Am I Asking Too Much to Ask My Husband to Take My Daughter Out by Himself?

you are not selfish.. does yoru daughter still nap?? can dad watch while she naps..?

czn you ut her in bed and go out for a bit after she is in bed?

I would find a babysiter asap..

it is not good for a child to be only with theri mom.. I have alwasy had siters.. never young sitters always older experienced ladies... we dont go out often-- maybe every 2 months.. but we do go out..

and I hire a sitter every once in a while to go run errands.. but I have 2 kids and I never ever do errands with 2 kids..

I think he is being selfish. He is also missing out on some important daddy daughter bonding time. Make plans to go out, make a list of things he needs to know about her, and then go, don't even ask. He is her father, and this is what he signed up for.

When he says it's what you signed up for I'm assuming he's referring to you being a SAHM? You both need to discuss what being a SAHM means. My husband and I sat down very early on and discussed the fact that it means my full time job is taking care of the kids and the house and his is doing his profession at work. We agreed that our working hours would be dictated by his job. What that means is, if his full time job for the day is from 7:00 - 6:00 then mine is too. If he gets off early then I do too. Once he is home (nights, weekends, holidays) we split the job of parenting and taking care of the house. There is not a full time job in the world that is 24 hours a day 7 days a week!

And if your husband doesn't think what you do is a "job" then have him do a little research on how much he would be spending if he hired someone to do everything you do. Full time child care and a cleaning service alone can be pretty expensive not to mention laundry, errand running, gardening, and anything else you do regularly.

Good luck,
K.

No you are not selfish! I'm assuming your husband gets to go out of the house without your daughter? So what did he "sign up for"? I don't think that was a very nice comment that he made!! Having a baby doesn't mean you are stuck at home with the baby by yourself for the rest of your life!

He most certainly can take your daughter out by himself, and should! He needs to bond with her just as much as you do. He could take her to the park, or even just out to eat at McDonald's! Or he can stay at home with her while you go out!

Personally, I find that shocking. SAHM doesn't mean you don't get a second to yourself or you're 100% responsible for the kids all day & night. It just means you care for her while your husband is at work, but once he's home, you're BOTH her parents.

My husband is fully capable of taking care of our three year old daughter under any circumstances. We are both 100% parents. Whenever I need time, he brings her with him on errands, to the park, or to her dance or violin lessons. He even takes her to her friend's houses and she has a wonderful time. If she needs a bath, he gives it to her. If she's hungry, he makes her food. Whoever is available at the time does whatever needs to be done.

My daughter is strongly bonded to both daddy & mommy, and the fact that we both get plenty of time being just people and not "mommy" or "daddy" 24/7 has made us better parents in my opinion because we're always fresh & don't have so much frustration built up. We're co parents but we still get a chance to be people, have hobbies, take long baths, read books.

Honestly, I'd be very angry at my husband if he were ever that selfish.

No you are not being selfish. He is. I am a SAHM of 4 and I definitely need time alone once in a while.

Your husband should understand that he gets to get away, but you have a 24/7 job and could use some help.

My husband practically shoves me out the door at times when he sees I am going to knaw my own leg off if I don't have some time alone.

Talk to him and get him to understand that you are both parents and that his job stops after he get home,but your keeps going.

Good luck and try and get away for a movie and dinner alone.

Wow! You are most definitely not being selfish. My pediatrician gave us homework at our 2 week check-up with my first child to go on a date without the baby. It is very important for your family that you get time with adults away from your daughter. Great if you can take this time with your husband, but oh my, you need time with adults to talk about adult things and feel like a person and not just a mom! So, sounds like you need to set up a girl night, pronto. Just tell your husband that he'll be watching your daughter. Encourage him to take her on a date, too, but appreciate that since he doesn't get a lot of time with just her, the prospect is probably intimidating. Maybe go pamper yourself during the day and send them to the zoo or museum or someplace especially kid-friendly, where he doesn't have to worry about entertaining her, and can just have fun.

You'll feel so much better about yourself. He'll probably be rewarded by your happiness.

Our new years resolution is to make time for something each of us really wants to do. My husband is taking guitar lessons and I'm making time for yoga. You could sign yourself up for something like that if this goes fine.

For some reason, the concept of alone time for dads does not cross their mind. They have alone time sitting in the car on the way to work - they have alone time in their office waiting for the next meeting. I would find a sitter that you can trust - we did not like to leave our son ( who is now 2 years) to be put to bed by someone else - so we would have the sitter show up after bedtime. That way I could get some errands done and my husband could too, or we could go out and grab coffee or see a movie together. It was not you alone that signed up for this baby - there is no I in baby. Hopefully he will come around - just tell him how important it is to your sanity. Good luck!

Hi J.- I think that is so sad! Does he think of your child as a burden? I cannot imagine him not wanting to take her places. I understand when they are really small it can be overwhelming for a Dad to be totally responsible but she's 3 for God's sake! Even the fact that you need (and deserve) a little time every week to be alone isn't the whole issue. It's about his relationship with his daughter. Dad's have a way of interacting with their children that is different than Mom's and so important. Some of my best memories are of just getting a treat or playing catch with my Dad and my husband is even more involved with our girls. At 6 and 11 they still love to go "on tour" with Dad. Usually no place special, the beach, out for a treat or even the hardware store! Why would little girls want to go to the hardware store? They have a great relationship with their Dad and spending time with him is fun. Your husband is missing out big time, spending time with your daughter is not a job, it's a privilege and while parenting isn't always fun if you don't put in the time you get a big nothing out of it. As if that isn't enough, of course you deserve time to yourself and the fact that he doesn't agree means he is way out of touch. Plan a weekend away with your girlfriends and see what he thinks about "what you signed up for" when you return!

Please, you signed up for what? An unpaid 24-7 job, with no vacation time, no sick leave, no lunch break? Stay-at-home moms should have sole responsibility for the children the hours that their husbands are at work. When hubby comes home, both parties have worked all day and both parties are tired. I'm shocked that so many husbands seem to think that a SAHM has it easy - ask them to trade spaces for a week, and we'll see who has it easy!

Ehem, rant over. Long story short: husband is being selfish. You're entitled to occasional time off. If he doesn't get it, try comparing hours you work to hours he works.

Tell him that it is important that he spend time with his daughter. He is the first man in her life and he sets the stage for what she'll expect from all other men. If he's distant and doesn't want to do anything w/ her, guess what type of man she'll find later. Is that what he wants?

My husband does all sorts of things w/ our daughter for this very reason. He says that HE wants to be the one to show her things and give her nice things so that she's not looking for that from some other man later in life. She won't have to do something drastic to get a man's attention/love b/c she already knows what pure male love is - with NO expectations of her. Only he can teach her that as her father.

i'm sad for your husband that in 3 years he hasn't taken the time to develop his own special, unique and precious bond with his little girl. even if he's not sensitive to your needs, i sincerely hope that he wakes up before it's too late. i think you're either a saint or a lunatic for surviving this long! everyone needs some quiet alone time to recharge, and i think you need to put your foot down with your husband and insist. it would certainly be a good thing for your marriage for the two of you to get to date at least once a month too. you are not selfish, you are just fighting for your sanity, your child's benefit and your husband's. insist!
khairete
S.

Hello,

It's called recharging the batteries so to say! Everyone needs a break from something they do all the time...You hubby gets to come home daily and gets a couple days off a week from work, your job is the home and child. You need to have a recharge and be able to come home and not resent anything...this is normal. If your hubby had to do this, or stay at work all the time, he would go insane! He helped make your daughter, he needs to spend time with her, out of the home! It's not like you have 3 kids and asking him to take them all out. Some men have limits. I am blessed with a wonderful hubby that tells me to go out or he takes our kids out and gives me breaks...we all need breaks from everyday, all day things...you may have wanted to stay home with your daughter to be the one to raise her, as I do, but come on now....there is a partnership in parenting!
And NO you aren't being selfish by any stretch of the imagination!!!!
Good luck and Go bless!

Does your husband care for your daughter at all when you are both home, or is it always you? I think the advice to write it all down so he can read what you do is good. Better is to have him stay home one day and just see you in action on a normal day should give him a good idea of what you do all during the week. You caring for your needs is just as important as him caring for his needs. Next time don't suggest it to him, just make a date with a girlfriend for something that children are not allowed, preferably during the day and for several hours, so that he simply must watch her all by himself. That way he'll get a much better idea of just how busy you are. You don't say whether money is an issue for why no one but you two have ever watched your daughter, or whether or not you have family near by. Might be a good idean in general to start introducing her to babysitters, relatives, someone other than you to care for her for short periods. Otherwise you might have a real struggle on your hands when she starts preschool, etc. It will also be good for her to learn a little independence from you both. Hang in there!!

Whoa, J., you need 1) some time on your own before you go absolutely bonkers. Tell your husband that he needs some daddy/daughter time together and make it happen for him. How do you get your haircut, etc. btw? If he balks, firmly tell him that it is a mental health issue and if he refuses, you might just go crazy on him!! :)

2) You both desperately need some couple time! If you don't have family who can watch your child for a bit, start looking for a competent babysitter who can come to your house. Even just for two hours so you can go to dinner together.

I love my four-year-old daughter with all my heart, but I start to go crazy when I don't have some me time/couple time. It's only natural! Do yourself, your husband and your child a favor and sit down with your husband and tell him that this has got to start happening. SAHM or not, I don't think he realizes how offensive it is when he tells you that this is "what you've signed up for." Best of luck!

You are not asking for too much or being selfish. We are all better moms if we get a little time to ourselves. My husband struggles with this also. I have found that he does better if I plan the activity for him and our son. Over the summer I found out about a free movie at the theater and convince dad to take him. Recently I signed up for a cake decorating class for a few evenings and ask my husband to watch both our kids. You can remind your husband that signing up to be a full time mother doesn't mean that you never get a moment away. You signed up to have a baby with him and have his support. Just surprise him by hiring a babysitter for the night and go out for a little while. I'm sure once he is out he will remember how nice it is to have some adult time with you for a change. Men don't have the same perspective because they usually get to interact with adults all day long. I'm sure after spending a day with your little girl all by himself he will see how challenging your job really is. Good luck. You are not being selfish and you deserve it!

Of course not. I would ask him what the hold up is. Does he not think he can handle her by himself for a couple of hours? Is he worried about public restrooms (many malls have family restrooms now)? Is he just not sure what to do with her? Heck, he could even just stay in while you go visit with your friends for a little bit. I'd talk to him and give him suggestions on what to do. The relationship between a daughter and her father is very important. My DH takes our 1.5 yr old to the park, or grocery shopping, or just pops her in the jogging stroller for a run.

I agree that Mom and Dad time is important, too. Enlist a close friend or family member and get dinner, just the two of you. Or put her to bed and pop in a favorite movie.

J.:

Hello! I was going to read the other posts and then I thought nope. Gonna just give it to you. Grab a cup of coffee, this will be a long one!!

I went through this too. My husband, like yours, went through the misconception that SAHMs get to sleep whenever they, eat bonbons all day and watch tv. I told him I NEEDED time for my sanity. He was giving me "face-time" - yes, dear - I know how hard your life must be, being able to stay home all day........" No matter how many times I tried to explain to him what MY SCHEDULE was like during the day - he thought it was like the weekends.....then he got laid off after our 2nd child was born and got to see me during the week - full time. He changed his tune and FAST!!

He just didn't get it. During his 6 week lay off, he saw the diaper changes, play dates, doctors appts, cleaning the house, picking up after the kids, getting breakfast, lunch and dinners ready and oh yeah - potty training.

Show him your schedule - write it down what you do during the day. Yes, you signed up to be a SAHM but you DID NOT sign up for losing yourself or your sanity.

YOUR MARRIAGE should be your priority as it should be his too. You and your husband NEED date nights. Even if they are having a glass of wine in front of the fire after your daughter goes to bed - you MUST have time to connect - because what will happen is after some time, you won't know each other and become roommates and not a couple. If that doesn't matter to him - then I don't know what to tell you.

In our home, now, every Friday night is my night out - if I choose to stay at home - that's MY choice. He fixes the boys dinner and gets them ready for bed. I can go out to dinner with my girlfriends, to a movie, read books in bed - I am NOT to be interrupted unless it's an emergency (or they are going to bed and want to say prayers).

Every Wednesday night is family night. We either play games, do the Wii or watch a movie. The phones are turned off and computers are shut down.

Your husband is missing out on vital time with his daughter, bonding with her and giving her childhood memories. If he doesn't take her for a walk after he gets home from work or sit down and play with her while you are fixing dinner - HE IS MISSING OUT. This is the example HE IS SITTING FOR HER - when he FINALLY wants to play with her? She won't want to play with him.

If your daughter still naps, while she is either nap yourself or read a book - don't clean, cook or do any of that. Just do something for yourself. If you have other SAHM friends, during the day - put her in a stroller and go to the mall and walk the mall - get adult time that way and if you spend $$$ so be it. I did it for girl time - my boys would play in the play area and my GF and I would watch them and yap and have a drink (I don't do coffee so I would have a Coke while she had coffee).

I hope this helps. I live in Reston - I don't know where you are. But I'm home!!

Sorry husband is being selfish here , everyone needs a little time for themselves , even mom's who have chosen to stay at home. What do you do when you need a haircut? Do you take her with you??

It's not asking too much that maybe on a weekend he takes her to the park for an hour.

You are definitely NOT asking too much. We ALL need some adult time, ME time, or activity time away from our kiddos no matter how much we adore them. I believe having some time to myself makes e a better mom. Every once in a while, I check in with my hubby about taking care of our son for a couple hours while I go meet a friend for coffee or go shopping or whatever. I usually try to overlap the time with part of his nap or bedtime, so my hubby is not overwhelmed. You BOTH signed up for parenthood and being a SAHM does not make you ineligible for a few moments of peace.

no you arent being selfish it is his responsiblity to he helped make her he needs to spend time with his child also i have two boys of my own and i know what it is like to need space to regroup my children are 4 and 2 and i am pregnant with my third. i use to have to make my husband spend time with his kids now he just does but it took until my oldest was three. so this is what you do make plans with your girls for a dinner tell your husband you are going out with them and leave your daughter with him dont let him talk you out of it just do it he wont be happy at first but you have the right to have a life to he says that is what you sign up for but that is what he signed up for too so just tell him tough it is his turn if he doesnt start forming a bond with her now he never will so just put your foot down girl we deserve time to our self that is also what makes us such great mothers is the fact we always think about our kids but we have to think about ourselves too.

No, you are not asking for too much. It's surprising he's gotten away with it this far. The playground and library are fun and free places to hang out with a child. It would be to your husband and daughter's benefit that he spend some alone time with her too. The idea of you just taking your car keys and heading out the door sounds like a good plan...

J., You are not selfish and don't EVER let any person on this earth tell you being a SAHM is easy. They have never done it. I work two jobs and combined are easier than it was to be home on Maternity leave with my newborn and 2.5 year old. My fiance worked evenings, so he was working from 4-midnight, going out with friends after work, coming home at 4 am, going to sleep, getting up at 3 pm and going to work. For 2 months. He looked at me as if I was a crazed nutcase if I so much as mentioned wanting to take a nice hot shower, in the dark, with no noise. Then fate took it's toll after I went back to work and he lost his job. Ultimately, it put us in a HUGE financial bind that we're still diggnig out of; HOWEVER, it was a true blessing in disguise because he was on "maternity leave' for 4 straight months while I worked. Granted, I came home and helped cook and clean and allowed him "freedom" for 2 hours a week (i was being mean) where he could do whatever he wanted for 2 solid hours with no interruption - nap, shower, friends, whatever. He finally apologized for being so unsupportive when I stayed at home for 2 months with the kids. He was shocked at how taxing it really is. God give you strength.

I agree totally with you that your hubby should be willing, but since it seems he is not - have you thought about a Mommy's day out program for your daughter? I have a SAHM friend that has her daughter in a Mother's day out 1-2 mornings a week for the past few months. It gives her a chance to do what she needs or wants to do and doesn't cost much. Also, another idea - in order to get my hubby out with our son, I enrolled them in a class together. My husband took our son to swimming class each Sat. morning - gave me a chance to sleep in (YEAH!) and them a chance to bond. Something your hubby may be willing to try? It could just be hard for him to think of something to do with her? Good luck in your quest...

You are totally NOT selfish!! Has your husband ever watched your daughter by himself? Maybe he is nervous and feels like he might not be able to handle it...especially to take her out of the house. Maybe you should start with small "errands" outside of the house by yourself and work up to a whole Girl's night out or whatever you want to do. If he has short periods of time with her that go ok then it will build up his confidence. Good luck!

I know that this may sound harsh, but have you ever thought of the idea of putting dinner for them in a crock pot set to be done about 30 minutes after he gets home. Then when he walks in the door after his "long, hard day" you take the keys and go out by yourself. Don't give him a choice. The first few times that you do this it will be very hard on you, but when you do it regularly, say every 3-4 weeks, it will be easier. Join a book club, or start one at the local library, just go out for walk somewhere. You are not being selfish at all. One poster said he gets alone time all day long between things and on the drive to and from work, when is yours, while folding clothes and doing dishes?! Trust me, if you don't get some "mommytime" EVREYONE will be miserable.

I'm not a very religious person, but a friend of mine is and she reminded me shortly after my son was born that, according to the Bible, the relationship between a husband and wife still comes first. That is closely followed by the children.

I find it absolutely ridiculous that he's never taken your daughter anywhere alone! I think he's losing valuable bonding time. My husband will take my son on quick trips (ex: to go to Home Depot to get something) and he knows its important to spend that time together, but also for me to have those 15 mins alone.

In order to get some "me" time, I started running errands after my son went to bed. My husband works 3rd shift a lot so he often goes to nap after our son goes to bed (around 8 PM). So at that point I will run to the store. It works out good because its just that much faster to get errands done, I get some time to myself, and I am protecting my son from unnecessary germ exposure.

J., I do not tink you are being selfish at all. When my now 7 year old daughter was younger, my husband did not like to take her out alone because he could not take her to the bathroom. She wasn't old enough to go by herself and he did not want to take her in the men's room. That was before there were so many family restrooms out and malls and stores like there are now.
Have you ever left your daughter at home with him while you went out alone? Try small things like that. If you are at home all day anyway, I don't really think you want to be at home alone while the two of them are out. So, you get out and go somewhere. I certainly feel your pain.
I hope you get some "me" time soon because everyone needs it.

HI J.! Remind your hubby that when he had sex with you he "signed up for it" too. You need time to yourself. Your love for your family is evident and wanting some time to yourself is NOT,NOT,NOT selfish! It's healthy to have some alone time.

You are not alone. Men do not mature at the same rate as women, and often do not reflect on their words before they speak them. I actually sat down with my husband and told him (as nice as I could as I was furious with him) he was missing out on the best years of his childs life, and he cannot get it back. How is he going to reflect on this later in his life?

Then I created a day of activities they can do together if they wanted and I left for the day. It took some time, but he did finally state he was glad I did it.

Are you sure you don't live in my house?

My husband picks up the kids from the sitter, but the only time he has taken my 3yr old daughter anywhere by himself was for 1 trip to the dr. Otherwise, its me.

Some suggestions:
1. Find a friend or sitter that would be willing to watch your daughter 1 or 2 mornings a week for 2 hours at a time.

2. Perhaps find a 3yr olds preschool? They usually meet from 9-12 2-3 days a week. This would be good for both you and your daughter.

3. Find a hobby or exercise class that meets in the evening 1 -2 nights a week. Then you get your time and hubby is already home. He can either just watch tv or a movie with her, or go through the bedtime routine.

Good luck and know that there are other Moms out there that are going through the same thing.
Hugs.
M.

Tell your hubby it will be a great memory for your daughter amd him to have. My husband takes each of our 3 girls out for a hotdog on the weekends seperately. He does not do this every weekend, but each girl has their own special place they go.

Our girls are 11,7 and 7, and growing up fast. The time goes by so fast, and at some point they will be grown up and busy with their own lives, so tell him to take this precious time while he still can.

You are not being selfish!! Everyone needs some me time as well as adult time!!. If you can not make him understand that he needs to help you out, you should look at joining a Mom's group. I joined MOPS a few months ago and it has been a lifesaver for me!! They provide childcare during our meeting so eventhough I have to take them with, I still get a few hours of time 'without' them. And there is also a great mix of Mom's offering a great commraderie! I also agree with the others that he is missing out on memories and a relationship with his daughter.

Not at all. If you have no "me" time you are on the fast track to CRAZY! LOL She is old enough that she can go with him to the store, mall. bookstore, errands, grandma's, whatever! OR start getting up early on a Saturday or Sunday and leaving the house at 7:00 a.m. while everone is snoozing (tell him, of course!) and go get yourself a bagel and a cup of coffee or something. Take a book. Sounds pathetic but you just might feel like you spent a week in Hawaii!
It sounds to me like your husband is the O. being selfish. Put yourself back on the list of important things in your house. No O. else will. Good luck. (Go get that coffee!)

J.,
How do you talk to your husband about being overwhelmed? Do you rant about disliking your job. Perhaps what he hears is not what you mean. He's a guy, they communicate differently than us, women. Tell him that you appreciate the opportunity to be home with your (his and your) daughter. Also, a break would be welcomed to re-charge yourself.

Then go.

Make the breaks short at first, a trip to the grocery store, fuel the cars, rent a movie, pick up dinner. Then make them longer. Show him what you would do with your daughter: watch a video, coloring, reading books and have those activities prepared for him and her.
Give him the tools to spend time with her.

I, agree with the other moms, that you should sign your daughter up for Mothers Day Out. I'm sure she would enjoy spending time with other kids and you get a break without being relying on Dad. Maybe you could even meet him for a lunch date and re-connect.

You sound like a great mom, I wish you the best.

K.

are you sure you are putting diapers on the right one? sounds like your husband is not the most mature soul.. do yourself a favor and dont have another child with this mental midget you better get used to doing things with your child yourself, because your husband isnt going to.instead of beating your head against the wall, asking your husband to do things with the child, ask your brother or brother in law, or father or father in law to do daddy type things with the child. chances are good, your husband will get jealous of the time the child spends with this other man and may actually step up to the plate, if not, get your tubes tied and wait for the day when she doesnt have time for him, because that day will come sooner then he thinks.
K. h.

gosh no you r not being selfish! Your husband should take her out w/out you u r right...Its important to have breaks ( 4 you) & for them to have time together w/ out you! ;)
Hire a sitter or what about friend or family & take time for you! I am writing this to you from the heart as I to need some me ( fun) time & KNOW just how you feel~
Know one will think u are wrong for wanting this~!
good luck!