored. A lot of people mistake that for depression. You sound like you are transitioning from your old life to a new one. If your boyfriend was in the same place that you are it might be an easier transition, but this is where we as women need to be strong. Sure it would help if you were on the same wavelength but he's not, so adjust. Embrace who you are becoming and do what feels right to you. Just because you rush home to see your daughter doesn't mean it's a bad thing. There are plenty of mothers who neglect their kids and are awful parents. I will say that you may be clinging to her because she needs to move with you so to speak to that new place you are going mentally. You're simply taking her with you mentally. I would go see a counselor and let them decide for sure if you are depressed or not, but it sounds like you need a change. Only you can decide for sure what that is. We all go through them. I was in a completely different place 5 years ago. In the transition to get where I am today I have changed a lot. New job, different friends. Some didn't understand that I needed to be home and couldn't stay out till 3 or 4 in the morning like I used to. It just is what it is. There is nothing wrong with you. We are women and we go through life with a lot on our shoulders. Sometimes we just need to stop and recharge. So pull back if you need to. Find your place, find what makes you happy then when you are ready come on out!

I don't think you are depressed either. You may have a little social anxiety, and because of that I would tell you to push yourself to be with friends on occasion. My guess is once you get there you will have fun, and keeping those relationships is important. That said, see your friends the way you want to. Bring your daughter along and have a picnic in the park. Or if you go alone, make it an hour at Starbucks. It is perfectly normal not to want to leave your daughter, but push yourself just a little to maintain a nice balance.

Yes, absolutely go to counseling alone. This will help you focus on what you want. Possibly your boyfriend will join you later. Maybe not, but you will be on a healthy road to figure out what it is you want...... and how to get that.

I personally don't think you sound depressed. If you are still worried that you are, maybe making an appointment to talk to someone about it might help you pick out what exactly it is that you're feeling.

To ME it sounds like you've grown up and its a little difficult to watch everyone around you stay status quo. Maybe you are a bit bored, but not actually with whats going on, more of the idea of what's going on. Maybe even instead of boredom its frustration. Frustration with people who you can nolonger relate to, social situations you can no longer find enjoyment in etc. Do you feel like you should be doing something different or like someone else feels you should be doing something different? Past that, it sounds like you enjoy where you're at, you're complacent. You sound like a great Mommy too!

I stay home full time and notice that sometimes things just feel a bit stale. Sometimes someone will make a comment "Lucky you, you don't have to get up early to go to work every day" as though they think I just sit around and do absolutely nothing (nevermind that the house is always clean, baby is fed and happy etc..). Usually when that happens I start feeling like there is something wrong with my arrangement. Once I come out of it or my husband helps me out of it then I realize that I am happy with things. When my husband works a lot or spends lots of time fishing/hunting etc I do start to feel a little left out and alone. I also don't like being away from my son much. If I need to drop him off or get a break from him every once in a while that's fine, but its rare. I'm just used to being around him a lot and it feels weird to step out of my mommy role. I'm not a social butterfly and I don't like to meet new people in person (I have no problem with it online). I don't consider myself to be depressed or especially shy.. just set in my ways and a home body. I don't have many friends that have kids so its very hard for me to relate to where my friends are now (the ones without children) and the ones who do are usually busy. I find that I actually get a little frustrated with friends who are in a different place because I can't relate to them.

I don't think you are depressed, I think you may just be frustrated with your situation with your boyfriend and maybe you are trying to make up for his lack of parenting time (when he is out with friends drinking). I don't think it would be a bad idea to talk to a conselor just to work on your own mental health. Again, I don't think you are depressed but I am also not a professional.

I don't think you are depressed you are finding who you are. You love being a mom and there isn't anything wrong with it. The issue here is that while you absolutely love being a mom and spending time with your child your significate other isn't there yet or maybe you are not giving him a chance to be. Time a way from your children once a week is a healthy norm and you really should get away other than work for at least a couple hours a week. Find something you like to do, take a walk, go to the library and read, do something. Also.. it it sounds like you are focusing a lot of energy on your child are you also focusing on your relationship? Make sure you are having a date night at least once every two weeks when it is just the two of you together as a couple with or without friends. I was very shy/lack of confidence when raising my oldest son and found myself in the same situation. While I was very uncomfortable doing the "getting away from the child(ren)" thing I found that after awhile I looked forward to being with my friends and significate other and it really did make me a better mom and wife.

Let me preface that I did not read the other responses before responding. Sorry if I repeat...

A lot of what you are describing sounds like anxiety to me. Anxiety can often be associated with depression as well. You need to have your own life outside of your child, and you need to be comfortable in society and with people. You deserve to feel happy and confidant. If that means you need a pill to help achieve it, then so be it.

Sounds like you just enjoy your daughter and your little home and your little family and you getting the best out of her life now instead of looking back and saying if only ...you can say I am glad I spent some time with her. Things change, children grow and shy or not she will go on to her life and you will be available for different kinds of friendships. We do not stay the same. I find my work has been very sufficient to deal with people. And then my family came first. I have eliminated what my husband call 'people collectors' who just want to fill their homes with people but really do not have a friendship with you and do not care if you are there or not. I used to go places or get babysitters, yadedahduh and I'd be sitting there wishing I was at home. Now I am at home as much as possible. It took a case of uterine cancer (early detection hurrah!) to look at my life. I am not that shy but in some places feel shy and I do not need to be doing errands with others unless I want to. I like my husband, my home, my family and my job provides lots of people contact. I like my weekends mostly with my husband. There are a few special close friends in my life that I do things with sometimes. You are changing and your boyfriend has not necessarily caught up with you. Why don't you just enjoy you exactly as you are right now and not let anyone tell you that you are supposed to be different? I have had a lot of people talk me into doing things in the past. We have to learn to say no. Learn to say no without guilt, learn that it is okay to be by yourself right now. You can be lonely in a crowd of people. And you can work out compromises where your man can come to the children's museum or whatever. It sounds like it's not the alone stuff so much, it's the feeling of abandonment. No amount of girlfriends or people in your life are going to solve that until you learn to like yourself. We are all shy inside. That will come out of you as time goes by. You have a part time job, so you are not socially isolated and you will be dealing with so much in school with your child in the future you will acquire all sorts of acquaintances. Be careful of mixing of friendship with knowing lots of people like your husband seems to be doing. You could spend all sorts of money on counseling or save that money and go on a nice vacation sometime. You do not sound bored you sound like you think you should be a certain way. I would like to urge you to spend one week thinking about whether or not you have these feelings because you are really depressed or because you are angry at boyfriend or because other people think you should be doing something else. It is your life, and it is your child. She will grow up and move on and you will have to enjoy you no matter who is there. Enjoy your precious gift of life.