Am I Being Fair to MIL???

I think your husband's plan sounds fine, I think you are being fair.

I do have one question though....when she says she doesn't want to share the holiday does she mean she doesn't want your family spending 1/2 the day at her house and 1/2 with your family or was she concerned that now that everyone was close you would try to do one big Thanksgiving together with everyone? I ask because when we were living in Chicago we were within 20 minutes of both my mother and my MIL. My MIL loves a big Thanksgiving and would always invite my mother (along with anyone else she could find) to come to her house for Thanksgiving. My mother is a very quiet, shy person and was never comfortable with this. She would rather have us and the grandkids to herself for a little while where she was more comfortable so we always did 1/2 with her and 1/2 with my MIL instead of all together. My MIL never understood this and always took it personally that my mother did not want to come to her house when in fact it was not that my mother was trying to be mean or selfish it was just that she wasn't comfortable out of her element.

Good Luck,
K.

I think that seems to be fine - whatever works best for your family is what you should do. You are being open, considering everyone's feelings like you are.

I will say that both our families live very close by at an equal distance and we alternate Thanksgiving because it just makes it easier for us to not be traveling so much, worrying about timing and to just focus on that family that holiday. Then we alternate Christmas eve and day between the two. If you were alternating before - how are your parents missing out? It's the same, but now you don't have to travel to Austin.

Whatever you decide - good luck! I know firsthand that juggling families can be quite difficult!

I think you are being totally fair. What you do with your family time/holidays is up to you and your husband. My MIL was selfish, too. She always ordered us to her house at a certain time...no reguard for what other plans we had. Good Luck!

Funny, I'm just writing an essay at school about American culture and I am making a point on families in the US not being a first priority especially extended families (that's another issue to discuss though)
I totally agree with your husband - you'll still visit your in-laws and will not leave your parents left out. It is your MIL's choice to exclude herself from sharing good times with your family so, don't feel bad. It is very important to spend time with the entire family whenever we possible can. Just remember it is your MIL making that choice not you.

Would your in-laws be willing to compromise? Like maybe have their Thanksgiving early if your parents have theirs late or vice-versa. My family likes to eat early and my husbands family likes to get together later so we have my family over at around noon and then go to my in-laws around 5-ish. It works great for us. One of my brothers lives close by but they still alternate and I hate that. There really should be a compromise but if your MIL is not willing to then I would just go with hubby's idea, after all it's his family. I would let him handle the situation though, you should not have to stress out over something like this. God bless!

We often have to step outside ourself to see a situation from a bird's eye perspective. Just becuase you married your husband doesn't mean that both your set of parents married each other. It's nice to think that everyone should "share" but I should never expect my parents and my husband's parents (or family) to change any plans or make special accommodations for each other. Being a mother of 3 boys, I would not like it if one of my sons expected us to share holidays with his wife's family.

You need to alternate equally. And one year, take the pressure off and go away just with your husband and children! That way you get a breather from all this stuff.

also, why do you feel that you need to travel each Thankgiving? Why don't you do Thanksgiving with one family and Christmas with another, then vice versa the next year? Just don't play games and be able to put your head down at night knowing you are doing the best you can to "spread the love". Ha.

It is always recommended that we take the "high road". there always needs to be a "champion" in every situation... and that doesn't always mean doing what is "right" in our eyes or convenient.

Hope this helps.

I don't think you are being totally unfair but you need to consider your MIL might not feel as comfortable with a large gathering of your extended family. She may like to have that time with your family in a smaller setting.

I say, follow your husband. Things just usually work out if you feel your hubby is right, and you do what he says. I am learning the hard way. My husband seems to always be right, and I have to suffer from my decisions that do not agree with him. I think your husband is right too. If your family is so open, and willing to sacrifice, and are open to sharing, then it's not fair for them to miss out because of his family wanting to be selfish. I have a similar issue with my family. My mom is selfish, and yet my dad (they are divorced) and my in laws are always so nice and willing to accommodate. I'd stick with my husband's decision, and if he's wrong, then he'll suffer the consequences, not you. Remember, God said that we are to submit to our husbands. If he says to go to your family's house without going to his family's house, then that is definitely the best thing to do. Good luck and God bless!

My parents were the same way as yours and my ex husbands his parents were the same as your inlaws. So I must say you are so lucky to have a husband to back you up on this. No you are not wrong, they wanted to alternate. Its not like you are going to be throwing something in their face and not going over there at all, however maybe you can tell your mil how you feel about all off this and not getting to enjoy your nephews, they do grow up fast, if not then feel really blessed you have your husbands support. My ex mil is an intevert if I spelled that right. She'd rather just be with her family. So I'm guessing her telling you these things, she just may not knew of a kinder way to be able to tell you she'd rather just have her own family around. I haven't read anyone elses so I'm going to go check it out now and see if I was off mark or not.

I think y'all are so being fair. My ILs are the same way and never want share. Both my parents and my ILs are in the neighborhood over from us so we see them regularly...too regularly for me since they are always so adament about wanting to spend time w/ our daughter and completely ignore me. If I was in your situation I would do the same thing since they don't want to share.